Wedding things - registry list, how to reduce costs, etc

[z1ggy]

Wanting to hear the married peeps opinions and thoughts on how many/how large a registry should be, and ways on cutting costs for the actual wedding. My fiance and i are pretty minimalist and cheap, but her mom is insisting we need to invite a sh!t load of people... I couldn't care less. Right now just based on our initial research, the total cost is quickly approaching $20k. That's insanity to me, but it's mainly because of the amount of people that may be invited.

What types of things did you do to reduce costs besides invite less guests? Fiance's family is willing to put in $15k, but honestly... I'd rather take all or most of that $15k and save it for a house. I'd love to keep the TOTAL cost of this entire event to $10k.

And for the registry thing... right now we have about $5k worth of crap on it. Seems high? Man... knifes and plates and all that stuff is pricey.

 

[Tweak155]

I would put anything you want on your registry as typically people first set a price in their mind as to what they want to spend, and then want to find a gift they want to buy you in that price range. Sometimes it's a few items to add up to their total, so I would suggest having a variety for that purpose alone.

A few people complained our registry was too small and we didn't have expensive items on there (I don't like taking money from other people typically). So make your range large!! Worst case no one buys some of the stuff.

As far as reducing costs, have the date on an off-season for wedding, and also on an off-day. My entire wedding including wedding bands, dress, tux, hall & etc were all under $6k combined. I got an amazing deal on the hall due to the date range we wanted (early May) and having it on a Sunday. They gave us both rooms (a center wall that opened up to make the room bigger) for the same price because no one else booked the time.

Have your wedding & reception in the same place. We stood up where the dance floor was and then went right to our seats and had caterers come out. Everyone loved it because they didn't have to travel to another location and the food was great to boot. And everyone partied until we were kicked out, lots of comments that it was the best wedding they had been to due to how simple it was.

 

[highland145]

Elope and piss 'em off early on.

 

[purbeast0]

China and dinnerware in registries was such a waste for us. Sure we have a full set of nice china, but we've been married for almost 9 years now and we've never once used any of it. It sits in our cabinet stacked up. If I could go back I'd remove all of that shit from our registry since that stuff was not cheap. Make the registry tiny so people give you cash instead. Wish we did that too, although we did get a lot of cash on top of stuff in our registry.

As for making the wedding cheaper, you should tell your mother in law to fuck off and do what you all want to do and invite who you want to invite. It's your wedding not hers.

 

[PricklyPete]

My friend put a travel registry that broke down pieces of their honeymoon into "gift size" pieces. I think in the end, they just got money from the service to spend on their honeymoon as needed (or technically anything). If you don't need stuff...seems like a great idea.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Best way to reduce wedding costs are... don't have one.

No but seriously, the more you shop around the better off you will be.

1. Photographers are stupid expensive - fucking retarded expensive. A photographer that does a normal 3-hour photoshoot for $500 will somehow justify $5000 for a 3-hour wedding photoshoot. If you're looking to cut costs, this is a good place to do it. We searched pretty hard and were overall very happy with our photos for much less than what we were getting initially. Don't go with any big-time/mainstream photo company, and make sure your contract includes full access (USB) of your photos with no watermarks.

2. Venue comes in at #2. We were lucky and were simply able to rent a nice lake house. We had no real restrictions - BUT, I don't think the neighbors took too kindly to our guests parking all over the place. Main things to avoid here: There are venues that are in-bed with other companies, so they will say if you sign up for our venue you have to get X catering company and Y DJ Service, etc... Don't fall for it. You need unrestricted access to decisions of whom to go with if you hope to save any money. Along with venue comes catering - plenty of venues include the catering staff, but they try to charge you by the head for the food - which is stupid. Often times it's $50+ per person - and it only goes up depending on what food you want.

3. I would say next in line is anything that you can do yourself. If you can make your table centerpieces and stuff - you will be far better off than paying someone. So this section I'm advocating for any "do it yourself" things that you can handle.

