So...I failed my family today

[TanisHalfElven]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Rogodin2
The post presupposes that he should try to have a family. I don't believe any of us should. When the female who is responsible for the genetic makeup of the child is MENTALLY ILL there should be no child.

But Stumps chose to not abort. This child is a product of his choices. I chose not to create a child with a very high potential of being mentally ill. All of you members creating children are without any valid reason besides the old Platonic premise of 'creating your own immotality'.

Stumps has my thoughts because of what he's gone through and will go through-but it was his choice.

Rogo

you are so far out of line that mere words fall me.

i agree. this guys post made me wanna crush his head into a wall.
to stumps. i have a sister who is somewhat mentaly off balance. while i cannot even begin to understand what your feeling i still respect you greatly for how you supported your finace.i feel so ashamed of all the times i grew frustrated and angry with my sister while ppl like you do stuff like that.

i can only hope you get your daughter is ok ad you get custody of her soon.

 

[Buck Armstrong]

Originally posted by: Rogodin2

What a little fvcktard you are...So having a kid is a bad thing. I feel sorry for you...

I do propound that having a child with a geneticaly known proclivity for mental illness is a bad choice. I also believe that you need to look very seriously at the world that you'll bring even a 'normal' child into-and need to make this a primary foundation of your choice. If it is an 'accident' then you really need to examine not just this 'world' but your own psychic, philosophical, emotional, material, and existential life.

So in other words, nobody should ever have kids with you. Sounds good to me. Too bad your parents didn't share your philosophy.

 

[Conky]

Stumps, we've argued before but I sincerely hope you can pull your bidness together and do what you know is right. Seriously... take care.

 

[Cooler]

Im sorry to hear about what happened. You did all that you could. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[speed01]

Originally posted by: Buck Armstrong

Originally posted by: Rogodin2

What a little fvcktard you are...So having a kid is a bad thing. I feel sorry for you...

I do propound that having a child with a geneticaly known proclivity for mental illness is a bad choice. I also believe that you need to look very seriously at the world that you'll bring even a 'normal' child into-and need to make this a primary foundation of your choice. If it is an 'accident' then you really need to examine not just this 'world' but your own psychic, philosophical, emotional, material, and existential life.

So in other words, nobody should ever have kids with you. Sounds good to me. Too bad your parents didn't share your philosophy.

Ya know, I hate this crap which is why I don't post here much..Some of you obviously believe, that if you have a child that you know is going to have a greater chance of having a mental disorder, you are somehow better than someone who decides to not bring a mentaly disabled child into this world. Where does that come from?? Stumps made his choices, and should be commended for them...but, they were his choices...What is it exactly that you people don't understand? Rogo simply puts into words what most of you refuse to see. In other words, if you had to choose between bringing a child with a handicap into this world or one without, which would you choose??

Speed

 

[McGyver]

life sux. happy new year dude. hang in there.

 

[fubar569]

Ya know, I hate this crap which is why I don't post here much..Some of you obviously believe, that if you have a child that you know is going to have a greater chance of having a mental disorder, you are somehow better than someone who decides to not bring a mentaly disabled child into this world. Where does that come from?? Stumps made his choices, and should be commended for them...but, they were his choices...What is it exactly that you people don't understand? Rogo simply puts into words what most of you refuse to see. In other words, if you had to choose between bringing a child with a handicap into this world or one without, which would you choose??

Speed

i would rather not know ahead of time. it's a genetic crap-shoot at best under the best conditions even with the best possible pedigrees for parents. All one can do once they learn they have concieved a child is hope and pray that the child is born normal, healthy and strong...

if by chance something did happen and i did have a child with some sory of handicap or disease...doesnt take away from the fact i'd still love them unconditionally forever. it just means as a parent i'd have to work a little harder than the next guy to ensure i did everything i could to raise my child into as much of a normal existance as thier handicap/disease/whatever allows...

As for the topic and situation at hand however...i have NO IDEA how i would've even handled it honestly...seems pretty surreal to me yet here it is happening to someone this board knows and loves...

