Toughest question to ask ever.

[Pacfanweb]

What Cobalt said.

 

[dfi]

To all the people that are getting mad at luke1: when was the last time you approached someone you thought was unattractive? How about someone that you thought looked hideous? In fact, every potential mate you see on the street might have a great personality. So how do you know which one to approach? Lowest common denominator: appearance. You go for the one that looks good.

But he's in a relationship, you say, and he should learn to accept her for who she is or end the relationship. Well, let's say you really like your girlfriend. But she likes letting the trash pile up in her apartment, and as a result, smells really bad. Do you "oh well" and accept her for who she is? No, of course not. You say "TAKE OUT THE FREAKING TRASH, WOMAN, YOU SMELL BAD!" (well, not quite like that.) You ask this of her because you know it's plausible, and that she'll do it if she cares enough about what you think. A relationship should be about compromise. If your girlfriend is unwilling to take out the trash, then she'll say so. And if you're unwilling to continue a relationship if she doesnt, then you end it. But why assume that she's unwilling to be more tidy, and end the relationship, before giving her the chance to compromise. Who knows, maybe she's been thinking of being cleaner.

Anyways, I think I understand where luke1 is coming from. He really likes her, and would continue to go out with her even if she didnt lose weight. But he really would find her more attractive if she did lose some weight. And he also knows that this is a sensitive issue.

Well, luke1, there's 2 ways of going about this. One, you can tell her straight up that you'd like her to lose some weight. Or, you can do it in a more roundabout way. Tell her that you think YOU need to lose weight. From what you've told us, you're in great shape. If she thinks that you think you need to lose weight (and that you're in great shape), then she can deduce what you think about her weight gain. And because you need to go to the gym, you might as well ask her to come along too.

BTW, you say you dont need to hit the gym, but honestly luke1, who's so fit that they dont need to go the gym?

dfi

 

[NetGuySC]

I would advice telling her just before she starts her monthly deal....since you won't be getting any anyway for awhile after you tell her

 

[todpod]

You may convince her to lose the weight but then expect to be booted out, if you in this for the long haul she is going to change and not nessacarily for the better, but you have to accept her for who she is not what she looks like.

 

[Tangerine]

<< I would advice telling her just before she starts her monthly deal....since you won't be getting any anyway for awhile after you tell her >>



No bad idea! You don't want to tell her anything upsetting during PMS week! lol
20 pounds in 2 years sounds like a lot of weight fast for someone so small. Maybe if you both change your eating habits a little, cook at home more, eat less pizza and fast food the weight should start slipping off. I don't know if you live together and can can control that, but that's what I would do. If you take up an interest in cooking and make some healthy meals she will have to eat them

 

[Murpheeee]

My sister's boyfriend did it all wrong......

He said he was going to buy her a dress for her birthday and asked what size she was.
She said 10.
He said okay well I'll get a 6 and that will give you something to work towards.

Much screaming and yelling later.....he is now the EX-boyfriend.

Just to warn you

 

[LostHiWay]

You are in a pretty tough situation. I say your going to have to just live with it. The only possible way I could see is maybe talking to one of her friends...but you never know how that will go.

If you guys do ever break up and your dating again here's a way to avoid the situation again in the future. Look at the girls Mom. 95% of the time that how they end up looking.

 

[iamshady]

She might be 5' 2", but if you tell that to her, you'll swear she's atleast 7' tall after she kicks your a$$.

The gym sounds like a good bet

 

[Descartes]

I think it's sad that the love you have for her is only as strong as her ability to remain a constant weight.

 

[Koing]

<<
If you guys do ever break up and your dating again here's a way to avoid the situation again in the future. Look at the girls Mom. 95% of the time that how they end up looking. >>



Correct. I too have heard this and tend to believe this. Man it was funny when a mate dissed his girlfriends mum, and then hes going out with her daughter!!! So she'll probably end up like that. Man he shouldn't have been so dam nasty about her mum as his girlfriend might look like that when they are older!!!!

I just say to ask her straight out. But keep on telling her you love her, but if she doesn't want to do it then take it as that and leave it. If your relationship is worth more to you then this is what you will do. But if its not you can split for your own reasons. Its only weight, BUT is that weight in fat???

 

[StageLeft]

There is nothing you can do. Leave it and she gets fatter. Bring it up and unless she is of the 1/1000 girls that won't take it personally she'll be pissed at you. You're screwed

I don't think it's an unreasonable request though. As long as you don't love her only for her looks of course attraction is part of the equation. I defy any guy here to say that if he started going out with a hot chick and she packed on 40 lbs he wouldn't find it at least a little upsetting.

My weight has fluctuated over the last 5 years and at it's peak I'll look in the mirror and think "damn I look gross" (not really, but for me I think so!). If I am self-conscious about my weight and seeing a bit of a belly roll how can I expect anybody else to find me attractive?

 

[nd]

I don't know.

What I do know, is that the one thing you can count on is that as soon as you break up, she will lose the weight almost instantaneously. Strange phenomenon it is.

 

[Jerboy]

Well you can start making a bar graph of her calorie intake and make whatevers excessive in red. Use it as a screen saver or leave it on all the time. She might notice..

[super buttery bread 250cal][soft drink 150cal][ice cream 500cal ][dinner 1750 calorie ][make anything beyond here red]

 

[busmaster11]

<< ask her if she'd like to go run somewhere or take a bikeride somewhere, or if she wants to go to the beach, women always obsess about how they'll look in a bathing suit. >>



I think thats a good idea. If she's 5.2, you shouldn't worry unless she's over say, 115 or so... If thats the case, Don't sound materialisitic and shallow about the whole thing, you know, like don't sound like you have an objective... Instead, go work out and be more active with her... Make it sound like you're on a health kick, and also start to sound like you're worried about your health and hers, just for the sake of it...

 

[Juniper]

Luke1, how long have you been going out with your gf?

From your post, it seems that you guyz have been dating for >=2 years, so you two should be in the comfortable-to-talk-to-each-other-about-anything zone. Why don't you just tell her the truth, for example when you see her naked... or something of the sort? Nothing harsh though, just something like feels like you've put on some weight recently.

I think if you take round abouts to tell your gf that she needs to lose weight, she will take it badly, because eventually she will figure out the real message that you have been trying to convey to her.

Anyway, good luck with your girl. Be a man

 

[fjorner]

Don't even try it. Trust me.

 

[MichaelD]

<< "If you look vaguely human again, I may take you back." >>



That's mean, but I did LOL!

This is indeed one of the hardest things to bring up in a relationship. I've seen from personal experience (unfortunately) that along with the added weight comes:

1. No more makeup (she used to wear some, but not any more)
2. No more nice, sexy clothes (used be stylin' or semi-stylin...now she buys "grandma clothes"
3. Reduced sex drive (the excuse that was always layed on me was "I don't like the way I look and I don't feel sexy so I didn't think you wanted me...<wah>)

Try to eat healthy (both of you) work out with her, etc. Good luck, my friend.

ps
Say hello to Mr. Couch for me.

 

[RedRooster]

Get her to go through her closet and "model" some of the clothes she hasn't tried on in a long time. When she realizes they no longer fit, maybe the notion will enter her head.
When my gal found some pants she couldn't fit anymore, she immediately went on Weight Watchers and is back down to where she was.

 

[Luke1]

Ack. To all who Say I don't love her, you're wrong. I will stay with her even if she stays at this weight. I would just like to see her get back in shape, she used to be thin. She is I think about 133 and 5'2". I can handle some curves, but not blatant chunkiness. Also, as for the Gym stuff, she works days, and I work nights, so during the week we really don't see each other much. I have also tried saying that I think I am too fat and stuff, all she says is "No, your crazy". I am 6'2" and 205. I think I just need to be direct, but how bring that up easily I don't know...

argh.

 

[busmaster11]

<< Ack. To all who Say I don't love her, you're wrong. I will stay with her even if she stays at this weight. I would just like to see her get back in shape, she used to be thin. She is I think about 133 and 5'2". I can handle some curves, but not blatant chunkiness. Also, as for the Gym stuff, she works days, and I work nights, so during the week we really don't see each other much. I have also tried saying that I think I am too fat and stuff, all she says is "No, your crazy". I am 6'2" and 205. I think I just need to be direct, but how bring that up easily I don't know...

argh. >>



5.2 and 133? dang... Do it for her health, buddy... My gf is 5.4 and 107, but then she's asian, and has a smaller build...

 

[777php]

Suggest taking some sort of class such as martial arts or dancing. It should be a class that meets at least twice a week or else it won't help lose much weight. It's something you can both do together and its fun.

Martial arts classes will definitely give you the best workout.

 

[bootymac]

lets play tag all week!
or
YOU'RE FAT! RUN AWAY NOW! (jk)

 

[peto]

More cushion for the pushin'.

 

[Braves]

Well, how much was she before and how much is she now

If she was 5'2 70 pounds before then 5'2 90 pounds ain't too bad!
I have no advice for u, i have 3 sisters and I tell them they are fat to their face... which is kinda why the entire right side of my face is scarred

okay i must've missed the post where he already said how much she weighs now... my bad

 

[Daniel]

<< Luke1, how long have you been going out with your gf?

From your post, it seems that you guyz have been dating for >=2 years, so you two should be in the comfortable-to-talk-to-each-other-about-anything zone. Why don't you just tell her the truth, for example when you see her naked... or something of the sort? Nothing harsh though, just something like feels like you've put on some weight recently.

I think if you take round abouts to tell your gf that she needs to lose weight, she will take it badly, because eventually she will figure out the real message that you have been trying to convey to her.

Anyway, good luck with your girl. Be a man >>



I geez comfortable or not there is no nice way to say she has put on a few pounds unless she was underweight and trying to.

To the people that think its a totally pigish thing for him to say, at least he was secure enough to admit it here. As nice as it is for for everyone to say its only inside what counts it's not entirely true. If you feel in love with someone for the whole person, inside and out, and you still loved them but they were letting themself fall apart you can't say it wouldn't bother you in the least. Funny to hear in this place with a PICS!! request every time someone mentions a girl, then you jump into the routine of no amount of weight would be enough to make you wish they would change, oh please.

I also agree with the suggestions of trying to get her to go with you to a gym, hiking, biking, karate, something and work on the eating thing cause when people run all around they tend to get what is convenient, not what is healthy.