Student who had sex with teacher now scarred for life

[Exophase]

Is it unusual? I wouldn't be surprised to see men raped by women try to play it cool or downplay the emotional damage because of the attitudes of society (perfectly illustrated in this thread).

Well that's not what he's doing is it?

I could see men in this situation talking about how it was damaging or how the woman took advantage of them years after the fact when they're well into adulthood. But it'd be pretty strange for them to view it as rape shortly after it happened. Unless someone drilled that into their heads. Or she somehow coerced him into doing things he didn't really want to do.

Another possibility is that he was in it for the sex/easily seduced but didn't want all the relationship drama that came with it. Like her asking him to run away with her. And getting pregnant. Maybe she wanted to get pregnant or at least didn't care if she did. Could have lied about being on birth control, although I wouldn't really put it past a 15 year old to just not be thinking about it.

 

[Homerboy]

All a 16yr old thinks about is getting his noodle dipped. Does anyone deny this?

And video games.

 

[darkewaffle]

I'm usually on the side of the fence that these cases are overblown and less 'damaging' than they are portrayed. But I can understand the prospect of a fifteen year old hearing "I'm pregnant" and panicking or getting scared - no teen is ready for fatherhood.

 

[poofyhairguy]

It is kind of unusual for the boy in a case like this to be the one talking about how ruined he is now. If he really sincerely has that mindset I doubt he would have gotten so involved in the first place.

Meh, you just don't know.

My senior year in high school I got involved with an older married woman (she was in her early 20's at the time) that worked in a building with my dad. At first it was just her sneaking me kisses but eventually she invited me over to her house when her husband was gone and she had her way with me. As a high school boy who had only had sex once prior to her, I loved the attention of course. She was obviously trying to impress me sexually for some reason so she was willing to do almost every freaky thing my high school brain could think of, and early on I thought of a lot. It became a regular thing for months.

And I know what you are thinking, boo hoo me or this kid right? Well the problem is any woman willing to sleep with a younger guy who has little kids (and was married in my case and many of these teacher cases) has a lot of crazy in her. And for a young man that crazy is hard to handle.

In my case soon she started talking about running away with me (like the woman in the article) but then later she would ask if I would take care of her and her kids (me, a not high school graduate). She would complain about her husband and then defend him, she keep wanting me to meet her kids until she didn't. Plus all kinds of other crazy like showing up around my house when she knew my parents were around to sneak one in. Turns out she really liked/respected my dad from meeting him at work, and I think in a sick way she wanted to be part of my family and sleeping with me was her way to get there I guess. Eventually I got out of it by graduating and going off to college, but if I didn't eventually it would have been bad for me (and maybe her husband would have killed me or something who knows).

The scarring was a real thing afterwards. All of the crazy she dropped on me, and the situations she would put me in to get her fix really kinda screwed up sex for a while for me. In college, until my senior year, I purposefully tried to date and sleep with the craziness women I could. I dealt with so much drama, and put myself in many compromising situations, simply because of my expectations of what to expect in a sexual relationship. I became attracted to crazy and in a way it became a way to punish myself for the lingering guilt I had from the high school affair.

It took me months of therapy to unwind it all and learn to not only trust women again but trust my own judgement. Today I feel past it and am happily married, but my sexual encounters with an older woman in high school definitely left a mark. Sex is almost always great but crazy women is hard to deal with, and high school guys should be dealing with high school girl crazy, not "I am getting older and I have kids and I just want to feel young again" crazy.

 

[thesmokingman]

You got involved with a married woman who worked with your dad??? Now there be some skeletons in the closet.

 

[poofyhairguy]

You got involved with a married woman who worked with your dad??? Now there be some skeletons in the closet.

Luckily I don't plan to run for public office.

 

[FerrelGeek]

All a 16yr old thinks about is getting his noodle dipped. Does anyone deny this?

I'm 57 and I still think about that

 

[tortillasoup]

Yup

and I doubt we'd see people calling the 15 year old girl, "a little bitch" and "whiner".

The double standard is disgusting. She broke the law in the same manner as any male teacher sleeping with a female student. The consequences need to be the same.

as much as I hate double standards, I'm ok with this one.

 

[tortillasoup]

Meh, you just don't know.

