Trust but verify, or when to kick a slacker?

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vjeltz

Member
Nov 15, 2004
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I think this will be my first post requiring cliffs as I usually like to read all of the fun OT topics from everyone else. Unfortunately, it appears now is my time for drama. Of course, like most bad things that happen to me this one started with an act of kindness on my part. You see in the late 90’s I was friends with a guy, let’s call him Jim. Jim was a good friend however he was many years older then me and never seemed to have his life together. As I was young and didn’t have my sh*t together yet we hit it off very well. I continued to move forward in my lot, got married, stable career, house, kids the whole nine yards. Jim was even the best man at my wedding.

So as I moved forward in life Jim moved back with his parents in California and managed to loaf around until both their deaths. He then managed to lose their house, all of their possessions and eventually his job. He drifted from friend to friend in CA for awhile until one day….

I get a phone call, it’s collect and from Jim. I had spoken with him from time to time over the last 10 years but the last 18 months or so I started ignoring his calls and emails. He however decided that I must have just been busy and it would be a good idea to travel across the country to see me. (i.e. bum things from me). So, of course, I deny the first collect call. I get a second collect call, this time frantic and pleading for help. So I take the call, it turns out that he is some 25 miles away in the heart of the city and wants me to go pick him up. I tell him that I am not driving to pick him up from anywhere and that if he wants to see me then walk or take the train to my suburb. The next day he managed to get himself to a different suburb abut 10 miles away. I let him sit there for most of the day until he finally got someone to lend him a phone which he uses to call me at beg to be picked up.

I gave in and picked his *ss up from the train station in the suburb 10 miles away. At this point I knew I was in for some charity work. My wife and I had already agreed that he could stay for a few days to get situated, we were not happy with him or the circumstances. In those few days I made him scour the country for some other poor soul to take him in. We finally found one guy on the other side of the country that Jim knew but it would cost over $200 to send him there. In light of that fact and the fact that Jim had unemployment checks coming we decided he could stay with us for longer.
We worked out an equitable arrangement for room and board and I lent him my electric bike for transportation. His license was expired so we also helped get his birth certificate ordered, his resumes fixed up, his unemployment transferred and get in touch with Human Services.

Jim appeared to be making a real effort to get his life together. He handed out dozens of resumes and has gone on a couple job interviews. All in all it seemed like things may be getting better for Jim with our assistance.

--Yes here is finally the point of the post---

I have a netbook that I keep in the living room. We use it occasionally for watching movies on the plasma or for web surfing or reference in the living/dining area. The machine probably see’s use on average 2-3 times a month. We rarely take this machine out of the house and it never strays further then the main area’s of the house in the 2 years I have owned it.

Well the netbook has disappeared. We have searched the house several times over, spoken with all of the kids and Jim and no one has any answers. Now, two of my kids are too young to remove the netbook from the house and I have questioned my eldest son and believe that he has not removed the netbook from the house. It would have been very unusual of any of them to even use the netbook without asking as they usually need some type of assistance. After having separate private conversations with everyone I also noticed something else. Every one's story matches except for Jim. We all have the same recollection as to who, when and where it was last seen. However, Jim's story doesn’t match.

So as you might imagine, Jim is our primary suspect but we have no proof. We have checked local pawn shops to no avail. Jim insists that he has never touched the netbook. But we are left with no netbook and a house that was completely searched multiple times. In a last ditch effort I even offered the kids $50 for any information leading to the netbook.

I have been keeping an eye on Jim for any other small lies or discrepancies but everything appears to be kosher. His phone logs match his stories, no odd incoming our outbound numbers. No evidence or proof of any wrong doing. But my wife and I have a strong feeling about this.

So what to do now? I am going to keep searching and keep an eye on Jim but I can’t kick him out without evidence especially with the progress and effort he seems to be making with his life. We are going to file a police report as we are almost 100% sure at this point the netbook is not in the house. So what do you guys think?

Cliffs:
* Old friend that I haven’t seen in 10 years falls on hard times
* We take him in and start helping him get back on his feet
* Netbook disappears, house searched, family questioned.
* Jim’s story doesn’t match, suspicious of him but no proof
* What do we do now?
 

vjeltz

Member
Nov 15, 2004
26
21
81
I am aware of that product and wish I had gotten it before this incident. Didn't think it would walk away from my living room. But of course that's what everyone says after the fact
 

yllus

Elite Member & Lifer
Aug 20, 2000
20,577
432
126
It's your duty as a man to act on the facts, not just on what's likely. Don't punish a man for deeds you don't know he did.
 

highland145

Lifer
Oct 12, 2009
43,563
5,966
136
The leech did it in the living room with a laptop......

