The Girl/Friendship problem

[Alphathree33]

Everyone seems to have had this problem at least once.

I've been friends with this particular girl for about a year. We see each other at a few parties, talk on ICQ, at school, etc. I really admire her - she's attractive, smart, easy going. But the keyword is FRIENDS. I'm so worried that she will realize I have a crush on her that sometimes I avoid her so she doesn't begin to wonder. At the same time, my secret fantasy is that she thinks the same way of me. But from her perspective, it probably looks like I'm avoiding her because I don't like her!

To further complicate the situation, I've become her personal tutor in math and physics. This makes it extremely difficult to determine what her true feelings are.

Last year, I had almost this exact situation with another girl. At the end of the year, after the Prom, a friend of hers told me she wanted to go with me, but was too afraid to ask because she thought I would say no. Meanwhile, I had been wondering the whole year whether or not she liked me, or if we simply spent a lot of time together because she needed help (and she did.) But I can't assume that this new relationship is the same way at all - I'd like to believe it is, but I have no way to tell

Now, I know exactly what the first response to this message is going to be. It's going to be "dude, ask her out." Well, for one, I'm fairly shy. It just isn't going to happen like that. For another, I don't want to put her in a difficult situation. Lastly, if she did say no, EVERYONE would find out. Things between us would become awkward and that would ruin what time I do spend with her. Sigh.

 

[RoninRXN]

I usually don't do this but you can't be a member of ATOT without saying this at least once...

pics??

 

[minendo]

I ran into the same situation with my current girlfriend of just under a year. We were friends for awhile and hung out a lot. I liked her, but I had no idea if she felt the same way for me. I too am very shy and couldnt get the nerve to say anything, so I talked to a mutual friend about the situation and thats how I found out. Its now been the best 11 months of my life.

Well, hope things work out for you.

 

[minendo]

network lag and d@mn double posts. sorry

 

[nater]

well alpha I wish I could help you out on this one, but I'm in the same situation pretty much myself...I guess you just have to give it time, I don't know. *She* came over tuesday to help me with my physics and I helped her with her math at school today h...so almost identical situation lol... Mine's a real hottie, I don't have any pics though so don't ask.

 

[RoninRXN]

<< Everyone seems to have had this problem at least once.

I've been friends with this particular girl for about a year. We see each other at a few parties, talk on ICQ, at school, etc. I really admire her - she's attractive, smart, easy going. But the keyword is FRIENDS. I'm so worried that she will realize I have a crush on her that sometimes I avoid her so she doesn't begin to wonder. At the same time, my secret fantasy is that she thinks the same way of me. But from her perspective, it probably looks like I'm avoiding her because I don't like her!

To further complicate the situation, I've become her personal tutor in math and physics. This makes it extremely difficult to determine what her true feelings are. >>



Sounds like the same thing I went through. Me and my girl were very good friends before we started.



<< Last year, I had almost this exact situation with another girl. At the end of the year, after the Prom, a friend of hers told me she wanted to go with me, but was too afraid to ask because she thought I would say no. Meanwhile, I had been wondering the whole year whether or not she liked me, or if we simply spent a lot of time together because she needed help (and she did.) But I can't assume that this new relationship is the same way at all - I'd like to believe it is, but I have no way to tell

Now, I know exactly what the first response to this message is going to be. It's going to be "dude, ask her out." Well, for one, I'm fairly shy. It just isn't going to happen like that. For another, I don't want to put her in a difficult situation. Lastly, if she did say no, EVERYONE would find out. Things between us would become awkward and that would ruin what time I do spend with her. Sigh. >>



Dude, I've been friends with every one of my previous girlfriends before getting together with them. Believe me, it's not that awkward after the first week or so but one of you has to take the first step to rebuild. I remember a long time ago when I asked one of my friends out (we'd known each other for about a year before that and we study together and stuff just like your situation and...y'know...in ANY situation where a guy and girl work closely together, there's gotta be a bit of attraction). She said no, she wasn't ready for this sort of thing so I said "Alright, that's cool. Still friends?" and she said yeah. It was awkward seeing her after that for about a week but then when it came time to study again, we got together and hung out like old times. Nothing's different. In fact, I have classes with her in university right now.

