trouble with 8 year old

[lavaheadache]

I think the people that disagree with the spanking his son got(and deserved) probably havent yet recieved a GOOD spanking! Does a body good. I bet you that Kids who are spanked(and Im not saying beaten) turn out to be "better" people in life. I'll be sure to throw a couple good licks at my kids IFn' they pull a stunt like that with my wife.

 

[KoolAidKid]

Originally posted by: lavaheadache
I think the people that disagree with the spanking his son got(and deserved) probably havent yet recieved a GOOD spanking! Does a body good. I bet you that Kids who are spanked(and Im not saying beaten) turn out to be "better" people in life. I'll be sure to throw a couple good licks at my kids IFn' they pull a stunt like that with my wife.

Maybe if I smack you as well you will turn into a better person. I'm willing to try....

 

[lavaheadache]

Feisty!

 

[Lorn]

Do soap, too. The 1-2 Soap/Spank combo works wonders on a power hungry 'man'.

 

[lavaheadache]

Originally posted by: NOLOVE
Do soap, too. The 1-2 Soap/Spank combo works wonders on a power hungry 'man'.

Works on a horny man too, so lets keep things clean........no pun intended

 

[Wingznut]

Originally posted by: shimsham
are you implying that those of us who have found it necessary to spank lack those traits?

"Necessary"??? How can it possibly be "necessary" to hit your kid?

If you can't teach your 8 yr-old son (without the use of force) that it's wrong to disrespect their mother, then the parent is doing something very wrong.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: NOLOVE

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: biostud
Beating a child = t3h loose.

If you can't convince a child what it has done is wrong, otherwise than beating it your skills of child raising is low. Specially for something as little as this. If you fight the spoken word with violence (specially if spoken from a child), I believe you're overreacting.

Convince your child how much these words hurts his mother and he will regret it.

again, spanking and beating are 2 different things. spanking does not automatically equal a lack of parenting skills.

OP dad here says himself his kid was "spanked hard". Now if a grown man is able to know that he is spanking his kid with enough force to call it "beat up (spanked hard)... imagine that from an 8 year old boy's bare bottom. Dad thought it and even called it "hard", I doubt it felt like patty-cake for the kid.

a hard spanking is still not a beating. and i would know, as i received both. actually spent few days in foster care for bruises when i couldnt sit down at school in 5th grade. bruises=beating.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: shimsham
are you implying that those of us who have found it necessary to spank lack those traits?

"Necessary"??? How can it possibly be "necessary" to hit your kid?

If you can't teach your 8 yr-old son (without the use of force) that it's wrong to disrespect their mother, then the parent is doing something very wrong.

it may work with your kids (its a rarity in my home, as described in my earlier posts), but each child and circumstance is different.

if its so detrimental to the child, then why did so so many of us that were spanked turn out ok? and what if all other methods fail (as is the case when i have spanked)? then what?

as said in my last post to nolove, i was put into foster care for a spanking so bad, beating really, that i couldnt sit down at school. i got up in my mothers face during a stupid argument about taking out the trash, being a smart ass punk, and my dad put the single most worst whoopin on my in my life. now that im older, i realized how much i deserved it, bruises and all.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: shimsham
the last spanking i had to give was 1.5yrs ago to my daughter. she pushed her little brother off the back of the couch. she knew she wasnt supposed to do that, and her brother couldve had his neck broken. the time she pushed him before that, she got the time out and the lecture. so the lecture and time out had no effect, so a spanking it was. edit: and we havent had that problem since.

So, what do you think she really learned? That it's a very bad idea to push her brother because he could get seriously hurt... Or maybe just that she should do what dad says, or else he will cause her ass to hurt?

What do kids with timeouts learn? That's its a bad idea to push their brother because he could get seriously hurt...or maybe that she should do what dad says, or else he will put her in time out?

 

[Cuular]

Parent here of a 21 year old daughter.

And if my daughter had ever called her mother a bitch in front of me, she would have been spanked. A spanking from me was only 3 open handed hits, never on bare skin. Always 3, and never more.

To disrespect your elders, especially the ones who brought you into the world and have provided you the emotional/physical nourishment through the years, is not tolerable.

My daughter was only ever spanked twice in her life, all other punishment was losing priviliedges. So I am not a proponent of spanking for everything wrong a child has done, but I have to say that I support the OP on this one.

