Tales from the retail world...

[Born2bwire]

Originally posted by: Phoenix15

Originally posted by: DnetMHZ
When I was a teenager I worked at an Acme store and I had an old lady sh!t at my register.. literally sh!t on the floor.

I worked at a Wal Mart during college. I was walking out of the bathrooms in the back of the store when this HAAWWWWWWTTTT cashier came walking up rapidly towards the bathroom. I always flirted with her and was about to start some game when RECCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH she PUKED all over the floor and the front of the milk cooler. She had a stomach virus and the asshole manager wouldn't ler her leave. She was SO embarrased. It all worked out in the end as we got married Sept 18th last year. :thumbsup:

Now you see, that's the kind of stories you get to tell your kids someday.

EDIT: God dammit! I didn't realize how many pages this thread had. Can't stop reading...

 

[unfalliblekrutch]

took three seperate marathon reading sessions for me to finish reading this thread...lol

 

[rambow]

not a retail story but similar

this summer i went on a tour of thee university of michigan, even though i live 45min away from it.

Recently, there was a $100 million donation to the buisness school, so a buisness school is being built or reconstructed, either way, a large part of the main campus is under construction. The tour guide was really nice and had a lot of energy, and she used a lot of that energy to describe the buisness school, which continued off of how the information session before hand had described the buisness school as an essential part of the campus.
The tour guide said things like:
"see that, its part of the new buisness school"
"see that big bulldozer, its building the new buisness school"
"see this dormatory, it will have an awesome view once the buisness school is done"
"the 100 million dollar donation means a lot to the UofM and the buisness school.... WhIcH hApPeNs To bE rIgHt OvEr ThErE"

At the end of the tour, she reviewed us and asked if we had questions, and of course some lady asked where the buisness school was.

 

[villageidiot111]

This is example of the average customer at the McDonald's where I worked:

(Even though the customer has been in line for five minutes, he waits to make his meal decision while standing in front of the line)

Customer: (stares at menu blankly)
Me: Hi. What can I get for you today? (I can already tell he is dumb as sh*t)
Customer: Oh, I have this coupon for a free sandwich...can I use it?
Me: Yes. (wtf, why couldn't you use it??????????)
Customer: ...alright, I'll have that, um, I don't know, bacon egg griddle thing and that steak...griddle.
Me: So, you want a Steak Mcgriddle? (we don't actually have a steak mcgriddle, I wasn't sure if he wanted it special or if he was confused)
Customer: Ya, I want that #7 sandwich and the bacon griddle. (note the #7 is a steak bagel)
Me: So thats one steak bagel and one bacon egg cheese mcgriddle.
Customer:Ya, thats it. Can I use this coupon too? (coupon for free coffee with purchase)
Me: Sorry, it says right here that you can only use one coupon per order. (geeze, nearly every fast food restaurant has that on their coupons.)
Customer: oh...
Me: Your total is 3.01
Customer: Wait, that #7 is a harder bread, isn't it? (wtf, now you look at the menu!!!)
Me: It's a toasted bagel...
Customer: Oh, then just give me two 9's (the bacon egg cheese griddle)
Me: Alright, your total is $2.81

Customer pays mostly in change. Rather than step back to wait for his food, he just stands right in front of my till, blocking the next customer. Even after I politely tell him his food will be ready in a moment, he stays. I have to call to the next customer, and as he stands next to the first customer he finally get the idea and moves. Geeze, what should have been a 20 second order turns into a five minute order.

 

[Quasmo]

I used to work in the photolab at Eckard, and I would ALWAYS have people come up to me and ask me where stuff was in the store like I actually worked on the floor and new where it was. It would normally go like this:

Customer: Hey, where can I find <item>

Me: *points in the general direction of all merchandice* Oh yeah, it's on the <plural item> aisle.

they would leave and never come back.
like we actually had a dental floss aisle.

 

[GeezerMan]

OK, from my teller days. And I got tons of them.

Man walks up to ATM. It's down. So he puts his 500.00 cash deposit in the envelope and then back into the envelope supply slot. Not into the machine since it was down. Demands to know why his deposit did not show up, then demands our manager gives him his money.

