So sunday started like any other, the woman and I woke up and for the last few days i was noticing her begining to distance herself from me in subitle ways (if you know someone long enough you can see these behaviors). In any event i asked her "whats the matter you seem disconnected" and then she unleashed a torrent of emotion and the dreaded conversation that anyone in a long-term realtionship fears.
Background:
We've been dating since the first year in college, through our graduate years and beyond. Many would ask why we didnt get married yet, and the answer isn't simple but suffice to say that graduate school (in different states) running around to find work and what-not has prevented us form really spending the last 3 or so years together and finding jobs/careers. Recently we were both looking for jobs and I managed to find one in a large pharmaceutical in Chicago and she found a little gig up here too (part time but something she could possibly leapfrog from), but it was no big deal since i was making enough money for the both of us. I had an apartment lined up and we were ready to go, and then out of the blue some job she applied to in St. Louis calls and apparently it was a really good position, so now she had to choose between her career and our realtionship. She chose the former. ALthough I was devistated (and her sister (who gets along with her) told me in no such terms "you shoulda dumped her @ss right there") I devised a plan for me to find my way down there and for us to live together. I was finally making progress these past weeks and on Sunday all this came down upon me, all at once...
Funny thing is that when we talked about it she said she was tired of "trying" even though I am the one doing most of the work, and she added that she was "scared" of living with me and enjoying her newfound independance in my absence, which is also funny becasue i could point to numerous times where she mentioned that all she wanted was for us to live together. Finally she said the one thing that i was hoping that I would not hear but i was half-expecting to hear anyways: that she is interested in other people. Pretty convienient for her, not so convienient for me who has planned a life around a person who apparently was not doing the same, and consiquently not really talking to people on the side. In any event after much discussion she compromised and decided to "think about it" for a period of a month and come back to me and we would talk further about the situation. Funny thing is the more I think about it the more it seems that she is keeping me as a spare tire, just in case this interesting new person is a jerk/alcoholic/whatever. In anyevent we are only to communicate via e/snail mail, and or txt messages (one of each per day, max). No phone calls, no seeing each other, otherwise. Im not sure what I should say if I do write her, I feel that I will either piss her off or sound desperate.
Its strange looking over the horizon and seeing void but I guess that many have walked down the same path and have lived happy and sucessful lives, but now that sure don't seem to be the case.
For those interested: we met when i was 19 and she was 18 I am now 27/28 and she is 26/27 (B-Days in August).
New issues
I forgot to mention that her birthday is coming up on the 21st (Aug) what the hell should i do?
AND her sister (which i mentioned before, sees me as her big brother that she never had) wants me to usher for her wedding (September) (she told me that SHE invited me to the wedding and I am HER guest, but she understands if I would want to pass).
I don't believe I forgot those two issues man this keeps getting better
pix (Removed for lack of sexyness or something)
Update:
So I got an e-mail from her today, although most of it is kinda too personal to post here I can put some relevant pieces up:
Other than that she is planning on writing me letters and what not... I don't get it anymore whats going on?
Update: Epilogue
First off thanks to everyone who responded, its strange to have so much support from complete strangers. I received a great number of messages stating that ?I have been down that road before, you are doing the right thing? and/or support. I?m sure everyone wants to know what happened so let me update all of you:
My birthday was Aug 2nd and I wasn?t expecting much along the lines of communication but interestingly I got both an email and a phone call. Once again I am just putting some relevant pieces up here
Later in the day on aug 2nd she called me and we talked briefly. I tried to prod her about her intentions, but she just said that *if* we were to get back together that some things would need to change, as well as we would need to spend a considerable time apart before we reunited as a couple. An email she sent later in the day better outlined the conversation:
As you can see the biggest paragraph in her manifesto is about how she did not like to be a ?girlfriend?, that?s understandable and I take responsibility for that, many of you will go ?told you so? and I honestly have no rebuttal if you do. The first point is understandable and at least she is being honest about her behavior but that is a long time if you ask me. The third point is the shortest and the one that bothers me the most. Whereas I am here picking up the pieces of the last 8 years of my life, she is apparently already dating other people. That just pissed me off, and although I will always have a special place for her in my heart, I cannot believe that a person can recover from an 8 year relationship within one week and start dating people, unless said person is just full of sh1t.
So I have decided that I will not wait for a miracle, because one will not happen. I have decided that there are people in this world that put themselves first, and you second. I have decided that I can do better, and it should be her crawling back to me and not vice versa. I will still keep in touch occasionally (as she is one of a few people who understands me) but I won?t expect anything from her. Once again thanks for all the support and Ill reply once a day or so since my new job blocks atot.