Whether the kid was being mean or just calling their mother a bitch in passing, that is totally wrong.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
I have to wonder #1 where he heard that and #2 why he thought it wouold be acceptable to call someone that name.

I just know way too friggin many hypocrit fathers who use profanity and then are appalled when their kids use these words around them.

If this was the first time and you don't use these words around him, then I'd have merely asked if he knew what that word meant. His answer would have dictated my course. He may not have known what he was saying.

I agree with this, kids deserve the benefit of the doubt when its new behavior since they may very well not understand what they are doing. In this case, I would have administered a stern and threatening warning explaining what he had just done in no uncertain terms. And, I would tell him that he would be spanked if he did it again.

Otherwise, you have them perhaps just emulating another childs action (which is perfectly expectable) and then getting spanked for (apparently) no reason. This is unfair to them, IMO. They deserve the benefit of the doubt, because that is what I feel I would deserve.

The only exception to this I think, should be when they are very young and are performing a dangerous action that they do not understand. A hot stove, for example, could cause serious burns...but just explaining 'the stove is hot' may not get the point across if the kid is very young. In this case, a slap on the hand will equate pain with the action of touching the stove...a lesson they would have learned anyway. Hopefully, there will be less damage done than had nature taken its course. People keep saying "Why didn't your child understand?" Because maybe your 2 year old doesn't fully comprehend the concept of death or serious injury? Did you think of what death meant and what it was when you were 3? 4? 5? I don't even know when my understanding of it, and its consequences was formed.

I was hardly ever spanked when growing up, the threat of it was almost always sufficient. I don't think its always an appropriate punishment, and I think it should be a last resort option, or a special case option. I was more concerned about letting my parents down than getting spanked.

Now before you ask, I am not a parent. And I will not pretend that my ideas represent a one size fits all system or that they are for everyone. If some one wants no spankings, thats their choice as well as mine.

 

[vood0g]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: vood0g
i trust that my values on what is right and wrong are correct. when my children grow up then they can decide for themselves what is right and wrong. but as of now, my 4 and 2 year old will just have to learn that what i say goes.

What's the downside to teaching them WHY? Don't you think they can make better decisions in the future if they know the reasoning behind it. (Aside from their daddy smacking them on their ass, that is.) I have no doubt your kids are pretty smart, and have the ability to understand what you teach them.

i have never told my four year old "because i said so" and i doubt that i ever will if she were to ask me why something is bad. like i said before, i trust my values and judgment to be good in most situations and i highly doubt that a 4 and 2 year old will convince me of the otherwise. so its just best that they listen to me for the time being until the come of age to ask me why. if they were to ask me why, then i would tell them why.

but you're right, explaining to them why is much more important than just leaving it at "because daddy says so." i see so many crazy kids these days, and hearing my younger cousins tell me what goes on with their peers sometimes does frighten me. parents these days are just so afraid to spank that i believe is the reason why there are so many spoiled/rotten kids out there.

what i have told u is just a generalization of my disciplining method. it does not fit all situations. i do not ALWAYS spank my child after i gave them one warning. different methods goes for different situations. however, i do not like it when they disobey me. but at the end of the day, no matter what happens, i will make sure that my children go to bed knowing that their daddy loves them.

 

[GoingUp]

Originally posted by: SWScorch
stick with it. Never give in. Kids are like predators; if they see a weakness they will exploit it. Evil little bastards.

 

[SearchMaster]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: shimsham
are you implying that those of us who have found it necessary to spank lack those traits?

"Necessary"??? How can it possibly be "necessary" to hit your kid?

If you can't teach your 8 yr-old son (without the use of force) that it's wrong to disrespect their mother, then the parent is doing something very wrong.

Wingznut,

You've asked whether kids are stupid in almost every response to this thread. No, kids are not stupid. Then why, pray tell, do they misbehave and do things they know they're not supposed to? A lot of it is to see what they can get away with, sometimes they don't think first, whatever. I don't abuse my children by most people's standards; as I stated previously, it's a couple of times a year. But it gets the point across, it is swift and feared punishment - not because it really hurts, but because it is an extreme measure. I'm very happy for you that your superior parenting skills have generated nearly perfect children - write a book, I'll be happy to read it.

