UPDATE: would you be pissed?

[Leejai]

hey everyone,

here's the situation as short as possible...:

After work, your girl calls you up to let you know she's having dinner with this guy. Guy is a "friend" she met through her ex and she bumped into him walking home. Other than that, she's never spoken/hung out w/ this guy.

Dinner i'm fine with...

now, 10pm...i get a call she's going to some bar w/ him and 6 of his buddies visiting...i tell her i'm uncomfortable w/ that...i'd like to be ok w/ it, but i'm not....she says she won't go and will call me when i get home...

Night continues ....no call..(needless to say she went)

Next morning at work she says she interpreted our conversation as she'll go and i'll try to deal w/ it...and her phone died....

i find the move rather devious and am pretty upset/disappointed...

thoughts?

UPDATE:

First off, I'd like to thanks ATOT for the support....Granted, relationship help may be over-rated, but seriously, it's nice to be able to vent. And for the most part, comments are mature and well-appreciated.

Like most ppl said, I'm the only one that knows truly the situation and I trust my judgment fully. I've no doubt nothing happened that night. Never was that really a concern. What really did it was the lying, claimed miscommunication (whatever because we all know no one will ever admit fault), and not calling.

So, are those forgivable items...i say it's worth it being we've been together a year and have gone through much already.

Ok, so Thursday night i don't even bother meeting her...she had a scheduled dinner w/ her mom (which i did know about) so i hung out w/ the guys...she called when she was finished, but "sorry sweetheart", i'm already out so things will have to wait (my quasi-revenge)...fully justified imo....

long story short, she continued to try to talk to me...it seems she really does want things to work, so we talked Friday morning (we're both off work) and we came to the conclusion if I don't know the guy, she won't go or I'll be given the chance to meet him first....I feel the compromise was good because my situation was really I don't like the guys part....girls night out is no problem w/ me...

anyways...ask away ATOT...i'm sure there's much i didn't cover.

thanks again!

Leejai

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: Leejai
hey everyone,

here's the situation as short as possible...:

After work, your girl calls you up to let you know she's having dinner with this guy. Guy is a "friend" she met through her ex and she bumped into him walking home. Other than that, she's never spoken/hung out w/ this guy.

Dinner i'm fine with...

now, 10pm...i get a call she's going to some bar w/ him and 6 of his buddies visiting...i tell her i'm uncomfortable w/ that...i'd like to be ok w/ it, but i'm not....she says she won't go and will call me when i get home...

Night continues ....no call..(needless to say she went)

Next morning at work she says she interpreted our conversation as she'll go and i'll try to deal w/ it...and her phone died....

i find the move rather devious and am pretty upset/disappointed...

thoughts?

Don't be a baby. If it bothers you get out now.

 

[Hankerton]

good luck man, seems like your g/f may be a bit fickle.

 

[toekramp]

how long have you been with this gf?

 

[ggnl]

So let me get this straight. She had dinner with a guy she barely knows, went to a bar with him and his buddies afterword and you never heard from her again until the next day?

You have every right to be very very pissed about this. How long have you been dating this girl? Unless this is a really serious relationship I would drop her. Just take it as a sign of things to come.

 

[bobbybe01]

Answer (audio required)

I think you need to stand your ground on this situation and get rid of her. You told her what you expected. Women will BS you into making you think they "thought" a certain way. They will play stupid or really are stupid. She disrespected you and it seems to me she's not very serious about this.

Move on.

 

[torpid]

Sounds like the usual comp geek relationship, wherein the girl acts like a stereotypical guy and does all the careless and thoughtless stuff that a guy is supposed to do. If it's anything like my relationships, she will forget your birthday, not appreciate gifts, and possibly loan your favorite movies out to other people when you loan them to her.

 

[mchammer187]

Originally posted by: ggnl
So let me get this straight. She had dinner with a guy she doesn't really know very well, went to a bar with him and his buddies afterword and you never heard from her again until the next day?

You have every right to be very very pissed about this. How long have you been dating this girl? Unless this is a really serious relationship I would drop her. Just take it as a sign of things to come.

 

[deejayshakur]

it depends on the situation. how long have you guys been dating? does she usually have a lot of male friends? for myself, i know my gf well enough to know that she wouldn't do something that bothered me. granted, she is also not the bar-hopping type or the type to need to be meeting new guys every other week. neither of us tries to control the other, yet we both know that we have certain tolerances and mutually respect that. i say, make you own judgement about her maturity and level of trust, and if it's not what you want, be cautious. how old are you two?

