So my girlfriend of 8.5 years decided to break up on Sunday

[ViviTheMage]

Originally posted by: amdhunter
What's her number?

ouch....

 

[nole1fan]

wish you the best dude, that sucks, and it has been long time for both of you to be together without marriage. Well, you can always hope that she can get that out of her system to see how good she had. She has been together since you guys were 18, so she did not get much time to what you call party out.

 

[Slappy00]

What's her number?

Trust me you don't want this one (for longer than a night anyways)

What's this place coming to when there are no (pics)?

Since i really dont care i might link some pics when i get home.

To answer some of your other questions:

Her sister hot?

not as hot as girl in question (34D-24-32) but i've known her sister for awhile so im kinda like her big brother (and she is gettign married by the way).

It's unclear if you are working in Saint Louis or not - if you are start applying for jobs in other cities and if something good opens up, take it.

got a good job in Chicago

How was the relationship in general? Fighting, happy, fun...?

Just like any other, we got along well, but apparently as we got older and matured she changed to a different person with different needs and goals and I no longer met her needs for a "mate" or whatever.

 

[jjones]

You're in Chicago which is much better than being in St. Louis. 8 1/2 years is going to be tough to get over but you need to move on. Nightlife in Chicago is good and you shouldn't have any trouble finding lots of girls to have fun with. Just make sure you're not out looking for a girlfriend replacement - that only leads to frustration - keep it simple in the beginning.

 

[Queasy]

Originally posted by: Slappy00
Cliffs:

Don't date self-centered women who put themselves ahead of a relationship, and if you are listen to your friends and familiy, as they can see things that you choose to ignore.

Almost 100% of the cause of the 50% divorce rate in this country (applies to men too).

 

[brandonbull]

Sounds like you need to open up a good 'ol can of Hit it and quit it.

 

[Stuxnet]

She's keeping you around as a spare tire because you basically volunteered it:

"Think about it for a month and get back to me"

HUH? A little tough love here, but the damage is done bro. She's already made a mental commitment to herself to move on, and she's already ripped your heart out. Relationships simply don't recover from that. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't (or rather shouldn't) completely trust? Would she want to spend the rest of her life with someone who basically talked her in to staying with it?

Get your career lined up, find a few hobbies, work them into your everyday life, then see what kind of women fits in the vacancy. Easier said than done of course, but probably the most beneficial course of action. See what's out there. View this as an opportunity to explore what you've missed out on for the last decade while you committed to your education and a woman. Try some activities that you never considered before. Never been skiing? Do it. Never been to Vegas? Do it. Never just tried picking up a women in the lady diaper aisle? Do it.

You'll have a blast and catch some tail in the process.

 

[DukeN]

All the best to you bro, try to keep a postive mindframe tho tough at the current moment.

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: Slappy00
Im not sure what I should say if I do write her, I feel that I will either piss her off or sound desperate.

Here's what to write.


It's over


I know, I know. 8.5 years is to much time to just walk away, but you gotta realize that she's already checked out of the relationship and this whole month away B.S. is just because she doesn't have the balls required to end it, kind of like pulling off a band-aid real slow.

It'll take a good amount of time to heal from this but a rebound lay does actually help lift your spirits (at least in my experience) and within a few months time if all goes well you should be fine.

Nothing will make you feel better than being in a relationship where the other one puts in as much as you do, thats what you need once you're all healed.

 

[imported_Stewy]

That sucks man... Like you, and BoldAsLove, I also had my GF of three years break up with me... Because she was into some other guy! It's harsh, and I haven't even gotten close to getting over it yet. Hopefully you can have a little more luck than me. However, if you have been dating nearly 9 years, why didn't you propose yet? If I was with my ex for another 6 years, I probably would have proposed a long time ago!

Maybe it's for the best that you didn't propose though!

 

[MisterJackson]

It seems like it, but it's not the end of the world. you're in for a tough ride no doubt, but stay strong and you'll come out alright.

I STRONGLY suggest getting rid of ANYTHING you have that reminds you of her. Then clear out her numbers and email addys. Cut her from your life and pretend she doesn't exist. I know it sounds cruel, or maybe impossible, but otherwise she'll string you along like a little puppy.

I've heard it takes roughly one month for every year you were in a relationship to get over it, so hang in there dude.

A side effect of cutting off all communication is that she WILL contact you. When she does, act as if you are fine, even if you're a fvcking mess, just live well, that's the best thing you can do. you will not convince her to come back, but with women, if you ignore them, they ALWAYS come back. By then though you'll have hopefully found someone better or just moved on with your life.

Heed my advice man, otherwise you're in for a big ass trainwreck. And no, you and her aren't "different", you're no exception. It's always this way, period.

 

[MetalMat]

Its hard to be with a chick that wants to make a career too.

She sucks, no feelings for you. Go have lots of sex with other girls and take pics of you in the sack with them. If she comes crawling back just show here some footage of you in action and tell her to get the hell outta there.

