Spiritual conversation

[evolvedbullet]

When it comes down to the beginning of the morning (1:00 A.M), I don't feel myself anymore. I feel a better person in me that wants to be free and roam around the town. I know it isn't a nightlife mood because I don't feel like partying when this occurs. I feel like I'm in Rome or in Ireland, I feel great and free but in real life I am contained in a room with a computer that takes every minute of my free time away from me. I can leave my room if I want but being contained in the house due to curfew sucks. I'm thinking about breaking the law and going out for a bike ride around town but if my mother knew, I would be destroyed with insults. Spirituality is a big part of me, it is my feelings and it is my view on life (when I say that spirituality is my view on life, I am determining how I view the world in my surrounding environment and not the whole world at once as a whole 'confused?').

I don't care to admit it, I am sixteen (16 and three-quarters actually, my birthday is the eighth, 8) and summer looks like a big opportunity to get things done. My spirituality is telling me that I should do as many productive things during this massive amount of free time so that when the working world (AKA School and other responsibilities) arrives at my door step, I will be more than prepared to do the job. Then again, I think about it even more, why should I work so hard so that work can get easier? I ask myself if I am a wanna-be workaholic or just someone who wants to do something. I see the computer as a big waste of time and a time consumer; I want to live the fantasy that lives within my soul, roam free without a care.

I know this kind of talk is somewhat ridiculous but it is what I want to do; curfew sucks and satisfying my own want against the law could make things bump for me down the road. I also want to complete my Chronicles of Narina book so that can get out of the way. I want to get a little better with my fluency on guitar and Bass, both things I want too learn. Then I want to memorize 5 different long and difficult things to remember to further enhance my storage of information so when it comes to school and studying, it will be a bit easier. I have to do all of this before labor day, quite a challenge indeed, but I can prevail with commitment and dedication. I could get it all done in the nick of time if I wanted to but I am only human (life gets in the way and screws with all of your plans). I want to reach a goal that a super human being could reach (or just a gifted person with a brain) while I am a person who is somewhat mental disabled. I know I am not normal, I can't make a question look right or a statement look correct (or understandable). I can nothing about it; I try learning from my English teacher but that only helped me do speeches and not my average talking among fellow strangers such as yourselfs. I would appreciate it if you don't flame me for my grammar or sentence structure, I try remembering honestly (if you guys even ask me that annoying question, yes I am American).

A spirit to guide my way, a spirit to drive my dreams, a spirit to guide me to my destiny that I so desire, that is how signicant a spirit is to me ladies an gentlemen. I thank spirituality and the wind for guiding my dreams closer. I know that without the make believe support of both of those entities, I would of never gotten to where I am now in self betterment. I am much smarter now, I am a great analist, and I am a better person who sees that opportunities really do exist (When I was a wreck, I thought I was god's clown. A person who had all the bad things happening to him without a reason or a purpose behind the wrong doings). Has a spirit changed your life around ever?

 

[Printer Bandit]

What is an analist?

 

[evolvedbullet]

Oh... Analyst, sorry. I saw a few typos in there. Sorry.

 

[DangerAardvark]

Shouldn't this be on myspace?

 

[Platypus]

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
When it comes down to the beginning of the morning (1:00 A.M), I don't feel myself anymore. I feel a better person in me that wants to be free and roam around the town. I know it isn't a nightlife mood because I don't feel like partying when this occurs. I feel like I'm in Rome or in Ireland, I feel great and free but in real life I am contained in a room with a computer that takes every minute of my free time away from me. I can leave my room if I want but being contained in the house due to curfew sucks. I'm thinking about breaking the law and going out for a bike ride around town but if my mother knew, I would be destroyed with insults. Spirituality is a big part of me, it is my feelings and it is my view on life (when I say that spirituality is my view on life, I am determining how I view the world in my surrounding environment and not the whole world at once as a whole 'confused?').

I don't care to admit it, I am sixteen (16 and three-quarters actually, my birthday is the eighth, 8) and summer looks like a big opportunity to get things done. My spirituality is telling me that I should do as many productive things during this massive amount of free time so that when the working world (AKA School and other responsibilities) arrives at my door step, I will be more than prepared to do the job. Then again, I think about it even more, why should I work so hard so that work can get easier? I ask myself if I am a wanna-be workaholic or just someone who wants to do something. I see the computer as a big waste of time and a time consumer; I want to live the fantasy that lives within my soul, roam free without a care.