Do it yourself Bar: This is a big one. I went to our local big box liquor store and bought large bottles of liquor, boxes of wine, etc... and I basically fully stocked our bar and hired outside catering staff that can serve alcohol. It was super easy, and the liquor store I bought it from allows returns for anything that hasn't been opened. I returned like 75% of what we bought heh. Otherwise, venues will gouge you with bar costs.

Do it yourself flowers/bouquets - If you can make your own bouquets, all you need to do is go to a flower wholesale place the day before or day of. Pretty easy, we did this for all the bridesmaids but got a professional one for the bride.

That's all I can think of at the moment, I'll chime in with more later. Our total wedding costs If I recall were around $17k including the honeymoon.

 

[PricklyPete]

Oh yeah...20k for a wedding is fvck'n RIDICULOUS. Such a terrible waste. You can throw a huge party that is just as meaningful for considerably less if you get rid of all the wedding "traditions".

 

[Geekbabe]

A lot of people who normally will write a check as a gift to help defray the cost of the wedding without blinking but they hate so called " honey moon" fund raisers.

Do a registry, include things like a higher end mixer, microwave, good knives, good quality dinnerware that you will use often, rice cookers, don't forget nice serving bowls, decent flatware. Kitchen tools like strainers, spatulas. Pot holders etc. Linens, good quality sheets, pillow cases, pillows, comforters. Include things in all price ranges, many times several people will go in on a more expensive item.

Also register at more than one store, people often have coupon codes & other reward incentives to chose one store over another

 

[z1ggy]

Oh yeah...20k for a wedding is fvck'n RIDICULOUS. Such a terrible waste. You can throw a huge party that is just as meaningful for considerably less if you get rid of all the wedding "traditions".

That's actually what we are thinking. We are part of a lake association and there's a small golf course on it, which has a large reception house. We may be able to rent it out then hire an outside catering company and DJ to do food and music. Same as above... buy liquor ourselves and then hire a couple bar tenders to tend.

For registry... we actually already have a lot of the stuff on there. Plus, we currently live in a small condo with a TINY kitchen and barely any storage. While we may use or need a food mixer in the future... right now and for the foreseeable future, we do not need one, nor can we really store all this stuff. I'm leaning toward having "honey moon gift" stuff on there, as we are potentially planning a 7-10 vacation in NZ/Australia. We don't plan on buying a house any time soon (NJ real estate is stupid expensive) so all these house warming style gifts just seem like a waste.

 

[LevelSea]

Our biggest cost savings was to find a venue that didn't do an "all-inclusive" package, then organized all the other stuff ourselves (catering, silverware, chairs, etc). We also had a couple of musicians which was surprisingly cheaper than a DJ. Wedding cake was from Publix and was a quarter of the price of some of the other bakeries, and still tasted good. My mom made pies instead of having a groom cake. Bought beer and liquor from Costco. Had a family member that's a florist so we got a good deal on that. That being said, it was a lot of work and my wife was pretty stressed out lol. I think it ended up costing about $11k, but we didn't have a ton of people. Lots of liquor left over; no one drank as much as I'd thought.

We had another wedding in Japan that was close to $30k though, not including any travel. We just showed up and everything was ready.

 

[sandorski]

Elope and piss 'em off early on.

In Las Vegas and have Elvis do the ceremony.

 

[Cal166]

Man, after reading this and looking back. We spent way too much but it we wanted to make the process easy without stressing ourselves on every little angle/saving.

CAKE - Another big rip-off, how can you charge per-slice?! Go to one of the Asian/Vietnamese bakeries and order on the cake for $300-400, most guest won't even stay till the end or have root for cake.

Can always do a Chinese Banquest at a restaurant, $500+ per table (8-10 dishes). NO venue fees, all/most guest gives red-envelopes with money in them. Majority of the time, you either break-even or get back more.

 

[BurnItDwn]

We are planning to just hit the courtroom or go to vegas.

 

[z1ggy]

We are planning to just hit the courtroom or go to vegas.