Lady makes a deposit for her friend on payday using her friend's ATM card and friend's PIN. While she is depositing her friend's check, she throws her check into there too. All pissed off the next day because her check is not in her account. Lady, you got to use your own ATM card, jeeezzzz

Young kids, 20ish, making a deposit on payday. One turns to another and says, "Aint it funny how they have to have ID to cash a check, but they don't need it for a deposit. 2nd kid says banks just trying to hassle you. I tell them that not too many crooks come into make a deposit, they usually want to take money out. Yes, we would get fraudulent deposits, but you know what I mean.

 

[dug777]

The 'oooh it's cold in here isn't it' comments you get 11ty billion times an hour while working in the dairy section annoy the hell out of :|

Talk about stating the obvious.

 

[SynthDude2001]

I just finished reading through this thread, took me several hours. Some hilarious stuff though!

(And I'm not sure how I managed to miss this last year when it was apparently originally posted...)

 

[Al Neri]

ttt

 

[Sensai]

more stories!!!

 

[broon]

Originally posted by: Quasmo
I used to work in the photolab at Eckard, and I would ALWAYS have people come up to me and ask me where stuff was in the store like I actually worked on the floor and new where it was. It would normally go like this:

Customer: Hey, where can I find <item>

Me: *points in the general direction of all merchandice* Oh yeah, it's on the <plural item> aisle.

they would leave and never come back.
like we actually had a dental floss aisle.

It must suck for a customer to think an employee would be helpfull.

 

[Brainonska511]

Originally posted by: Sensai
more stories!!!

I worked as a cashier at a local ShopRite (grocery store) for 3 and a half years while in HS. Most of the time, it was uneventful, but there were always some crazy assholes. There was this one really bitchy lady that would always use the motor carts to get around the store, then come onto the 5 items or less line with the whole basket filled up. She would then demand that you only put one item in each plastic bag because anything else would be too heavy. So going in accordance with her wishes to keep the bags light (but not necessarily listening to t the 1 item/bag rule since it can't be too bad to put a bag of chips with a candy bar), but no. Candy bar + Bag of Chips was just too heavy for this lady and she threw a little fit over it and threw the bag back on the counter.

There were also the customers that would try to continue shopping once the store was closed. It's like, wtf, get your ass up to the register and pay for your ******. No one wants to stay here while you try to continue shopping. Occasionally, someone would get angry at having to stop their shopping when the store closed and they would storm out, forcing us to put the crap back on the shelf.

One of the funniest moments though was when this lady, whose husband (and herself) had been banned from the store for trying to steal from the other ShopRite in town. She came in and started shopping, when a person from L/P approached her with a manager, she started cursing really loudly at all of them. Pretty funny since most of the managers sucked.

 

[Brainonska511]

Originally posted by: broon

Originally posted by: Quasmo
I used to work in the photolab at Eckard, and I would ALWAYS have people come up to me and ask me where stuff was in the store like I actually worked on the floor and new where it was. It would normally go like this:

Customer: Hey, where can I find <item>

Me: *points in the general direction of all merchandice* Oh yeah, it's on the <plural item> aisle.

they would leave and never come back.
like we actually had a dental floss aisle.

It must suck for a customer to think an employee would be helpfull.

Why should a retail employee be helpful? They're making crap money at a ****** job. It's not like most retail employees care about their jobs.

 

[So]

Originally posted by: SynthDude2001
I just finished reading through this thread, took me several hours. Some hilarious stuff though!

(And I'm not sure how I managed to miss this last year when it was apparently originally posted...)

For shame!

But yeah, this is one of the best AT threads of all time in terms of entertainment / minute read.

I'm glad it's still alive.

 

[broon]

Originally posted by: Brainonska511

Originally posted by: broon

Originally posted by: Quasmo
I used to work in the photolab at Eckard, and I would ALWAYS have people come up to me and ask me where stuff was in the store like I actually worked on the floor and new where it was. It would normally go like this:

Customer: Hey, where can I find <item>

Me: *points in the general direction of all merchandice* Oh yeah, it's on the <plural item> aisle.

they would leave and never come back.
like we actually had a dental floss aisle.

