So...I failed my family today

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Stumps
Well where do I start with this one?

I am a complete failure...I was unable to help my Fiancee and my little princess Emily.

After struggling the past few weeks to get my Fiancee help for her rapidly declining mental health now she has been commited for Psychiatric evaluation with a probable outcome of permanently being put in a mental facility.

My lovely little daughter has been taken away and placed in to foster care until the custody of her can temporarly awarded to my parents.

what the hell went wrong?, what did I do to fail them both so miserably.

the Department of Child Services were so concerned about Emily's welfare that it only took them 3 hrs to process the removal of Emily once the complaint had been filed.

Following the inital complaint to the police which prompted all of this the police were concerned for my safety and immediatly took Michelle for evaluation at the local hosipital.

Now I am by myself, confused and depressed...

This is 100% real, I have the removal order sitting in front of me at the moment.

hey, nothing is permanent, especially where post-natal depression is concerned

it is very common for new mothers to "go off the rails" after having their child..

my own mother was very badly depressed after her first child (my older brother) - she was actually hospitalised for depression, the doctors were worried she might hurt herself, so she was essentially "lcoked up"

the sister of one of my friends also had very bad post-partum depression. Altho now she is being treated, taking antidepressants, and is doing well.

I don't think you can blame yourself for something like this. It's really more of a biological thing. Pregnancy places a massive stress on the mother's body, it's hardly surprising that many mothers experience depression and mental health problems after giving birth. But it is very treatable.

After speaking to the specialists that are assesing her, they really do doubt that she will be able to function normally...she has no real concept of reality now.

They need to restart her meds or revaulate her current regime and start her on different drugs,there are a ton of them out there.

 

[Stumps]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

They need to restart her meds or revaulate her current regime and start her on different drugs,there are a ton of them out there.

I'm not sure what they are going to do to her...they are just keeping her heavily sedated to stop her from attacking people, I never went with her to the hospital, because she was taken in the back of a police wagon, with two officers holding her down.

but I have been told that she did try to attack the hospital staff when they started to assess her.

She's never been like this...ever, normally she is quiet and sweet always trying to help people out, even when she is a bit down or stuggling she isn't like this.

It's like a kick in guts to see her like this....

I know Emily will be safe and that was my main priority...but Michelle was my second priority and now she is gone so to speak....she doesn't recognise me, and I don't even know who she is now.

 

[gclg2000]

Wish you the best of luck man, hang in there. A conclusion is not far away for your daughter's sake.

 

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: Vegitto

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: Vegitto


What happened, man? Even if you don't want to talk about it, talking about it helps you to make it more 'real' for yourself. If you ever need my help, whether it be that you need someone to talk to or whatever (I was gonna say lend you some money, but I'm kind of broke ), PM me, man.

ATOT loves you, Stumps. I hope you and your fiancé pull through, and I hope you'll get custody of Emily.

She tried to cut off Emily's head with a big ass kitchen Knife...and then tried to cut off mine when I made a lunge for Emily.

Luckily I was fast enougth to grap Emily before she could plung it in to her and make a run for it.

that was moments after she demand that I cut off Emily's head with the Knife.

I close my eyes and all I see is the crazed look on her face...it was nothing like the movies..it was REALLY scary.

You are a hero. I'm really, really sorry to hear this, man . I think your fiancé should get proper treatment, and I think that, in time, you should get custody of Emily. Not right now, though, I can imagine you're really stressed, yourself.

I hope you pull through, and always know that we love you and are right behind you.

that's it I don't feel that way...every one is telling me that I did a good job and that I will have Emily back in a while...but all I feel is guilt for letting Michelle down....and the sad truth is I could see this coming from a 100 miles away.

I was warned about it before Emily was even borne and I figured that if I support Michelle, make sure she took her meds, I even took a break from work and help out around the house to make things easier for her...and yet she still flaked out big time.

When she first started to show signs of stress, I started to try to get her councelling, we drove the 400 kays to Sydney 3 times a week so she could see a professional.

I got my parents involved(they were willing to help anyway...I'm pretty close to my family) and they were taking Emily 2 or 3 times a week overnight to let Michelle rest up...and yet this happened.

I can't figure out what I missed.

It's really hard when I can't help the one person who has been a major part of my life for close to 4 years.

sure we had our differences but we always figure them out and now....nothing, she barely recognises me..and didn't even know my name....that's heartbreaking.

It looks to me you did everything you possibly could, including saving your daughter's life. Take your victories when you can.

 

[The Pentium Guy]

Originally posted by: SunnyD

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: BrownTown
On a related note, mentaly unstable people make life really really suck. I guess thats not something that someone would want to hear if they were in love with a mentall unstable person, but my dad ended up marrying someone who had mental problem (my mom obviously), thinking he could change her and his life has been a living hell ever since, he is literally a zombie, and nobody should ever have to go threw something like that. I know it sucks for the mentally unstable person too probably most of all, but they can take down many many more people than just themselves, and if they really are a threat It may well be best to have them put in a mental hospital. If this person is really suffering from mental illness you might want to consider just how much it will harm this kid to grow up around them, i look at my siblings, and being raised by a person with serios bipolar didorder has deffintely seriously hurt our chances of having a normal life.

