trouble with 8 year old

[Rainsford]

You know what I'd like to see? Now that enough parents don't hit their kids as discipline, I'd like to see some information on criminal activity as an adult related to the presence of physical punishment as a kid. It's only a gut feeling, but I don't think we'll see shocking data that suggests a lack of spanking leads to the child growing up to be a bad person.

 

[Darilus]

There's nothing wrong with spanking your children in certain situations. The important thing is to not punish your child when you're angry, and I'm not referring to spanking in particular, I mean any sort. Send your child to their room for a few minutes if you need to calm down. You'll be much more effective if you can calmly tell your child why they are going to be punished, explain what is going to happen as a result, and then follow through with it.

The only thing less effective than no discipline is half assed discipline than a child can get out of. A child might not realize they did something wrong if there's no discipline after it, but if they learn that they can do something wrong and get away with it, you're screwed as a parent.

<----Not a parent, but works with children 5yrs and under

 

[PeteRoy]

Anyone who beat kids is a coward.

 

[Darilus]

Originally posted by: PeteRoy
What are you beating defenseless kids, take it against someone in your own size, shame on you.

If a kid does something wrong you can punish him in other ways than beatings you smart on small children.

Don't be an ass. Spanking as a discipline is hardly beating a child. You are right that there are other ways to discipline, but that's the one the OP chose. Feel free to discipline your children differently.

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: cmdrmoocow
That certainly qualifies as something that deserves punishment.

Make sure, though, that in the end you go back and let her know exactly why it was wrong - as has already been posted, the reason why they don't want to do things is not 'to not get spanked', but to not do something because it gets people upset.

Exactly, so what purpose does the spanking serve if they understand it makes people feel bad and won't do it because of that? Sure, actions have consequences...built in in most cases. You call your mom a bad name, she feels bad, which should make most normal kids feel pretty bad themselves. Punishment implies that the real reason not to do something isn't enough deterent, maybe because the kid doesn't fully understand what he did. At 8, I think he understands just fine.

 

[Excelsior]

Calling his mom a b!tch at 8, let alone any age? Damn.

 

[randumb]

punishment

pain sends a much better message

 

[Darilus]

Originally posted by: Rainsford
You know what I'd like to see? Now that enough parents don't hit their kids as discipline, I'd like to see some information on criminal activity as an adult related to the presence of physical punishment as a kid. It's only a gut feeling, but I don't think we'll see shocking data that suggests a lack of spanking leads to the child growing up to be a bad person.

My mom, aunt, and three uncles were switched with a branch off a rose bush, thorns intact, when they stepped too far out of line. None of them grew up to be criminals, and all of them treated my grandparents with respect from the moment I can remember until the day my grandparents died. It's not how you discipline your kids, it's what you teach them when you're not.

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: PeteRoy
What are you beating defenseless kids, take it against someone in your own size, shame on you.

If a kid does something wrong you can punish him in other ways than beatings you smart on small children.

Don't be an ass. Spanking as a discipline is hardly beating a child. You are right that there are other ways to discipline, but that's the one the OP chose. Feel free to discipline your children differently.

Hey, the OP asked our opinion on his methods of discipline, and we're giving them to him. I personally think the reaction is to parents who think discipline=parenting. There isn't enough information to make that decision about the OP of course, but given the situation, I don't think discipline is the big problem here.

 

[Nebor]

I would ask what your wife did you upset your son so much. Children don't act up, they act out. There's a reason he said what he said, and it's likely something your wife did to him.

Next, I would question the environment you're allowing your child to be exposed to. How is he picking up that sort of language at such a young age? You should be protecting him from such language.

It sounds to me like you're blaming your child for acting out, rather than trying to determine why he's acting the way he is.

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: Rainsford
You know what I'd like to see? Now that enough parents don't hit their kids as discipline, I'd like to see some information on criminal activity as an adult related to the presence of physical punishment as a kid. It's only a gut feeling, but I don't think we'll see shocking data that suggests a lack of spanking leads to the child growing up to be a bad person.

My mom, aunt, and three uncles were switched with a branch off a rose bush, thorns intact, when they stepped too far out of line. None of them grew up to be criminals, and all of them treated my grandparents with respect from the moment I can remember until the day my grandparents died. It's not how you discipline your kids, it's what you teach them when you're not.

I agree totally with your last statement, and I think if you do a halfway reasonable job of teaching you kids, discipline should be an extremely rare occurance. JMHO, of course, but my point is whether or not you mom, aunt or uncles would have turned out worse without all that beating (hitting someone with a thorny switch counts as beating in my book).

