So my girlfriend of 8.5 years decided to break up on Sunday

[440sixpack]

Originally posted by: dpopiz
doesn't anybody realize that 98% of people are mean and self-serving these days?

You know, some days I really believe that is true.

 

[thereaderrabbit]

It's obvious she hasn't been honest with you for a long time about her feelings, and perhaps she sees this move as a new start and chance to come clean. You would do best by simply letting her go. While yes, you were wronged- there is a lot to be learned from your experience.

Yea, you can be angry at her, and let her know that, but that kind of stuff will only hold you back and confuse you with more regret.

1. I'd tell her that you're learning from this experience (women like to hear stuff like that) and you're going to focus on what's best for you. Do not attack her. Keep it simple.

2. Write any letters needed to her friends and family to which you are very close and tell them that you guys have split up. Tell them that you valued getting to know them and to get in touch if they are ever out in your neck of the woods. Do not attack her. Keep it simple.

3. After which, stop e-mailing her. Not because you're angry, but your moving on too. If you can't live without her- what good are you to her? Women like men to be strong, so be strong- be a man.

4. Stop reading her e-mails to you. Just throw them out. The e-mail only rules are stupid. You are worth the dignity of a phone call.

5. If she calls you can talk, but be prepared to have something to talk about. You have hobbies and friends- right? She needs to know you have a life besides her. Do not tell her that you are miserable (cause if she's leaving, at best your going to prolong the pain).

6. If things are over, so be it, but at least you didn't waste a month in complete misery. If she wants you back you should have enough distance to think clearly.

Good luck!

 

[EmperorRob]

Got nothing to add other than to say sorry. Hope it works out for you. Not all of us make threads like this but it's happened to all of us.

 

[zephyrprime]

Sorry to hear that buddy. Best of luck with your future.

By the way, the "rules" about e-mail only and no face-to-face and no phone calls are just lame. There's no way I would settle for anything less than a phone call if I were in your shoes. In my opinion, she is being extremely disrepectful to demand only e-mails to from you. I understand that she is trying to avoid a horrible fight or something along those lines but guess what? A 8 year relationship can't be ended as cleanly as a netflix subscription.

 

[amdforever2]

OMG HER FACE!


THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!

 

[purbeast0]

worst ... pics ... ever

 

[Slappy00]

OMG HER FACE!

without relishing too much she is very pretty: Chezkoslovakian/Irish

By the way, the "rules" about e-mail only and no face-to-face and no phone calls are just lame. There's no way I would settle for anything less than a phone call if I were in your shoes. In my opinion, she is being extremely disrepectful to demand only e-mails to from you. I understand that she is trying to avoid a horrible fight or something along those lines but guess what? A 8 year relationship can't be ended as cleanly as a netflix subscription.

I kinda felt the same way, but what are you going to do? I'm just minding my own buisness right now and trying to come to terms with what just happened. If she wants to call: she will call, I'm leaving it up to her.

 

[Slappy00]

worst ... pics ... ever

True, I'll see if i have some more sexy ones (alhtough I think I'm gonna need to dig up my scanner).

 

[freakflag]

Guitar lessons!!??
I think, in this instance, there is really only one thing that can help your situation.
Twisted, angry consolation sex with a hot, young redhead that you have absolutely nothing in common with. Now, get off your ass and make it happen, ya' hippie.

 

[rh71]

find an outlet and don't be dependent on 1 person for [any] relationships. It sounds (just from the OP) like you needed to have your own friends too. Sorry I'm not reading much else.

 

[fLum0x]

my friend broke up with his girl of 7 years and then went to Vegas a week later...he came back pretty happy and cured of thoughts

has been positive since

 

[Slappy00]

(Update)

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: Slappy00
(Update)

what's wrong with giving her space ? Even if she is using this time to figure things out (another guy, etc.) it is still her will to do so. It won't benefit you either way so give her the space she wants. I think you need some time to step further back too. Go out with others - try a fresh start. There's a lot of cliches that would fit perfectly here but what matters is that she's in the driver's seat and you should sit back till she makes a decision for the both of you.

If she's worth it to you, let her play her game... you're not going to change her mind by crowding her more.

 

[thereaderrabbit]

So you're posting her e-mail? Quite pathetic.

If you read more of the posts here you would realize that most of us are thinking that you are completely wrapped up in this and have very little else going for you. In all seriousness- get out of the house, waiting for her e-mail and get a life.

 

[Modular]

Readerrabit:

You're kidding right? After 8.5 years pretty much all of his daily routine would be centered around his SO.

People get used to theoir surroundings and when those suddenly change they generally have a hard time coping.

For example: If I told you to stop being a d!ck, would you be able to do it easily?

 

[Slappy00]

If you read more of the posts here you would realize that most of us are thinking that you are completely wrapped up in this and have very little else going for you. In all seriousness- get out of the house, waiting for her e-mail and get a life.

