What is Cheating?

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: Dari
I'm asking this question because I think it begs to be discussed.

Is cheating the breaking of implicit or explicit rules settled between two couples?

Is it the sharing of something intimate with someone other than your partner?

Since there is a double standard between men and women, is there a higher threshold for men?

Is agreeing to temporarily separate from your partner ("need some time alone") so you can be with someone else cheating?

yes.

not necessarily.

what do you mean by higher threshold? i feel that women get away with cheating a lot easier, because when women cheat, its because their man is falling short in making them feel loved. when men cheat, theyre just worthless asshole dog motherfvkers.(opinion ive observed from women).

technically, no. if youre not together, then youre not cheating. but taking a break or whatever just so you can get with someone else is just a waste of time. move on or dont, no need for any of that drama.

Originally posted by: FeuerFrei

Originally posted by: meltdown75
if your heart is somewhere else, either physically or mentally / emotionally - it's cheating imho.

esp. if you're hiding it from your SO.

That is so true.
If anyone disagrees they are WRONG. No question.

so when you lust after that woman at work, its cheating? or enjoy a little flirtation and the ego boost that comes with it, its cheating? people are human, and finding others attractive and flirting is a part of human nature. ill never deny my wife that pleasure in life as long as she doesnt break my trust in her.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: shimsham
so when you lust after that woman at work, its cheating? or enjoy a little flirtation and the ego boost that comes with it, its cheating? people are human, and finding others attractive and flirting is a part of human nature. ill never deny my wife that pleasure in life as long as she doesnt break my trust in her.

depends on the lusting/flirting, imho.

if my b/f says... "whoa, look at the boos on that"... it is no big deal, but if he wants someone else, that is an entirely different story.

there is a huge difference between looking with appreciation and looking with true desire. the former is harmless and natural, while the latter is a relationship ender.

As far as flirting... that depends, too. if the person you are flirting with is made fully aware that you are in a commited relationship and the harmless flirtation is just that and will never be anyhting more, then it is no big deal. But as soon as one starts saying things and acting in a manner that they would never do if their partner was there... it becomes a problem.

 

[Kadarin]

Cheating is about deception, about being (or wanting to be) intimate with someone else without the approval of your partner. As a general rule, it's cheating if you'd be upset if your partner did it to you.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: shimsham
so when you lust after that woman at work, its cheating? or enjoy a little flirtation and the ego boost that comes with it, its cheating? people are human, and finding others attractive and flirting is a part of human nature. ill never deny my wife that pleasure in life as long as she doesnt break my trust in her.

depends on the lusting/flirting, imho.

if my b/f says... "whoa, look at the boos on that"... it is no big deal, but if he wants someone else, that is an entirely different story.

there is a huge difference between looking with appreciation and looking with true desire. the former is harmless and natural, while the latter is a relationship ender.

As far as flirting... that depends, too. if the person you are flirting with is made fully aware that you are in a commited relationship and the harmless flirtation is just that and will never be anyhting more, then it is no big deal. But as soon as one starts saying things and acting in a manner that they would never do if their partner was there... it becomes a problem.

exactly. there are varying degrees.

 

[Saint Nick]

Originally posted by: Dari
I'm asking this question because I think it begs to be discussed.

Is cheating the breaking of implicit or explicit rules settled between two couples?
What do you mean by implicit rules? I would be wary of letting my girl go on some sort of outing with a "guy-friend", but I don't call it cheating.

Is it the sharing of something intimate with someone other than your partner?
Definately.

Since there is a double standard between men and women, is there a higher threshold for men?
I don't think so. I think men and women should always be expected to do their part in the relationship, equal amounts.

Is agreeing to temporarily separate from your partner ("need some time alone") so you can be with someone else cheating?
I don't believe this is cheating. If you mutually agree that you are split up for some time, then you should be free to do what you want.

Also, I agree with what KarenMarie said. It shouldn't be a big deal. I've always told my girlfriend that its okay to look but don't touch. We've discussed it openly on a few occassions. I believe in "look but don't touch" firmly. And to not let it lead to other things.

My answers in bold!

 

[EDiT]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Cheating is about deception, about being (or wanting to be) intimate with someone else without the approval of your partner. As a general rule, it's cheating if you'd be upset if your partner did it to you.

Well said. I agree with this, with the clarification that it really follows the more strict definition of the two individuals. Just because you think it would be ok for your partner to exchange backrubs with someone, if they disagree you shouldn't be doing it. From what I have seen, many people try to justify their actions this way, but there is no excuse for not knowing your partner's feeling on the topic.


As for anyone that feels that the "flirting with a co-worker" is ok, just be sure you are both up to the challenge of limiting it to that. I have witnessed several angles of this situation in the past year, and from what I can tell, it quite often progresses to more, and generally ends poorly for everyone.

 

[WildHorse]