It must suck for a customer to think an employee would be helpfull.

Why should a retail employee be helpful? They're making crap money at a ****** job. It's not like most retail employees care about their jobs.

You're kidding right? If a retail emplyee doesn't like their job, they should quit. If they aren't going to be helpful, they should be fired. I worked in a grocery store for not much money but would still be nice to customers because it was my job and they were paying my wages.

 

[Exterous]

One day this guys came in to pick up his laptop that had been repaired. I was busy talking to another customer- which clearly ment interrupt me - which he did.
Thwap! Reciept slapped down on counter.
Me: "Can I help you sir?"
Customer: *Taps reciept*
Me: "Did you need something with your reciept sir?" (btw - I hate it when people pull taht $hit and I make them actually tell me what they need)
Customer: "Yeah, my laptop."
I get his laptop and he opens it up to check the work. Apparently the shift key was sticking and was making the constant beeping noise. The other tech had fixed it but it had gotten stuck again and was doing the same thing. I appologized to the customer, told him I would have it unstuck and ready in 10-15min (to give me time to finish helping the other customer).
Customer: "Thats just great. Call me when its done."
Me: "ok"
Customer: "And I mean fixed.....really fixed." Pauses to look at me very condesendingly (sp)"Do you know what that means?........or do you need me to write it out to you?"

I paused - many inappropriate responses racing through my head.

Me: "Yeah, I do think I need you to write it out for me. I want you to write it out on your reciept."
Customer: *looks suprised* "I don't have a pen."
Me: *pulls pen out of pocket* "Here, use mine."
Customer: *glares at me* "Just fix the laptop."
Me: "I'm not working on it until you write F-I-X-E-D on the reciept"
The customer wrote out 'fixed' on the reciept and stormed out. He later called my manager to complain and was a real jerk to him on the phone. He put the guy on hold and asked me what happened - i told him exactly what was written above and he cracked up. He got back on the phone and the guy continued to be an @ss to him as well. He finally said that we would "No longer be working on his laptop and could pick it up" and that he should look else where computer repairs in the future

 

[saymyname]

Sorry buddy, but you can't return those.....

Had a guy break a stack of CD's with his hands, stick the shards in his mouth, and spit them at me.

 

[So]

Originally posted by: saymyname
Sorry buddy, but you can't return those.....

Had a guy break a stack of CD's with his hands, stick the shards in his mouth, and spit them at me.

:Q
.
.
.
:laugh:

Surely you're joking.

 

[saymyname]

Originally posted by: So

Originally posted by: saymyname
Sorry buddy, but you can't return those.....

Had a guy break a stack of CD's with his hands, stick the shards in his mouth, and spit them at me.

:Q
.
.
.
:laugh:

Surely you're joking.

I'm dead serious. No spit though, just the cd came out. He mostly missed me. He didn't put everything in and the rest he just threw across the whole area.

I think it was the day after Thanksgiving and it was at Best Buy. That was the worst job I've ever had.

I had all kinds of stuff thrown in my general direction at that joint. People get crazy when they find out they can't return something. I had people try to return CD's that they'd had for over a year and then they'd go crazy.

I caught conterfeit money a couple times and would then stick it in the slot under the drawer and say "whoops" I need a manager to get that out. Same with fake/stolen credit cards since you're supposed to get a reward for that. I never got the reward and had to put up with insane people while the manager was on their way.

Catching theieves was always an adventure. People get desperate.

