So...I failed my family today

[NickelTitanium]

take care

 

[FallenHero]

Originally posted by: Darwin333

Originally posted by: FallenHero

Originally posted by: Mermaidman
Having read about 1/4 of the thread, I don't understand why you were considered incapable of protecting Emily. Your fiancee was the threat and she is now confined, so the threat is removed.

It is a terrible situation and I hope it will improve.

My guess would be that emotionally and mentally, he is kinda messed up at the moment as well. More than likely there is a cooling off period. I highly doubt the state would take away his kid permanently because of the mother's actions.

BTW, for those that don't know. True Paranoid schizophrenia is nearly impossible to treat without turning the person into a zombie. They are, in the truest sense, completely detached from reality. They have no concept of anything but their own world. They cannot be reasoned with, talked to on a normal level, nor stopped once they have an idea in their head. I deal with some in the course of my job very often. They have strength beyond what one might expect when they fight because they no longer sense pain. It's very sad when it happens and I can imagine what Stumps went through.

Stumps - Hang in there man. My thoughts do go out to you and your daughter. You have not failed your family. Your wife's condition is no fault of yours. Emily is your priority now.

Wow. I am glad the OP and his daughter are ok, at least physically. At least your wife is in a place that can give her proper medical help.

A little off topic, but do we know what causes Paranoid schizophrenia? Is it something that can just hit someone at some point in their life? Or are they born with some wires crossed (sorry about the crude analogy, I couldn't think of anything else)?

I ask because you say there is no cure for it. Even in hospital settings, do patients ever have a "happy" existance? I am going to have to do some googling.

I asked the same question of the psychological people at work. Unless I am forgetting something, we still don't know what fully causes paranoid schizophrenia. It only really starts to show up at around the age of 18 (you will never see a child diagnosed with it). By age 25, its full blown and cannot be stopped. I'll ask when I see them next more about it, as thats all I can really recall.

 

[Carnage4]

Originally posted by: Stumps
It saddens me a lot on how people can judge and discard people just because they are different, I wasn't bought up that way, I have two adopted sisters that have Downs syndrom (one 6 and one 9 years old)...they were both abandoned by their parents when they were born...my parents didn't give up on them and they a leading very normal happy lives...I am a better person for having them as my sisters and I say that proudly.

While I have lost my beloved Michelle I can still say that I love her and always will...she will always have a place in my heart.

It wasn't her fault she has Schitzophrenia, she was born with it, I'm not about too, or ever judge her because of that.

Ignore people like Rogo who obviously have genetically-perfect, problem-free existences with no snags whatsoever. Try living a bit more before you think you have an opinion.

Sometimes family members develop or already have mental illnesses that aren't easily treatable if they are at all; all we can do is deal with things the best we can. It's incredibly difficult to reconcile the person you knew and loved with the person who doesn't remember who you are, much less what you had. Michelle's condition isn't your fault, don't blame yourself - it really sounds like you did all in your power to help her, and you saved Emily. Don't downplay that.

Avoid drinking, it will only make you do more things you regret. At least it sounds like you'll have luck in getting custody of Emily, and your parents are still there to help. It's difficult, but stay focused on positive things in your life as much as possible.

(And please, if you think you know something and want to criticize Stumps's actions, just put yourself in his place before you open your mouth, internet tough guy)

 

[Rogodin2]

This is what confuses me about some of the posts in this thread, up until 9 months ago Michelle had very little symptoms, she had everything under control with medication and we where living a normal life, but even when she started to have problems we were able to get on top of them and she continued through the pregnacy with out any problems, it wasn't until a few after the birth of Emily that Michelle started to have problems, the doctors who are treating her suspect that Emily was the trigger for her Psychosis....Emily isn't an easy child to look after due to the fact that she has bad reflux and is generally a very needy baby, this situation would place a lot of stress on a normal mother.

You are a good man. I have not argued that you weren't. I've only said that you are ulitmately responsible for the choice you made to bring a child, that has a 50% chance of mental illness, into this world. You are taking the responsiblity in stride and as a man should. My xwife wasn't diagnosed until after we were married.