My fiancee suffers from Paranoid Schitzophrenia and Major depression (Manic depressive), her illness had been under control with medication, however since giving birth, post natal depression hit her like a ton of bricks and no medication in the world was going to help...I tried frantically to get her help, but the slow mental health system in Australia didn't act quickily enougth to help her.


A part of the court order will prevent Michelle from ever having custody of Emily and for now (until further notice) she isn't allowed with in 100 metres of Emily.

I wasn't sure what to say... or rather whether to say anything at first. I don't know you and your situation well enough to warrant any sort of "Buck up friend.. it will get better..." type of comment. But then I got to this point in your thread.

Again - I have no concept of your wife's condition (other than maybe it's like a bad trip). My cousin several years ago was diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic, and was summarily locked away in a "home" for the past several years, contributing to greater manic depression. For whatever reason, it likely contributed to his demise last month unfortunately. I had not seen him in the last maybe 10 years, and unfortunately, I did miss his funeral. But that is beside the point.

The bolded portion of your post - that's what I find disturbing. What people don't understand is that your wife probably needs you and Emily the most right now. I understand that your wife may have the capacity to harm someone, but your daughter probably would be the key to treatment. Mental disorders can be treated to some extent with chemicals - but those are mind-altering, just as LSD, PCP, etc. You end up losing yourself and becoming something artificial. It may take a long time to find the real person behind the pain, but have faith in the human brain.

In any event, I do wish you the best of luck at getting your life and family back. It will take its toll on you, but don't let it take you with it.

Keep that in mind. I'd say putting your wife in therapy and locking her up in a hospital may make matters worse. You did your best though..

Hang in there bud

 

[Vegitto]

Stumps, there was nothing you could've done for Michelle. I'm really sorry to say this, but I think you'll have to accept the fact that she is gone and will probably never come back. Focus on yourself for the time being, and when the time is ripe, which is soon, focus on Emily. Get her back, man. You can't help Michelle (anymore), but you can help your little princess. We all know you love her and that you'd trade your life for hers (as you've demonstrated last night, you're still a hero in my book), and in my opinion, that makes you the most suited (apart from the fact that you're her FATHER) to have custody over this little girl.

Look out for yourself and Emily, and when all is in order, be sure to visit Michelle (with Emily), but also make sure that when you do that, all parties can leave safe and sound.

 

[KDOG]

Oh man, this thread makes me feel knotty in the gut. I don't even know what to say. All I can think of is do the best you can. I'll have to look through the past threads to find out what happened....

 

[JeffreyLebowski]

You didn't fail your family, you saved it. Had you not saved Emily, you would have lost your wife AND your child. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through.
Hang in there, as time goes on your will be able to cope with this better. You're main concern is your child now. That is what you need to focus on. If your fiancee' is as bad and gone as they say she is, you need to stop thinking about her until you have resolved the custody issue. And even after that, you need to think about the safety of your child and if the risk of introducing her back into your fiancee' s life is the right thing to do. She could be fine for a little bit and snap all over again. Being the cold hearted bastard I am, I will say to let her go. Let the docs work with her and you move on with your life and child.

 

[Midlander]

This is depressing to read. I can't imagine what it's like to live it. I'm sorry things are looking as bleak as they are. I hope things turn around soon. Sorry....

 

[Stumps]

Originally posted by: JeffreyLebowski
You didn't fail your family, you saved it. Had you not saved Emily, you would have lost your wife AND your child. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through.
Hang in there, as time goes on your will be able to cope with this better. You're main concern is your child now. That is what you need to focus on. If your fiancee' is as bad and gone as they say she is, you need to stop thinking about her until you have resolved the custody issue. And even after that, you need to think about the safety of your child and if the risk of introducing her back into your fiancee' s life is the right thing to do. She could be fine for a little bit and snap all over again. Being the cold hearted bastard I am, I will say to let her go. Let the docs work with her and you move on with your life and child.

that is what my parents and friends want me to do....I know our relationship the past 7 months or so hasn't been that great, but I've tried to be there for Michelle...I still love her, even when times got tough I never gave in...she tried her hardest too, even if it was a fight she couldn't win.

I know I will get Emily back, my parents and DOCS have sadi that they wouldn't contest it once I got sorted out and made my home safe again for Emily.

I just wish I could have Michelle back too....but the more I read the perliminary reports the less hope I have for that...

 

[40sTheme]

Originally posted by: BigJ
Best of luck to you man. Don't beat yourself up over it. You tried your damnedest and that's all anyone could ever ask.

QFT.
Good luck, I hope everything works out right.

 

[Lola]

Oh goodness...
I truly cannot imagine how you are feeling right now but when i read your post, tears came to my eyes. To have your whole life taken away in such a short time....

Please try and realize this had NOTHING to do with you failing your child or your fiancee. You did nothing wrong. Unfortunatly, mental illness is a tough and tricky thing to deal with, usually moreso for the loved ones of the person that is effected.

