Discussion The Incel issue and ways to fix them.

[UNCjigga]

If we want to understand the incel problem, we need to start with their parents (especially moms).

 

[UglyCasanova]

If we want to understand the incel problem, we need to start with their parents (especially moms).

Meh, a lot of times the parents are doing the best they can. The inception thing is just a manifestation of that kid not being able to find a gf when he sees how happy his friends are that have one and he’s lonely as shit somblames women, society, etc.

 

[pmv]

If we want to understand the incel problem, we need to start with their parents (especially moms).

Why especially the moms? Are you saying it's all the fault of women?

And even the parents don't exist in a vaccuum. It's a culture, none of it exists independently.

 

[cytg111]

Yeah, it's not as if soldiers ever commit rape. Especially conscripts. They are famously well behaved and respectful towards women.

Let me have this delusion damnit.

Also .. maybe a media campaign : Best way to stay a virgin forever is to find other incels online.

 

[Indus]

Well I've been reading about the Involuntary Cerebrate and how some folks have suggested that their problems could be solved by requiring sex workers to have sex with them. What I found to be really scary is that I come close to ending up as one.

I'm the guy who could not get a date in high school and my early 20's if his life depended on it. Due to this, I had violent fantasies of raping young women to punish them for refusing to have anything to with me. This start while high school and I am ashamed to say this but there have been several times where I have been temped to act on them.

Keep in mind I'm not a violent person and I have no actual desires to hurt people at all. Basically I more or less grew up and realize that women neither owe me relationships or sex. Or for matter, no women deserves to be raped. So what is preventing Incels from simply growing up and realizing that that their problem is them?

One possible way to help is suitable therapy, however they have to want to change first.

Thoughts?

Travel.

I went from getting a date once a month to twice or more a day with sex expected in Singapore.

Hell my first month there I got laid by 36 women not counting repeats.

Americans are just too uptight to put out.

 

[Jaskalas]

I mean the answer is easy they need a gf lol

But they need to be worthy of someone. Which necessarily means breaking down the hateful crusty exterior.

Being awkward made them lonely. Being lonely made them hateful. Being hateful made them awkward. It's a vicious cycle if they cannot learn to shrug their shoulders and live with a momentary respite of bitter disappointment. Some may have social anxiety or other handicaps in social situations and ZERO belief that their lot in life could ever improve.

So if biology demands something of you that you cannot fulfill. It's a road teetering on madness. Primitive man would simply fight to the death, victor claims the spoils. "Incels" are probably driven towards that path by having no viable alternative while caught in a vicious cycle and/or separated from successful opportunities to meet people.

 

[Moonbeam]

There are lots of gay guys that can't get dates too and it's not fair. Incels should get women, sure, but they need to serve these poor gay guys as sex slaves first. Then, OK, depending on how well they do.

 

[whm1974]

There are lots of gay guys that can't get dates too and it's not fair. Incels should get women, sure, but they need to serve these poor gay guys as sex slaves first. Then, OK, depending on how well they do.

When I younger I thought that all gay men and ugly lesbians should be forcibly moved to San Frans and the better looking lesbians be required to serve men, up to and including making out in front of them on demand.

 

[SMOGZINN]

Being awkward made them lonely. Being lonely made them hateful.

The real problem here is that there are just as many awkward and lonely women, but they don't meet the standards of the incels. It is about entitlement more than anything else. They feel entitled not just to a girlfriend, but to a specific girlfriend. Sometimes it is a very specific girl that they have fixated on, other times it is just that they have impossibly high standards, or have no interest in the woman herself and want a fantasy version of a woman. In all of these cases the real problem is that they feel entitled to this, and will not accept anything else, and believe that they should not have to work for it because it is an entitlement. This attitude of entitlement practically guarantees that they can't get what they feel entitled to, because it colors their every interaction. This in turn just feeds their anger and makes their interactions even more awkward and creepy.

So, what is the solution? Well, education is going to be a big part of it. I can't help but think that our cultures stupid attitude towards sex and sex education is coloring a lot of this. We make a basic human need something taboo to even talk about, have public fights about if we can even teach the basic biology of it, and then wonder why people get all murdery over it? We need to accept that sex is something normal and that there has never been a time in history where people waited until marriage to have sex. Teenagers have always been sexual and always will. We need to just accept that teens are going to have sex, teach them that it is not shameful, teach them how to protect themselves and their partners, and promote them to talk to each other about it. Work in the reality of it instead of trying to pretend it is not true. Then maybe attitudes will start to change.

 

[nakedfrog]

When I younger I thought that all gay men and ugly lesbians should be forcibly moved to San Frans and the better looking lesbians be required to serve men, up to and including making out in front of them on demand.

Do you know what helped you break away from this mindset?

Honestly, this thread does provide perspective on your fixation with barely legal girls.

 

[whm1974]

Do you know what helped you break away from this mindset?

Honestly, this thread does provide perspective on your fixation with barely legal girls.

I basically grew up? I have a great more empathy now then back then. Of course I also realized how would I like if if a bunch of women made me and another dude make out in front of them.