You did NOT fail your family. you might not have been able to get her the help she needed due to the law earlier, but now she is getting help. true she may not recover, but you and your little girl can. once the situation settles down a bit you will have her back (this is a given). i don't think im as concerned for emily as i am you however. as suggested we're all here for you and if not us then you might wanna seek out a trusted soul to talk to. it may make matters easier. the only 2 things you need to concentrate on right now are emily and emily however and once thats taken care of the rest will fall into place...

my prayers are with you - keep your head up and you will be shown the way

 

[GTaudiophile]

Damn. This is all so sad.

What you need to do is have a real heart-to-heart with yourself. It's time to decide that you're going to sacrifice EVERYTHING for your daughter's health and happiness. The beginning of this process has begun. The problem has been removed and she is now safely with your parents. Next, is your health and well-being. How can you take care of her if you're in ANY danger of turning into her mother? You have got to think hard about your strengths and weaknesses as a person, admit your faults, and learn to deal with them. You have got to right yourself, physically and mentally. Get a steady job. Pray. Turn to God. Whatever needs to be done. Finally, you have to take custody of your child and be a strong, good father. You have to show her happiness like she has never experienced...all the while making sure she isn't spoiled rotten either. She may need counseling and medication but most of all she needs your un-ending love and support. And someday she'll also need another strong female role model in her life. I think this is the only way to make sure she doesn't grow up depressed and/or crazy herself. Children are so impressionable on so many levels. It will take everything you've got to make sure these horrors don't continue to haunt her as she grows older.

Good luck and God bless! There is light at the end of this tunnel!

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: BrownTown
Wait, why don't YOU get control of the kid?

yeah that was my thoughts

 

[ed21x]

stumps... I think it's time that you leave the past behind and concentrate on how to make the future brighter for both you and your child. In particular, it is now a new year, and you deserve a break from all the pain that your wife has put you through. Take a long, much needed vacation, anywhere in the world, and refresh yourself so that you can give your kid the attention she deserves once you get her back.

 

[AnandTech Moderator]

Originally posted by: Jadow
be glad she's not your wife!

dump the nutjob, and raise your kid.

Rude uncaring insults like this will not be further tolerated in this thread, or in any similar thread. Those not heeding this message will find themselves on vacation. There is a time and a place for being a smart aleck. A thread like this is NOT that time or place.

AnandTech Moderator

 

[Mrvile]

It's hard and it's sad, but don't let yourself drop too low. Stay strong man.

 

[Mermaidman]

Having read about 1/4 of the thread, I don't understand why you were considered incapable of protecting Emily. Your fiancee was the threat and she is now confined, so the threat is removed.

It is a terrible situation and I hope it will improve.

 

[Fern]

Hi Stumps

Sorry to hear of the situation. Hope everything is improving for you and your family.

Fern

 

[rasczak]

Stumps, My thoughts and prayers to you during this trying time, stay strong, think of your little princess and remember that children are the meaning of existence. when you have a child your life becomes theirs as they are yours. there is nothing you can do for your fiancee at this point, so focus on your daughter and grieve in quiet moments for your fiancee.

 

[kentp]

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: Vegitto


What happened, man? Even if you don't want to talk about it, talking about it helps you to make it more 'real' for yourself. If you ever need my help, whether it be that you need someone to talk to or whatever (I was gonna say lend you some money, but I'm kind of broke ), PM me, man.

ATOT loves you, Stumps. I hope you and your fiancé pull through, and I hope you'll get custody of Emily.

She tried to cut off Emily's head with a big ass kitchen Knife...and then tried to cut off mine when I made a lunge for Emily.

Luckily I was fast enougth to grap Emily before she could plung it in to her and make a run for it.

that was moments after she demand that I cut off Emily's head with the Knife.

I close my eyes and all I see is the crazed look on her face...it was nothing like the movies..it was REALLY scary.

sorry to hear that story, you are lucky nothing happened to the three of you...

 

[narutofan36]

yeah, like everyone said, dont bash yourself

just hang in there

 

[MrK6]

Wish I could offer advice but I dont know much about the situation or Australian law. But don't beat yourself up for it, just stay strong and keep looking for a solution, get help where you can when its offered.