Rogo

 

[Stumps]

Sooo I finally have some good news,

Child services have finally placed Emily with my parents for 3 months while I try and sort everything else out, as of tommorrow I will be able to see Emily anytime I want and take her places and time I want...yay

I still haven't gotten anymore news about Michelle, other than the fact that her parents blame me for everything that has happened to her...but I don't really give a hoot about what they say and think about me.

I miss her so much, I really wish I could have done more for her...you don't realise how lonely life is until you have to go on with out the one person that you loved more than anything else.

At least I have been able to keep myself busy the last week or so by neffing on the AT forums....this place is always good for cheering me up when I feel down.

Thanks to every one who sent PM's with nice messages...you are a credit to the AT forums.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: Stumps
Sooo I finally have some good news,

Child services have finally placed Emily with my parents for 3 months while I try and sort everything else out, as of tommorrow I will be able to see Emily anytime I want and take her places and time I want...yay

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

Great update

 

[NaOH]

I feel for you man. I hope things get better with you and your fiance. I can only imagine the pain you're going when she doesn't recognize you....

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: FallenHero

Originally posted by: Darwin333

Originally posted by: FallenHero

Originally posted by: Mermaidman
Having read about 1/4 of the thread, I don't understand why you were considered incapable of protecting Emily. Your fiancee was the threat and she is now confined, so the threat is removed.

It is a terrible situation and I hope it will improve.

My guess would be that emotionally and mentally, he is kinda messed up at the moment as well. More than likely there is a cooling off period. I highly doubt the state would take away his kid permanently because of the mother's actions.

BTW, for those that don't know. True Paranoid schizophrenia is nearly impossible to treat without turning the person into a zombie. They are, in the truest sense, completely detached from reality. They have no concept of anything but their own world. They cannot be reasoned with, talked to on a normal level, nor stopped once they have an idea in their head. I deal with some in the course of my job very often. They have strength beyond what one might expect when they fight because they no longer sense pain. It's very sad when it happens and I can imagine what Stumps went through.

Stumps - Hang in there man. My thoughts do go out to you and your daughter. You have not failed your family. Your wife's condition is no fault of yours. Emily is your priority now.

Wow. I am glad the OP and his daughter are ok, at least physically. At least your wife is in a place that can give her proper medical help.

A little off topic, but do we know what causes Paranoid schizophrenia? Is it something that can just hit someone at some point in their life? Or are they born with some wires crossed (sorry about the crude analogy, I couldn't think of anything else)?

I ask because you say there is no cure for it. Even in hospital settings, do patients ever have a "happy" existance? I am going to have to do some googling.

I asked the same question of the psychological people at work. Unless I am forgetting something, we still don't know what fully causes paranoid schizophrenia. It only really starts to show up at around the age of 18 (you will never see a child diagnosed with it). By age 25, its full blown and cannot be stopped. I'll ask when I see them next more about it, as thats all I can really recall.

What's known about schizophrenia at this point, at least from a professional standpoint, is that not enough is known. I can say that it's genetic/organic bases have been more strongly-substantiated in recent years, and that it likely carries a hereditary component (hence the genetic basis).

Beyond that, there are all sorts of theories concerning etiology. Off the top of my head, I believe I've read that researchers have tentatively linked cases to prenatal influenza infection. Beyond that, I know that schizophrenia generally leads to, among other things, atrophy of the frontal lobes, and subsequent deterioration of executive functions. However, whether that's a cause or effect of the disease is, as far as I know, a mystery at this point. I believe there are also various dopamine and/or seratonin theories, although dopamine/seratonin is generally considered to be linked to just about every mental process in existence.

Age of onset is, on average, somewhere around 20-24 years in males, and roughly five or so years later in females. Prognosis can be highly variable, and depends in large part on the type of onset (sudden versus gradual), the types and degrees of symptoms (predominantly positive or negative; severe or mild), and the awareness of the client regarding the illness.