I know this kind of talk is somewhat ridiculous but it is what I want to do; curfew sucks and satisfying my own want against the law could make things bump for me down the road. I also want to complete my Chronicles of Narina book so that can get out of the way. I want to get a little better with my fluency on guitar and Bass, both things I want too learn. Then I want to memorize 5 different long and difficult things to remember to further enhance my storage of information so when it comes to school and studying, it will be a bit easier. I have to do all of this before labor day, quite a challenge indeed, but I can prevail with commitment and dedication. I could get it all done in the nick of time if I wanted to but I am only human (life gets in the way and screws with all of your plans). I want to reach a goal that a super human being could reach (or just a gifted person with a brain) while I am a person who is somewhat mental disabled. I know I am not normal, I can't make a question look right or a statement look correct (or understandable). I can nothing about it; I try learning from my English teacher but that only helped me do speeches and not my average talking among fellow strangers such as yourselfs. I would appreciate it if you don't flame me for my grammar or sentence structure, I try remembering honestly (if you guys even ask me that annoying question, yes I am American).

A spirit to guide my way, a spirit to drive my dreams, a spirit to guide me to my destiny that I so desire, that is how signicant a spirit is to me ladies an gentlemen. I thank spirituality and the wind for guiding my dreams closer. I know that without the make believe support of both of those entities, I would of never gotten to where I am now in self betterment. I am much smarter now, I am a great analist, and I am a better person who sees that opportunities really do exist (When I was a wreck, I thought I was god's clown. A person who had all the bad things happening to him without a reason or a purpose behind the wrong doings). Has a spirit changed your life around ever?

That's an awesome name for a metal band

 

[hjo3]

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
that is how signicant a spirit is to me ladies an gentlemen.
...
Has a spirit changed your life around ever?

Are you talking about some kind of supernatural entity or, like, a feeling?

And no offense, but are you high? Seriously.

 

[evolvedbullet]

Ok, this isn't taken seriously. The stereotype of kids and myspace pisses me off. Don't assume that please.

It looks like this thread failed because I am getting complaints more than actual replies. Whatever the case, I said what needs to be said.

 

[evolvedbullet]

Originally posted by: hjo3

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
that is how signicant a spirit is to me ladies an gentlemen.
...
Has a spirit changed your life around ever?

Are you talking about some kind of supernatural entity or, like, a feeling?

And no offense, but are you high? Seriously.

A presence I suppose you can call a spirit. The presence of the best friend you'll ever have, it's a magnificent feeling. And no, I do not do drugs although I am getting asked that very frequently among friends.

 

[evolvedbullet]

No one has anymore input?

 

[hjo3]

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
A presence I suppose you can call a spirit. The presence of the best friend you'll ever have, it's a magnificent feeling. And no, I do not do drugs although I am getting asked that very frequently among friends.

Euphoria, noticeable changes in behavior... Have you considered getting a checkup or something? I'm just saying, I've heard of brain tumors doing strange things to people. Might be worth mentioning to your parents.

 

[evolvedbullet]

Wouldn't that be expensive to check out though? Besides, how the hell am I supposed to persuade my parents into thinking that I might possibly have a brain tumor. I remember telling them that I had something more than a sore throat. I was right :/.

 

[hjo3]

Well then maybe just tell them you're feeling odd and your friends think you're acting a little weird. Then they'll be aware of the symptoms should something happen.

So, possible medical/mental issues aside, what're the specific effects of this new "spirituality"? Is it driving you to do anything meaningful? From where I'm sitting it sounds like you just feel better (more optimistic?). That's good, I suppose.

 

[darkswordsman17]

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
No one has anymore input?

Most people are still asleep. Also, what were you expecting other than smartass and derogatory comments? Judging from your response to the feedback you've gotten it would seem you must not be feeling quite as good as you say, as most people when they feel euphoric tend to shrug off any negativity and not let it bother them, which you are not. Not to mention, most people are not going to bother reading what you wrote. Just glancing through it, I don't see any real point, just some rambling possibly incoherent blather.

Now, the real question is, are you just going to sit and wonder what the feeling is, or are you going to let it motivate you to do something worthwhile?

 

[theprodigalrebel]

You sound like someone who just discovered the joys of marijuana.

With that out of the way, let me try and summarize your heart-out:
1) You are a computer addict and you wish you could hop on a bike and let it rip. You want to go out and see places - but you have a curfew and that sucks. So how about doing it in the day and sleeping at night? Yeah, I know hanging out 10PM-6AM is a lot more fun than out in daylight with regular folks (sometimes, I don't even see daylight for days) but whatcha going to do? You have a curfew and you have to live with it.
2) You want to learn guitar and bass because you feel creative energy inside you and you need an outlet. Good - get a few instruction CDs, ask a friend to guide you and let it wail.
3) You want to read a few books and learn things that you hope will make you wiser and a better man. Something that will help you through college. That's great - a wise man is one who learns something new everyday.

And in all this, you feel alone and unwanted except for the 'spirit' that guides you. You are an unsocial person who's fed up of his loneliness, feel disconnected from society and therefore rely on this spirit (your conscience or the creative artist inside you) to remind you everything is not lost? That's good.

