Things to ponder

asia

Member
Oct 25, 2004
41
0
0
1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the
bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes
that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one
slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really
gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then
put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you
first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
this one is baffling - if you know the answer, share!

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept
drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with
a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all
right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt,
you stupid idiot?"

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's
falling off the table you always manage to knock something else
over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a
trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in
summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like
your wife told you to do it?

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
Americans is suffering from sort of mental illness. Think of your
three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
 

Zanix

Diamond Member
Feb 11, 2003
5,568
12
81
Did you write these yourself?

Edit: I mean, think these up.
 

asia

Member
Oct 25, 2004
41
0
0
Originally posted by: Zanix
Did you write these yourself?

Edit: I mean, think these up.

Noooo I don't have that much time on my hands, got them via email.
 

TheShiz

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,846
0
0
Originally posted by: asia
1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

wtf

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the
bubbles are always white?

look closely, there are all kinds of colors in bubbles

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

no

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes
that something new to eat will have materialized?

who does this?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one
slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really
gonna try to stuff in that slot?

what toaster? are these questions talking about developmentally challenged people?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then
put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

who does this crap!

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you
first try?

50% chance, premise is incorrect

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
this one is baffling - if you know the answer, share!

if there is a will there is a way, why do people ponder stupid questions, there must be a will.

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept
drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

no, less and less link would accumulate until your clothes look like crap. actually your clothes might just disappear after 10,392,399 dryings, i nomimate you to undertake the experiment.

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with
a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all
right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt,
you stupid idiot?"

confrontations with strangers don't usually turn out so great.

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's
falling off the table you always manage to knock something else
over?

you are learning disabled, that is why.

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a
trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

no, you have to pay for crap at a yard sale.

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in
summer when we complained about the heat?

who does this!

14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

because men make those mother-in-law jokes.

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like
your wife told you to do it?

absolutely not.

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
Americans is suffering from sort of mental illness. Think of your
three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

depends what the standards for mental illness are.

 

godmare

Diamond Member
Sep 25, 2002
5,121
0
0
Originally posted by: asia
Originally posted by: Zanix
Did you write these yourself?

Edit: I mean, think these up.

Noooo I don't have that much time on my hands, got them via email.

iirc, the vacuum cleaner one is jeff foxworthy, pre-redneck era. He used to be really funny......
 

asia

Member
Oct 25, 2004
41
0
0
Originally posted by: godmare
Originally posted by: asia
Originally posted by: Zanix
Did you write these yourself?

Edit: I mean, think these up.

Noooo I don't have that much time on my hands, got them via email.

iirc, the vacuum cleaner one is jeff foxworthy, pre-redneck era. He used to be really funny......

I love Jeff Foxworthy
 
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