From other places:
Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not"
---------
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
---------
So this duck walks into a store and goes, "Got any gwapes?" And the shopkeeper says, "No, we don't have any grapes." And the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks back into the store and goes, "Got any gwapes?" And the shopkeeper says, "No, we don't have any grapes." Foiled again, the duck leaves.
And on the third day the duck walks into the same store and goes, "Got any gwapes?" And the now angry shopkeeper says, "We don't have any fvckin' grapes! And if you ask again I'll staple your mouth shut!" Saddened, the duck leaves.
The fourth day the duck is feeling lucky. He walks proudly into the store, walks up to the shopkeeper, and goes, "Hey, got any staples?" And the shopkeeper goes, "No, why?" And the duck goes, "Got any gwapes?"
--------------
Two muffins are sitting in an oven, one says to the other, "Boy its getting hot in here," the other replies, "Holy sh1t a talking muffin." :shocked:
-------------
Some people are like slinkies...
Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face when
you push them down a flight of stairs.
---------------
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him...
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
----------
What do you call a black guy who's flying an airplane?
A pilot you racist.