Some people even think that schizophrenia as a diagnostic category might, in fact, be a "catch all" of sorts, and in actuality reflects a wide range of fundamentally different conditions. Sort of like how "minimal brain damage/minimal brain dysfunction," a tag that has fallen out of favor, used to include such now-differentiated diagnoses as learning disorders, ADHD, conduct disorder, and, at times, mild mental retardation and borderline intellectual functioning.

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: Stumps
Sooo I finally have some good news,

Child services have finally placed Emily with my parents for 3 months while I try and sort everything else out, as of tommorrow I will be able to see Emily anytime I want and take her places and time I want...yay

:sun:
good luck stumps, hang in there

 

[Imagination]

Originally posted by: Stumps
I still haven't gotten anymore news about Michelle, other than the fact that her parents blame me for everything that has happened to her...but I don't really give a hoot about what they say and think about me.

Huh? How do they come up w/ that one?

 

[LookingGlass]

Sounds like her parents don't want to accept the fact that their daughter has issues, and severe ones, and blame him for it. Which is ludicrous, anything new stumps? Good luck man, things will get better.

 

[leftyman]

:thumbsup: be the best daddy you can be.

 

[sixone]

Great news, Stumps!! You're very lucky that you and your daughter have survived the worst, and that your parents are there to lend a hand.

 

[ahurtt]

Originally posted by: Stumps
Sooo I finally have some good news,

Child services have finally placed Emily with my parents for 3 months while I try and sort everything else out, as of tommorrow I will be able to see Emily anytime I want and take her places and time I want...yay

I still haven't gotten anymore news about Michelle, other than the fact that her parents blame me for everything that has happened to her...but I don't really give a hoot about what they say and think about me.

I miss her so much, I really wish I could have done more for her...you don't realise how lonely life is until you have to go on with out the one person that you loved more than anything else.

At least I have been able to keep myself busy the last week or so by neffing on the AT forums....this place is always good for cheering me up when I feel down.

Thanks to every one who sent PM's with nice messages...you are a credit to the AT forums.

Stumps. . .man. . .My heart goes out. I went through a very similar thing lately. And it's still not over though things have improved considerably from all the doom and gloom scenarios that were going on in my mind. What you need to realize, and I'm sure you do by now, is that you didn't cause this. You said she already had problems before child birth. . .well I'm sure you know child birth wreaks havoc on a female's hormones and such. The stress of childbirth likely merely uncovered an pre-existing condition and made it "flare up." Much like people who shovel snow and have a heart attack. . .the snow didn't cause the heart attack. There was a pre-existing disposition or heart defect of some kind that was exacerbated by the shoveling and lead to the heart attack. This is very similar. My wife spent most of the month of September '06 in the mental ward of one hospital or another with paranoid delusions, aural hallucinations, severe disorientation, and other schizophrenic type symptoms. She is now on anti-psychotic medications and doing very well. This came on in late August, about 4 months after our first daughter was born. There is no doubt that the chemical/hormonal imbalances brought on by childbirth and pregnancy and her body readjusting from that played a huge part in what happened. And post natal depression is a very very old and well documented condition. Even post natal psychotic breaks in some more severe cases. I'm sure you know all this by now but I'm just trying to reassure you that you are not the only person who has dealt with this.

From what I understand by reading your post, your wife was already on meds before childbirth. I would say that given time, there is a chance she will at least return to her prior mental state and you may be able to get it back under control again. But it may indeed take some time. Brace yourself for months recovery time, not days or weeks. Don't abandon hope, but settle yourself in for a long fight. You just don't know what the future will bring and neither do the doctors for sure. It will depend on your wife and her will to fight this and your support for her. I remember some days when I went to visit my wife she would seem better and I would get my hopes up that she could be out in a couple more days but then go back 2 days later and she was just totally insane again. It was crushing. An up and down rollercoaster ride of emotions from self-loathing to indifference to anger to abandonment. . .you name it I probably felt it at some point. But the single most important thing that must happen if there is to be any hope for your family is that YOU MUST hold it together. For me it was the hardest thing I ever faced in my life but there was no other option. You simply MUST do what needs to be done and hold it together man. Do whatever it takes. Get yourself help and accept any form of help that anybody is willing to offer you. You will need it. Don't try to deal with this alone. And most importantly, DO NOT give up hope for tomorrow. I know it sounds cliche. . .but time and only time can heal some wounds. Where mental illness is concerned, there simply often are no definite answers.

