So, I loaned my Dad $3,000.....

[Megamorph]

Originally posted by: Sepen

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Sounds like you're getting to see your father reap the pitiful crop he's sown in his life,I'd write the loan off.If you are truly interested in having a relationship at this point,perhaps you could convince him to get some therapy and anti-depressants. It is very possible that all of this might cause him to rethink his life and priorities.You might well come away with a new,stronger relationship because of it.

Finally, reason!

I would forget the money. It sounds like your Dad needs help. And why would you discuss something so personal with total strangers? One thing that I learned young and have taught my kids well is that family matters stay private, no matter what!
You have an opportunity here to make a difference in not only his life but in yours as well. You will be a better person for it, so go with it.

I have never discussed this issue with anyone who knows me or my Dad personally. Actually, I've never discussed this before at all. I hardly think that discussing this issue in this forum in an anonymous fashion is "airing out my dirty laundry."

And yes, my Mother and Father both are very irresponsible people who have lived their entire lives for the "moment." They have always lived as if there is no tomorrow. They are both very selfish individuals who are most definitely "reaping the pitiful crops they've sown." However, as foolish as they are, I love them both.

 

[Techie333]

Dude, stop being a dick and write it off! JEEZ......he is still your dad. Cut him a break, so he screwed up................

 

[PeeluckyDuckee]

I'm asian, and with my way of thinking is, we don't loan our parents money, we give it to them. I see it as the unself cycle, they cared for you until you became independent (sure it's their duty, but still, depends on what kind of a person you are) and now there's an opportunity to care for them when they're in need.

I won't tell you to write off the money. It's your money, and I don't know how your culture "works". Do what you feel is right, follow your heart. Relationship is not a scale one can use to weigh and quantify. We don't count wins and loses.

It's times like this that help define who you really are as a person.

Personally, bringing up the money issue in times like this is like giving him a kick while he's down. You're his son, first and foremost, not his creditor.

Geez, I should listen to my own advice once in a while, I've got my own problems to deal with.

 

[Techie333]

my parents have learned lessons like these from relatives...........total lesson costs are probably around 50K & years outa their life! Be glad you have learned the lesson faster and cheaper!

ON a side note, my cousin in england bought his dad a new SL500 for his birthday!!!!! And he's not even that rich!!! :Q

 

[Dissipate]

Originally posted by: PeeluckyDuckee
I'm asian, and with my way of thinking is, we don't loan our parents money, we give it to them. I see it as the unself cycle, they cared for you until you became independent (sure it's their duty, but still, depends on what kind of a person you are) and now there's an opportunity to care for them when they're in need.

No, you see the thing is his dad didn't really care for him much. In his case it seems like a one way street. I would loan my dad $3,000 (if I had it) in a heartbeat, but that's because he has provided me with everything.

I don't know about asian culture but just because someone is your dad doesn't mean you should give them money. If they haven't been there for you or if they have abused you their title of father is meaningless.

 

[Megamorph]

I am successful today because of my work ethic and what I've done for myself. I have a college degree, which was not funded in any way by my parents, and I earn a six-figure income. As strange as this sounds, my parents NEVER once mentioned going to college to me. I guess they were afraid that I would ask them to pay for something. I decided to pursue a better life for myself on my own. They did not encourage me in the least. As a child, my parents couldn't have supported me without the help of other family members, which they received a great deal of. Not because they weren't physically able to earn a decent living, but because they are both too lazy and irresponsible. My parents only provided the very basic needs for me as a young child. As I got older and had more expensive needs such as orthodontics, an automobile, etc., other family members stepped up to take care of it b/c my Dad didn't think such things were important.

I guess I'm just hurt and angry b/c I know that my Dad has never made any sacrifices for me and certainly wouldn't have loaned me the money had he been in my shoes. I had really hoped that he would repay the money b/c I don't feel like he deserves a $3,000 "gift."

 

[sillymofo]

Dude, they gave you LIFE.

 

[Kev]

Did your dad support you in any way when he raised you? If he did, then you seem like a really selfish, ungrateful little sh*t to me.

 

[crystal]

Just wrote the money off. As for nothing taking care off you, well he must provide shelter and foods for you went you were young.

 

[miniMUNCH]

Originally posted by: lowtech

Originally posted by: gsaldivar

Originally posted by: WinkOsmosis
I think you should write it off.

Be glad that you still have a dad.

If you call him a dad...my uncles and my dad's cousins are more supportive of me than this loser is of his one and only son.

The sad thing is...he's going to be so alone later in his life.

 

[TheBoyBlunder]

Do you care about your dad? Do you value money (even if it is $3 grand) more than a relationship (such that it might be) with your dad? If you do care and value a relationship (such that it might be) with your dad, write it off and know that in a few years you might be paying even more to take care of him in his old age.

If you do care more about money or don't care about your dad that much, take him to small claims court. Personally, unless my dad had been a big, big, big jerk (many many times bigger than he is), I'd write it off and learn a somewhat expensive lesson.

 

[xype]

If he didn't do a thing for you in the past, he sure as hell wont change his mind that late in life. The only thing that could happen is that he asks you for more money, maybe talking you into feeling guilty that he didn't wear a condom. I know how it feels like and I know that trying to deal with such people only makes you lose out at the end. If he didn't care about you (but for the moment he needed your cash for his young, new wifey to be happy) you shouldn't care about him.

To all the people doing the "yadayada, he gave yo life, is yo dad" - a relationship should come from both sides. Having one half care and invest time and energy and the other side only interested in recieving is called "abuse" in my book. He fscked up, big time, because he's stupid. He didn't care about his son as much as he cared about a young wife that left him as soon as the money was gone.

Forget him _and_ the money and be happy.

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: Megamorph

And yes, my Mother and Father both are very irresponsible people who have lived their entire lives for the "moment." They have always lived as if there is no tomorrow. They are both very selfish individuals who are most definitely "reaping the pitiful crops they've sown." However, as foolish as they are, I love them both.

There you have your answer.
It's my personal rule that when faced with these sorts of things,,when I "lend" money in this fashion, I'm not putting the weight of the world on it. I will do my best (and have so far) to pay back any money loaned to me, but I wouldn't hold it over their heads. If they won the lottery or had a similar windfall, I'ld remind them, but again, I wouldn't loan money I couldn't afford to lose , anyway.