Tough spot. Could be the eldest kid (how old?) or your buddy but I'd secure EVERYTHING with personal info/checking/savings/retirement/healthcare/social security#s/ etc...........

Fool me once........

Or the edlest's friends.
 

bobdole369

Diamond Member
Dec 15, 2004
4,504
2
0
I am going to keep searching and keep an eye on Jim but I can’t kick him out without evidence especially with the progress and effort he seems to be making with his life.

You absolutely CAN kick Jim out for any reason, or no reason. After all it is your house. Lets be honest. You don't know Jim from Adam anymore do you?

True addicts or alcoholics do stuff like this. Is he either? If so, don't even give him an opportunity to do anything more, you must protect your family and its possessions.

File ye olde police report, explain to the officer that you think that Jim did it. That way there is at minimum a paper trail. Do it in front of Jim if you intend to let him stay. That way he knows you mean business I guess.
 

gorcorps

aka Brandon
Jul 18, 2004
30,740
452
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I'm curious how old your eldest son is too, or at least how old any friends of his may be too. I would suspect Jim same as you, but it's always possible somebody's friend snatched it. If kids come over after school or something they usually have their backpacks. Pretty easy to snatch a netbook with a backpack.
 

bobdole369

Diamond Member
Dec 15, 2004
4,504
2
0
but it's always possible somebody's friend snatched it

This.

I remember when I lived in the flophouse with my cousin, we had this drug dealer over allll the time and SNES games kept coming up missing. I went so far as to yell at the guy (I mean I didn't slug him or anything, who swings on a 350 lb armed linebacker with drugs to sell?) and he ended up not coming over anymore (probably a good thing). In any event it turned out to be one of our "friends" we would never suspect. My sister caught him by rummaging through his bag while he was all high.
 

Blieb

Diamond Member
Apr 17, 2000
3,475
0
76
Crappy situation. Jim is going to need a lot of help, and it's going to emotionally bankrupt someone to help him.

The netbook to me, is small potatoes. If someone is stealing stuff from you that's bad, but a netbook? I'd look for other things missing. If the netbook is the only thing, I would get over it.
 

Chryso

Diamond Member
Nov 23, 2004
4,040
13
81
Who says you can't kick him out? This isn't a court of law, it is your home.
 

JTsyo

Lifer
Nov 18, 2007
11,774
919
126
I wouldn't do anything right now but look to get Jim out as soon as feasible.
 

LucJoe

Golden Member
Jan 19, 2001
1,295
1
0
The netbook to me, is small potatoes. If someone is stealing stuff from you that's bad, but a netbook? I'd look for other things missing. If the netbook is the only thing, I would get over it.

This.

A 2 year old netbook is worth very little.

Questioning each and every one of your own children?

And filing a police report? Seriously?
 

vjeltz

Member
Nov 15, 2004
26
21
81
This.

A 2 year old netbook is worth very little.

Questioning each and every one of your own children?

And filing a police report? Seriously?

The netbook may be worth very little but feeling secure in your own house is worth a lot more.

Questioning my children is hardly an out of the ordinary occurrence as kids often have information on electronics they may have used. As others pointed out the eldest may have had a friend by I was unaware of or decide to lend it or something. However we went down that road too and he hasn't had any friends over lately nor did he seem to be hiding any information.

Without a police report we can not continue to search other local pawn shops. Had this been some impersonal device like a blue ray player or amp then I would have already let it go. But I like to know what happens to my computers. Even more so when there is the extra variable of Jim added to the equation.

Thank you everyone for your input thus far.
 

vjeltz

Member
Nov 15, 2004
26
21
81
How many pawn shops do you have? Call them. "I'm looking for a netbook. Got any?"

Welcome to OT.:thumbsup:

That's what we have done, but we can only call so many and if it does turn up we have no recourse without a police report. A local pawn shop told us that the police can do a better sweep of all of the shops if a report is filed.

It also puts some pressure on Jim if he isn't being truthful.
 
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