Not an option. Her family is religious and if they are going to pay for some/half/whatever amount, it will need to be in a church. I don't give a sh!t, I'm not religious at all, but her folks are.

We are looking at having a family only, small ceremony in a church, then the reception/party at a later date. We are seeing if this whole Lake Association thing will work out or not, I think that will save an ass ton of money.

Most of the rates we are seeing for venues are starting at $85 a plate and easily run into the $150's for nicer places. This doesn't include anything other than a 3 course meal and the price to simply having the reception there... No DJ, no cake, arrangements.. etc.

 

[Tweak155]

After reading through here, I realize I knew a lot of people and got a number of services super cheap / free. My dad does photography as a hobby so that was free, I knew someone that made cakes and got ours for $75... knew a DJ and he only charged us $300 I think. I don't know if they typically charge, but my wife's uncle did the ceremony.

But yeah the majority of the savings were from the hall... was near $20/plate due to when we booked, otherwise it was closer to $50+ (this was 8 years ago now so I'm sure it has only gone up).

And I fully agree with the comment that it's YOUR wedding, at the end of the day you can't please everyone so don't go crazy trying to do it.

 

[Geekbabe]

That's actually what we are thinking. We are part of a lake association and there's a small golf course on it, which has a large reception house. We may be able to rent it out then hire an outside catering company and DJ to do food and music. Same as above... buy liquor ourselves and then hire a couple bar tenders to tend.

For registry... we actually already have a lot of the stuff on there. Plus, we currently live in a small condo with a TINY kitchen and barely any storage. While we may use or need a food mixer in the future... right now and for the foreseeable future, we do not need one, nor can we really store all this stuff. I'm leaning toward having "honey moon gift" stuff on there, as we are potentially planning a 7-10 vacation in NZ/Australia. We don't plan on buying a house any time soon (NJ real estate is stupid expensive) so all these house warming style gifts just seem like a waste.

ke

That's actually what we are thinking. We are part of a lake association and there's a small golf course on it, which has a large reception house. We may be able to rent it out then hire an outside catering company and DJ to do food and music. Same as above... buy liquor ourselves and then hire a couple bar tenders to tend.

For registry... we actually already have a lot of the stuff on there. Plus, we currently live in a small condo with a TINY kitchen and barely any storage. While we may use or need a food mixer in the future... right now and for the foreseeable future, we do not need one, nor can we really store all this stuff. I'm leaning toward having "honey moon gift" stuff on there, as we are potentially planning a 7-10 vacation in NZ/Australia. We don't plan on buying a house any time soon (NJ real estate is stupid expensive) so all these house warming style gifts just seem like a waste.

Make a modest registry is several stores, perhaps for soft goods. Your guests will see your registry & realize you would prefer a cash gift simply by looking at the registry. Don't do the honeymoon registry, basically asking for cash is considered a no, no & a lot of folks dislike this type of registry. Family & close friends can tell people via word of mouth that you two have been living together & don't need a lot of stuff & that cash and/ or gift cards are the better way to go. Also do NOT include any reference to gifts or requests for cash on the invites. The only exception to this is if the couple would like donations to a charitable organization & that info can be spread via word of mouth.

 

[z1ggy]

Her cousin does photography but she charges $1200 a shoot. It's cheaper than your typical photography business but still... $1200 in my eyes is pretty pricey for a couple pics.

I also wouldn't mind trying to find a live band as opposed to a DJ. I'm not a dancer type of guy and we are only having 2 people in the wedding on each side. No need for the fancy DJ gimmicks with the intro's into reception etc.

 

[purbeast0]

ke


Make a modest registry is several stores, perhaps for soft goods. Your guests will see your registry & realize you would prefer a cash gift simply by looking at the registry. Don't do the honeymoon registry, basically asking for cash is considered a no, no & a lot of folks dislike this type of registry. Family & close friends can tell people via word of mouth that you two have been living together & don't need a lot of stuff & that cash and/ or gift cards are the better way to go. Also do NOT include any reference to gifts or requests for cash on the invites. The only exception to this is if the couple would like donations to a charitable organization & that info can be spread via word of mouth.

