To buy or not buy groceries for house guests

[swbsam]

My wife's grad-school friend (not best friend..or good friend.. She didn't even go to our wedding) is visiting our city (not us) for a week and needed a place to crash. I'm completely fine with that but, since money is tight, I don't really want to spend money on the friend's visit.

She's traveling with a friend as well, so 2 people will be crashing at our place for 6 days.

My wife mentioned going grocery shopping for their visit and I don't think that we should. Am I being unreasonable?

1. I've never met this friend - she's more of an acquaintance to my wife
2. Money has been really tight. We just bought a house a few months ago, with all of the recent repairs and expenses, even $100 to feed them seems ...annoying..
3. We're well stocked for groceries for at least a month, but definitely not the stuff a non-dieter would want to eat. No convenience food, no snacks, no soda, etc. We'd stock shit I wouldn't want in the house
4. Hotel stays in NYC are expensive! They should just buy their own damn food instead of us feeding them, especially since we'll be going to work during the day


NOTE: I wouldn't be this much of a prick if it were family or good friends. Groceries to keep 2 people I don't know fed for a week =?!?! to me, or am I just crazy?

 

[MotF Bane]

Don't go grocery shopping for them.

 

[FoBoT]

either be hospitable (ie let the wife buy the groceries) or don't let them stay at all or charge them some $ like a hotel

me, i'd let the wife handle it and be hospitable

 

[Crusty]

Really? Can't you make a decision for yourself once?

Just let them eat your food, but don't go and buy anything just for them. If they don't like what you have they can go buy their own food.

 

[mb]

I think you're being reasonable but it's not worth the fight if your wife insists.

Sure, buy for family or close friends, especially if you can afford it. But, they are not family or close friends, and it doesn't sound like you can really afford it.

There's also the chance if you don't buy groceries for them that your wife will just take them out to eat and it'll be more expensive anyway.

 

[Crono]

If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

 

[Platypus]

It doesn't matter what is logical or right in these situations, it's best to just let your wife do what the fuck she wants since your two choices are A) you put your foot down and piss off your wife who will find ways you didn't even know existed to fuck with you or B) hand your sack to your wife and avoid said consequences.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: FoBoT
either be hospitable (ie let the wife buy the groceries) or don't let them stay at all or charge them some $ like a hotel

me, i'd let the wife handle it and be hospitable

Well, I don't want to charge them money nor do I want to be a prick and tell them they can't come. We're newly weds and are pretty young as well, 27 and 28. Which is young in North East terms, but I'm sure people in other parts of the country have children and grand children by now We're just getting started and are scraping by, which is ok since my wife only got out of grad school a year ago! What was my point? Yeah, I don't think it's wrong to say "sure, stay here! Save $200 a night on a hotel.. But we're eating a particular way, so the grocery store around the corner is awesome if you need anything in particular."

I wouldn't lock up the soy milk or demand 50 cents for a cup of coffee. I just dont' want to buy new groceries when we don't need to, in order to feed 2 strangers

 

[txrandom]

Just keep buying the food you normally buy. If they don't want to eat vegetables and rice, let them go buy their Twinkies and Chef Boyardee.

This is also good advise for living with roommates: you buy healthy food, and you don't have to worry about roommates eating it since all they eat is crap.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

 

[AreaCode707]

If it's a "houseguest" then yes, you provide food.

However, this isn't a houseguest; this is someone crashing at your place because you're doing them a favor. (2 people, one that you don't even know!? You're doing them a BIG favor.) They are responsible for their own entertainment and food.

 

[Crono]

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

I'm Indian, so technically yes

No, I just think that the host<->guest relationship should be a very positive one, and whichever role you find yourself in, you should do your very best to do what's honorable and right even if you have to sacrifice a little.

It's not really an Asian concept, btw, it extends across many cultures but is often forgotten in modern societies.

 

[middlehead]

If it were less of a visit and more of "staying with us for a while," then I'd agree with you and make them buy any extra shit.

If it's only a week, and your wife has an idea of what extras to get for them, I'd say let it go.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: Crono

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

I'm Indian, so technically yes

No, I just think that the host<->guest relationship should be a very positive one, and whichever role you find yourself in, you should do your very best to do what's honorable and right even if you have to sacrifice a little.