Go out, get some sunshine, play the guitar, read all the books you want and when you feel a little bored, screw your curfew and live a little. And stay away from drugs.

 

[lyssword]

I like spirits.. err pie..

 

[skyking]

Get out of the house for the summer, go to a camp or volunteer or something, get out in the country. It just so happens that it should get you away from the computer, but I don't mean that in some mean spirited way.
Feel like staying up late and playing music? You might find some people to join you at a camp or retreat.
It will give you the freedom to do some of those things and find yourself, and to do things that will make you feel good about yourself. It could open up new doors, new ways of thinking about the future and what it holds for you.

 

[theprodigalrebel]

Y'know, for a dude who's addicted to the computer, your PPD sucks.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
A spirit to guide my way, a spirit to drive my dreams, a spirit to guide me to my destiny that I so desire, that is how signicant a spirit is to me ladies an gentlemen. I thank spirituality and the wind for guiding my dreams closer. I know that without the make believe support of both of those entities, I would of never gotten to where I am now in self betterment. I am much smarter now, I am a great analist, and I am a better person who sees that opportunities really do exist (When I was a wreck, I thought I was god's clown. A person who had all the bad things happening to him without a reason or a purpose behind the wrong doings). Has a spirit changed your life around ever?

It would be lovely to have a "spirit guide", wouldn't it? To make all your decisions for you, and to take all the blame when you get it wrong.

Too bad you have to figure it out on your own, and take your lumps. Welcome to real life.

 

[purepolly]

Yes, spirit/faith has improved my life dramatically for the better. That being said, it appears to me that you are attempting to initiate a suprarational discussion on a forum populated predominately by highly rational geeks (god love them), so you may find conversants rare here.

No, your not crazy, finish the Narnia series and then try some of Lewis' other theological works if you like his style. Or, if you want other more experiential readings try St Teresa of Avila, St John of the Cross, or perhaps the Cloud of the Unknowing - though these are from a Christian perspective which may not be to your taste. There are plenty of mystics from a variety of faiths to choose from.

 

[evolvedbullet]

Originally posted by: purepolly
Yes, spirit/faith has improved my life dramatically for the better. That being said, it appears to me that you are attempting to initiate a suprarational discussion on a forum populated predominately by highly rational geeks (god love them), so you may find conversants rare here.

No, your not crazy, finish the Narnia series and then try some of Lewis' other theological works if you like his style. Or, if you want other more experiential readings try St Teresa of Avila, St John of the Cross, or perhaps the Cloud of the Unknowing - though these are from a Christian perspective which may not be to your taste. There are plenty of mystics from a variety of faiths to choose from.

That sounds cool. I could do that although getting things done can be alittle... difficult. Even the simplest things I think about. I wonder sometimes why should I read the book, then I remind my self of the positive benefits that it has but thinking alone cannot get me on the job of reading the darn thing. This kind of things happens with me on everything I do, when I study my German, what food should I eat, or something else that I can't put into words.

Books alone cannot make me feel better and wiser, I have to learn from the mistakes I have casted upon myself in the past year. Love, that was the biggest mistake of them all; women kill men in emotion and men can't really admit their feelings because they are powerful beings. We express ourselves to impress the women, or we could just be a smooth talker and get a babe that way. Although nevertheless, women are almost all the same when it comes to talking to men. Bad experiences, bad impressions, and bad views get in the way; human nature's bad side effects me alot .

 

[NanoStuff]

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
I am a great analist

I'm a great vaginalist. I don't venture that far, but props to you, strong spirits within you.

 

[evolvedbullet]

Originally posted by: darkswordsman17

Originally posted by: evolvedbullet
No one has anymore input?

Most people are still asleep. Also, what were you expecting other than smartass and derogatory comments? Judging from your response to the feedback you've gotten it would seem you must not be feeling quite as good as you say, as most people when they feel euphoric tend to shrug off any negativity and not let it bother them, which you are not. Not to mention, most people are not going to bother reading what you wrote. Just glancing through it, I don't see any real point, just some rambling possibly incoherent blather.

Now, the real question is, are you just going to sit and wonder what the feeling is, or are you going to let it motivate you to do something worthwhile?

Somehow this feeling or presence is actually charging my imagination with still dreams of me in a landscape that's just beautiful. The roman kind of style for Villas and the landscape of Ireland with it's trees and hills make me want to draw a picture that I know I cannot. My skill in drawing isn't what it used to be, drawing the human body will take at least 6 months at minimum. Nature is what I feel, I think, the wind makes me think that it's talking through a language that I cannot understand. The spirit I so describe in my long passage is either the wind or it might be an extreme sense of strong motivation that can be curved as easily as jello to do thy bidding. It might actually be something else that I cannot describe since the feeling is more than a thousand (1000) words. I don't really know how to explain this but the spiritual support I have within me I think is my mental support and my physical, real, kind of support would be my step cousin Jennifer. (When I say 'Mental' and 'Physical', I am referring to where they are stationed in reality. The spirit is within my soul and in another plane of existence that I cannot see. Jennifer is a physical example, a symbol, of my self betterment.)