To lighten things up a little bit...the first time I spanked my older boys (and I think one of only a couple of times for the oldest one), they had been talking while they were supposed to be sleeping. After one warning, I told them if they continued to talk, they would get a spanking. Of course they did, so I had to follow through. I kinda wussed out though, and gave them very light spankings (plus they had their nighttime diapers on, so it reduced the effect even more). The oldest one carried on like I had cut his arm off, and the younger one stopped crying after a couple of seconds. When I came back in the room to talk with them, the younger one said, "Daddy, you did a really good job spanking us." I could hardly keep a straight face.

 

[shimsham]

good posts PingSpike, Cuular, vood0g, SearchMaster, and yes even Wingnutz( its always good to have someone challenge your beliefs and make you take stock of where you stand).

lol at searchs story. this thread also spurred me to have a discussion while cooking dinner about spanking. my children know the rules, and actually admitted to "gambling" with the consequences sometimes. lol its amazing how smart kids can be.

 

[Fenixgoon]

Originally posted by: blodhi74
today my 8 year old got his ass beat up (spanked hard ) by me for calling his mom a bitch. After crying for an hour he appologized to her and me..... But I am still pissed. I took his acess to PS2 and TV for 2 weeks.... Talked to mom who as a kid I used to get my behind whooped for misbehaving told me to give him a break. Should I give in or stick with the punisment ????

do not tolerate disrespect, pwn his ass and show him who's the boss in your house

 

[Wingznut]

Originally posted by: SearchMaster
I'm very happy for you that your superior parenting skills have generated nearly perfect children - write a book, I'll be happy to read it.

Never did I state (or even imply) that I have superior parenting skills, nor did I say anything about my kids being perfect. I just think the concept of hitting your kids on the ass to teach them a lesson is absurd. And the fact that some people don't even bother trying to teach them why certain behaviors are unacceptable is horrible.

Kids are not stupid. Kids can understand these things if the effort is put in to teach them. And I fully believe that kids can be taught values without physical punishment.


Why do they misbehave? Obviously that topic is much more in-depth than I have time to get into. But in my honest/humble opinion, it's simply the basic need for attention and understanding. If you really want to win at parenting, providing a warm environment where the kids are respected and become confident will prevent the need for "extreme measures".

If they misbehave, make sure they know why, and what the REAL consequences are. (Spanking/time-outs/grounding/etc are artificial consequences.) They do understand. If they are respected, if they are treated like real people, they will respond appropriately. There is nothing that makes a child more proud than when they please the ones they love the most.

There's so much gray area here, that it's hard to comprehend. But the fact of the matter is that nobody NEEDS to hit their kid. It is not a NECESSARY event. And the fact that it was done to you, doesn't make it a good idea.

 

[RandomCoil]

Originally posted by: blodhi74
today my 8 year old got his ass beat up (spanked hard ) by me for calling his mom a bitch. After crying for an hour he appologized to her and me..... But I am still pissed. I took his acess to PS2 and TV for 2 weeks.... Talked to mom who as a kid I used to get my behind whooped for misbehaving told me to give him a break. Should I give in or stick with the punisment ????

Realize this is coming from someone who doesn't have kids, but I'd hope I wouldn't act as you did.

Your reaction after a first offense seems draconian. The kid's trying out new things -- how is he supposed to know what is and isn't appropriate? You also didn't mention what caused him to say it. Did he have reason to think he was being treated unfairly? Was he simply using some new vocabulary to express this?

It also seems like you did all of this out of anger. That doesn't really seem mature. I hope I'd be more 'concerned' than 'angry'.

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: Darilus
You aren't "hitting" your child because you feel like it, you're using physical disipline to teach them that an action is not acceptable.

Why use phyical discipline? Kids aren't stupid. They don't have to associate poor behavior with physical pain inflicted by the ones they love the most.

They have the ability to reason and to learn what is right, and what is wrong... And most importantly, the why behind it all. We aren't talking about wild animals here.

I think kids are stupid, and I was one not too long ago.

 

[Greyd]

As a teacher, I work with ALOT of kids. From ALL races and socioeconomic backgrounds. I'll tell you this straight up - the kids who misbehave the most and have the most behavior issues belong to the parents who ONLY practice the "take away privilages, time out,etc" type of discipline. There needs to be a combination of take away type of discipline with spanking when it becomes necessary.