I prefer registries that you can pay towards the honey moon rather than buying junk they may or may not use from a store.

 

[z1ggy]

ke


Make a modest registry is several stores, perhaps for soft goods. Your guests will see your registry & realize you would prefer a cash gift simply by looking at the registry. Don't do the honeymoon registry, basically asking for cash is considered a no, no & a lot of folks dislike this type of registry. Family & close friends can tell people via word of mouth that you two have been living together & don't need a lot of stuff & that cash and/ or gift cards are the better way to go.

As far as registry... right now it's only like 5 things. One of those things is a really nice (expensive) knife set (Cutco brand) and the other is a Dyson vacuum, and a 3rd is a "formal" set of china which actually I think we will use. We have a close family and have family dinner a lot, and her uncle who currently hosts all dinners is potentially no longer going to host, which leaves us next in line.

Other small things like dishes..utensils... we have. Why ask for more?

 

[Geekbabe]

I prefer registries that you can pay towards the honey moon rather than buying junk they may or may not use from a store.

You have to remember that many guests might be elderly & frown on such a request as it isn't considered in good taste, many of them might not be computer savvy. A lot of these people will happily write a check to the couple but might well balk at being asked directly for cash.

 

[Geekbabe]

As far as registry... right now it's only like 5 things. One of those things is a really nice (expensive) knife set (Cutco brand) and the other is a Dyson vacuum, and a 3rd is a "formal" set of china which actually I think we will use. We have a close family and have family dinner a lot, and her uncle who currently hosts all dinners is potentially no longer going to host, which leaves us next in line.

Other small things like dishes..utensils... we have. Why ask for more?

The small registry is good as it gives guests a choice.
The other thing you can do is to just not register, family & friends will know then that you would prefer cash. Telling close family what you would use cash for is important too.

Btw, assign someone to keep a close eye on the card box at the reception so your checks & cash don't go missing!

 

[JM Aggie08]

Honestly, if the number of guests is causing costs to spike dramatically and your MIL is the one wanting to invite more, I would ask them to fork over more $$$. It's your day -- if she HAS to have certain people there, she should foot the bill. Honestly, in willing to fork over $15k, I'm surprised they don't just foot the entire bill. What does your fiancee have to say?

Regarding registry -- don't hold back. We registered for a ton of expensive crap and received all but one item. You'd be surprised how much folks are willing to spend on you lol.

 

[ultimatebob]

I'm trying to think of where we wasted money on our wedding...

The harpist comes to mind. She was pretty awesome, but super expensive. The premium food package with the passed out appetizers was a budget killer as well. Kids eating off of the adult menu didn't help, either.

Personally, I'd register at Amazon and ask for a ton of amazon gift cards. We ended up getting a bunch of crap from Target and William Sonoma that we didn't really need at our wedding. At least the William Sonoma stuff lasted... the Target crap fell apart after three years.

 

[SKORPI0]

https://www.bridalguide.com/planning/wedding-budget/cost-cutting-secrets

 

[z1ggy]

Honestly, if the number of guests is causing costs to spike dramatically and your MIL is the one wanting to invite more, I would ask them to fork over more $$$. It's your day -- if she HAS to have certain people there, she should foot the bill. Honestly, in willing to fork over $15k, I'm surprised they don't just foot the entire bill. What does your fiancee have to say?

Regarding registry -- don't hold back. We registered for a ton of expensive crap and received all but one item. You'd be surprised how much folks are willing to spend on you lol.

Right. At first she was like, "I'm not paying anything blahblahblahhh" but then when fiance blew up on her because the mom was literally wanting us to invite 20 of her friends, she agreed ok she'd pay for some. Then another convo reveals she would pay up to $15k.

For me the issue is, I'd rather have a wedding that totals like.. $10k and then pocket $5k from her, plus any money from gifts, etc.