Like you, my parents in law (well her father mainly) tried to blame me. Likewise, I tried to blame him based on things my wife had told me about her childhood. Digging deeper into family history showed that there were signs of mental illness in her family before but her father was very pigheaded and stubborn and proud and was afraid it was seen as a sign of "weakness" or something. But this kind of thing is very very frequently hereditary. In the end, playing the blame game got us absolutely nowhere. We didn't progress as a family until we set aside our anger and hostilities and agreed that what was important was not our petty differences and who's fault it was, but getting my wife better. Supporting her. We were selfishly focusing on our own feelings of guilt rather than hers. It's not about us. It's about her and supporting her and getting her better. We had to accept the situation for what it was, stop looking for causes and laying blame, and address the problem. So don't get caught up in the blame game with them. It sounds like you don't care if they blame you or not so make sure they know that. Make sure they know that the only thing you care about is getting your wife well and that you think that is all they should care about as well. They either need to help or get out of the way.

Count the good things you do have now - Thank God you have your parents there to help with your daughter. I know I couldn't have made it through what happened to us without mine. Your daughter is alive, probably thanks to you.

I'm getting a bit wordy here, I know. Feel free to PM me if you need. Just want to let you know you aren't alone bud.

 

[Stumps]

Originally posted by: Imagination

Originally posted by: Stumps
I still haven't gotten anymore news about Michelle, other than the fact that her parents blame me for everything that has happened to her...but I don't really give a hoot about what they say and think about me.

Huh? How do they come up w/ that one?

Her mother is an idiot, she tried to bury her head in the sand when we asked for help, now she critises me for not doing enougth.

Michelles parents haven't even come down from sydney to visit her or even find out what is really happening to her....very sad indeed.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: Imagination

Originally posted by: Stumps
I still haven't gotten anymore news about Michelle, other than the fact that her parents blame me for everything that has happened to her...but I don't really give a hoot about what they say and think about me.

Huh? How do they come up w/ that one?

Her mother is an idiot, she tried to bury her head in the sand when we asked for help, now she critises me for not doing enougth.

Michelles parents haven't even come down from sydney to visit her or even find out what is really happening to her....very sad indeed.

I'd bet that they just can't face it - probably because they feel guilty for not doing more when you asked them for help.

Thank God they didn't get custody of your daughter.

 

[Stumps]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: Imagination

Originally posted by: Stumps
I still haven't gotten anymore news about Michelle, other than the fact that her parents blame me for everything that has happened to her...but I don't really give a hoot about what they say and think about me.

Huh? How do they come up w/ that one?

Her mother is an idiot, she tried to bury her head in the sand when we asked for help, now she critises me for not doing enougth.

Michelles parents haven't even come down from sydney to visit her or even find out what is really happening to her....very sad indeed.

I'd bet that they just can't face it - probably because they feel guilty for not doing more when you asked them for help.

Thank God they didn't get custody of your daughter.

her mother believed that Michelle's illness was an embarrasment to her family so they never really didn't do much to get her help when she was living with them and first diagnosed.

Most of the help Michelle got before we started going out was from her Auntie who worked with special needs children and she knew what help to get Michelle...she gave me a lot of advice when Michelle moved in with me a few years ago and we had been living a pretty normal life.

Her mother did try to get custody of Emily, she had made it very clear when Emily was first born that she would try for custody...but Adoptive parents have no rights towards grand children in Australia...so that was never going to happen.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Stumps
Her mother did try to get custody of Emily, she had made it very clear when Emily was first born that she would try for custody...but Adoptive parents have no rights towards grand children in Australia...so that was never going to happen.