It's not really an Asian concept, btw, it extends across many cultures but is often forgotten in modern societies.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a cultural thing. Are you over 35? I think younger folks are more likely to want to help someone out by providing a roof, even if they can't do the full host-guest experience, rather than leave them out on the cold altogether.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: Crono

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

I'm Indian, so technically yes

No, I just think that the host<->guest relationship should be a very positive one, and whichever role you find yourself in, you should do your very best to do what's honorable and right even if you have to sacrifice a little.

It's not really an Asian concept, btw, it extends across many cultures but is often forgotten in modern societies.

I asked because I'm indian, and your mentality is my mom's.. She would blow a grand on a week visit from some distant cousin. I think that's why I'm freaking out!

I think the guest<->host relationship is skewed for me, since there will rarely be a.. karmic balance. I doubt I'll EVER visit them in the midwest and, as New Yorkers, I sure as hell will have more friends of friends who want to crash here.. So it'll always be me being hospitable and me never getting any of that hospitality returned. That's a crude way of putting it, but that's why living in desirable locations is a mixed blessing

 

[Fayd]

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

i'm white, and i agree with his sentiment.

 

[alkemyst]

lol, why'd they even want to stay with you, you will just end up asking here what to do next every 5 mins.

BTW you are really dating yourself when you count your current 'good' friends as those that would have been at your wedding.

I'd not interfere with your wife's plans or she will soon be your ex-wife and probably having friends over your 'old' house pretty regularly.

If you are too poor for guests let your wife know.

 

[Fayd]

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

I'm Indian, so technically yes

No, I just think that the host<->guest relationship should be a very positive one, and whichever role you find yourself in, you should do your very best to do what's honorable and right even if you have to sacrifice a little.

It's not really an Asian concept, btw, it extends across many cultures but is often forgotten in modern societies.

I asked because I'm indian, and your mentality is my mom's.. She would blow a grand on a week visit from some distant cousin. I think that's why I'm freaking out!

I think the guest<->host relationship is skewed for me, since there will rarely be a.. karmic balance. I doubt I'll EVER visit them in the midwest and, as New Yorkers, I sure as hell will have more friends of friends who want to crash here.. So it'll always be me being hospitable and me never getting any of that hospitality returned. That's a crude way of putting it, but that's why living in desirable locations is a mixed blessing

that seems a bit excessive.

but a proper host does provide food, a clean room with clean sheets, and a clean bathroom for his guests.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
lol, why'd they even want to stay with you, you will just end up asking here what to do next every 5 mins.

BTW you are really dating yourself when you count your current 'good' friends as those that would have been at your wedding.

I'd not interfere with your wife's plans or she will soon be your ex-wife and probably having friends over your 'old' house pretty regularly.

If you are too poor for guests let your wife know.

Says the man who probably doesn't have a girlfriend, let alone a wife.

 

[rivan]

Originally posted by: FoBoT
either be hospitable (ie let the wife buy the groceries) or don't let them stay at all or charge them some $ like a hotel

me, i'd let the wife handle it and be hospitable

This. Even when semi-self-invited, they're guests.

 

[queenrobot]

even if someone is just "crashing" at my house, I treat them like a guest. I would buy some food for them to munch on.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: Crono

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

I'm Indian, so technically yes

No, I just think that the host<->guest relationship should be a very positive one, and whichever role you find yourself in, you should do your very best to do what's honorable and right even if you have to sacrifice a little.

It's not really an Asian concept, btw, it extends across many cultures but is often forgotten in modern societies.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a cultural thing. Are you over 35? I think younger folks are more likely to want to help someone out by providing a roof, even if they can't do the full host-guest experience, rather than leave them out on the cold altogether.

I think it's a generational thing as well...Like, from my POV, I'd like to visit Ireland, and could probably stay with a friend of mine there. I wouldn't think of inconveniencing her beyond a room, so I would in fact offer to take her and her boyfriend out for dinner and not expect the opposite.

Hell, why should I pay for a big chunk of these kids vacation, when I can't afford a vacation myself right now?

p.s. we're going grocery shopping, obviously, but just for basics/snacks

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: Crono

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: Crono
If you are going to play host and lodge them, then it's your responsibility to be as good a host as possible, even if you have to go out of your way.

If it really is that desperate a situation that you can't adequately provide for them, then don't have them stay at your place.

Are you asian?

I'm Indian, so technically yes

No, I just think that the host<->guest relationship should be a very positive one, and whichever role you find yourself in, you should do your very best to do what's honorable and right even if you have to sacrifice a little.

It's not really an Asian concept, btw, it extends across many cultures but is often forgotten in modern societies.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a cultural thing. Are you over 35? I think younger folks are more likely to want to help someone out by providing a roof, even if they can't do the full host-guest experience, rather than leave them out on the cold altogether.

I think it's a generational thing as well...Like, from my POV, I'd like to visit Ireland, and could probably stay with a friend of mine there. I wouldn't think of inconveniencing her beyond a room, so I would in fact offer to take her and her boyfriend out for dinner and not expect the opposite.

Hell, why should I pay for a big chunk of these kids vacation, when I can't afford a vacation myself right now?

p.s. we're going grocery shopping, obviously, but just for basics/snacks

Yeah, there's a big difference between the friend I invite up to stay for the week on his vacation and the friend who asks to borrow a room a few times while she searches for a local apartment and job.

For the first, I take time off, show him the sights, take him to lunch and make nice dinners, etc. For the second, I provide a bed, roof, towels and offer to share anything I'm eating if she happens to be around during meals (which she often isn't).

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: alkemyst
lol, why'd they even want to stay with you, you will just end up asking here what to do next every 5 mins.

BTW you are really dating yourself when you count your current 'good' friends as those that would have been at your wedding.

I'd not interfere with your wife's plans or she will soon be your ex-wife and probably having friends over your 'old' house pretty regularly.

If you are too poor for guests let your wife know.

Says the man who probably doesn't have a girlfriend, let alone a wife.

live in girlfriends 4, wife/ex wife 2.

At my current home our guest room is probably the most expensive furnishings we have. When guests come and we are hosting we make sure they have what they'd like to find in our cabinets. This is part to being an adult host.

If you are living check to check, it really doesn't suit you to have any guests. If you don't like your wife having friends then perhaps you should find a different partner in life.

What's odd is you own a home in NYC and can't afford to take care of a friend or two for a few days? If you don't live in NYC, why bring up hotel rates there?

This sounds more like you don't want her friends in 'your' house.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: alkemyst
lol, why'd they even want to stay with you, you will just end up asking here what to do next every 5 mins.

BTW you are really dating yourself when you count your current 'good' friends as those that would have been at your wedding.

I'd not interfere with your wife's plans or she will soon be your ex-wife and probably having friends over your 'old' house pretty regularly.

If you are too poor for guests let your wife know.

Says the man who probably doesn't have a girlfriend, let alone a wife.

live in girlfriends 4, wife/ex wife 2.

At my current home our guest room is probably the most expensive furnishings we have. When guests come and we are hosting we make sure they have what they'd like to find in our cabinets. This is part to being an adult host.

If you are living check to check, it really doesn't suit you to have any guests. If you don't like your wife having friends then perhaps you should find a different partner in life.

What's odd is you own a home in NYC and can't afford to take care of a friend or two for a few days? If you don't live in NYC, why bring up hotel rates there?

This sounds more like you don't want her friends in 'your' house.

Wait, you live with 4 girlfriends? Mormon?

Anyways, based on you history and ex-wives, I'm betting you're older than me, and can afford to gleefully put people you don't know up. Once I'm 40 and have money socked away and financial security, sure, this wouldn't even be an issue. Right now I only moved out of the house 6 years ago... Got my first real career 2 years ago... Got married a year ago.. Got my first car just a few months before that - I've spent so much lately that, yes, we can be considered pay check to pay check...

I suppose I could have said no to their trip and told them to get a hotel room, but in my weird world saving them a grand seemed NICE, not rude.

I live in Brooklyn, NY (15 minutes from NYC). Not everyone in NYC makes 7 figures...