Yes; I actually took the time to type all this up b/c it's that annoying to me. You are probably one of these people. Note that your behavior is offensive to me. Knock it off. You annoy the daylights out of me while looking like a darn idiot.
These apply to men and women, unless a specific gender is stated at the beginning of the listed offense. Most of you rack up at least 3 Offensive Points on any particular gym day. The 4 Offensive Points mark is where I typically want to slam your hand in whatever machine you're using.
In no particular order of offensiveness:
+2 Offensive Points: You wear those toe-shoes They don't help you get a better grip on anything, and you look like a freaking growth-stunted frog that can't afford real gym shoes. +1 Offensive Points if your toe shoes are a freaking neon color. +2 Offensive points if the toes are a different neon color than the body of the shoe. Wear regular, normal colored sneakers like everyone else. Leave your damn individuality at home.
+1 Offensive Point: You wear professional grade studio monitor headphones the size of Russian earmuffs: You look like an idiot with those huge cans on your head. It's even funnier when the 20-foot cord gets caught in the Nautilus machine you're using. It's THE GYM, not your Lazyboy recliner at home. Wear ear buds or sensibly-sized headphones. You know, like a normal person. +1 Offensive Point if they are a neon colored Dr. Dre Beatz headphone.
+2 Offensive Points: You not only have a bottle of water, you have an energy drink too: Alternating sips of water with sips of Monster b/t rep sets does not give you more energy, nor does it make you look cool. It makes you look like a douche. +1 Offensive Point if you mix your own "protein shake" in one of those 64-ounce bottles with the spring mixer thing at the bottom and swirl the thing around noisily EVERY freaking time you take a sip. +3 Offensive Points if you have more than two drink containers with you.
+5 Offensive Points: You eat while you work out: I see you every damn day at the gym, munching on everything from a Snickers Bar to cut-up pieces of fruit while you're lifting weights or doing cardio. It's not a damn cafeteria! +3 Offensive Points if you are eating some pretentious "guava nectar soybean pina juice green-colored slushy-looking thing in a jar."
+3 Offensive Points: Suggestive dressing by females: Ladies; if you wear teeny, tiny, skin-tight little booty shorts that your ass hangs out of, and that barely contain your Labia Major, and are bending, leaning, jumping and prancing all over the place, EXPECT that I will stare at you and smile. You obviously want the attention, else you wouldn't dress like you're ready to get on-set at a porno movie shoot. Don't be offended when you get exactly what you asked for. +2 Offensive Points if you actually give me that "Roll the eyes disgusted look" and walk away. Wear sensible, non-whore-like workout clothing and you won't get "visually molested" every time you walk by.
+2 Offensive Points: Your damn phone: You are on your phone, yakking away for the entire 30 minutes, talking about NOTHING while you're on the elliptical trainer next to mine. Have you ever tried saying "Hey Bob, I'm on the bike...can I call you back?" +1 Offensive Point for every Call Waiting call you answer while yakking away about nothing.
+1 Offensive Point Non-working out:[/B] You are on a cardio machine of some kind, laptop or tablet in front of you, working away, while walking/pedaling at exactly .05 MPH. Why bother? Get the hell off the machine and let someone who really wants to USE the machine, use it. +1 Offensive Point for every additional electronic device you have with you.
+2 Offensive Points "My machines!":
You bring 3-5 towels, and drape one over every machine in a 20-foot radius, loudly proclaiming "Hey, I'm using that!" if I get within a 5-foot radius of any one machine you've "peed on." NEWSFLASH: It's not your damn equipment and you do not have exclusive rights to these machines! It's the gym's equipment and I'm a member too! You get to use ONE DAMN MACHINE at a time, steroid boy! Here's another concept: Wait your turn! If you have to wait 10 seconds for me to finish doing my curls, it's not going to kill your workout, AH-NOLD!
+1 Offensive Point Pretentious Techie Dweeb: You use your iPad and some fancy-pants app to track your workout. You do some reps, then you madly swipe/type away, documenting your progress...while texting, emailing and watching music videos. How about you use a damn spiral notebook and a pen like everyone else, and leave your awesome documentation for when you get home? +1 Offensive Point if you send your results via Bluetooth to your buddy next to you, who also is a pretentious prick.
+2 Offensive Points: You stink: Plain and simple, you smell like musty moose ass that's been left under a wet, plastic tarp in the sun for a month. Wear clean clothes at least every other day. +1 Offensive Point if you don't wear socks (see toe shoe comment, above).
+1 Offensive Point: You work out in combat boots: Yes; I can see that you are a big, buff, burly, bear of a man. Wear sneakers like a normal person and leave your Rambo fantasy at home. +1 Offensive Point if you do not lace them up, but leave the laces loose and dangling.
+3 Offensive Points: Too close: You stand right on top of me, waiting for me to finish with the machine. If your sweat drips on me, you're too damn close, OK? +5 Offensive Points if you ask me "Are you done after this set?" while I'm in the middle of a set. When you see me wipe down the machine, I'm done with it. Now go away.
