So. I now have a convicted child sex offender living up the street.

[308nato]

My latest search of the Illinois sex offender database shows the skank up the streets new live in is a convicted pervert. My oldest youngun is a boy 7 years old, middle is a 4 year old girl and youngest is a boy who will be 1 year next week. I live in a very small rural community that is a great place to raise little people. This town IS a community watch. For better or worse, people keep an eye out on whats going on. I know bad things can happen anywhere, but, I have never been overly worried about the kids here. I grew up here and pretty much know everyone around.

The skank has 2 little boys of her own. The oldest is one of my oldests best friends. I live in a huge 150 year old victorian house with a big yard. It is the Mecca of the neighborhood kids in nice weather. Obviously I told the 7 year old he can't go to his buddy's house anymore. He is not happy with me and wants to know why. I can't tell him why...can I? he is to young to understand.

I don't care if his bud comes over here, he didn't do anything wrong and is a great kid...especially considering the homelife he is forced to live in. I would like to trot down and just bust the perverts chops and encourage him to move on but as much as I don't like it, thats not the answer. The whole situation just p!sses me off.

 

[Azraele]

There's one living down the street from me. I never see him though, he seems to keep to himself.

My boss has a convicted murderer living next door to him. He's in his 60s/70s and is now out of prison after serving his sentence.

As for your situation, yikes that's a tough one. I don't know what to tell you.

 

[Hammer]

I think you should just explain that their friends father did something very very bad in the past, and it wouldn't be safe to go to their house alone.

 

[Azraele]

<< I think you should just explain that their friends father did something very very bad in the past, and it wouldn't be safe to go to their house alone. >>


That might work, but wouldn't he wonder why it's ok for his friend to be there?

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Is explaining that the father's prone to bad things to your youngun that hard or a bad thing? He won't understand now, but he'll thank you when he's older.

nik

 

[bunker]

Unfortunately I don't think you can tell your son. You know if you tell him anything, he'll tell his friend and it will then get back to the guy which could cause a huge ruckus in the community.

The guy is a convicted sex offender, but what was the crime? I would feel as uncomfortable as you in this situation, but what if the guy had sex with a 17 year old that told him she was 22? I'm in no way defending this guy, just hoping to ease your fears a bit.

 

[vi edit]

I don't know how receptive you'd be to the idea, but I know that in Iowa anyway they have classes that you can take on how to teach your children about to avoid/report abuse and molestation.

At 7 your son is pretty much to the point where he can distinguish affection from molestation, but much younger than that, and it's hard for them decifer it.

With the increased sensitivity and awareness of these problems, there is a good chance that a class like this is available nearby.

As in many situations, the best defense is education.

 

[308nato]

I always tell my kids "why". None of this dad says so crap. They are not used to me just saying no without a reason. I guess I could use the "bad things" tone but he is going to want to know what bad things. He's 7, its going to come up in conversation with his bud. I don't know if thats right either. it's all very confusing.

 

[Fausto]

You could give the local cops a quick call and explain the situation. Perhaps they'll give him a quick visit just to let him know that they know he's around and to mind his manners. He may be less of a risk (or even pack his bags) if he's aware of how unwanted his presence is.

I'd definitely keep an eye out tho. Not to scare you but one of the biggest reasons for having the registry is that pedophiles have one of the highest rates of recidivism among criminals. They just don't "rehab" very well.

Fausto

 

[pyonir]

check with the local authorities to make sure that his status allows him to live with children. like the post above said, it might be of an adult nature (which makes it no better still). a lot of convicted sex offenders are not allowed to live in the same house as children that aren't his own. i would check that first.

as for your son, i don't know what to tell ya. sorry and good luck.

 

[Woodie]

<< Cowsh!t Smells Like Money >>



LOL at your sig.
As far as your problem, we had a similar problem, but just our suspicions, no verified database. We just told our son (6) he wasn't allowed to play inside at his friends house. I'm trying to remember what we gave as a reason....

Why not tell him that the man who lives there has hurt some kids before, and you can't watch your son when he's over there. It's not the detailed truth, but it provides the gist of it. When your son asks for details, you can tell him that you don't know, just that it's posted that he has done it. Truth, and probably enough information for him. I don't know if you want to ask your son not to discuss it outside the house...my son has 0 discretion.

 

[Amused]

308nato, what was his crime? Was it child molestation? Rape? What?

He could have been convicted at a young age of statutory rape because his girlfriend was under 16. In that case, he's no danger to your kids.

Know the facts before blowing a gasket

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

I think bunker has a point, do you have any way of knowing the actual offense? It's possible you have nothing to be worried about, and I hope that's ths case.

Other than that, as also mentioned, make sure your child(ren) know the basics of what is acceptable behavior, in case they are ever in a situation where they'd need to know.