Right now, please focus on yourself (first)... take care of you so that you can be ready to help your parents with your daughter and then with your financee once things get settled down.
Although i do not know you personally, i know you are a good person from your posts, and especially with this one, i know that you care about these two females in your life more than anything.

Sometimes life gives us more than we think we can handle, but please don't think that. Whatever might be the reason all this is happening... you might not know now, but please do not think for one second this is because you are a bad partner or father.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[krunchykrome]

Hang in there...

 

[Qacer]

Hang in there. Our prayers are with you. Just note that some form of mental illness may be passed on to kids. I am not a psychologist or counselor, so I really don't know how to handle something like that.

 

[DaShen]

I am sorry to hear that. Hang in there and try to get things settled legally.

I will try to keep you in my thoughts.

 

[Stumps]

Originally posted by: Qacer
Hang in there. Our prayers are with you. Just note that some form of mental illness may be passed on to kids. I am not a psychologist or counselor, so I really don't know how to handle something like that.

I know...Michelle's biological mother had Schitzophrenia and was a drug user.

Emily will be watched very closely and at the first signs that soemthing is wrong she will get all the help that I can provide her...I want her to have the most normal life possible.

 

[n0cmonkey]

I know nothing anyone can say will make this better, but you didn't fail. From other posts it looked like you tried to help, but you can't bear the entire burden.

Good luck.

 

[MichaelD]

You didn't fail Stumps; you're a hero! You saved your baby's life. There's a thousand "what if's?" that you've probably already asked yourself; none of them matter now, man.

The baby will be OK. You will be OK, soon too. Your parents will take care of Emily, you can go see her, of course. The wife...well, I'm sorry about her condition. That's out of your hands now. Hopefully, she gets the care that she needs and maybe someday, she'll be stable enough to stay on her meds and you can try again. Maybe this will happen, maybe not.

Maybe after awhile you won't WANT her back. The courts will eventually give you sole custody of Emily and you move on with your life from there.

In the meantime, if there's anything a friend from far away can do for you, LMK. :beer:

 

[MisterJackson]

The Michelle you know and love is gone. She is sick, and you did your best to help her, but there comes a point in any relationship like this where the person "helping" has to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. sure, you could still choose to be there by Michelles's side, but at what cost. You're the only thing Emily has right now (besides your parents of course) so you would be wrong to sacrifice your sanity in order to help Michelle as it would cost you your daughter. And in a way, it already has.

The good news is that this is a "fixable" problem, just like the falcon. You just have to stay focused on the RIGHT priorities and not lose sight of them (Emily's well being)

I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but it helps to hear outside points of views to reinforce what we already know to be true but may have trouble accepting or believeing.

If you don't mind my asking, what was the event that seemed to be the catalyst for Michelles downward spiral? Aside from the pregnancy was there anything else major going on with her?

Were you aware of her potential for mental illness beforehand, and does it run in her family?

 

[Adul]

dont know if this has been mention yet, but after going through what you just did, you may want to consider some counselling.

 

[Turin39789]

Keep moving forward.


Your daughter is alive and safe. That's what matters.

Now focus on getting yourself in a place so that you can get her back and she can grow up with her father in a loving home.


GL

 

[Stumps]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
The Michelle you know and love is gone. She is sick, and you did your best to help her, but there comes a point in any relationship like this where the person "helping" has to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. sure, you could still choose to be there by Michelles's side, but at what cost. You're the only thing Emily has right now (besides your parents of course) so you would be wrong to sacrifice your sanity in order to help Michelle as it would cost you your daughter. And in a way, it already has.

The good news is that this is a "fixable" problem, just like the falcon. You just have to stay focused on the RIGHT priorities and not lose sight of them (Emily's well being)

I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but it helps to hear outside points of views to reinforce what we already know to be true but may have trouble accepting or believeing.

If you don't mind my asking, what was the event that seemed to be the catalyst for Michelles downward spiral? Aside from the pregnancy was there anything else major going on with her?

Were you aware of her potential for mental illness beforehand, and does it run in her family?

things were pretty good, she was a little bit arguementive at times..but what woman isn't.

for the first three months of the pregnacy(it wasn't planned but accidents do happen)she had to go completly off of her meds and that was a bit dicey but as soon as she went back onto a lower dosage of her meds she calmed down and thing were really good for the rest of the pregnacy, it wasn't until two weeks after that she started to change, one of the doctors seems to think it could have been jealousy towards Emily, as Michelle normally got jealous if I was talking to other girls..even at the checkout in the local supermarket.

 

[meltdown75]

Sorry to hear it. Prove to those bastards that you can be a good father and get her back.

In any case, good luck to you.

 

[Gulzakar]

As everyone has said, you've done all you can.

Since the purpose of child custody is to make emily safe, use this time to relax a little, regain some of that energy, straighten out a few things, then take your child back.

You've been a good father/boyfriend the last few months...most men wouldn't have done such things.

Work on your hobbies, anything, just regain some balance.

 

[SViper]

Man.....after reading this thread, I had a tug at my heart. I don't think anyone will ever know what you are going through as a result of this situation.

Hang in there man. You and your daughter are safe. Celebrate the small victories.