I am getting out of the house, I'm not sitting at home lamenting anymore, I have friends and family that I am hanging out with as well as other interests that I am persuing. Getting a life is what I intend to do, as a matter of fact, unfortuneatly it might have to be by myself. You see my "life" was based around two people not one, there are a lot of changes to be made and its not easy. Live a certian way for 8 or nine years and then suddenly change the whole situation, and see if its so easy to "get a life".

So you're posting her e-mail? Quite pathetic.

Not the whole thing, just a few small parts that kind of confuse me, It's hard to understand someone's intentions when you have practically a decade of bias hanging over your head. The more personal parts were left out of course.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

well posting bits and pieces of an email is useless to a 3rd party, cant exactly decipher the context its but that is irrelevant anyways. this relationship is over.

 

[blckgrffn]

My opnion is that you should also clear out of ATOT before the really mean posters come out, reading that crap certainly won't make you feel any better

Nat

 

[thereaderrabbit]

Originally posted by: Slappy00

If you read more of the posts here you would realize that most of us are thinking that you are completely wrapped up in this and have very little else going for you. In all seriousness- get out of the house, waiting for her e-mail and get a life.

I am getting out of the house, I'm not sitting at home lamenting anymore, I have friends and family that I am hanging out with as well as other interests that I am persuing. Getting a life is what I intend to do, as a matter of fact, unfortuneatly it might have to be by myself. You see my "life" was based around two people not one, there are a lot of changes to be made and its not easy. Live a certian way for 8 or nine years and then suddenly change the whole situation, and see if its so easy to "get a life".

So you're posting her e-mail? Quite pathetic.

Not the whole thing, just a few small parts that kind of confuse me, It's hard to understand someone's intentions when you have practically a decade of bias hanging over your head. The more personal parts were left out of course.

Your life should not be based around one person, or two, but a much larger number.

In regards to not understanding some of what she says- stop digging. She is confused. She cares deeply about you. She hasn't had the time alone to know what she wants and she finally getting it.

It seems that she has made career sacrifices for what you've had together. You do realize that she has spent more of her life in school than she has had with you? After so many difficult courses it's only fair that she has the chance to see what this education can provide for her. This has nothing to do with how agreeable you think you've been this whole time. Its also only more than fare for her to question the value of a relationship that she may feel (and would never say) has held her back and brings her guilt.

Picking her words apart at this point is silly. Give her space. Enjoy your space. When your 'on break' there is fun to be had

And no, don't say your relationship lasted 8.5 years. Only children below the age of 5 talk like that. It's been over 8 years.

 

[Topplayer]

Originally posted by: Unheard
Go have some fun, it's time to move on.

 

[Queasy]

Originally posted by: Slappy00
Update:

So I got an e-mail from her today, although most of it is kinda too personal to post here I can put some relevant pieces up:

As I look at the situation, I wonder if I?m being honest and seeing things for what they really are, if I have that single-mindedness or if I?m caught up in the peripheral debris, busy swatting flies in the kitchen while the house burns down?.

Which is another reason why I appreciate the time apart. This is time to find that focus again after trying new things and tapping in to new sources of strength and inspiration. I am not trying to prolong our break-up or cause a bigger schism for us to repair if we are going to get back together. I am not trying to cause more pain; I simply am exhausted and need time & space to heal & rejuvenate.

Other than that she is planning on writing me letters and what not... I don't get it anymore whats going on?

Beyond waxing metaphorically, sounds like she's entirely self-centered right now.

Do you think you could trust her if you were to get back together?

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
In my opinion, she is being extremely disrepectful to demand only e-mails to from you. I understand that she is trying to avoid a horrible fight or something along those lines but guess what? A 8 year relationship can't be ended as cleanly as a netflix subscription.

Yep. She doesn't have the stones or courage to deal with an unpleasant situation head-on, even when it means mindfscking someone who has invested 8.5 years in her.

Really OP... screw this chick (figuratively). Walk away, don't look back, and live it up. Take solice in the fact that it will probably drive her nuts knowing that you were able to rebound so quickly, even if you really didn't. She doesn't need to know that.

 

[WiseOldDude]

8.5 years and you ain't married her? Apparently she gave all the opportunity to grow a spine, and you never did.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: Slappy00

As I look at the situation, I wonder if I?m being honest and seeing things for what they really are, if I have that single-mindedness or if I?m caught up in the peripheral debris, busy swatting flies in the kitchen while the house burns down?.

So are you the flies or the house?

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: rh71
If she's worth it to you, let her play her game...

Let her play her game? We're trying to help this guy regain his self-respect and dignity - not teach him how to further enable this woman to trash it.

People who "play games" - man or woman - aren't worth the opposite sex's time.

Fsck. That.