So my girlfriend of 8.5 years decided to break up on Sunday

[rgwalt]

Guy, you live in Chicago. I know you don't want to think about finding someone else, but at least you live in a city with millions of other people. My advice is to let this girl make the first move. If you jump all over e-mails, text messages, or written messages it won't give her a chance to miss you.

I'm not an advocate of playing games, but I recommend taking some time to yourself, getting into the gym, exploring hobbies, etc. Try to meet some new friends where you live. Don't try to get in touch with her for a few days. Make it seem like you aren't thinking about her, and if she does message you, take at least a day or two before you reply. Don't send her an e-mail 5 minutes after you get one.

I'm not going to encourage you to completely give up on her. 8.5 years is a long time. However, be careful and protect yourself.

R

 

[apac]

Bone her sister?

 

[Slappy00]

Bone her sister?

RTFA

Her sister is seriously super-cool. She plays rugby (but is slender and has all her teeth), can drink most men under the table, has a good job with decent pay, and is willing to meet people half-way. She is very up front about her opinions and thats why I believe her when she says that when her sis went to St.Louis, it was a sh1thead and selfish move on her sister's part, and is representitive of a pattern that her sis is going to repeat in the future.

In any event she is getting married soon so: off the market plus her soon to be hubby is pretty cool too (also plays rugby) and we get along great.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: rgwalt
Guy, you live in Chicago. I know you don't want to think about finding someone else, but at least you live in a city with millions of other people. My advice is to let this girl make the first move. If you jump all over e-mails, text messages, or written messages it won't give her a chance to miss you.

I'm not an advocate of playing games, but I recommend taking some time to yourself, getting into the gym, exploring hobbies, etc. Try to meet some new friends where you live. Don't try to get in touch with her for a few days. Make it seem like you aren't thinking about her, and if she does message you, take at least a day or two before you reply. Don't send her an e-mail 5 minutes after you get one.

I'm not going to encourage you to completely give up on her. 8.5 years is a long time. However, be careful and protect yourself.

R

Agreed. I'm not a fan of playing games either, but I wouldn't say that avoiding contact with her is a game. But doing what the quoted poster cautions agains (constantly texting/immediately replying to messages, etc.) when she isn't doing the same, you're setting a precedent of being taken advantage of. And, sadly enough, the vast majority of people will take advantage of someone--sometimes without even fully meaning to--if given ample opportunity.

Take this time to, again as mentioned by the quoted poster, focus on yourself. It's no lie that it'll be tough to adjust to singlehood after 8+ years of being in a relationship, but best to get started sooner rather than later.

Beyond all that, at least she was honest with you as to what's going on. It would've been infinitely worse had she strung you along by being indecisive, occasionally giving you hope, etc.

It's rough, but you'll survive, and in the end you'll be a stronger person because of it.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: Slappy00

Bone her sister?

RTFA

Her sister is seriously super-cool. She plays rugby (but is slender and has all her teeth), can drink most men under the table, has a good job with decent pay, and is willing to meet people half-way. She is very up front about her opinions and thats why I believe her when she says that when her sis went to St.Louis, it was a sh1thead and selfish move on her sister's part, and is representitive of a pattern that her sis is going to repeat in the future.

In any event she is getting married soon so: off the market plus her soon to be hubby is pretty cool too (also plays rugby) and we get along great.

The sister of one of my exes was the same way (didn't play rugby, but was overall a very cool person). We've kept in touch since then, and it can definitely help to have someone "in the know" to talk to about the situation when you feel the need. Just don't end up using her sister to get to the ex, and you should be fine.

 

[kranky]

Whether you should have gotten married sooner is irrelevant now. Ignore her, no contact. Don't think that's a cold attitude - you'll thank me later if you stick to it. More contact is just like picking at the wound, and it won't heal.

Ignore the birthday.

Go to the wedding if you want, but it will be awkward and I think it would be a mistake.