One more little spark of gratitude. As bad as it is, it could be far worse.

 

[Patt]

Glad to hear things are on a bit of an upswing ... :thumbsup: and a :beer:

 

[kingshoc]

Hey Stumps How Are You Doing? Any News

 

[fbrdphreak]

Originally posted by: FallenHero
BTW, for those that don't know. True Paranoid schizophrenia is nearly impossible to treat without turning the person into a zombie.

My gf's mother has treated several shizo patients who now lead perfectly normal lives.

Originally posted by: Whisper
What's known about schizophrenia at this point, at least from a professional standpoint, is that not enough is known. I can say that it's genetic/organic bases have been more strongly-substantiated in recent years, and that it likely carries a hereditary component (hence the genetic basis).

Beyond that, there are all sorts of theories concerning etiology. Off the top of my head, I believe I've read that researchers have tentatively linked cases to prenatal influenza infection. Beyond that, I know that schizophrenia generally leads to, among other things, atrophy of the frontal lobes, and subsequent deterioration of executive functions. However, whether that's a cause or effect of the disease is, as far as I know, a mystery at this point. I believe there are also various dopamine and/or seratonin theories, although dopamine/seratonin is generally considered to be linked to just about every mental process in existence.

Age of onset is, on average, somewhere around 20-24 years in males, and roughly five or so years later in females. Prognosis can be highly variable, and depends in large part on the type of onset (sudden versus gradual), the types and degrees of symptoms (predominantly positive or negative; severe or mild), and the awareness of the client regarding the illness.

Some people even think that schizophrenia as a diagnostic category might, in fact, be a "catch all" of sorts, and in actuality reflects a wide range of fundamentally different conditions. Sort of like how "minimal brain damage/minimal brain dysfunction," a tag that has fallen out of favor, used to include such now-differentiated diagnoses as learning disorders, ADHD, conduct disorder, and, at times, mild mental retardation and borderline intellectual functioning.

As it has been explained to me, this is very true. Bacteria and infections can play a much larger role in physical and mental disorders than we know. But I'm no expert.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Stumps
Sooo I finally have some good news,

Child services have finally placed Emily with my parents for 3 months while I try and sort everything else out, as of tommorrow I will be able to see Emily anytime I want and take her places and time I want...yay

glad to hear that your situation is slowly getting better. :thumbsup:

 

[Stumps]

Originally posted by: kingshoc
Hey Stumps How Are You Doing? Any News

I haven't had any news about Michelle since she was transfered to Canberra two weeks ago.

Emily is doing fine...although she has to have an operation in few weeks to repair a hernia in her belly button, it start to come up while she was in foster care and now it has started to get bigger....but it doesn't seem to bother her and she is a happy little girl.

She is smiling a lot and make lots of funny little noise....very cute, I took her to the local baby clinic and they said other than the Hernia she is perfectly fine...she now weighs 11 pounds 2 onces....almost double her birth weight now...and she is only 9 weeks old.

I'll post some new pics of her in a day or so.

 

[NuroMancer]

Originally posted by: Stumps

Originally posted by: kingshoc
Hey Stumps How Are You Doing? Any News

I haven't had any news about Michelle since she was transfered to Canberra two weeks ago.

Emily is doing fine...although she has to have an operation in few weeks to repair a hernia in her belly button, it start to come up while she was in foster care and now it has started to get bigger....but it doesn't seem to bother her and she is a happy little girl.

She is smiling a lot and make lots of funny little noise....very cute, I took her to the local baby clinic and they said other than the Hernia she is perfectly fine...she now weighs 11 pounds 2 onces....almost double her birth weight now...and she is only 9 weeks old.

I'll post some new pics of her in a day or so.

Thats great news man,
Stay strong! and give that child the best care and home you can provide. I know you will.
I'd wish you luck, but I know that you don't need it, you can tell by your posts that you have the inner strength to see this through.
My best wishes.
Jon

 

[zoiks]

Live strong man. Your kids are what you live for.