I feel sorry for everyone that's deeply confused about what sex they are. But that won't change the condition. I don't wish harm on transgender people, quite the contrary, I hope they're all able to get the help they need. But it's my belief that hormones and surgery aren't the answer. I also believe that it's become a fad, and this one is going to leave incredible suffering and carnage in it's wake.
You mention suicided and suggest that that's due to outside forces, while there may be some truth to that, lets not ignore that it's not the outsiders that commit the act, there is serious internal turmoil as well.
I wish you the very best in your struggle, but I take no blame in it.