My senior year in high school I got involved with an older married woman (she was in her early 20's at the time) that worked in a building with my dad. At first it was just her sneaking me kisses but eventually she invited me over to her house when her husband was gone and she had her way with me. As a high school boy who had only had sex once prior to her, I loved the attention of course. She was obviously trying to impress me sexually for some reason so she was willing to do almost every freaky thing my high school brain could think of, and early on I thought of a lot. It became a regular thing for months.

And I know what you are thinking, boo hoo me or this kid right? Well the problem is any woman willing to sleep with a younger guy who has little kids (and was married in my case and many of these teacher cases) has a lot of crazy in her. And for a young man that crazy is hard to handle.

In my case soon she started talking about running away with me (like the woman in the article) but then later she would ask if I would take care of her and her kids (me, a not high school graduate). She would complain about her husband and then defend him, she keep wanting me to meet her kids until she didn't. Plus all kinds of other crazy like showing up around my house when she knew my parents were around to sneak one in. Turns out she really liked/respected my dad from meeting him at work, and I think in a sick way she wanted to be part of my family and sleeping with me was her way to get there I guess. Eventually I got out of it by graduating and going off to college, but if I didn't eventually it would have been bad for me (and maybe her husband would have killed me or something who knows).

The scarring was a real thing afterwards. All of the crazy she dropped on me, and the situations she would put me in to get her fix really kinda screwed up sex for a while for me. In college, until my senior year, I purposefully tried to date and sleep with the craziness women I could. I dealt with so much drama, and put myself in many compromising situations, simply because of my expectations of what to expect in a sexual relationship. I became attracted to crazy and in a way it became a way to punish myself for the lingering guilt I had from the high school affair.

It took me months of therapy to unwind it all and learn to not only trust women again but trust my own judgement. Today I feel past it and am happily married, but my sexual encounters with an older woman in high school definitely left a mark. Sex is almost always great but crazy women is hard to deal with, and high school guys should be dealing with high school girl crazy, not "I am getting older and I have kids and I just want to feel young again" crazy.

but that story could be true of anybody engaged in a sexual relationship. If your first sexual experiences are of a certain way or certain type of girl, then all that you experienced would likely have happened anyway. The fact that the woman was older and married really has no bearing on this. Imagine if you were dating a bipolar/borderline personality girl?

 

[poofyhairguy]

but that story could be true of anybody engaged in a sexual relationship. If your first sexual experiences are of a certain way or certain type of girl, then all that you experienced would likely have happened anyway.

True, but there is only so much crazy a high school girl can lay on you.

Even if she is bi-polar, or has some sort of issue, at the end of the day she still goes home to some guardian who is responsible for her. It is possible to get a high school girl pregnant, but I have never heard of a high school girl purposefully lying or manipulating to get pregnant by a certain guy because her biological clock is ringing like crazy. High school girls don't have kids that you maybe have interact with, or expectations that you will interact with them. High school girls won't ask you to run away with them because they are still looking forward to their own lives, their own college experience.

The crazy stakes are lower so-to-speak than with an older woman. High school aged men who depend on someone else still aren't equipped to handle it, at least not naturally. Hence why we have rules in place.

 

[vi edit]

The fact that the woman was older and married really has no bearing on this. Imagine if you were dating a bipolar/borderline personality girl?

I think his entire point is that the women preying on these teenage boys have some deep rooted mental issues. To which I would agree. And in his experience those psychological issues and dependencies that they exhibited influenced how he thought sex was supposed to be.

He didn't lose his virginity to a person of similar age or experience. It wasn't the typical fumbling around trying to figure out how exactly things were supposed to work. There was no commonality in the relationship.

The sad double standard is that we have such an entirely different perception of this if a 30 year old man is in a similar situation with a 15 year old girl. The negative connotations of that relationship are far more publicly admonished than if the genders are reversed.

The fact that she was older and married with kids no less...and seeking out the companionship of a 17 year old? Yes. There are issues there.

 

[yh125d]

When it comes to teenage boys banging their hot teachers, I side with Adam Carolla

What's the over/under on how many times this kid has entertained himself with memories of this "abuse"? 1500?

 

[thesmokingman]

The fact that she was older and married with kids no less...and seeking out the companionship of a 17 year old? Yes. There are issues there.

Right, in case it's not obvious?

 

[Exophase]

The scarring was a real thing afterwards. All of the crazy she dropped on me, and the situations she would put me in to get her fix really kinda screwed up sex for a while for me. In college, until my senior year, I purposefully tried to date and sleep with the craziness women I could. I dealt with so much drama, and put myself in many compromising situations, simply because of my expectations of what to expect in a sexual relationship. I became attracted to crazy and in a way it became a way to punish myself for the lingering guilt I had from the high school affair.

I'm not doubting that this can scar boys or that it scarred you. I'm doubting that this is something they would realize shortly after the fact. Did you? You don't make it sound like you did.

 

[blankslate]

Yup

and I doubt we'd see people calling the 15 year old girl, "a little bitch" and "whiner".

That's because while we (justifiably so) should attempt to provide equal opportunities for all people; there do exist biological differences...

which make a 30 year old man who makes sexual advances on a 15 year old girl a scumbag (to say the least) and a 15 year old male who got to sleep with a woman in her late 20s and can't suck it up a whiner.


__________________

 

[poofyhairguy]

Did you?

I knew the second I was past the situation that it wasn't good for me. Once the penis wasn't doing all my thinking anymore my brain was pissed about being ignored.

It did take years to unwind all the effect though, so I see your point.

 

[Brian Stirling]

That's because while we (justifiably so) should attempt to provide equal opportunities for all people; there do exist biological differences...

which make a 30 year old man who makes sexual advances on a 15 year old girl a scumbag (to say the least) and a 15 year old male who got to sleep with a woman in her late 20s and can't suck it up a whiner.


__________________

Yes, and there is the question of just what has motivated his anguish. Was it the pain of having had sex with a hot older woman? Was it that he's been convinced by others he should be in pain? Is it because he or his family think there may be a pay day?

I said it before and I'll say it again, the only way this boy is suffering is if he's been made to feel he should be suffering. That is in no way a defense of what this woman did, and yes there is a double standard -- life's not fair.


Brian

 

[blankslate]

life's not fair.

I never it said it was.


_____________

 

[DAGTA]

That's because while we (justifiably so) should attempt to provide equal opportunities for all people; there do exist biological differences...

which make a 30 year old man who makes sexual advances on a 15 year old girl a scumbag (to say the least) and a 15 year old male who got to sleep with a woman in her late 20s and can't suck it up a whiner.


__________________

Curious to hear your rational explanation for why the double standard is ok.

Do you view 15 year old girls as innocent and would never be the one to advance on an older man?

 

[DAGTA]

as much as I hate double standards, I'm ok with this one.

Why?

 

[MongGrel]

NM, that was the past, when I was a teen.

I wasn't scarred or had to go to therapy, I guess.

 

[Newbian]

Curious to hear your rational explanation for why the double standard is ok.

Do you view 15 year old girls as innocent and would never be the one to advance on an older man?

Especially as that's the age they get trainers permits and they do anything to get a nice car.

Sad thing is life is not fair and this is another example.

The problem is a 2 year suspension is a joke and at the very least she should never be able to teach again and be registered as a sex offender if she only gets that light of a sentence as a man would get 10+ years in fpmita jail.

 

[DAGTA]

Especially as that's the age they get trainers permits and they do anything to get a nice car.

Sad thing is life is not fair and this is another example.

The problem is a 2 year suspension is a joke and at the very least she should never be able to teach again and be registered as a sex offender if she only gets that light of a sentence as a man would get 10+ years in fpmita jail.

Where are the feminists speaking up on women not being treated equally to men in these situations?

 

[Newbian]

Where are the feminists speaking up on women not being treated equally to men in these situations?

Sleeping with their students or their kids HS friends.

 

[Blue_Max]

The erection response isn't necessarily tied to arousal or "wanting".

Exactly. There's plenty of clinical reports of female orgasm during a genuine rape - does that mean SHE wasn't victimized?

At certain ages, the young don't know what's good for them. A kid will want chocolate cake for every breakfast - it's up to the adult to NOT give it to them because they know it's quite bad for them, even if they enjoy it in the moment.

Who knows how weird this kid's sexuality will be affected in the long term by something like this? It goes far beyond the initial moment of 'high-fives'. This kid is also very likely to be stuck with child support payments, despite her being charged with a crime. Family courts are a separate entity and unlikely to go beyond, "you're the father - pay up."

But I am heartened to see that others are seeing the blatant double-standard here, and that reversed genders would have a male teacher utterly and completely destroyed by such an event.