Kids are NOT as stupid as you think and at a young age CLEARLY understand good and bad. Oddly enough, I will also tell you that kids these days WANT discipline.

There is a HUGEEEEE difference between discipline and abuse. Abuse causes children to fear the parents even when they haven't done anything wrong. It's an unhealthy fear. Good discipline doesn't have this affect. Abuse is debilitating, whereas discipline actually makes things better.

Final note: However, when kids get to their teens, spanking is uneccesary and can actually have the opposite/negative effect. Beyond a certain age, spanking is useless and embarasses the child more than anything else.

 

[Wingznut]

Originally posted by: Greyd
Kids are NOT as stupid as you think and at a young age CLEARLY understand good and bad. Oddly enough, I will also tell you that kids these days WANT discipline.

Kids of any day want discipline and structure.

As a teacher, I'm shocked that you don't think you can get a message through to kids without it being "necessary" to hit them.

 

[EXman]

Originally posted by: NOLOVE
What separates spanking from beating? Open vs. closed fist?

This is your child. You're beating him because he learned how to use the word 'bitch'. I'm sure the little 8 year old went online and looked up the definition and context so that he could use it when he needed to. He probably heard it from you... or learned it through the net of your great parenting skills.

Well in most places around here a spank is a hand and you cross the line in the courts eyes with a spoon or paddle.

A friend of mine and his sister and brother are going through this now.

I think you are starting on a good note you let your son talk that way at home can you imagine what he says elsewhere? remember the home is the bastion of totalitarianism!

 

[AznAnarchy99]

im 13. trust me talking goes no where. i just day dream when my dad talks. taking something valuable away for an indefinate amount of time is the best way i would think. for a month the kid would just act all nice and kind until he gets it back. keep it until you KNOW hes learned his lesson

 

[Greyd]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: Greyd
Kids are NOT as stupid as you think and at a young age CLEARLY understand good and bad. Oddly enough, I will also tell you that kids these days WANT discipline.

Kids of any day want discipline and structure.

As a teacher, I'm shocked that you don't think you can get a message through to kids without it being "necessary" to hit them.

I''M not gonna spank the kids. They aren't mine. But, if you knew the state of public schools and the kids today...you would wish parents would spank their kids more. Many times, most consequences (outside of spanking) are NOT enough of a deterrent for kids these days.

Plus you're implying that the FIRST and ONLY thing to physical discipline is to "hit" as you so carefully worded it. I never said that at all. But discipline without spanking for kids under a certain age is no effective.

IMO it seems that most of the people in this thread who are anti-spanking have gone thorough VERY negative experiences or been a part of them, where the discipline is not discipline at al, rather ABUSE. Just because one parent abuses doesn't mean all parents fo. Again I repeat - there's a HUGE difference between the two.

 

[Greyd]

Originally posted by: Wingznut

Originally posted by: SearchMaster
I'm very happy for you that your superior parenting skills have generated nearly perfect children - write a book, I'll be happy to read it.

Never did I state (or even imply) that I have superior parenting skills, nor did I say anything about my kids being perfect. I just think the concept of hitting your kids on the ass to teach them a lesson is absurd. And the fact that some people don't even bother trying to teach them why certain behaviors are unacceptable is horrible.

Kids are not stupid. Kids can understand these things if the effort is put in to teach them. And I fully believe that kids can be taught values without physical punishment.


Why do they misbehave? Obviously that topic is much more in-depth than I have time to get into. But in my honest/humble opinion, it's simply the basic need for attention and understanding. If you really want to win at parenting, providing a warm environment where the kids are respected and become confident will prevent the need for "extreme measures".

If they misbehave, make sure they know why, and what the REAL consequences are. (Spanking/time-outs/grounding/etc are artificial consequences.) They do understand. If they are respected, if they are treated like real people, they will respond appropriately. There is nothing that makes a child more proud than when they please the ones they love the most.

There's so much gray area here, that it's hard to comprehend. But the fact of the matter is that nobody NEEDS to hit their kid. It is not a NECESSARY event. And the fact that it was done to you, doesn't make it a good idea.

With the wide range of kids I've worked with...the majority of what you say about kids falls short. In a IDEAL world, some of what you say would work, but this is not an ideal world and kids are not as "logical" or "good" as you infer.