 

[Josh123]

Cut her loose dude. Shes probably just keeping you as a backup like you said. I've had it done to me and I've also done it. More than likely she will end up missing you and come crawling back.

 

[Stuxnet]

I love all the "put it in her pooper and take pics and send them to her new boyfriend when she gets one" posts...

Good luck OP

 

[Slappy00]

Originally posted by: jbourne77
I love all the "put it in her pooper and take pics and send them to her new boyfriend when she gets one" posts...

Good luck OP

haha yah i remember her saying distinctly during our little diatribe this past Sunday "you know what the sick thing is?....... I still find you attractive"

Although I don't know if i got the grapes to Paris Hilton her out without feeling guilty, since its not like she cheated on me (that I know of at least).


Pix in 2 hrs (with poll... obviously)

 

[raz3000]

Arranged marriage FTW. Very common in my family. I'm 22 and have never dated, but whether I go this route is my choice. I probably will when I'm 30 or so.

 

[djheater]

I'd just like to point out to the OP that this thread would be a perfect place to share all the photos you took of her naked.

 

[fallenangel99]

Sorry man

 

[eits]

maybe she's upset that you two haven't taken the big step and sees this relationship going nowhere if it isn't going towards marriage.

 

[Christobevii3]

The sister sounds really cool and i mean well who hasn't thought about boning their sister once?

 

[chickadee]

Originally posted by: Fenixgoon

Originally posted by: shadow9d9
I don't see how it is possible to date someone for 8.5 years... after 2 you should be living together.. by 4 you should be engaged... otherwise you must have known you were wasting your time...

all depends.. some people move slower than others. my brother and his wife married after 6 years of dating. OTOH, my other brother and his wife married after ~1year dating

i have to disagreee with shadow. A lot of it has to do with the age you got together. They got together younger and so being able ot afford to get engaged/married/get your own place together is probably really hard.

ive been with my bf 5+ yrs now and we've both still got college to finish and who knows if it will continue on past that or where we both end up going in our careers.

my sympathies go out to the OP. but dont let her play you along now. take some time to heal, but not too long that you forget how to date. maybe try adn go out and meet new people? I know NJ has a group that is specifically meant for getting to know people and getting out there and mingling. perhaps you should try something similar when you feel up for it.

as for the birthday. i wouldn't send her something. if you do send something real small and not so thoughtful. also send a few days late make her think it was somethign that wasn't so important for you.

if you go to the wedding/dinner, consider bringing a lady friend? that way shes just a friend so nobody can bitch at you about what an ass you are to bring drama to the wedding, but with a friend nearby you wont have to forge the wedding and evil party alone?

 

[bacon333]

Go into a grocery store, sit in the cereal section and cry your eyes out. That's what I did and the people working there didn't do anything. =) Good luck man.

 

[jmdeathsquad]

Originally posted by: Christobevii3
The sister sounds really cool and i mean well who hasn't thought about boning their sister once?

umm... I've never thought about boning my sister

 

[A5]

Originally posted by: bacon333
Go into a grocery store, sit in the cereal section and cry your eyes out. That's what I did and the people working there didn't do anything. =) Good luck man.

Umm...you need help bro...

 

[Slappy00]

now with pix (as promised)

 

[rgwalt]

To heck with her birthday!!! If you are feeling nice, maybe give her a call.

As far as the wedding goes, go for it! Be sure to bring a date though. Try to find a decent looking female friend that will go with as your date, just to get your ex's blood boiling.

R

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: Slappy00
now with pix (as promised)

ummm you can't block out the face. TTIWFP

 

[Slappy00]

ummm you can't block out the face. TTIWFP

trust me she's hot

 

[dartworth]

wtf would you post pics like that...?

 

[Excelsior]

I don't know about the b-day present...

but I would go to the wedding. You don't have to talk/hang out with your ex, if you don't want to. There will be food, booze, and her sister apparently wants you to go.

 

[SilverThief]

Nice rack!
:thumbsup: