Study: Every child who cheated at NHL 94 now a hardened criminal

[Red Squirrel]

Guilty as charged. Come on admit it you've probably cheated at this game too. My favourite was the good 'ol deflection shot. Score every single time. There was weird ones by going behind the net too.

http://www.thebeaverton.com/nationa...who-cheated-at-nhl-94-now-a-hardened-criminal

BURNABY, BC - A new study by Simon Fraser university has revealed that all children who constantly relied on well known but impossible to stop cheats to win at NHL 94 have turned into dangerous and potentially violent criminals.

“Ordinarily with these kind of studies there is a margin of error, or some level of uncertainty, but here the results were indisputable” said researcher Melvyn Pelnek, Ph.D., “100% percent of the kids who used one or more of the games many scoring tricks to mercilessly beat their opponents have spent at least a year in jail.”

Pelnek pointed to one subject Jay “little J” Shah, who for years would spend the entire game skating the puck into the corner, then cutting to the net and tucking the puck around the goalie, despite his friends’ pleas that such a move was “totally unfair dude!” Shah is currently serving a 10 year sentence in Kingston penitentiary for aggravated assault.

“If only the police had known about his relentlessly using the move to win games by a score of 36 to 10, they may have been able to get to him before he smacked that parking enforcement officer with his shoe.”

University officials maintained that the results of the survey went well beyond one individual however.

“Frankly, simply by identifying the type of NHL 94 player a kid was, we are able to easily define what kind of criminal they grew up to be,” said fellow scientist David Hauptman.

The study found kids who would use the corner cheat to be overly aggressive, macho personalities, prone to violent outbursts and uncontrolled rage. On the other hand, those who relied on the equally bullshit one-timer cheat were more controlled and ruthless, making them perfect for elaborate jewelry heists and high speed car chases.

“I’m pretty sure Ryan Gosling’s character in Drive was based on a kid I used to play with,” Hauptman added.

As for the kids who would play as the Chicago Blackhawks to take advantage of the fact that Jeremy Roenick was by far the best player in the game?

“Serial killers. Every single one of them,” said Pelnek.

At press time, you fucking knew it.

 

[Ken g6]

Parody site. In case it wasn't obvious.

Never played that game, but I love cheat codes in UT. What does that make me?

 

[KMFJD]

I played that game way too much..... the wrap around goal was unstoppable

 

[tHa ShIzNiT]

the wraparound was #1 but we also had one we called the snake charmer. you "charm" the goalie by moving your stick to one direction then he goes way out of position as all NHL 94 goalies did...and you go back the other side for an empty net.

 

[Ichinisan]

We don't play hockey games here.

 

[brianmanahan]

madden 94 > hardball 4 > nascar 94 > nhl 94

 

[vi edit]

madden 94 > hardball 4 > nascar 94 > nhl 94

/me bumps into brianmanahan and starts fighting

 

[Red Squirrel]

the wraparound was #1 but we also had one we called the snake charmer. you "charm" the goalie by moving your stick to one direction then he goes way out of position as all NHL 94 goalies did...and you go back the other side for an empty net.

Oh yes the charm, I forgot about that one. My dad used to get so mad. Break away was pretty much a guaranteed goal.

That and face off goals. If you were doing the face off and pointed towards the net, the puck would slowly go towards the net, and sometimes it would actually go in, right from the face off. Ahhhh fun times.

I can't recall if it was that game, or NHL 99 on Playstation, but when selecting lines, if you held down on A or B (can't remember) the other person could not select their lines, it would not let them press on any of the options. I think it was some kind of glitch.

Speaking of hockey games anyone remember Blades of Steel? Soooo cheesy, and when we started playing NHL 95 we were amazed at the graphics "it looks so real!" Then NHL99 was even more incredible. Now days, the games blow even that one out of the water graphic wise. It's interesting to see the progression.

 

[Ichinisan]

Speaking of hockey games anyone remember Blades of Steel?

Yes. I have the NES game and, for some reason, the low-fidelity voice clip from the title screen has been stuck repeating in my head for weeks.

 

[Grooveriding]

Smoking pot and playing NHL 94 on the Genesis with my friends was a staple of my youth.

Got pulled over for speeding last year #thuglife

 

[Tweak155]

I did a wrap-around trick in NHLPA 93... you would go around the back of the net and the goalie would get stuck on the goal post... same thing?

 

[ra1nman]

Ahhh memories of checking players though the glass, one timers, and illegal 2 line passes. I had that game for the Sega CD back in HS. Didn't really watch hockey IRL but would play the sh!t outta that game. With the 4-player tap on the Genesis, we'd have some pretty good local tournaments....good times

 

[KMFJD]

I did a wrap-around trick in NHLPA 93... you would go around the back of the net and the goalie would get stuck on the goal post... same thing?

We didn't even bother to go close to the net, if i remember right we just grabbed the puck and when we got to the blue line we would start to go across the goal and let go a slap shot for a goal 95% of the time. I think i managed 21 or 22 goals in a 5 minute period game once, all of them the same/

 

[leeland]

In College we all had the 10,000 game belt for NHL 94...we were so lame we made up our own guys and kept stats on paper to see who would have the most points amongst us all.

We exploited the shit out of that game...probably the worst we would do was the pass shot to the goalie...

We got so good at the snake charmer move, that we all changed gears and played goalie manually, usually just using the goalie to come out and maul who ever had the puck.

The pass shot to the goalie was basically unstoppable and was banned from play, usage resulted in an automatic forfeit.

Skating parallel in front of the goalie was also disallowed for the same reason...the goalie would always flop down to block a shot that hadn't happened leaving one side wide open.