 

[Darilus]

Originally posted by: Rainsford

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: PeteRoy
What are you beating defenseless kids, take it against someone in your own size, shame on you.

If a kid does something wrong you can punish him in other ways than beatings you smart on small children.

Don't be an ass. Spanking as a discipline is hardly beating a child. You are right that there are other ways to discipline, but that's the one the OP chose. Feel free to discipline your children differently.

Hey, the OP asked our opinion on his methods of discipline, and we're giving them to him. I personally think the reaction is to parents who think discipline=parenting. There isn't enough information to make that decision about the OP of course, but given the situation, I don't think discipline is the big problem here.

You're right, I over-reacted. He did ask for opinions, I just reacted to harshly to one that still appears to me to lack any rational thought.

I may disagree with your posts on this, but at least you seem to have reasons behind your opinions.

 

[Darilus]

Originally posted by: Rainsford

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: Rainsford
You know what I'd like to see? Now that enough parents don't hit their kids as discipline, I'd like to see some information on criminal activity as an adult related to the presence of physical punishment as a kid. It's only a gut feeling, but I don't think we'll see shocking data that suggests a lack of spanking leads to the child growing up to be a bad person.

My mom, aunt, and three uncles were switched with a branch off a rose bush, thorns intact, when they stepped too far out of line. None of them grew up to be criminals, and all of them treated my grandparents with respect from the moment I can remember until the day my grandparents died. It's not how you discipline your kids, it's what you teach them when you're not.

I agree totally with your last statement, and I think if you do a halfway reasonable job of teaching you kids, discipline should be an extremely rare occurance. JMHO, of course, but my point is whether or not you mom, aunt or uncles would have turned out worse without all that beating (hitting someone with a thorny switch counts as beating in my book).

My grandparents were both second generation Sicilian immigrants, and I agree that that's much too harsh. My point was just that even such an extreme form of physical punishment (which I disagree with) didn't turn any of them into criminals.

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: Rainsford

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: PeteRoy
What are you beating defenseless kids, take it against someone in your own size, shame on you.

If a kid does something wrong you can punish him in other ways than beatings you smart on small children.

Don't be an ass. Spanking as a discipline is hardly beating a child. You are right that there are other ways to discipline, but that's the one the OP chose. Feel free to discipline your children differently.

Hey, the OP asked our opinion on his methods of discipline, and we're giving them to him. I personally think the reaction is to parents who think discipline=parenting. There isn't enough information to make that decision about the OP of course, but given the situation, I don't think discipline is the big problem here.

You're right, I over-reacted. He did ask for opinions, I just reacted to harshly to one that still appears to me to lack any rational thought.

I may disagree with your posts on this, but at least you seem to have reasons behind your opinions.

No problem Discussions with people who agree with me are pretty boring

I agree that comments like PeteRoy's are uncalled for, this wasn't the OP flying into a rage and slugging his kid, it was what he views as effective discipline. I'm trying to keep that in mind, even though I happen to disagree.

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: Rainsford

Originally posted by: Darilus

Originally posted by: Rainsford
You know what I'd like to see? Now that enough parents don't hit their kids as discipline, I'd like to see some information on criminal activity as an adult related to the presence of physical punishment as a kid. It's only a gut feeling, but I don't think we'll see shocking data that suggests a lack of spanking leads to the child growing up to be a bad person.

My mom, aunt, and three uncles were switched with a branch off a rose bush, thorns intact, when they stepped too far out of line. None of them grew up to be criminals, and all of them treated my grandparents with respect from the moment I can remember until the day my grandparents died. It's not how you discipline your kids, it's what you teach them when you're not.

I agree totally with your last statement, and I think if you do a halfway reasonable job of teaching you kids, discipline should be an extremely rare occurance. JMHO, of course, but my point is whether or not you mom, aunt or uncles would have turned out worse without all that beating (hitting someone with a thorny switch counts as beating in my book).

My grandparents were both second generation Sicilian immigrants, and I agree that that's much too harsh. My point was just that even such an extreme form of physical punishment (which I disagree with) didn't turn any of them into criminals.

Ah, I think you misunderstood my point. I was not suggesting that physical punishment turns people into criminals, I was just wondering if it can really be shown that physical punishment actually leads to kids growing up to be better people. The idea being that a theory that good parents should spank their kids would be supported by data showing that criminals were punished less as kids than in society as a whole. I was saying I don't believe that is the case, but it would be interesting to see the actual data.

 

[Darilus]

Originally posted by: Rainsford

Ah, I think you misunderstood my point. I was not suggesting that physical punishment turns people into criminals, I was just wondering if it can really be shown that physical punishment actually leads to kids growing up to be better people. The idea being that a theory that good parents should spank their kids would be supported by data showing that criminals were punished less as kids than in society as a whole. I was saying I don't believe that is the case, but it would be interesting to see the actual data.

It would be interesting to see data on this, but lacking that..

My opinion is that what you teach your children has a lot more to do with how they turn out than what form of discipline you choose to use. Discipline (hopefully) would be a small portion of everything that goes into raising your child, and if you do most of it right, whether you chose spanking, or time outs, or whatever shouldn't matter too much.

 

[DanTMWTMP]

you did the right thing.

i was raised by the belt/stick, and I turned out proper

 

[Wingznut]

Originally posted by: DanTMWTMP
you did the right thing.

i was raised by the belt/stick, and I turned out proper

There are plenty of kids who were raised within domestic violence, drug addiction, etc. and still turned out well. This doesn't mean anything.

I just checked on my boys, and made sure they were covered up. I look at them and can't imagine what would bring me to hit them. There's just no point.

 

[Darilus]

Originally posted by: Wingznut
There are plenty of kids who were raised within domestic violence, drug addiction, etc. and still turned out well. This doesn't mean anything.

I just checked on my boys, and made sure they were covered up. I look at them and can't imagine what would bring me to hit them. There's just no point.

I think that hitting your children has a completely different meaning than spanking them.

Also, I have three brothers, and the one who was disciplined the least has been arrested twice, and has zero respect for my parents. It's just one case, of course, but that's part of my personal experience with the issue.

 

[Siddhartha]

Originally posted by: blodhi74
today my 8 year old got his ass beat up (spanked hard ) by me for calling his mom a bitch. After crying for an hour he appologized to her and me..... But I am still pissed. I took his acess to PS2 and TV for 2 weeks.... Talked to mom who as a kid I used to get my behind whooped for misbehaving told me to give him a break. Should I give in or stick with the punisment ????

I do not have children. And considering the forum's demographics I think it is a safe bet that most of the people who have responded to your thread do not have children either.

What bothers me about how you punished your child is that you acted out of angry and you are still angry.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: blodhi74
today my 8 year old got his ass beat up (spanked hard ) by me for calling his mom a bitch. After crying for an hour he appologized to her and me..... But I am still pissed. I took his acess to PS2 and TV for 2 weeks.... Talked to mom who as a kid I used to get my behind whooped for misbehaving told me to give him a break. Should I give in or stick with the punisment ????

Stick to your word. Do what you said you would. And then shut up about it. Don't keep adding punishment upon punishment.


(I personally don't believe in spanking, tho.)

 

[Wingznut]

Originally posted by: Darilus
I think that hitting your children has a completely different meaning than spanking them.

Also, I have three brothers, and the one who was disciplined the least has been arrested twice, and has zero respect for my parents. It's just one case, of course, but that's part of my personal experience with the issue.

I don't think anyone can deny that kids can be raised with discipline and respect, without hitting them. So, why do it? Just because that's how you learned?

Like I said... Thinking about it completely logically, without any predisposition, it's just so absurd. "Hey son, you misbehaved. Now bend over and I'm going to smack you on your ass."

Wacky question... Why is acceptable to do this to a child, but not an adult?

 

[imported_Mike]

I don't blame you completely, you were brought up that spanking/beating was the way to be punished. Kind of sad though that you had to resort to spanking him..

 

[Excelsior]

I sort of agree with you Wingznut.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: Darilus
I think that hitting your children has a completely different meaning than spanking them.

Also, I have three brothers, and the one who was disciplined the least has been arrested twice, and has zero respect for my parents. It's just one case, of course, but that's part of my personal experience with the issue.

I don't think anyone can deny that kids can be raised with discipline and respect, without hitting them. So, why do it? Just because that's how you learned?

Like I said... Thinking about it completely logically, without any predisposition, it's just so absurd. "Hey son, you misbehaved. Now bend over and I'm going to smack you on your ass."

Wacky question... Why is acceptable to do this to a child, but not an adult?

I don't think it is acceptable. It would be assualt/ battery if you did it to an adult, even if that adult was your wife husband, or elderly parents.

I think it is really demeaning and insulting to hit a kid.

Better to discipline by e.g., time out, and taking away luxury priviledges like PS, toys, etc.

Then again, I don't have kids, so who knows.