What to do about GF's parents?

[Zebo]

I wish a smart ass like you would show up telling me how to raise my kids. Fun to shoot my nail gun at moving objects. The her parents not her roomies we need more like that.

 

[Anubis]

this is fuked up. she really needs to sit down with her rents and talk about things. shes almost 20.

i never had a curfew when i was yunger. ever sense i was 16 my parents sais be back by mignight. sometimes i was sometimes i wasent. no big deal. not that im in college. im 21, and when im home i come and go as i please. dont have to tell them anything.

 

[BigToque]

Btw, she is paying for school herself. She is in a full course load and will be in med school in 2 years. Not to mention that she is working a lot as well. She is NOT loafing at all. Hell, she's the only person in her family to ever go to university.

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: Carbonyl
I wish a smart ass like you would show up telling me how to raise my kids. Fun to shoot my nail gun at moving objects. The her parents not her roomies we need more like that.

My parents were never like that... It's called trust. I have been able to go anywhere and do virtually anything I wanted to since I was around 12. Of course, I had to be home by dark in the earlier years, but.. lol.

I cannot imagine having controlling parents like that.. For what purpose? There has to be a reason. If there is no reason, then it's BS.

 

[BigToque]

Btw, she is paying for school herself. She is in a full course load and will be in med school in 2 years. Not to mention that she is working a lot as well. She is NOT loafing at all. Hell, she's the only person in her family to ever go to university.

 

[Jzero]

Do you people have any idea how difficult it would be to pay rent in an appartment and still pay for school? We are all old enough to make decisions for ourselves at 18, but most people until they hit about 24 (or are out of university) can not afford to live on their own. Its just not reasonable to expect that.

[strongbad]WAT ARE YOU TOKKIN' ABAHT?![/strongbad]
I dunno how they run things where you come from, but where I come from most people live on their own from the day they graduate high school. I know countless people who held down a job, paid their tuition, paid for their own food and housing, AND graduated summa cum laude from their university. I think it is unreasonable to put off living in "the real world" until you are 24 (of course, where I come from, most people have graduated from college by 21 or 22).

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: Stefan
Btw, she is paying for school herself. She is in a full course load and will be in med school in 2 years. Not to mention that she is working a lot as well. She is NOT loafing at all. Hell, she's the only person in her family to ever go to university.

See... that's fscked up. It sounds like she is being very responsible. She's going to, and paying for school...

She either needs to have a talk with them, or tell them to fsck off and move out. Maybe she can move in with you until you guys can find your own place.

 

[godmare]

Originally posted by: Eli

Originally posted by: godmare

Originally posted by: Eli
If they realized that, maybe they would shape up..

That's the most bass-ackwards statement in this thread yet. They're not making her turn tricks for food and board.

What are you talking about? You took my statement totally out of context, read it with the other sentances.

What is the point in forcing these rules on her? That's right, there are none. Why can't she live her life? It does not matter that they are providing food and shelter, they can still be reasonable.

I simply focused on part of your message: yo umake it seem like they are totaly out of their right, and that is not the case. She lives with them (under them) and is supported by them, and they have the say of her conduct during that time. they are forcing rules on her due to a parental decision, for one reasonor another, and I really don't expect that to make sense to people that aren't parents.
You see, she's not actually living her life yet, as you say, she's partaking in theirs. If the rules are inconvenient, etc, then by all means she should talk with her parents 'that doesn't mean telling them they are stupid, then running to her room that they provide for her and slamming the door that they have hung for her, etc., it means presenting her case in an adult fashion. If they do not sway, for whatever, very likely good, I might add, reason, and they do not defer whatsoever after a period of religious 'rule-following', then she should take her independent self up to the local 'this place is hiring' joint and get an application. This should be done in several places, really. Then, when she has her own capital rolling in, she can create herself whatever reality she wants in her own home.

 

[AUMM]

my gf's dad was like this, but MUCHHHHHHHHHH stricter, i mean she couldnt go out at alllll, but once she moved away for college, things got a lot better, he still tried to keep tabs on her and whatnot, but slowly things will change, but meanwhile no matter how much it sucks, ide recommend respecting her parents and not try to change them, itll just make things worse

 

[Kanalua]

Originally posted by: Stefan
I can't understand you people who say "If she doesnt like the rules then she should move out" and "as long as she lives in the house she has to live by the rules". That is just absurd.

Do you people have any idea how difficult it would be to pay rent in an appartment and still pay for school? We are all old enough to make decisions for ourselves at 18, but most people until they hit about 24 (or are out of university) can not afford to live on their own. Its just not reasonable to expect that.

