Wakes suck

[killmeplease]

A friend of mine died Saturday night and today was her wake. She was very dear to me and like all wakes I attend was unneccessarily depressing for a person that would have no part of such an occassion on their behalf. I've had to go to many and in fact have had to make arrangements for dear relatives. This is the last I participate in one of its kind.

Traditionally the body is presented and accompanied by the family. The funeral home is usually nicely decorated, but given the occasion always seems like the inside of the stereotypical haunted mansion minus the cobwebs. The poor family is usually forced to endure long boring hours of conversations from people they barely know and those that regularly attend attend these things (I've seen some that seem to view these occasions as a social event). The event is usually way too solomn and tedious for those that are grieving the most.

When I die, I want a small celebration of my life. I would like those that actually knew me best, talk about the times we were together while playing a game of pool or horse-shoes. And I want all the drinks to be on me. I don't want to be propped up on a stool or anything wierd like that. In fact any "viewing" I think should be brief and just as informal.

Am I alone in this opinion?

 

[Beau]

Originally posted by: killmeplease
When I die, I want a small celebration of my life. I would like those that actually knew me best, talk about the times we were together while playing a game of pool or horse-shoes. And I want all the drinks to be on me. I don't want to be propped up on a stool or anything wierd like that. In fact any "viewing" I think should be brief and just as informal.

Am I alone in this opinion?

Not at all. I totally agree with you on this.

 

[Chaotic42]

I agree. In some parts of the south they have funeral parades. They celebrate the life of the person.

Just another reason that people here in the midwest are so damned depressing.

 

[gopunk]

okay, i guess i'm the only one who's never ever heard of a wake.... i thought you were going to talk about surfing or something.

 

[Beau]

Originally posted by: gopunk
okay, i guess i'm the only one who's never ever heard of a wake.... i thought you were going to talk about surfing or something.

It's a gathering that happens right before a funeral, usually involves consuming mass quantities of alcohol....

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Beau6183

Originally posted by: gopunk
okay, i guess i'm the only one who's never ever heard of a wake.... i thought you were going to talk about surfing or something.

It's a gathering that happens right before a funeral, usually involves consuming mass quantities of alcohol....

is it a regional thing?

 

[gopunk]

do you guys suppose that the solemness of the event might be because people would feel... wrong... if they were anything other than solemn? dunno, i think i would feel a little weird...

 

[Beau]

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Beau6183

Originally posted by: gopunk
okay, i guess i'm the only one who's never ever heard of a wake.... i thought you were going to talk about surfing or something.

It's a gathering that happens right before a funeral, usually involves consuming mass quantities of alcohol....

is it a regional thing?

I think it's more of a catholic thing

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: gopunk
do you guys suppose that the solemness of the event might be because people would feel... wrong... if they were anything other than solemn? dunno, i think i would feel a little weird...

Well, that's the point where you have to decide. Celebrate the life or mourn the death. Or both I suppose, which gets more of your time.

I'm a "celebrate the life"-er. I was sad when my mom died, don't get me wrong, but lingering on it won't cause anything but sadness and depression. Instead we just talked about the cool stuff she did while she was alive.

 

[bmacd]

Originally posted by: gopunk
okay, i guess i'm the only one who's never ever heard of a wake.... i thought you were going to talk about surfing or something.

you weren't alone...

-=bmacd=-

 

[Shelly21]

Wake is quite common now... not just Catholics....

Even just the viewing of the body the nights before at the funeral home can be consider a wake....

 

I want people to laugh at my wake and tell jokes about me. I think that would be more of a way of saying goodbye to me rather than crying. I've made this known to my friends and family, so hopefully, if I ever do die, they will do this.

 

[VTrider]

First of all sorry to hear about your friend.


I clicked on this thread thinking you were a kayaker too, and this was going to be a funny kayak/motor boat story - boy was I wrong! I know how you feel though, my grandmother just died this morning and I will be attending her wake tomorrow night. Not looking forward to it because of all the reasons you stated earlier.

I'm also a true believer of celebrating my passing. I've already started to make plans (i'm only 33) to have a big celebration in honor of me when I die, it's gonna be one hell of a party I can tell you that


-VTrider

 

[killmeplease]

Sorry about YOUR loss, VTrider.

Ask some of the people about her life. You will find it alot more interesting and a better tribute than the "I will miss her dearly" BS that seems to saturate that sort of event.

This tradition is WAY too somber. I used to tease my friend about how slow she drives. I talked to somebody that used to tease her the same. I stated to him that "she probably hasn't arrived to heaven YET!". His reaction was so serious that I felt guilty. She would have laughed her ass off given the circumstance.

Although I'm Catholic, a wake seems to be universal in this part of the country. I guess I thought it was universal in one form or another in all. I hope that other parts of the country and other faiths can find a better memorial than a "wake" to send their loved ones off.

 

[Kenazo]

Personally I am a strong believer in the role of ritual at the great moments of life. In our lives the two greatest moments are our birth and our death, the beginning of life and the end of life. When someone we know, especially someone close to us, dies, it is a deeply resonant moment, it strikes to the core of what we are as living beings, as those who have the breath of life within us. I believe that ritual of some type, or at least contemplation upon the depth and meaning of what has occurred is essential to not only understanding ourselves, but also in accepting the death of someone we knew.

Therefore, I think it is important to mark death with an occasion which acknowledges the deep power of what death is and which reminds us of our own humanity and frailty. The celebrations of life beginning and continuing (baby showers, cigars at birth, even the wedding of a man and a women, birthdays celebrated annually) are common in our culture, the acknowledgement of death, the confrontation of our own mortality, is not so popular. I think that celebrating a death by remembering "the good times" does not do justice to the importance of the event. There are enough occasions to celebrate life and our existence in the world, to fail to give death it's due may be to fool ourselves into believing in our own immortality.

 

[Raincity]

It's a gathering that happens right before a funeral, usually involves consuming mass quantities of alcohol

I gather that you have been to a Irish Wake then.


Rain