For my current girlfriend, I was friends with her for about 3 years and I liked her for awhile before we got together. I really can't explain this one to you. It's pretty personal and I'm pretty sure the rest of the guys here would think I'm so lame and cliche....

 

[bubba]

My "friend" said she didn't want to go out with me because "we were such good friends" and she "didn't want to wreck it."

We got together and got engaged 2 months later!
We have now been married for 5.5 years!

 

[AreaCode707]

<< and that would ruin what time I do spend with her. Sigh. >>



I don't think it would. Even if she's not interested in dating you, she'd probably be flattered that you like her. The key is not to corner her and make her think that you've been getting to be her friend merely because you want to date her. But the time that you do spend with her now is extra-special because of your crush, and if you never say anything about it then it never develops and the time is wasted. My suggestion is to really get to be good friends with her, for the sake of being friends, but don't go out of your way to hide the fact that you like her. Just let everything happen normally and if sometime the opportunity arises, tell her. The better friends you are, the more chance is that she'll develop a liking for you too. BTW, how old are you two? Anyways, good luck!

 

[gotsmack]

1. Ask her if you have a shot at a date.

2. Lay down the law. Say something to the effect of "Look, we have a relationship here and this is how it works, I tutor you and you put out. Understand?"

and when all else fails

3. Drop trou and exclaim "Well, Its not going to suck itself!!!" <notice how I used three ! points, it is for emphasis>

 

[GuySmiley]

yeah man, DEFINITELY don't do the corner-her-and-proclaim-your-love thing, i unfortunately did such a thing freshman year (i know, what a fool i was) on this girl who had achieved godlike status in my mind. She was virtuous and good and intelligent, and stood up for her beliefs in an incredibly liberal institution. Of course, it ended up weirding things and i never spoke to her again, but on the flipside, it helped me get her off the pedestal and become another real person in my mind, with ups and downs that i was too blinded to see before.
I think i would do it again if i had to, even if it only meant getting me out of the rut i was in, where no other women could come close to comparing to her.
Funny thing is, I used to get crushes all the time in grade school/high school, but after her, i really haven't seen any women in that way, where you just about worship them. And i don't think i ever will again.
nowadays, they seem all too human...

 

[StageLeft]

You're screwed. Actually not. When it's friend zone there is no out. I thought all guys knew this but they still fall into the trap!

 

[AkumaX]

<< "dude, ask her out." >>



muahahhaaaa

just dont make a stupid move like i did, we dont even talk anymore

 

[hpkeeper]

You are new here... so you can get away with it... but in a thread like this... we need pics...

Hook us up

So before I say...

<< "dude, ask her out." >>

, I want to see what she looks like so I may have the opportunity first.

 

[TuffGirl]

Yet again HotChic comes through with sound advice; you should follow it. I agree, I would likely be flattered if a guy friend confessed that he liked me. I think it would be cute, so long as he doesn't come off as coming on to me. I think friendship is the best way to start a sound relationship anyway.


~EDIT~


<< Now, I know exactly what the first response to this message is going to be. It's going to be "dude, ask her out." Well, for one, I'm fairly shy. It just isn't going to happen like that. >>


First off, you should know better that the first response to your thread would be "PICS?"

Secondly, your shyness could be to your advantage 'cause there are a lot of girls who dig shy guys and think the shyness is charming (speaking for myself). Who knows? Maybe your girl might like that you're shy.

 

[Saltin]

Let this be a lesson to you and others of your ilk.



"Thou shalt not befriend a woman, unless said woman is already sleeping with you."

 

[blueadobe2000]

.....................