 

[SketchMaster]

There is always a pain, a limp, an everlasting scar. It is what reminds us of our mistakes and our trials. It is what makes us better men; It is what makes us human.

You did what any man is expected to do, you protected your family. And though it may seem your wife is gone, she still lives in your memory's and in your daughter. Raise her well, and live knowing you did what any one would expect of you.

Your best.

 

[FallenHero]

Originally posted by: Mermaidman
Having read about 1/4 of the thread, I don't understand why you were considered incapable of protecting Emily. Your fiancee was the threat and she is now confined, so the threat is removed.

It is a terrible situation and I hope it will improve.

My guess would be that emotionally and mentally, he is kinda messed up at the moment as well. More than likely there is a cooling off period. I highly doubt the state would take away his kid permanently because of the mother's actions.

BTW, for those that don't know. True Paranoid schizophrenia is nearly impossible to treat without turning the person into a zombie. They are, in the truest sense, completely detached from reality. They have no concept of anything but their own world. They cannot be reasoned with, talked to on a normal level, nor stopped once they have an idea in their head. I deal with some in the course of my job very often. They have strength beyond what one might expect when they fight because they no longer sense pain. It's very sad when it happens and I can imagine what Stumps went through.

Stumps - Hang in there man. My thoughts do go out to you and your daughter. You have not failed your family. Your wife's condition is no fault of yours. Emily is your priority now.

 

[kingshoc]

Hey still thinking about you Stumps Hang in there

 

[imported_Cameron]

Hang in there Stumps

 

[Darwin333]

Originally posted by: FallenHero

Originally posted by: Mermaidman
Having read about 1/4 of the thread, I don't understand why you were considered incapable of protecting Emily. Your fiancee was the threat and she is now confined, so the threat is removed.

It is a terrible situation and I hope it will improve.

My guess would be that emotionally and mentally, he is kinda messed up at the moment as well. More than likely there is a cooling off period. I highly doubt the state would take away his kid permanently because of the mother's actions.

BTW, for those that don't know. True Paranoid schizophrenia is nearly impossible to treat without turning the person into a zombie. They are, in the truest sense, completely detached from reality. They have no concept of anything but their own world. They cannot be reasoned with, talked to on a normal level, nor stopped once they have an idea in their head. I deal with some in the course of my job very often. They have strength beyond what one might expect when they fight because they no longer sense pain. It's very sad when it happens and I can imagine what Stumps went through.

Stumps - Hang in there man. My thoughts do go out to you and your daughter. You have not failed your family. Your wife's condition is no fault of yours. Emily is your priority now.

Wow. I am glad the OP and his daughter are ok, at least physically. At least your wife is in a place that can give her proper medical help.

A little off topic, but do we know what causes Paranoid schizophrenia? Is it something that can just hit someone at some point in their life? Or are they born with some wires crossed (sorry about the crude analogy, I couldn't think of anything else)?

I ask because you say there is no cure for it. Even in hospital settings, do patients ever have a "happy" existance? I am going to have to do some googling.

 

[Rookie]

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: Wapp
Why are you blaming yourself for your wife losing it?

because I couldn't get her the help that she needs...

Psychotic episodes, let alone a full on mental breakdown, are not something that can always be treated without being admitted.

Best of luck... I have a mentally ill father... and sister... It gets better... Hang in there.

 

[TheBiggmann]

Stumps, don't get down on yourself man, you did everything within your power to keep your family together. There are a lot of screwed up things happening in this world but none of the stories that I've heard have reached me like this one. What you did was incredible and there is no way you should get down on yourself for it. If nothing else can convince you to look at the bright side of it, as hard as it may be to find for you, do it for your beautiful daughter. God blessed you immensely by your wife waking you up before something horrible could happen, and he did it for a reason, don't let yourself stay down, do your best to help Michelle but if necessary, move on without her for the sake of Emily, and most importantly yourself. I believe this is going to make you much stronger as a person and you will work through it. God bless you for what you did, you are a true hero, and may he bless you and your daughter with a beautiful life together.