Wedding things - registry list, how to reduce costs, etc

[rcpratt]

You're screwed. We probably spent about $45k on our ~150 person wedding last year. It adds up quick.

A few things we did to save money:

• Flowers from a friend/local woman (much cheaper than directly through florist)
• We skipped Save the Dates...just do invitations. You can order some nice stuff on Etsy for an affordable price.
• We didn't do cake, partly because we don't love cake and partly to save money. We did some little desert cups instead.
• Definitely bring your alcohol, if you can. Many venues don't allow that.

 

[highland145]

In Las Vegas and have Elvis do the ceremony.

Come here and I'll do it for free. S.C. notary, ftw.

 

[Geekbabe]

Right. At first she was like, "I'm not paying anything blahblahblahhh" but then when fiance blew up on her because the mom was literally wanting us to invite 20 of her friends, she agreed ok she'd pay for some. Then another convo reveals she would pay up to $15k.

For me the issue is, I'd rather have a wedding that totals like.. $10k and then pocket $5k from her, plus any money from gifts, etc.

If MIL foots the bill, MIL calls most of the shots, if the wedding only costs 10K that might be well all she decides to pay.

We did a Chinese restaurant reception, the restaurant colors matched my wedding colors, the food was great! We had an after party & served a great wedding cake that cost only $52, beer & some booze.

 

[z1ggy]

Also, guys... for any of you who didn't wear a tux but wore just a nice suit: Did you buy it or rent it?

I don't wear suits often, but I do already have 3 of them, all tailored to me. I figure, why spend $500 for another one and another $100 on custom tailoring (I have big shoulders and chest measurement relative to my arm length and waist size... Gym consesqunces) so often times nice suits can be costly for me.

Could I maybe have a custom one rented for a day for like... <$100?

 

[JM Aggie08]

Right. At first she was like, "I'm not paying anything blahblahblahhh" but then when fiance blew up on her because the mom was literally wanting us to invite 20 of her friends, she agreed ok she'd pay for some. Then another convo reveals she would pay up to $15k.

For me the issue is, I'd rather have a wedding that totals like.. $10k and then pocket $5k from her, plus any money from gifts, etc.

Yikes. Ya, that sounds rough.

Any options for DIY? My sister did all of her own floral arrangements/bouquets. We had another friend who just used an iPhone playlist hooked into auxiliary as the DJ. Lol.

 

[z1ggy]

If MIL foots the bill, MIL calls most of the shots, if the wedding only costs 10K that might be well all she decides to pay.

We did a Chinese restaurant reception, the restaurant colors matched my wedding colors, the food was great! We had an after party & served a great wedding cake that cost only $52, beer & some booze.

Did you rent the entire place out? Sounds "tacky" trying to shove 100 people into whatever side room option they may have while there's still other guests dining.

I guess I'll know more after this weekend once the Lake association answers us back and after we hear how much a few of the venues around us cost. If none of that works out, we do have 3/4 of an acre right on a lake that we could have some kind of outdoor party at. Problem is... where the hell do 100+ people park in a residential area?

 

[highland145]

Oh yeah...20k for a wedding is fvck'n RIDICULOUS. Such a terrible waste. You can throw a huge party that is just as meaningful for considerably less if you get rid of all the wedding "traditions".

Says the guy with 3 kids. We'll see what your boss says in 20 years or so.


21 years ago, we got married for ~$1500 but the whole family (and extended) helped. Flowers, cake, food, photos, the church was free, etc. The only retail was for the tux's. The wife is very frugal. woot.

We did get china but it's for every use, not special occasions. A number of gifts were re gifted at other weddings.

 

[Geekbabe]

Did you rent the entire place out? Sounds "tacky" trying to shove 100 people into whatever side room option they may have while there's still other guests dining.

I guess I'll know more after this weekend once the Lake association answers us back and after we hear how much a few of the venues around us cost. If none of that works out, we do have 3/4 of an acre right on a lake that we could have some kind of outdoor party at. Problem is... where the hell do 100+ people park in a residential area?

I married in a gazebo on a local lake - free of charge
I did my own flowers & bought my gown at a Spanish flea market for $400. We rented tuxes & had a JP. My guest list was small, only 25 people. Wedding cost about $2,500. We had a great day.

My only regret is not renting a limo, it would have eliminated worries about keeping my dress clean.

The restaurant set us up fairly far away from other parties, they also set up a small table for the wedding favor bags which I put together myself. They went out of their way to make it nice. Other customers cheered & tapped glasses which added to the joyous feeling of the meal. We bought each guest a good mixed drink & of course soda. We did the booze, snacks & cake at the best man's patio. We danced, had music & a great evening around the fire pit!

 

[z1ggy]

I married in a gazebo on a local lake - free of charge
I did my own flowers & bought my gown at a Spanish flea market for $400. We rented tuxes & had a JP. My guest list was small, only 25 people. Wedding cost about $2,500. We had a great day.

My only regret is not renting a limo, it would have eliminated worries about keeping my dress clean.

Well my current situation is one that requires a church. Parents paying = catholic ceremony, no way around it.

Also, if parents pay.. it means parents can choose who comes, too. With their list, plus mine and fiance's, it's 135 people. Only way to get it under 80 is to knock out all the friends and only invite family. Her family is large... Dad is one of 7, mom is 1 of 4. It is what it is...

I think our goal is to keep the total under $10k. It just doesn't seem possible or realistic for us to go much lower if we do end up having to invite 130ish people, unless we get very lucky and can rent a location for free or minimal cost.

 

[Geekbabe]

One more thing, my wedding was just the start & even though it was wonderful what counts more is life afterwards. We just celebrated our 12th anniversary. My husband has walked with me through almost 3 yrs of a cancer journey. A great wedding is nice but a strong marriage is even nicer. My husband is like my alter ego, he makes me laugh a lot & is my best friend.

 

[Geekbabe]

Fi

Well my current situation is one that requires a church. Parents paying = catholic ceremony, no way around it.

Also, if parents pay.. it means parents can choose who comes, too. With their list, plus mine and fiance's, it's 135 people. Only way to get it under 80 is to knock out all the friends and only invite family. Her family is large... Dad is one of 7, mom is 1 of 4. It is what it is...

I think our goal is to keep the total under $10k. It just doesn't seem possible or realistic for us to go much lower if we do end up having to invite 130ish people, unless we get very lucky and can rent a location for free or minimal cost.

find out if any relatives have connections with VFW or a union or church hall. Many of those places can be rented on the cheap.

They want a church wedding & 100 guests? You will most likely spend that 15K, particularly if you want to serve booze.

Any relatives with large pretty yards? You could rent tents, a dance floor & serve buffet style food? Also consider only serving beer & wine & doing a champagne toast. Saves on bartender & server costs.

Here is the thing though, a high mass wedding with 100 or more guests leads to those guests expecting one helluva reception. You will need flowers at the church, an aisle runner, bows on the pews etc

Shop, shop, shop, the bride can make wedding favors, do her own flowers & those of the wedding party, look for sales on wedding gowns, consider reusing her mom's veil if possible.

Another though is to have an off season wedding, consider the fall or late winter when venues are cheaper.

 

[quikah]

Did you rent the entire place out? Sounds "tacky" trying to shove 100 people into whatever side room option they may have while there's still other guests dining.

I guess I'll know more after this weekend once the Lake association answers us back and after we hear how much a few of the venues around us cost. If none of that works out, we do have 3/4 of an acre right on a lake that we could have some kind of outdoor party at. Problem is... where the hell do 100+ people park in a residential area?

Depending on the area, many Chinese restaurants are very equipped to host wedding banquets, it is very common thing in areas with large Chinese populations. And that give me an idea, you could go the Chinese route and charge people an entry fee.

We only invited ~20 people, got married on the beach, went to a local restaurant. Brought our own wine/champagne and cake to save some money there. Bought flowers from Costco and did the bouquets ourselves. Didn't bother with a registry. When we went to China my wife's family held a big banquet for us with ~100 people, but as I said above, that is a money making event (we let them keep all the money, not sure if they made money or not, never asked).

 

[Ns1]

I started with a budget of 5k, and it rapidly grew to 10k. We probably ended up around 12k. About 8k of that were spent on partying + food (3 nights in Vegas...), and 4k on the actual wedding/prep/etc.

How to reduce costs: make it a semi-destination wedding. Far enough away to weed out people you like, but not so far as to make it prohibitive for the people who really matter.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Oh yeah...20k for a wedding is fvck'n RIDICULOUS. Such a terrible waste. You can throw a huge party that is just as meaningful for considerably less if you get rid of all the wedding "traditions".

It's all about what woman you choose. They are the difference between a $50k wedding and a $10k wedding. Also, $20k you can't complain TOO TOO much, since the average wedding is ~$30k last I checked.

A lot of people who normally will write a check as a gift to help defray the cost of the wedding without blinking but they hate so called " honey moon" fund raisers.

Do a registry, include things like a higher end mixer, microwave, good knives, good quality dinnerware that you will use often, rice cookers, don't forget nice serving bowls, decent flatware. Kitchen tools like strainers, spatulas. Pot holders etc. Linens, good quality sheets, pillow cases, pillows, comforters. Include things in all price ranges, many times several people will go in on a more expensive item.

Also register at more than one store, people often have coupon codes & other reward incentives to chose one store over another

This, but I mostly recommend Kitchen related stuff like a damn good knife set that you will use for 20 years. I'd personally reccomend registries from Sur La Table, Amazon, and Bed Bath Beyond

Not an option. Her family is religious and if they are going to pay for some/half/whatever amount, it will need to be in a church. I don't give a sh!t, I'm not religious at all, but her folks are.

