Suggestions on Long Distance Relationship

[Facin]

Well, I am going out with this wonderful girl, except that our relationship is now going to have to be a long distance one for now. I have never really attempted a long distance relationship, and am kind of worried considering some of the horror stories I have heard. I am sure a few of you have had experiences with long distance relationships and might have a few tips...like good things you did that helped it, or certain pitfalls that I should avoid (other than obvious ones...like "Don't cheat"). We're rather serious, and really do want this to work out in the long run (other wise I would never do the long distance thing in the first place). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We already talk to each other at least once, but usually twice a day. Thanks.

 

[Spooner]

Why the long distance "for now"

how far away?

 

[hoihtah]

marry her and bring her over to where you are.

well... that's what i did. and am happily married.

 

[Viper GTS]

How old are the two of you?

Relationships that start out local & then go long distance are IMHO harder than ones that start out long distance.

Some things to remember:

1) Communication is paramount. It's all you have now, so you'd better be able to do it. You can't go to a movie, spend time making out, or whatever, you either talk or you don't - there's nothing else you can do.

2) Look into cheap long-distance. I use Bigzoo. 2.9¢ a minute if you have a local dial-up number, 3.9¢ if you have to use the 800 number. It's a great way to keep the phone bills down, essential when you're spending long amounts of time on the phone.

3) Don't hold important conversations over IM. As tempting as it may be (hell, it's free, right?), IM does not carry the same emotion or connection a phone call does. It's easy to let small things escalate into big things when you can only read words as opposed to hearing their voice as well.

4) If you're really committed to the person, it should be no different than if they're there. Don't think you have a license to do whatever you want just because they're out of town, state, or country.

Viper GTS

 

[reitz]

Look for cellphone deals that give you free calling on nights and weekends. For $30 - $50/mo, it can be a lot cheaper than long-distance phone bills, and you can talk almost as much as you want.

Avoid using email/instant messaging to talk about important things. They're fine for occasional chatting, but they're very impersonal, and it's easy to misinterpret what someone is trying to say.

Live your life; don't sit around moping about not seeing her. Don't get caught up in it, though...It's so easy to do things you otherwise wouldn't do when your significant other is hundreds of miles away. Carry yourself as if she lives only a few blocks from you.

Plan plenty of visits well in advance. It'll give both of you something to look forward to, and you don't want to start skipping visits because you get too busy with your own life. If possible, try to divide the travel equally.

Most importantly: Trust her. If she doesn't call when she is supposed to, don't rush to conclusions. If she seems distracted or disinterested, try not to worry that things aren't going to work out. You're not there, you can't see what's going on, so trust her and let her live her own life.

 

[SpecialEd]

Viper and Reitz summed it up very nicely...



<< Most importantly: trust her. If she doesn't call when she is supposed to, don't rush to conclusions. If she seems distracted or disinterested, try not to worry that things aren't going to work out. You're not there, you can't see what's going on, so trust her and let her live her own life. >>




This is a great point... little quabbles over untrusting feelings can spiral way out of control in a long distance relationship. Don't forget you are both under alot of stress... there will be times where you'll be talking to her and she may not seem that excited to talk. Don't let your untrusting imagination run too wild... there alot of things going on in both your lives. good luck! I hope it works out!

 

[TheBlondOne]

Despite what many people say, it is possible. VERY, VERY difficult, but possible.

I hope that you two are able to swing it. It is easier if you start out far away than if you're used to being with each other 24/7 and THEN have to separate.

If you are serious, though, you can probably handle it. Just remember how it will end up in the "long run." if you konw you're gonna be together in the end, it will make the hard times much easier to get through.

--Sarah

 

[AreaCode707]

Good advice guys - stuff for me to apply in my L-D relationship. My suggestion, do little things for her, even though you're not with her. Cards (y'know, the snail mail stuff), pictures of you in your day to day life, etc. Special creative things can make a big difference. My bf and I keep talking about watching a movie 'together' online, and when we both have time someday , we will. So stretch your imagination a little.

 

[lawaris]

they almost always end in nasty break-ups

 

[Viper GTS]

<< Good advice guys - stuff for me to apply in my L-D relationship. My suggestion, do little things for her, even though you're not with her. Cards (y'know, the snail mail stuff), pictures of you in your day to day life, etc. Special creative things can make a big difference. My bf and I keep talking about watching a movie 'together' online, and when we both have time someday , we will. So stretch your imagination a little. >>



She added some good points I forgot. I buy cards 3-5 at a time so I always have stock on hand, & send them for no reason (sometimes for a reason, but I try to send one every now & then for no reason at all). CD's, flowers, anything that she needs, wants, or will appreciate are good. I should send more pictures, but I'm lazy.



Viper GTS

 

[ViperMagic]

Is it a sign that I spend too much time on ATOT that when I saw this thread, I thought "He should ask Viper GTS and Sarah"?

 

[kami]

All I can say is good luck. Very few work out.

 

[pulse8]

Good luck, but be realistic. Think about the future and whether or not there will eventually be a time when you two can be together. Make sure you're also willing to wait that time for the other person.

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years. It went really well. We had our problems and fights, but ultimately we were happy. I was moving from Florida to California and she had no intention of ever living in California, so we broke up.

Edit: We also went out a year before it went long distance.

 

[Facin]

Thanks a lot for all the great advice. Just a little more info on the circumstances. She is 25 and I am 23. We could both relocate pretty easily, but I just started a new job and I really need the experience it will give me. I really only want like a year, and she really doesn't have a big beef about moving here... just not right away. We live about 14 hours away and plane tickets aren't too expensive. This is kind of a relationship that has always been long distance for the most part, so according to you guys, that may be a benefit...although I always thought of it as a disadvantage. Anyway, we do talk a good bit on the phone (at least once a day) and do chat a good bit on IM. I am not the most jealous person, because I trust people and have never had a relationship where I have been cheated on (at least that I know of...I think girls have this problem more than guys). She does constantly get hit on/called by guys, but I know her and I am not worried. I will admit to worrying when I feel like she is upset about something or another and doesn't want to talk... I can't help buy worry, but oh well. Thanks again for all of the advice.

 

[jjones]

i wouldn't worry about it too much. most relationships in general don't last and i really don't think long distance relationships have any less of a chance. i've had lots of regular and long distance relationships and my last gf was a long distance relationship. we ended that by getting married.

that being said, you'll need to find economical ways to communicate and to see each other regularly if possible. also, send her little unexpected surprises such as flowers and cards; this will help to keep the romance fresh and exciting.