As for my fixation, that is due me never ever been on a date before.

 

[VashHT]

Eh I think these guys have a lot more problems than just getting laid. One thing that I never understood is why incel gamers hate women getting into gaming. I was really socially awkward back in high school and shit but meeting women on MMO's as I was starting college made it a lot easier for me to open up and talk to women in real life.

 

[SMOGZINN]

Eh I think these guys have a lot more problems than just getting laid. One thing that I never understood is why incel gamers hate women getting into gaming. I was really socially awkward back in high school and shit but meeting women on MMO's as I was starting college made it a lot easier for me to open up and talk to women in real life.

It is because their entire outlook on relationships is toxic. They commonly view relationships as competitions and are obsessed with winning. When a woman plays a competitive game with them they feel challenged in what they feel is their domain. Then when they lose to those women they feel emasculated, because so much of their masculinity is wrapped up in this idea of competition. So, they put up a front that all women should remain in the neat box of 'feminine activities' that does not challenge them.

 

[mikeymikec]

Eh I think these guys have a lot more problems than just getting laid. One thing that I never understood is why incel gamers hate women getting into gaming. I was really socially awkward back in high school and shit but meeting women on MMO's as I was starting college made it a lot easier for me to open up and talk to women in real life.

Yup. My wife has been a light gamer in her time, and one or more of her past boyfriends went to LAN parties.

 

[Maxima1]

Incels need to lower their expectations, they're not going to get a hot looking girl just because they want one. Go for the girls at their own level and they may get some where.

It's really more about making an actual attempt. Many have made zero or just a few attempts and don't have a circle of friends where they can be passive. Just saw this poll not too long ago.

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/8/1/20750047/millennials-poll-loneliness

Furthermore, 22 percent of millennials in the poll said they had zero friends. Twenty-seven percent said they had “no close friends,” 30 percent said they have “no best friends,” and 25 percent said they have no acquaintances. (I wonder if the poll respondents have differing thoughts on what “acquaintance” means; I take it to mean “people you interact with now and then.”)

If we want to understand the incel problem, we need to start with their parents (especially moms).

What exactly about the mother? Some environmental issues can fuck you later (e.g. being a preemie) and income/wealth inequality explains some of the trajectory. A lot of this is explainable by genetics including autistic spectrum (really, there are hundreds of autisms and it affects guys more negatively because they're generally worse at communication), personality disorders (heritability around 40-60%), developmental disorders like dyspraxia, low IQ, etc..

The real problem here is that there are just as many awkward and lonely women, but they don't meet the standards of the incels. It is about entitlement more than anything else. They feel entitled not just to a girlfriend, but to a specific girlfriend.

Why would you settle for something you would be unhappy with? How is that entitlement?

Being awkward made them lonely. Being lonely made them hateful. Being hateful made them awkward. It's a vicious cycle if they cannot learn to shrug their shoulders and live with a momentary respite of bitter disappointment. Some may have social anxiety or other handicaps in social situations and ZERO belief that their lot in life could ever improve.

Are we just referring to the very small subset who rant online and go on killing sprees?[/QUOTE]

 

[whm1974]

I admit that I still carry a deal of resentment toward young attractive women due to being rejected each and every time, I have never even remotely considered murder much less mass murder to be solutions. Other things yes but nothing that involves major harm.

 

[whm1974]

Here is a few more articles on Incels, including one on a Incel who managed to escape the rabbit hole.
http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2...toxic-subculture-and-rejoined-the-real-world/
https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/incels-teenage-love

 

[Paratus]

I normally don’t post stuff from random you tubers but I found this linked in the comment section of an ariticle on Incels awhile back and found it surprisingly cogent.

It’s got 2.7M views and don’t let the fact that it’s by a trans woman throw you.

 

[whm1974]

Thanks!!!! for the video link. And like I said in another thread, I could have came close to ending up as one.

 

[sdifox]

I think of it as Incompetency-induced Celibacy. Just keep guns out of their hand.

 

[feralkid]

Well I've been reading about the Involuntary Cerebrate

Someone who accidently has deep thoughts?

 

[whm1974]

Someone who accidently has deep thoughts?

They are not accidental, I have deep thoughts all the time. I'm considering how to solve or reduce the Incel issue before this becomes a much larger problem.

Perhaps have actual dating classes in Middle and High School?

 

[whm1974]

More accurate have this:
http://neatoday.org/2014/01/22/should-schools-teach-about-healthy-romantic-relationships-2/

 

[nakedfrog]

They are not accidental, I have deep thoughts all the time. I'm considering how to solve or reduce the Incel issue before this becomes a much larger problem.

Perhaps have actual dating classes in Middle and High School?

We can barely convince schools to have meaningful sex education instead of abstinence only, I think dating classes are a bit of a reach.

 

[whm1974]

We can barely convince schools to have meaningful sex education instead of abstinence only, I think dating classes are a bit of a reach.

I think this will only be a problem for those Far-Right Christians who actually believe dating is a sin and young adults should court instead. After of course the young man asks for the girl's father for permission.