Of course your parents are providing a great service for you by letting you live at home. But the fact is, THATS WHAT BEING A PARENT IS! You help your kid with things until they can support themselves. If you are going to school full time and working to make some money for yourself your parents should help you with shelter and food as long as you need. Obviously you pay for your personal things like clothes and entertainment, etc.

What kind of fscked up parent thinks "Ok, well my kid is 18 so I dont have to LEGALLY support him, MY JOB IS DONE"?!?

She should have planned ahead. If she did good enough in school, she'd have all teh scholarships in the world to pay for school, and excess to pay for rent/living. Don't think it's possible? Well, me and my wife did it, and now we just need part time jobs to pay the bills til college is finished, then the real money rolls in...

 

[BigToque]

See... that's fscked up. It sounds like she is being very responsible. She's going to, and paying for school...

Shes one of the most responsible people I know. She does just about everything for herself. Hell, I'm the loafer (in comparrison) and my parents are normal. Figure that one out.

She either needs to have a talk with them, or tell them to fsck off and move out. Maybe she can move in with you until you guys can find your own place.

Well she's only been my gf (officially) for about 2 weeks (I only met her on Feb. 8), so I dont think moving in with me is an option yet. lol

 

[godmare]

Originally posted by: Stefan
Btw, she is paying for school herself. She is in a full course load and will be in med school in 2 years. Not to mention that she is working a lot as well. She is NOT loafing at all. Hell, she's the only person in her family to ever go to university.

Alright, excellent. If this can't be worked out, then she can move. Simple.

My parents were never like that... It's called trust. I have been able to go anywhere and do virtually anything I wanted to since I was around 12. Of course, I had to be home by dark in the earlier years, but.. lol.

I cannot imagine having controlling parents like that.. For what purpose? There has to be a reason. If there is no reason, then it's BS.

Perhaps you were more trustworthy, or perhaps your parents were more lax (for better or worse, that's not the issue).

She either needs to have a talk with them, or tell them to fsck off and move out. Maybe she can move in with you until you guys can find your own place.

There, that's very sensible. Aside from telling them to fvck off, that is...

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: godmare

Originally posted by: Eli

Originally posted by: godmare

Originally posted by: Eli
If they realized that, maybe they would shape up..

That's the most bass-ackwards statement in this thread yet. They're not making her turn tricks for food and board.

What are you talking about? You took my statement totally out of context, read it with the other sentances.

What is the point in forcing these rules on her? That's right, there are none. Why can't she live her life? It does not matter that they are providing food and shelter, they can still be reasonable.

I simply focused on part of your message: yo umake it seem like they are totaly out of their right, and that is not the case. She lives with them (under them) and is supported by them, and they have the say of her conduct during that time. they are forcing rules on her due to a parental decision, for one reasonor another, and I really don't expect that to make sense to people that aren't parents.
You see, she's not actually living her life yet, as you say, she's partaking in theirs. If the rules are inconvenient, etc, then by all means she should talk with her parents 'that doesn't mean telling them they are stupid, then running to her room that they provide for her and slamming the door that they have hung for her, etc., it means presenting her case in an adult fashion. If they do not sway, for whatever, very likely good, I might add, reason, and they do not defer whatsoever after a period of religious 'rule-following', then she should take her independent self up to the local 'this place is hiring' joint and get an application. This should be done in several places, really. Then, when she has her own capital rolling in, she can create herself whatever reality she wants in her own home.

Yes, I agree.. and thats what I've been suggesting, she needs to talk to them. There are no need for rules like this, not with an adult.. they serve a purpose for a child, but what possible purpose could it serve now that she's 19? Do you see what I'm saying? There is no need for a parental authority figure type relationship now that she is an adult.. It's just causing problems. It would be one thing if she really was a totally loafer, but she is going to school and paying for it herself.

Like I said, I think that if the parents realized how much this was bothering her, and is most likely hurting their relationship, and forcing her to want to move out, perhaps before she's ready... they would probably lighten up. If there is no reason for requiring her to be home at 9:30, or whatever the rules are.. then they are being controlling.. and that is not right.

The whole "fsck off" attitude is just saying that if it cant be dealt with, then she needs to leave. Since, if things aren't resolved, it wouldn't be a nice departure.. that's the whole feeling you get.

 

[pinoy]

Originally posted by: Stefan
Btw, she is paying for school herself. She is in a full course load and will be in med school in 2 years. Not to mention that she is working a lot as well. She is NOT loafing at all. Hell, she's the only person in her family to ever go to university.

You probably mentioned the REASON or one of the reasons already. She's the only 1 in the family who had the opportunity to go to college and probably have a bright future. Teens nowadays, end up not finishing college because of what, drugs, pregnancy, alcohol, etc. Its a FACT. Can you blame her parents if that's the reason why they're strict? they're trying to protect her in order for her to have a good life. like i said B4, communication and trust are the keys. And maybe YOU should also show them that you can be trusted since they'll be seeing most of you all the time.

GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[BigToque]

She should have planned ahead. If she did good enough in school, she'd have all teh scholarships in the world to pay for school, and excess to pay for rent/living

She already is going to school on scholorships (not full scholorship though). She had the highest average in her HS (like 95 or something - and she was taking all kinds of AP classes - plus a 1st year university calc class)

 

[slydecix]

I bet they're Chinese parents that's how mine were, but after a while I just stopped listening

 

[BigToque]

I bet they're Chinese parents

Shes polish. (well her grantparents are - her parents are just white. I dont know what kind of white though )

I'm Icelandic

 

[Kanalua]

Originally posted by: Stefan

She should have planned ahead. If she did good enough in school, she'd have all teh scholarships in the world to pay for school, and excess to pay for rent/living

She already is going to school on scholorships (not full scholorship though). She had the highest average in her HS (like 95 or something - and she was taking all kinds of AP classes - plus a 1st year university calc class)

She should look out there, there are plenty of places to get monewy for college. If not, move out, get a dumb job, take a year sabatical, and save up to pay her way through college. It can be done... Obviously she's fine with it, she's been doing it for a while now. If you've only been going out for two weeks, then just leave it alone, or find another girlfriend. This girl will either deal with it, and be more grateful when she does move out, or she will be always under their leash, but for only going out with her for two weeks, I'd either find a new girl, or live with it until she wants to move in with you...

 

[McPhreak]

Originally posted by: Stefan
only allowed to go out 1 time a week (1x/7days)!

Thanks for the clarification. I wasn't sure if by "week" you meant "13 days" or "7 days"



Anyway, I agree with most everyone else. Although it's kinda silla that her curfew is at 9:30 when she's already 19, she is living under their roof.

 

[derek2034]

Wow, must be alot of parents on the board. This "I can kick you out" type of argument is essentially blackmail.

If you want to use that attitude then you had BETTER hope that you abused and intimidated your child enough so it will continue to work. I think most will be resourceful enough to not be intimidated and quickly find a means of moving out. Little do you know, your love will turn into real tough love when your child is repeled even harder into what you are trying to "protect" them from. When my parents started trying to pull that crap with me I was gone within a month. It would have been nice, and a wonderful benefit to have free board or share rent instead of do the double full-time/full-time schedule, but that's ok. I guess it shows how much they cared.

 

[BigToque]

If you've only been going out for two weeks, then just leave it alone, or find another girlfriend.

I dont think I'm gonna give up on this one. Shes smoking hot, has a great personality, is an outdoors kind of girl (fishing, camping, snowboarding), loves car audio (does all her own installation and stuff), likes computers (knows how to use them and do maintenance), plays video games, loves to eat.

I've never met a girl that is so interested in just about everything that I like. This girl is so perfect for me its crazy.

 

[Dragnov]

Looks like you ruined a good chance to be responsible and get her back on time.

You can't do jack sh1t unless shes willign to move out and support herself (I doubt that).

Best way is just to follow along and get her back ON TIME now NO MATTER WHAT. Start developing a friendlier relationship with the parents where they know you and can trust you. It'll take time and patience, nothing else you can do.

I had a friend that was a girl, whose parents were pretty controlling. Not as bad as these parents, but eventually once they got to know me and such, they loosened up on the regulations quite a bit. Get them back on time and don't have the girl b1tch and complain until shes shown and even more YOU have shown that you're responsible to follow the rules.

 

[Krugger]

dude. 2 weeks, cmon, take it easy there. i know you're excited and that's cool. you can't do anything about her parents. you can't force or get her to either, not at this stage. Lots of us have encountered these types of parents, i've run into worse, for longer than that time. The best you can honestly do, is get them to like you. You can't make them, but if they meet you and get to know you etc, and they feel you are a 'good' guy or bf then it'll be easier. trust me on that. If you cause trouble at this point, it'll be worse. Work with it, let them get to know you, and most of all don't pressure HER about it. She has to LIVE with them. They're just looking out for her is all.

 

[BigToque]

Start developing a friendlier relationship with the parents where they know you and can trust you.

The best you can honestly do, is get them to like you

I've been to their house many times already. Her parents really like me. They had me over for dinner last week. They made me like 40 perogies Plus I brought them homemade cookies on saturday when I picked up my GF.

Btw, I'm only asking about this because SHE ASKED ME what she should do. Her parents have been strict like this for the longest time (according to her). Hell she wasnt even allowed to date until grade 12.

 

[Krugger]

Then it sounds like you're doing all you can do. As for her, if she's tried talking to them, reasoning/rationalizing and it doesn't work, then she's just stuck. The more she fights/resists/doesn't listen, the worse it might get. Good luck tho