 

[Leejai]

not being a baby...but hey...atot's a good place to vent

 

[VictorLazlo]

Have you ever put her into a similar situation?
Would you?
If yes, then you can't really complain.
If no, then she needs to know, and you need to decide how much you really trust her. That is going to determine how big of a deal this becomes.

 

[Yax]

Definitely bad signs. Been through it so many times before. Downgrade her to bootycall and look around for other chicks that would be more empathetic, or get ready for a hurtful ending to your relationship.

 

[Leejai]

i appreciate all the answers, and i do agree....this situation does seem typical nowadays...

and for those asking, this is not some HS relationship or something....we're both in late 20's...and have been together about a year...(little more)...

 

[Encryptic]

I'd be pissed off by it but I wouldn't call it dump-worthy, at least not until you talk to her in person about this. Although, her "interpretation" of this phone conversation is pretty stupid. You did say that she said she wasn't going to go, then she did anyway and expected you to "deal with it." :roll:

If she's going to go against your wishes like that with a bunch of guys you don't know, that is pretty lame on her part, regardless of whether her intentions were totally innocent. Time to sit her down and evaluate this relationship, then decide whether to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

[bobbybe01]

Originally posted by: Leejai
i appreciate all the answers, and i do agree....this situation does seem typical nowadays...

and for those asking, this is not some HS relationship or something....we're both in late 20's...and have been together about a year...(little more)...

That's freakin' pathetic. "Typical nowadays." Sheesh. And you've been together for a year?? Let's put it this way: if you did this with another female you would be accused of cheating, of being a jerk and a player. Double standards.

But as others have rightly mentioned, a talk is necessary.

 

[PanzerIV]

Doesn't sound like you two have been dating very long. I think this is an indicator of future indiscretions. I wouldn't even bother with somebody who doesn't respect your reservations and blatantly lies about it. I would dump her.

Edit: Ok, now you said it was a year you've been dating. I would have a long talk about this and if it's the only time then let it slide but watch out for suspicious behavior. Obviously she really enjoys this guys company.

 

[Yax]

Originally posted by: ggnl
So let me get this straight. She had dinner with a guy she barely knows, went to a bar with him and his buddies afterword and you never heard from her again until the next day?

You have every right to be very very pissed about this. How long have you been dating this girl? Unless this is a really serious relationship I would drop her. Just take it as a sign of things to come.

Worst case: she got gangbanged all night long and she enjoyed it thoroughly.
Best case: she got banged by him only or will get banged by him eventually.

Speaking from experience, ofcourse.

 

[OutHouse]

she cares nothing for you or your feelings. dump her.

Her phone died? phlueeessseeee. ever hear of a fricken pay phone? She was hell bent on going out with this guy and nothing was going to stop her.

 

[HardcoreRobot]

i real girlfriend would rather eat with you, or go bar-hopping with you. OR invite you along to do those things with her friends.

 

[Leejai]

Originally posted by: bobbybe01

Originally posted by: Leejai
i appreciate all the answers, and i do agree....this situation does seem typical nowadays...

and for those asking, this is not some HS relationship or something....we're both in late 20's...and have been together about a year...(little more)...

That's freakin' pathetic. "Typical nowadays." Sheesh. And you've been together for a year?? Let's put it this way: if you did this with another female you would be accused of cheating, of being a jerk and a player. Double standards.

But as others have rightly mentioned, a talk is necessary.

i think you're misinterpreting my statement....what i meant by typical nowadays is the number of relationship threads on atot.....like some above post said "typical compgeek w/ girl...etc..etc..."....i didn't mean typical in my relationship

 

[chinkee]

one-night gangbang! jk jk. i think i'd be disappointed if my gf put me through the same situation, and we've only been together for 5 months . after college, couples tend to be more mature about relationships.

 

[broon]

You have every right to be upset. A year = serious relationship. No reason you couldn't have gone along on the dinner or at least met her at the bar. I'd try to work it out before dumping but...Lucy,you've got some 'splaining to do.

 

[cronos]

it's a test.

 

[Gibson486]

You guys dont even know what she did. You need to trust her. If she does something to make you lose your trust, then dump her. It's better that you let it happen now than be a tool for another 6 months.

 

[bobbybe01]

i think you're misinterpreting my statement....what i meant by typical nowadays is the number of relationship threads on atot.....like some above post said "typical compgeek w/ girl...etc..etc..."....i didn't mean typical in my relationship

:thumbsup: