Top Ten ....

[Axman]

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE OFFICE, AREN'T:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1thing that sounds dirty but at the office isn't:
1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM AREN'T:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge .
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law isn't
1. Think you can get me off?

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk .
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't
1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.

 

[VoodooExtreme]

ROTFLOL!!!!!!!

 

[geno]

Nice

 

[Cattlegod]

haha, those are great!

 

[Impact55]

I'm gonna spread that to a law firm today at work . Thanks bro!

 

[TheKidd]

Thanks for the laugh.

 

[daveman]

thats some good ones

 

[classy]

hahahahahahaha Good one! LOL

 

[JediKnut]

heheheh
i've read these before, but they still make me rule

 

[yakko]

hahahaha

 

[RDMustang1]

OMG! I have a jokes page that I keep for a few friends and I'm gonna have to add these!

 

[Doggiedog]

Ok, here are some more:

> > > > > 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
> > > > > faster than an ambulance.
> > > > >
> > > > > 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places
> > > > > in front of a skating rink.
> > > > >
> > > > > 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk
> > > > > all the way to the back of the store to get their
> > > > > prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
> > > > > at the front.
> > > > >
> > > > > 4. Only in America......do people order double
> > > > > cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
> > > > >
> > > > > 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open
> > > > > and then chain the pens to the counters.
> > > > >
> > > > > 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
> > > > > thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
> > > > > useless junk in the garage.
> > > > >
> > > > > 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to
> > > > > screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss
> > > > > miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the
> > > > > first place.
> > > > >
> > > > > 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of
> > > > > ten and buns in packages of eight.
> > > > >
> > > > > 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to
> > > > > describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning
> > > > > 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
> > > > >
> > > > > 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
> > > > > machines with Braille lettering.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > In case you needed further proof that the human race
> > > > > is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual
> > > > > label instructions on consumer goods:
> > > > >
> > > > > 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
> > > > > [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]
> > > > >
> > > > > 2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No
> > > > > purchase necessary. Details inside". [Evidently, the
> > > > > shoplifter special]
> > > > >
> > > > > 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like
> > > > > regular soap." [And that would be how...?]
> > > > >
> > > > > 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
> > > > > suggestions: Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion]
> > > > >
> > > > > 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of
> > > > > box): "Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]
> > > > >
> > > > > 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be
> > > > > hot after heating". [As sure as night follows the day... ..]
> > > > >
> > > > > 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
> > > > > on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?]
> > > > >
> > > > > 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive or
> > > > > operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do
> > > > > a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could
> > > > > just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.]
> > > > >
> > > > > 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness"
> > > > > [One would hope]
> > > > >
> > > > > 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
> > > > > outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]
> > > > >
> > > > > 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
> > > > > the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious].
> > > > >
> > > > > 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".
> > > > > [NEWS FLASH]
> > > > >
> > > > > 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions:
> > > > > open packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]
> > > > >
> > > > > 14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this
> > > > > garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't blame
> > > > > the company. I do blame parents for this one!]
>
>

 

[FinalLastz]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH laughing that hard HURTSSSSSSSS

 

[1cito]

LMAO! Great Post!

 

[HansXP]

LOL Doggiedog, those were great

 

[pulpp]