If it was some sort of pedophelia involved I would not allow my children to that house, no matter how nice and friendly the other child was, it's sad but you are responsible for protecting your children.

I do not think I'd tell them the reason though, because it would definitely end up in hurt feelings for the other child and I don't see any reason they should be made to feel bad or worse for something they didn't do.

 

[LaBang]

No, I think that you should tell your kid why you don't want him at the house. If he doesn't know he won't care what you say. You need to tell your kids to watch out for being molested.

I doubt that you have anything to worry about though. In fact, I think that you should go talk to this person. They are human. Make it clear that you don't hate them but that You will kill them if they try anything. Be friendly but strong.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

<< Know the facts before blowing a gasket >>

Well that takes all the fun out of my online experience

nik

 

[Tanner]

<< I would feel as uncomfortable as you in this situation, but what if the guy had sex with a 17 year old that told him she was 22? I'm in no way defending this guy, just hoping to ease your fears a bit. >>



wouldn't it be nice if this were the problem... sure would be safer for your kids.

Anyway, in the case that its not, my wife, a professional of sorts in this area (a B.S. in Nursing), says that it's important that children know exactly what is and is not wrong. And to further the matter, if the child does not know how to name the different parts of their anatomy, well, then so WHAT! They know something wrong happend, but they can't communicate it to you! Make sure they know all about their parts, U know? I know that you might be embarassed and they might not understand, but if you have to choose between the posibility of this potential child molester and you kids being a little confused about the birds and the bees for a while, which R U going to choose!

Hope that this helps!
God Bless you w/ PATIENCE and watchfulness!
Tanner

 

[b0mbrman]

They're your kids and you're much better safe than sorry...If I were in your shoes, I'd take whatever proactive measures I'd need to so that nothing happens...

 

[308nato]

All it says is he is convicted of an offense with a child under 18 years of age. It doesn't break it down any more than that. The guy is late middle age and looks like a perv. I had never seen him before. I showed his pic to my son and asked if this guy "lived at Kyle's house". He said he has been there awhile so the guy is definitely making a looooooooowwwwwww profile for himself.

I've tried to minimalize the risk in my head but it won't work. Paternal instinct has assumed control.

 

[Amused]

<< All it says is he is convicted of an offense with a child under 18 years of age. It doesn't break it down any more than that. The guy is late middle age and looks like a perv. I had never seen him before. I showed his pic to my son and asked if this guy "lived at Kyle's house". He said he has been there awhile so the guy is definitely making a looooooooowwwwwww profile for himself.

I've tried to minimalize the risk in my head but it won't work. Paternal instinct has assumed control. >>



His criminal record is public. Call your local police station and find out the facts of the case. Plus, find out how far back his record goes.

 

[Kelvrick]

I'd have to agree with the "find out what he did" idea.

Its good that you give your kids reasons for what they can and cannot do. I hope I can raise my *hopefully* kids like that.

 

[Tanner]

<< In fact, I think that you should go talk to this person. They are human. Make it clear that you don't hate them but that You will kill them if they try anything. Be friendly but strong >>



MUCH agreed! I can't imagine the impact that this would have on them!

 

[b0mbrman]

Ah yes. Talking to him might not be a bad idea...don't forget to show him your gun collection

 

[Fausto]

Nah. Let the cops talk to him. No need for you to get personally involved until you have to. Besides, I'm sure he fears attention from them more than from you since kiddie molesters are apparently not treated very well in the joint. Call them up, see if you can get more details on his conviction and ask if they'll send out the "welcome wagon".

Fausto

 

[Fraggle]

I doubt that you have anything to worry about though. In fact, I think that you should go talk to this person. They are human. Make it clear that you don't hate them but that You will kill them if they try anything. Be friendly but strong.


without more info, i'd prolly agree with that.

308nato, is there any way for you to find out more information on the nature of the sex offender's crime? It's not pleasant to talk about, and condoning anything that qualifies as a sex crime is out of the question, But there certainly is a practical difference between the various offenses that can be called sex crimes.

I'd imagine the pertinant details you'd want to know in your case would include the age and gender of the minor he was convicted of molesting. If it was a 17 year old girl, well, without commenting on the deed itself, I'd guess that your 7 year old son is not in any special danger.

I'm sure you're currently searching for more info on the situation, or that you already have. Seems like convictions are public records, right?

If you can do it tactfully, maybe you can talk to the guy himself. If you can't be respectful of the rights the guy still has in the eyes of the law, then it's probably better for both of you that you not confront him. Here's hoping for a fair solution that the neighborhood can be comfy with.

 

[308nato]

After a big day of shooting at the range I always clean everything on the front porch. My wife doesn't appreciate the smell of Hoppe's like I do.

I believe I will go have a chat with him. I never thought of that. I'll just tell him what I know and how and that I will be watching. Closely.

I guess jake is just gonna be mad at dad. That sux.