 

[Keego]

<< yeah man, DEFINITELY don't do the corner-her-and-proclaim-your-love thing, i unfortunately did such a thing freshman year (i know, what a fool i was) on this girl who had achieved godlike status in my mind. She was virtuous and good and intelligent, and stood up for her beliefs in an incredibly liberal institution. Of course, it ended up weirding things and i never spoke to her again, but on the flipside, it helped me get her off the pedestal and become another real person in my mind, with ups and downs that i was too blinded to see before.
I think i would do it again if i had to, even if it only meant getting me out of the rut i was in, where no other women could come close to comparing to her.
Funny thing is, I used to get crushes all the time in grade school/high school, but after her, i really haven't seen any women in that way, where you just about worship them. And i don't think i ever will again.
nowadays, they seem all too human... >>




That's where I am, only, in my case, she got a boyfriend instead of me spouting off about my love for her

 

[GuySmiley]

<< That's where I am, only, in my case, she got a boyfriend instead of me spouting off about my love for her >>



oh? did i forget to mention that she not only had a boyfriend, but she was engaged to him as well?
AND, she was 2 years ahead of me and the PA for my dorm

no...these factors did not help at all, but her bf lived across the country and she never talked about him, so i took those (duh) as good signs

 

[joinT]

<<2. Lay down the law. Say something to the effect of "Look, we have a relationship here and this is how it works, I tutor you and you put out. Understand?"

and when all else fails

3. Drop trou and exclaim "Well, Its not going to suck itself!!!" <notice how I used three ! points, it is for emphasis >>

LMAO - great!!!!!

I like your sig even better though.

 

[RoninRXN]

<< First off, you should know better that the first response to your thread would be "PICS?" >>



Damn straight. That was fun, getting the first post in with "pics??". Never did that before.

Meh...he's a fairly new guy. Let him off the hook this time.

 

[Koing]

<< yeah man, DEFINITELY don't do the corner-her-and-proclaim-your-love thing, i unfortunately did such a thing freshman year (i know, what a fool i was) on this girl who had achieved godlike status in my mind. She was virtuous and good and intelligent, and stood up for her beliefs in an incredibly liberal institution. Of course, it ended up weirding things and i never spoke to her again, but on the flipside, it helped me get her off the pedestal and become another real person in my mind, with ups and downs that i was too blinded to see before.
I think i would do it again if i had to, even if it only meant getting me out of the rut i was in, where no other women could come close to comparing to her.
Funny thing is, I used to get crushes all the time in grade school/high school, but after her, i really haven't seen any women in that way, where you just about worship them. And i don't think i ever will again.
nowadays, they seem all too human... >>



Thats what I think of this girl

I'm going to let her know how I feel and see hre reaction and see if she likes me in the way I like her and see if we can make it official and start a real relationship. I'm not shy but I like her a lot and don't want to screw what we have up. But now after about 2 months of dating and enjoying each other I think I'll have to know. Then at least I know if we are made for each other or not. And that'll put me out of my thinking. Either way I have a strong feeling that we'll continue to see each other......

I think you will have to bite the bullet and tell her that you have feelings for her and see if you two can date. Ask her out on a date. Or at least tell her. I am in the same situation as you and I have thought about it a lot, and in the end you are going to risk what you have with her like me, but it will be worth KNOWING for sure that you both know each others feelings. You can always ask her again later if she says no. No harm done. Good luck either way but you will have to tell her how you feel. Hard but you will have to in the end.......

 

[gotsmack]

joinT

<me bows> I live to laugh.

:Q <--- Showing her my "Oh" face

 

[batgeek]

everyone needs a FWB

 

[bUnMaNGo]

as said in a previous thread,
ask sepuku

 

[notfred]

"At the end of the year, after the Prom, a friend of hers told me she wanted to go with me, but was too afraid to ask because she thought I would say no. "

Let that be a lesson to you.