 

[Riverhound777]

Originally posted by: Exterous
One day this guys came in to pick up his laptop that had been repaired. I was busy talking to another customer- which clearly ment interrupt me - which he did.
Thwap! Reciept slapped down on counter.
Me: "Can I help you sir?"
Customer: *Taps reciept*
Me: "Did you need something with your reciept sir?" (btw - I hate it when people pull taht $hit and I make them actually tell me what they need)
Customer: "Yeah, my laptop."
I get his laptop and he opens it up to check the work. Apparently the shift key was sticking and was making the constant beeping noise. The other tech had fixed it but it had gotten stuck again and was doing the same thing. I appologized to the customer, told him I would have it unstuck and ready in 10-15min (to give me time to finish helping the other customer).
Customer: "Thats just great. Call me when its done."
Me: "ok"
Customer: "And I mean fixed.....really fixed." Pauses to look at me very condesendingly (sp)"Do you know what that means?........or do you need me to write it out to you?"

I paused - many inappropriate responses racing through my head.

Me: "Yeah, I do think I need you to write it out for me. I want you to write it out on your reciept."
Customer: *looks suprised* "I don't have a pen."
Me: *pulls pen out of pocket* "Here, use mine."
Customer: *glares at me* "Just fix the laptop."
Me: "I'm not working on it until you write F-I-X-E-D on the reciept"
The customer wrote out 'fixed' on the reciept and stormed out. He later called my manager to complain and was a real jerk to him on the phone. He put the guy on hold and asked me what happened - i told him exactly what was written above and he cracked up. He got back on the phone and the guy continued to be an @ss to him as well. He finally said that we would "No longer be working on his laptop and could pick it up" and that he should look else where computer repairs in the future

So you fixed his laptop, but it was still broken?
wow... what a great computer repair shop. I would have been fired so fast if I had done that to a customer. The guy might have been an ass, but I can't say I blame him for being upset.

 

[Exterous]

Originally posted by: Riverhound777

Originally posted by: Exterous
One day this guys came in to pick up his laptop that had been repaired. I was busy talking to another customer- which clearly ment interrupt me - which he did.
Thwap! Reciept slapped down on counter.
Me: "Can I help you sir?"
Customer: *Taps reciept*
Me: "Did you need something with your reciept sir?" (btw - I hate it when people pull taht $hit and I make them actually tell me what they need)
Customer: "Yeah, my laptop."
I get his laptop and he opens it up to check the work. Apparently the shift key was sticking and was making the constant beeping noise. The other tech had fixed it but it had gotten stuck again and was doing the same thing. I appologized to the customer, told him I would have it unstuck and ready in 10-15min (to give me time to finish helping the other customer).
Customer: "Thats just great. Call me when its done."
Me: "ok"
Customer: "And I mean fixed.....really fixed." Pauses to look at me very condesendingly (sp)"Do you know what that means?........or do you need me to write it out to you?"

I paused - many inappropriate responses racing through my head.

Me: "Yeah, I do think I need you to write it out for me. I want you to write it out on your reciept."
Customer: *looks suprised* "I don't have a pen."
Me: *pulls pen out of pocket* "Here, use mine."
Customer: *glares at me* "Just fix the laptop."
Me: "I'm not working on it until you write F-I-X-E-D on the reciept"
The customer wrote out 'fixed' on the reciept and stormed out. He later called my manager to complain and was a real jerk to him on the phone. He put the guy on hold and asked me what happened - i told him exactly what was written above and he cracked up. He got back on the phone and the guy continued to be an @ss to him as well. He finally said that we would "No longer be working on his laptop and could pick it up" and that he should look else where computer repairs in the future

So you fixed his laptop, but it was still broken?
wow... what a great computer repair shop. I would have been fired so fast if I had done that to a customer. The guy might have been an ass, but I can't say I blame him for being upset.

We got the key unstuck and working fine - but sometime during the repair and the time the customer came to pick it up (~20hours) it had become stuck again. I guess I should have mentioned that we were doing the work for free since it seemed like a minor problem and we were trying to be nice(his reciept was for $.01 and printed mearly for record purposes)

 

[Exterous]

Having worked in almost ever department in my store for so long they made me an assit. manager. However, sometimes I fill in for other salespeople and when I do I wear my non-manager nametag (If i don't I never get to help anyone because someone always needs to speak to the manager)
Anyway, this customer comes with her computer to have it serviced. I start the work order and inform her of our usual fee.
Customer: No, this is still under warrenty
Me: Oh, well then you'll want to contact the manufactuer - Let me get your their number
Customer: Oh I already did and they told me to bring it into you
Me: Oh, is the problem not something they cover?
Customer: It is and they said you are liscensed to do warrenty work for them
Me: Huh. Well I'm sorry they told you that but we don't do warrenty work for anyone
Customer: Thats not what they said.
Me: I understand that but we haven't ever done warrenty work
Customer: *agitated* But they said you did. I just want you to work on my computer.
Me: If you want us to work on it its the $$$ fee.
Customer *mad* "I want to speak to your manager now becuase you are refusing to help me."
Me: *looks at current name tag* <<senior repair technician>> *reaches in pocket and replaces that nametag with <<manager>> "I'm sorry ma'am but we still don't do warrenty work for them
Customer: Well, this is just the absolute worst customer service I have ever had. I can't believe you won't help me
Me: I am more than willing to help you, but you would have to pay $$$
Customer: But the person from <company> said you do warrenty work
Me: *sigh* Well, fortunately they do not work for us and cannot tell us what we do and do not do. We do not do warrenty work and have never done warrenty work. I cannot help whatever miss information someone outside of our corperation gave you I am sorry you do not understand that

 

[jhayx7]

Originally posted by: Exterous
Having worked in almost ever department in my store for so long they made me an assit. manager. However, sometimes I fill in for other salespeople and when I do I wear my non-manager nametag (If i don't I never get to help anyone because someone always needs to speak to the manager)
Anyway, this customer comes with her computer to have it serviced. I start the work order and inform her of our usual fee.
Customer: No, this is still under warrenty
Me: Oh, well then you'll want to contact the manufactuer - Let me get your their number
Customer: Oh I already did and they told me to bring it into you
Me: Oh, is the problem not something they cover?
Customer: It is and they said you are liscensed to do warrenty work for them
Me: Huh. Well I'm sorry they told you that but we don't do warrenty work for anyone
Customer: Thats not what they said.
Me: I understand that but we haven't ever done warrenty work
Customer: *agitated* But they said you did. I just want you to work on my computer.
Me: If you want us to work on it its the $$$ fee.
Customer *mad* "I want to speak to your manager now becuase you are refusing to help me."
Me: *looks at current name tag* <<senior repair technician>> *reaches in pocket and replaces that nametag with <<manager>> "I'm sorry ma'am but we still don't do warrenty work for them
Customer: Well, this is just the absolute worst customer service I have ever had. I can't believe you won't help me
Me: I am more than willing to help you, but you would have to pay $$$
Customer: But the person from <company> said you do warrenty work
Me: *sigh* Well, fortunately they do not work for us and cannot tell us what we do and do not do. We do not do warrenty work and have never done warrenty work. I cannot help whatever miss information someone outside of our corperation gave you I am sorry you do not understand that

Hehehehe.. I need to buy a "Manager" nametag in case of situations like this

 

[MisterJackson]

Originally posted by: Riverhound777

Originally posted by: Exterous
One day this guys came in to pick up his laptop that had been repaired. I was busy talking to another customer- which clearly ment interrupt me - which he did.
Thwap! Reciept slapped down on counter.
Me: "Can I help you sir?"
Customer: *Taps reciept*
Me: "Did you need something with your reciept sir?" (btw - I hate it when people pull taht $hit and I make them actually tell me what they need)
Customer: "Yeah, my laptop."
I get his laptop and he opens it up to check the work. Apparently the shift key was sticking and was making the constant beeping noise. The other tech had fixed it but it had gotten stuck again and was doing the same thing. I appologized to the customer, told him I would have it unstuck and ready in 10-15min (to give me time to finish helping the other customer).
Customer: "Thats just great. Call me when its done."
Me: "ok"
Customer: "And I mean fixed.....really fixed." Pauses to look at me very condesendingly (sp)"Do you know what that means?........or do you need me to write it out to you?"

I paused - many inappropriate responses racing through my head.

Me: "Yeah, I do think I need you to write it out for me. I want you to write it out on your reciept."
Customer: *looks suprised* "I don't have a pen."
Me: *pulls pen out of pocket* "Here, use mine."
Customer: *glares at me* "Just fix the laptop."
Me: "I'm not working on it until you write F-I-X-E-D on the reciept"
The customer wrote out 'fixed' on the reciept and stormed out. He later called my manager to complain and was a real jerk to him on the phone. He put the guy on hold and asked me what happened - i told him exactly what was written above and he cracked up. He got back on the phone and the guy continued to be an @ss to him as well. He finally said that we would "No longer be working on his laptop and could pick it up" and that he should look else where computer repairs in the future

So you fixed his laptop, but it was still broken?
wow... what a great computer repair shop. I would have been fired so fast if I had done that to a customer. The guy might have been an ass, but I can't say I blame him for being upset.

Free or not, it wasn't fixed properly the first time. Keys don't magically get "Restuck" while sitting there waiting to be picked up. Come on man.

Should have just told him the keyboard needed to be replaced from the word go. And you should NEVER do that type of work free of charge, ESPECIALLY if you are a "professional" shop.

Universal rule, the nicer you are (i.e. free work) the harder it will bite you in the ass in the end.

 

[Syrch]

alright i'll share a few that triggered reading others

1. I had a lady come in to the store and ask me for a sound card. I took her over and showed her the selection. She asked me how they work (dumbfounded) i explained. She then asks me how this is going to fix her problem. I asked her what the problem was and she told me that her printer no longer makes noise. I was completely confused at this point and could only respond...what? She said that her printer no longer makes noise and it needs to in order to print. Completely confused but my gears turning I was able to figure out that she needed Ink for her printer. After helping her get the right in for her noiseless printer I had to go to the break room and laugh for quite a while.

2. We had a lady that would ALWAYS come in when the store offered something free. It did not matter what it was but if it was free she was getting it. This lady was about 5ft 2in 250 pounds. No one knew this lady names b/c she reeked of last years trash and her car had the spare tired tied to the top of the trunk and the back seat and passanger seat loaded with just crap...i mean LOADED!. Well one day she game in about an hour before the store closed. As usual everyone avoided her like the plague. Well an hour passed and she was in the store but no one knew were. We had a female employee check the ladies room and she was there. We then noticed a trail of poo spots leading to the girls room. We all just about puked...

3. We had a tall lengthy black guy walk into the store and immediately head to the DVD area. He had on jump pants and a tank top. He decided to try to walk out of the store with about 30 DVD's stuffed in his pants. It was so damn obvious he had them there too.

4. I was working as the greeter while the actual greeter was at lunch. This was on christmas Eve. I watched as the cars pulled up and the people came walking into the store. Well this one guy speeds into a parking spot slams his door shut sprints to the door and asks me were are egg selection is. I looked at him and said...huh? He said he needs eggs for a dish that hes making for his family for christmas and needs them right now. I looked at him and told him...sir this is an electronics store. His reply was this: Don't you sell refrigerators? (This was at CompUSA)

5. I had a guy come into to the store. I was reworking the DVD section of the store. I was sitting on the floor with towers of DVDS surrounding me and in regular clothes (not the store uniform as this was a "special project". This guy comes up to me and DEMANDS my help. I look up at this guy that is looking into my "fortress" of dvd's and say. Sir if you give me a moment to finish this I will be right with you. He yelled. NO! I DEMAND YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW! I looked at him and calmly said "Sir, I am surrounded by DVD's Let me put this stack on the shelf as it will take me 60 seconds and I will be right with you. He then pushes all the dvds on top of me and calls me a a$$hole. I then got up glared right into his eyes, walked passed him towards the general managers office. About 15 feet later something hit me in the head. I look down and there are 5 dvd's at my feet. I yelled for security and continued towards the GM's office (no idea how I didn't turn around and kill the guy). He gets into the GM's office the cops are called and he spend 6 months in jail and is never allowed at another CompUSA. The whole thing was on tape. Oh and i got to go home after that...had a major headache!

I have more but I will save room for others