The story is long and the result of her occurance in my life forever changed mine; it's a past that cannot be re-written. She gave me heart-aches, she gave me twisted thoughts, she gave me the competitive energy to achieve more through her many talents, this women angers me to the brink! Although the hatred I have for her is still living within me (it's been three years now since I started hating her, being reminded through school and music continuously tells me that Jennifer has perfected this instrument/kind of education.) I, with a very competitive attitude, chose to beat her at her own game. I'm doing the right things for the wrong reasons, she gave me alot of negative energy that only increased my productivity; I now know why it is good to do these kind of things like reading or playing the guitar, it unlocks mystery and creativity that will open more doors for you to expand your mind. Knowledge such as math or biology/chemistry can be known, to me, as mental support within the physical world for that is why I think school is very very important.

 

[evolvedbullet]

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel

And in all this, you feel alone and unwanted except for the 'spirit' that guides you. You are an unsocial person who's fed up of his loneliness, feel disconnected from society and therefore rely on this spirit (your conscience or the creative artist inside you) to remind you everything is not lost? That's good.

Go out, get some sunshine, play the guitar, read all the books you want and when you feel a little bored, screw your curfew and live a little. And stay away from drugs.

How... did you know? Is it really that predictable? If I don't get flamed, I don't care but that is true my friend. I hate my generation, a bunch of girls who slitting their wrists who think I'm queer and guys who act like gangsters (wiggers) with a fetish to use negative slang talk prevent me from being social. The only friend I really do have is a gamer who doesn't believe in college and rests his future on an apprenticeship program for welding. He has an open mind like me and doesn't mind in hearing me out, that is one hell of a friend right their (to me I think). Although he thinks society draws lines (or in other words, restrictions) that should remain undisturbed, if you want an example, one would be my teacher. I just wanted to be her friend but that bitch shot me down because she doesn't like children. Weird in seeing her teach children when she doesn't like them, but anyway the overall real reason why she left me hanging was because she believes in the restrictions of age. She didn't stereotype me or anything, she was being very honest when she said this to me and I took it as her finial message of saying goodbye.

I don't know why people draw lines to restrict themselves for having a good time. I could obviously see that she had some good times talking with me (or more like me talking to her after school) but she got out of the illusion I was creating and realized what exactly I was doing. I told the truth and she complied with a gentle, harmless but revealing reply that made me think that she actually had feelings (I always thought she was a cruel, dark hearted women with the talent of working all day. When I told her of the two girls I had a crush on who were older than me, she thought girls are just girls, no big deal. I think you all know that girls are a little more than who they physically are.). Anyway I think people draw lines so that they don't damage anything beyond repair that society restricts, such as smoking some Marry Jane for whatever thrill it gives (example). People can draw boundaries but I really wish that people don't draw so many boundaries that it becomes impossible to talk about anything (here is an example, when I am talking with this guy on the internet on a teamspeak channel, his name is Cam51. He's a good guy who listens to my crap every once in a while but he draws the boundary of spirituality. When we talk about anything that's even related to spirituality, I need to act as if it was not a big of a deal to me.)

I don't know, being social maybe a good thing but it is something absent in my life. My parents would hear me out but that would only create leverage over me, I don't want to talk to a prick of a brother I have, and my generation is so screwed up that it lost itself in what life shouldn't be used for. I strongly believe that life itself promotes self-individuality, and so many other great things. Nature gave us the tools and now we are the wielder of the hammer that created civilization; society shouldn't stop a person from being themselves but it does. I can understand that the figureheads don't want people to go on a crime spree around the state or city but when it comes to the harmless things like curfew, it gets to the point of it being ridiculous. I would like it if they made a constant warning of what you risk when you go out at night, it would make sense and parents would make the curfew rules within their homes without the help of the government. I don't know, it could be a number of things why people do what they do, it's human nature and it is something that has to be respected (because if we don't accept it, we only judge our abilities as human beings).

 

[jjzelinski]

Originally posted by: Printer Bandit
What is an analist?

lol

That's funny on many levels

 

[purepolly]

You're talking and thinking too much. Stop trying to adapt your right brain perspective to a left brain world. Do yourself a huge favor, get in the habit of going to a quiet park or nature preserve - by yourself, no phone, no music and indulge in just walking and observing nature. Feed yourself the positive inspiration you are dreaming of. That spirit is telling you what you need. Trust it (so long as it doesn't hurt you or others) and see where it leads. If you get quiet enough, and can kill the internal mental chatter, you may find some of the answers you are looking for.