That's rather sad, I'm all for respecting people's views - but I would laugh in your face if you expected a religious ceremony from MY wedding.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

As far as registry... right now it's only like 5 things. One of those things is a really nice (expensive) knife set (Cutco brand) and the other is a Dyson vacuum, and a 3rd is a "formal" set of china which actually I think we will use. We have a close family and have family dinner a lot, and her uncle who currently hosts all dinners is potentially no longer going to host, which leaves us next in line.

Other small things like dishes..utensils... we have. Why ask for more?

In regards to dishes (plates/bowls) and utensils - it's so you can have a nice set that doesn't suck? Depends, if you have a set that you used in college with pieces missing and mixed with older sets - it's time to get yourself a decent set and move up from the ikea college lifestyle. Or don't I guess, if you don't have a problem with it then who cares.

 

[gorcorps]

We're hovering around $10-12k for 100 people. We saved by doing a lot of crafts and stuff ourselves. No florist, we made all the bouquets out of wood sola flowers and paper flowers. Looks fantastic, and it'll never die. It's not an easy task, but you do save money. We also made a lot of other smaller things that can add up, like the guest book, place cards, RSVP cards, etc... a lot of little things that get a huge upcharge because it's for a wedding can be done cheaper and still look good if you're willing to put in a little elbow grease.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Gotta love how everyone here is all about cheaping out on the once in a lifetime wedding. Apparently we have 7 figures in the top 1% income, but we're all too cheap-ass to spend the $30k average cost of a wedding.

So which is it? Is ATOT loaded with 7 figure incomes with money falling out of our pockets? Or are we cheap bastards that try to nickel and dime everything?

 

[JM Aggie08]

Honestly at this point, just try not to piss off your MIL at this point. Biting the bullet and just putting up with whatever wedding BS may come up is far better than a lifetime of tension between you and the in-laws.

 

[JM Aggie08]

Gotta love how everyone here is all about cheaping out on the once in a lifetime wedding. Apparently we have 7 figures in the top 1% income, but we're all too cheap-ass to spend the $30k average cost of a wedding.

So which is it? Is ATOT loaded with 7 figure incomes with money falling out of our pockets? Or are we cheap bastards that try to nickel and dime everything?

ATOT is frugal when it's convenient or if something does not align with their interests.

We should talk about diamond rings next.

 

[highland145]

Gotta love how everyone here is all about cheaping out on the once in a lifetime wedding. Apparently we have 7 figures in the top 1% income, but we're all too cheap-ass to spend the $30k average cost of a wedding.

So which is it? Is ATOT loaded with 7 figure incomes with money falling out of our pockets? Or are we cheap bastards that try to nickel and dime everything?

this and who said it was a once in a lifetime thing? My bro-in-law, now deceased, tried it 5 times.

 

[z1ggy]

Well to me it's just that; something you do ONCE, so why are you spending $30k on it? Most people aren't willing to spend $30k on a car that you drive every single day, yet they'd readily drop $30k for 5 hours of their life?

For me personally, I'm cheap/practical.

 

[Ns1]

I think our goal is to keep the total under $10k. It just doesn't seem possible or realistic for us to go much lower if we do end up having to invite 130ish people, unless we get very lucky and can rent a location for free or minimal cost.

10k is really something like 8.5k + tips, which breaks down to $65pp. That's not even chinese banquet money, let alone chinese banquet + church + photos + etc money.

Well to me it's just that; something you do ONCE, so why are you spending $30k on it? Most people aren't willing to spend $30k on a car that you drive every single day, yet they'd readily drop $30k for 5 hours of their life?

the alternative view is you're only going to get 1 chance to throw a 30k party

 

[z1ggy]

ATOT is frugal when it's convenient or if something does not align with their interests.

We should talk about diamond rings next.

I spent $1200 on fiances ring. It's got a moissanite (spelling?) center stone and real diamonds on the band. The center is 1 carat weight and is technically 100% flawless because it was made in a lab. It's about 90% as hard as diamond and is actually brighter, with the only difference being it refracts sunlight into the visible spectrum whereas diamond won't.

Everybody loves it, including her. I saved around $5k doing this.

 

[JM Aggie08]

I spent $1200 on fiances ring. It's got a moissanite (spelling?) center stone and real diamonds on the band. The center is 1 carat weight and is technically 100% flawless because it was made in a lab. It's about 90% as hard as diamond and is actually brighter, with the only difference being it refracts sunlight into the visible spectrum whereas diamond won't.

Everybody loves it, including her. I saved around $5k doing this.

My man.

I spent $2.3K on my wife's. She loves it -- that is all that matters.

 

[Platypus]

We got married in a courthouse with 2 witnesses and then threw a party afterwords for our friends and family. Completely casual and fun. It lasted 4 hours and cost about 4k all told.

Would highly recommend not blowing a shitton of money for no reason at all, but it sounds like you're kinda roped into that shit at this point. Good luck.