No go enjoy a beer tonight and being single again, its something you missed through many of your golden years thanks to her.

 

[Sentinel]

Sucks man, that is a royal punch in the ole' throat. Guess it's time to move on though, don't backup into that pile of trash again.

 

[snoopdoug1]

I've been in a very similiar situation man. I had been dating this girl and we had plans to move to the same town when we both go jobs... sad thing was, I went... she didn't... You're better off anyways. Hang in there.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

What really sucks is that you're now 27 and the pool of quality available women is gonna be a LOT slimmed down from when you were 19. But your advice will hopefully be well taken. I'd move anywhere and do anything to be with my wife and so would she.....both of us happily. The average person will switch careers something like 5 times in their life, so why put so much importance on it? If you can't be happy at pretty much any job, then its probably not the job making you unhappy.

Anyway, my plan if my wife didn't return my affections was to just be single. No thinking or trying to get with women, just pick a fulfilling career and travel a lot and read a lot and be a good friend to my friends and maybe some day become one of those impossibly great teachers or something.......whatever.

My point is, that you've probably squandered your window of opportunity as far as real love goes. Maybe not, but probably. I'd hate for you to ruin your life by settling for the best you can still get. If there is someone out there she'll probably find you and it'll be when you don't expect it.

 

[acid45]

pwned

 

[shadow9d9]

I don't see how it is possible to date someone for 8.5 years... after 2 you should be living together.. by 4 you should be engaged... otherwise you must have known you were wasting your time...

 

[MageXX9]

She did you a favor, you now know exactly what you want out of a relationship/marriage/life partner, now go out there and get it.

 

[Garet Jax]

Let me start by saying, I am very sorry to hear this.

If you have any chance at getting her back, make a clean break. Do not communicate with her in any way. No IMs, no text messages nothing.

Move on with your life and assume she is out of it.

 

[Slappy00]

HUH? A little tough love here, but the damage is done bro. She's already made a mental commitment to herself to move on, and she's already ripped your heart out. Relationships simply don't recover from that. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't (or rather shouldn't) completely trust? Would she want to spend the rest of her life with someone who basically talked her in to staying with it?

Right on. Its a strange place to be in, as it is a lot easier for her to pick up where she left off (no kids and still looks great) as a girl than it is for me as a guy. Hero is right, a lot of good girls have already been picked over, but there are also girls who are still looking, although in the mid twenties they are looking for a life partner not so much a fling, which i guess would be a good thing.

A side effect of cutting off all communication is that she WILL contact you. When she does, act as if you are fine, even if you're a fvcking mess, just live well, that's the best thing you can do. you will not convince her to come back, but with women, if you ignore them, they ALWAYS come back. By then though you'll have hopefully found someone better or just moved on with your life.

So I've heard, but I guess I will find out.



The only thing i wish is that the pain just went away, now im not no sissy or gettign all emo or whatever but it is quite honestly a "pain" you can feel in a physical sense, somewhere deep in your chest like its chewing at your soul. I just wish that went away. It interferes with my everyday life (eating sleeping etc), my job, and my relationships with my friends and family. Luckly i have a great bunch of friends and family who support me, so I don't have to go it alone, I think that is the most important thing next to time to heal these wounds: support from your friends and family. I could easily see myself slipping down into a dark hole with only my thoughts and creeping-grey memories to keep me company.

You guys are cool too, its important to get perspective when faced with a delema where your judgement might be clouded. It seems that everyone (including friends and family) think that I would be better off (as hard as it may seem) to start over.

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
What really sucks is that you're now 27 and the pool of quality available women is gonna be a LOT slimmed down from when you were 19.

Actually his chances of finding a mate whose best suited for him is probably better than it was when he was 19. A lot of those women he missed out when he was 19 are still around, just more mature now and ready to be in a commited relationship[/quote]

My point is, that you've probably squandered your window of opportunity as far as real love goes. Maybe not, but probably.

And you know this how?

If there is someone out there she'll probably find you and it'll be when you don't expect it.

Finally some advice from you that's worthwhile.

 

[Slappy00]

Originally posted by: acid45
pwned

heh I came about 95% of the way to an authentic LOL(tm) (seriously, humor is good at this point)

 

[DainBramaged]

Does anyone really blame her for putting her career first? If I had a girl say, "Stay with me or go do your career," I'd be out of that relationship fast. I would *never* sacrifice my career for a woman.

 

[Fenixgoon]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9
I don't see how it is possible to date someone for 8.5 years... after 2 you should be living together.. by 4 you should be engaged... otherwise you must have known you were wasting your time...

all depends.. some people move slower than others. my brother and his wife married after 6 years of dating. OTOH, my other brother and his wife married after ~1year dating

 

[JS80]

at least you didn't marry her. divorce would have cost you a lot more money.