Cliffs:
Don't date self-centered women who put themselves ahead of a relationship, and if you are listen to your friends and familiy, as they can see things that you choose to ignore.
Background:
We've been dating since the first year in college, through our graduate years and beyond. Many would ask why we didnt get married yet, and the answer isn't simple but suffice to say that graduate school (in different states) running around to find work and what-not has prevented us form really spending the last 3 or so years together and finding jobs/careers. Recently we were both looking for jobs and I managed to find one in a large pharmaceutical in Chicago and she found a little gig up here too (part time but something she could possibly leapfrog from), but it was no big deal since i was making enough money for the both of us. I had an apartment lined up and we were ready to go, and then out of the blue some job she applied to in St. Louis calls and apparently it was a really good position, so now she had to choose between her career and our realtionship. She chose the former. ALthough I was devistated (and her sister (who gets along with her) told me in no such terms "you shoulda dumped her @ss right there") I devised a plan for me to find my way down there and for us to live together. I was finally making progress these past weeks and on Sunday all this came down upon me, all at once...
Funny thing is that when we talked about it she said she was tired of "trying" even though I am the one doing most of the work, and she added that she was "scared" of living with me and enjoying her newfound independance in my absence, which is also funny becasue i could point to numerous times where she mentioned that all she wanted was for us to live together. Finally she said the one thing that i was hoping that I would not hear but i was half-expecting to hear anyways: that she is interested in other people. Pretty convienient for her, not so convienient for me who has planned a life around a person who apparently was not doing the same, and consiquently not really talking to people on the side. In any event after much discussion she compromised and decided to "think about it" for a period of a month and come back to me and we would talk further about the situation. Funny thing is the more I think about it the more it seems that she is keeping me as a spare tire, just in case this interesting new person is a jerk/alcoholic/whatever. In anyevent we are only to communicate via e/snail mail, and or txt messages (one of each per day, max). No phone calls, no seeing each other, otherwise. Im not sure what I should say if I do write her, I feel that I will either piss her off or sound desperate.
Its strange looking over the horizon and seeing void but I guess that many have walked down the same path and have lived happy and sucessful lives, but now that sure don't seem to be the case.
For those interested: we met when i was 19 and she was 18 I am now 27/28 and she is 26/27 (B-Days in August).
New issues
I forgot to mention that her birthday is coming up on the 21st (Aug) what the hell should i do?
AND her sister (which i mentioned before, sees me as her big brother that she never had) wants me to usher for her wedding (September) (she told me that SHE invited me to the wedding and I am HER guest, but she understands if I would want to pass).
I don't believe I forgot those two issues man this keeps getting better
pix (Removed for lack of sexyness or something)
Update:
So I got an e-mail from her today, although most of it is kinda too personal to post here I can put some relevant pieces up:
Other than that she is planning on writing me letters and what not... I don't get it anymore whats going on?
Update: Epilogue
First off thanks to everyone who responded, its strange to have so much support from complete strangers. I received a great number of messages stating that ?I have been down that road before, you are doing the right thing? and/or support. I?m sure everyone wants to know what happened so let me update all of you:
My birthday was Aug 2nd and I wasn?t expecting much along the lines of communication but interestingly I got both an email and a phone call. Once again I am just putting some relevant pieces up here
Later in the day on aug 2nd she called me and we talked briefly. I tried to prod her about her intentions, but she just said that *if* we were to get back together that some things would need to change, as well as we would need to spend a considerable time apart before we reunited as a couple. An email she sent later in the day better outlined the conversation:
As you can see the biggest paragraph in her manifesto is about how she did not like to be a ?girlfriend?, that?s understandable and I take responsibility for that, many of you will go ?told you so? and I honestly have no rebuttal if you do. The first point is understandable and at least she is being honest about her behavior but that is a long time if you ask me. The third point is the shortest and the one that bothers me the most. Whereas I am here picking up the pieces of the last 8 years of my life, she is apparently already dating other people. That just pissed me off, and although I will always have a special place for her in my heart, I cannot believe that a person can recover from an 8 year relationship within one week and start dating people, unless said person is just full of sh1t.
So I have decided that I will not wait for a miracle, because one will not happen. I have decided that there are people in this world that put themselves first, and you second. I have decided that I can do better, and it should be her crawling back to me and not vice versa. I will still keep in touch occasionally (as she is one of a few people who understands me) but I won?t expect anything from her. Once again thanks for all the support and Ill reply once a day or so since my new job blocks atot.
Cliffs:
Don't date self-centered women who put themselves ahead of a relationship, and if you are listen to your friends and familiy, as they can see things that you choose to ignore.