Once again thanks for alll the replys ( i check this thread every now and again). Since the number of views/relpys lead me to believe that some ppl are interested in the outcome or whatever, I will post a conclusion to this saga, when it manifests itself.
It was a strange weekend. I went to a friend's house that I known for awhile and although it was a good time I could swear people were being "careful" around me. My bud who went through somethign similar was a good source of support, but at this point all I really want is closure to the subject, not pity. Luckly with a little help of some booze and dropkick murphys i quickly forgot my troubles. Saw a cute girl at the icecream store eyeing me, life is starting to look up.
As an aside i almost hit Rod Blagoivich (sp?) while he was jogging on montrose, like an idiot i may add (against traffic) with a cop on a bike behind him, kinda like punchout.
My thoughts are, if you think there is any way that she won't return then drop her @$$ like a bad habit and be as cold as you can be to her. Screw her (not literally) for putting you through this after you trying to hard to be with her!! On the other hand, if you think she'll come back, that's an entirely different ballgame. She could return and then pull this crap again in the future. If you think she's just keeping you around as the spare tire while she explores other "opportunities" then that's BULLSHEN!! I don't think I'd wait around.
But I've heard about the "danger zone" where if you delay it for too long, one of the parties might get tired of waiting around or might just get bored with the lack of exciting "newness" and start looking elsewhere. It could be just for physical pleasure (i.e. she still wants you for emotional support) or it could be that she wants an entirely new scene (sounds like that's the case here since she wants to take a 1-mo break with very limited communication).
Since NONE of us know her like you do, or know much about your relationship at all for that matter, I think you should do some deep thinking (as if you haven't already been doing that). If you think she just needs a breath of fresh air and will come back and be faithful, she might be worth waiting around for as long as she dosen't use this as an opportunity to be promiscuous. I mean she might need some time/space to realize what she'd miss if the relationship ended. Or she might feel so free and alive that she just leaves the country and becomes a French prostitute for the rest of her days.
That will only send the message that you can't live without her and she can pull this shite again later on when she feels "This is time to find that focus again after trying new things and tapping in to new sources of strength and inspiration." Yeah, I think we know what's being tapped and what new things are being tried...
best post imo, 100% sums up whats been going through my head great stuff...
Lemmie see, after 8 1/2 years you weren't married, you weren't engaged, you weren't even living together ?
I'm struggling real hard to see what it is exactly that you lost ?
A lot of time and effort, all for naught. You date a person that long and they WILL become a part of you. You take them away and you will feel that something is missing, like tearing out a chapter out of a 2 chapter book. You will miss the little things that you two shared how you two evolved to compliment one another.
I read bits and pieces of it but to put it bluntly, no woman wants a sorry @ss man who she has been with for a 8 long plus years and not see no marrying future. She should have booted your butt about 3 years ago. Go waste someone else's time. Give me a break
Apparently you don't understand the situation, and I really don't expect you to. Marriage is an outward manifistation of two people's feelings for one another thats formalized for everyone else to see. Time is not wasted just because you do not have a marriage certificate in a safe and a ring on your finger. That kind of shallow thought process is why a good marriage is so hard to find these days. Imo marriage is really a formality if two people really care about each other, and there should be no rush or deadline to accomplish it.
I had a place set up for this girl to stay with me, it was her choice to take that next step (living together) or not, usually after living together for a short time marriage is the next step... many many people follow the same pattern. She chose not to, I tried to work things out in STL but she decided to "take time apart" I don't get how I was wasteing anyone's time. I had our sh1t toghether to let the relationship progress, the ball was in HER court. I dont think that makes me a "sorry @ass"; I worked hard at this, but of course you wouldn't know that, nor would I expect you to.