Feel free to add your own gym pet peeves. BTW: If any of the above is YOU, please_just_stop.
These apply to men and women, unless a specific gender is stated at the beginning of the listed offense. Most of you rack up at least 3 Offensive Points on any particular gym day. The 4 Offensive Points mark is where I typically want to slam your hand in whatever machine you're using.
In no particular order of offensiveness:
+2 Offensive Points: You wear those toe-shoes They don't help you get a better grip on anything, and you look like a freaking growth-stunted frog that can't afford real gym shoes. +1 Offensive Points if your toe shoes are a freaking neon color. +2 Offensive points if the toes are a different neon color than the body of the shoe. Wear regular, normal colored sneakers like everyone else. Leave your damn individuality at home.
+1 Offensive Point: You wear professional grade studio monitor headphones the size of Russian earmuffs: You look like an idiot with those huge cans on your head. It's even funnier when the 20-foot cord gets caught in the Nautilus machine you're using. It's THE GYM, not your Lazyboy recliner at home. Wear ear buds or sensibly-sized headphones. You know, like a normal person. +1 Offensive Point if they are a neon colored Dr. Dre Beatz headphone.
+2 Offensive Points: You not only have a bottle of water, you have an energy drink too: Alternating sips of water with sips of Monster b/t rep sets does not give you more energy, nor does it make you look cool. It makes you look like a douche. +1 Offensive Point if you mix your own "protein shake" in one of those 64-ounce bottles with the spring mixer thing at the bottom and swirl the thing around noisily EVERY freaking time you take a sip. +3 Offensive Points if you have more than two drink containers with you.
+5 Offensive Points: You eat while you work out: I see you every damn day at the gym, munching on everything from a Snickers Bar to cut-up pieces of fruit while you're lifting weights or doing cardio. It's not a damn cafeteria! +3 Offensive Points if you are eating some pretentious "guava nectar soybean pina juice green-colored slushy-looking thing in a jar."
+3 Offensive Points: Suggestive dressing by females: Ladies; if you wear teeny, tiny, skin-tight little booty shorts that your ass hangs out of, and that barely contain your Labia Major, and are bending, leaning, jumping and prancing all over the place, EXPECT that I will stare at you and smile. You obviously want the attention, else you wouldn't dress like you're ready to get on-set at a porno movie shoot. Don't be offended when you get exactly what you asked for. +2 Offensive Points if you actually give me that "Roll the eyes disgusted look" and walk away. Wear sensible, non-whore-like workout clothing and you won't get "visually molested" every time you walk by.
+2 Offensive Points: Your damn phone: You are on your phone, yakking away for the entire 30 minutes, talking about NOTHING while you're on the elliptical trainer next to mine. Have you ever tried saying "Hey Bob, I'm on the bike...can I call you back?" +1 Offensive Point for every Call Waiting call you answer while yakking away about nothing.
+1 Offensive Point Non-working out:[/B] You are on a cardio machine of some kind, laptop or tablet in front of you, working away, while walking/pedaling at exactly .05 MPH. Why bother? Get the hell off the machine and let someone who really wants to USE the machine, use it. +1 Offensive Point for every additional electronic device you have with you.
+2 Offensive Points "My machines!":
You bring 3-5 towels, and drape one over every machine in a 20-foot radius, loudly proclaiming "Hey, I'm using that!" if I get within a 5-foot radius of any one machine you've "peed on." NEWSFLASH: It's not your damn equipment and you do not have exclusive rights to these machines! It's the gym's equipment and I'm a member too! You get to use ONE DAMN MACHINE at a time, steroid boy! Here's another concept: Wait your turn! If you have to wait 10 seconds for me to finish doing my curls, it's not going to kill your workout, AH-NOLD!
+1 Offensive Point Pretentious Techie Dweeb: You use your iPad and some fancy-pants app to track your workout. You do some reps, then you madly swipe/type away, documenting your progress...while texting, emailing and watching music videos. How about you use a damn spiral notebook and a pen like everyone else, and leave your awesome documentation for when you get home? +1 Offensive Point if you send your results via Bluetooth to your buddy next to you, who also is a pretentious prick.
+2 Offensive Points: You stink: Plain and simple, you smell like musty moose ass that's been left under a wet, plastic tarp in the sun for a month. Wear clean clothes at least every other day. +1 Offensive Point if you don't wear socks (see toe shoe comment, above).
+1 Offensive Point: You work out in combat boots: Yes; I can see that you are a big, buff, burly, bear of a man. Wear sneakers like a normal person and leave your Rambo fantasy at home. +1 Offensive Point if you do not lace them up, but leave the laces loose and dangling.
+3 Offensive Points: Too close: You stand right on top of me, waiting for me to finish with the machine. If your sweat drips on me, you're too damn close, OK? +5 Offensive Points if you ask me "Are you done after this set?" while I'm in the middle of a set. When you see me wipe down the machine, I'm done with it. Now go away.
Feel free to add your own gym pet peeves. BTW: If any of the above is YOU, please_just_stop.
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