Spring Classes for Women

[Stuxnet]

My WIFE (of all people) sent this to me... hope it's not a repost. Tic.

Spring Classes for Women at

THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Tuesday, May 26, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

 

[ggnl]

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

:laugh:

 

[MovingTarget]

:thumbsup:

I especially like the toilet seat/thermostat/driving ones... arg!

 

[ProfJohn]

Class 2 and 5 are very ironic.

Women bitch about the toilet seat, men bitch about the curling iron.

Just call it even.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: ProfJohn
Class 2 and 5 are very ironic.

Women bitch about the toilet seat, men bitch about the curling iron.

Just call it even.

:laugh:

Excellent point!

I'm quite fortunate. My wife doesn't curl her hair nor does she complain about the toilet seat!

 

[DeadByDawn]

I'd like to enroll my wife in Class #9 please.

 

[Steve]

Love it!

 

[Newbian]

So this is where all the women hide.

 

[hiromizu]

Class 9 would pretty much cover all the other classes but I bet they make the others a prerequisite to make extra money. Bastards.

 

[SonnyDaze]

Definitely Class 4, 7 and 12 for my wife.

 

[Stuxnet]

4 for my wife, but that's probably it.

She will sit there in total silence while we endure one Subway commercial after another, but as soon as we're back to the show, it's "yip!yip!yip!yip!yip!yip!yip!". Yay for DVR!

 

[SilentZero]

nice! 10/10!

 

[BoomerD]

New Tuesday Evening Classes for Men
All are welcome - Open to men only

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course lasts for 4 weeks and topics covered in this course include:

Week One of Evening Classes for Men
1) TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

2) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR

Practicing with hamper (pictures and graphics)

3) DISHES & CUTLERY;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts

4) HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

5) LOSS OF VIRILITY

Losing the remote control to your significant other

- Help line and support groups

6) LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming

- Open forum

Week Two - Evening Classes for Men
7) EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play

8) HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint Presentation

9) REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

10) IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

11) LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing

12) HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises,

meditation and breathing techniques

13) REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN you're GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

14) GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

Week 3 Evening Classes for Men - Repeat of week 1
Week 4 Evening Classes for Men - Repeat of week 2

 

[Soundmanred]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
New Tuesday Evening Classes for Men
All are welcome - Open to men only

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course lasts for 4 weeks and topics covered in this course include:

Week One of Evening Classes for Men
1) TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

2) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR

Practicing with hamper (pictures and graphics)

3) DISHES & CUTLERY;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts

4) HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

5) LOSS OF VIRILITY

Losing the remote control to your significant other

- Help line and support groups

6) LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming

- Open forum

Week Two - Evening Classes for Men
7) EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play

8) HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint Presentation

9) REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

10) IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

11) LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing

12) HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises,

meditation and breathing techniques

13) REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN you're GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

14) GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

Week 3 Evening Classes for Men - Repeat of week 1
Week 4 Evening Classes for Men - Repeat of week 2

Thread is officially ruined.
:thumbsdown:

 

[Leros]

I dunno about ruined. This made me laugh because its true.

10) IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

 

[sash1]

:laugh: nice stuff

2) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR

the floor is more convenient

 

[Leros]

Originally posted by: sash1
:laugh: nice stuff

2) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR

the floor is more convenient

Especially when it magically ends up in the laundry basket anyway.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: Leros

Originally posted by: sash1
:laugh: nice stuff

2) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR

the floor is more convenient

Especially when it magically ends up in the laundry basket anyway.

Funny enough, I have a magical toilet seat. I leave it up...it always gets closed somehow...maybe the dammed thing is defective.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: Leros

Originally posted by: sash1
:laugh: nice stuff

2) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR

the floor is more convenient

Especially when it magically ends up in the laundry basket anyway.

:laugh:

It's funny, because my wife actually offends more items on the second list than the first. Specifically, items 1, 2, 3, and 10. I violate items 3 and 7 pretty consistently; my wife is at a disadvantage with these lists because I'm naturally a "clean" person and she's... well... not. At all.

 

[Steve]

My brother added a few:

Reality Programs - the wrestling of TV
Free Daily Newspapers - keeping you uninformed of world events, but up to date on Amy Winehouse's drinking
Does Popular mean Good? The American Idol conundrum