What's the perfect Anti-Zombie close combat weapon?

[HAL9000]

You need to consider:

Longevity: I.e. will it break after prolonged use, does it require ammo / fuel if so is it practical?
Effectiveness: Is it any good at kill zombies close quarters?
Portability: Can you pop it in your pocket or do you need a truck to drive it around?
Messiness: Given that at this stage we don't know how the virus is being spread, do you want to make a mess? Potentially spraying blood over yourself or your survival team?
Subtlety: Will it give away your position every time you use it and attract other zombies?
Utility: Can you use it for other things?

My choice: Aluminium Baseball bat.

Longevity: Should last a while, won't break easily, doesn't require ammo or anything similar, which is why I disregarded guns. 8/10
Effectiveness: Caves in skulls well. 8/10
Portability: Not brilliant, could be better. 4/10
Messiness: It's pretty damn messy. 2/10
Subtlety: It's pretty silent. 8/10
Utility: You could use it as a hammer I suppose... That's about it. 1/10

 

[SlitheryDee]

Broadsword.

Longevity: Breakage is a concern, but the only kind I would carry would be thick and heavy. The blade would get nicks with use, but those would hardly affect it's utility in battle anyway. 9/10

Effectiveness: Probably a one shot kill every time 9/10

Portability: Could only be carried comfortably slung across the back. Might somewhat impede movement and limit clothing options, but should fit underneath a pack worn on the back. 5/10

Messiness: Will make a mess of anything it hits, but the length of a broadsword would allow for some separation. 6/10

Subtlety: Could be nearly completely silent so long as it hits nothing but flesh. Quick kills ensure no noise from the victim. 7/10

Utility: Useful for any chopping task. Could possibly take down wooden doors with some effort. Clearing brush. 4/10

 

[KeithTalent]

One of these:

KT

 

[spidey07]

AR15. Highly accurate for head shots and 200 round magazine is a sure plus.

Don't want or need full auto as you'll have to conserve ammo, make every shot count. Plus they don't move very fast and aren't too smart so no need for suppressive or rapid fire.

 

[rudeguy]

shotgun

 

[SlitheryDee]

One of these:

KT

According to the movie you can pop locks with them too. (I've actually heard that isn't true, but whatever)

 

[HAL9000]

Broadsword.

Yep, not bad, but a tad cumbersome.

One of these:

KT

Only problem I foresee with one of those is that it's very close combat, you don't really want to have to get so close you can touch a zombies face, also it requires refilling, it will ultimately run out and it's a bit on the heavy side.

 

[blackdogdeek]

after careful, lengthy consideration my choice is:

dual-wielding one-handed axes

 

[HAL9000]

AR15. Highly accurate for head shots and 200 round magazine is a sure plus.

Don't want or need full auto as you'll have to conserve ammo, make every shot count. Plus they don't move very fast and aren't too smart so no need for suppressive or rapid fire.

You'll run out of Ammo,
You'll attract attention from every thing around.
It's not close combat as per the title / OP.

I think that covered the flaws.

 

[spidey07]

You'll run out of Ammo,
You'll attract attention from every thing around.
It's not close combat as per the title / OP.

I think that covered the flaws.

Fine. Affix very large bayonet to it.

 

[Doppel]

One of these:

KT

Yep, the cattle thing is definitely king, although only if it's possible to attach to a stick because you don't really want to get that close. I'd say really a spear is not bad but they are hard to get into the head without a good bit of practice. I'm therefore going to go with a WOODEN baseball bat but one that has nails or screws inserted into the end for extra lethality. Seriously, a baseball bat with nails/screws in the end is just about as damn brutal a close quarters weapon as you can get.

 

[Rubycon]

A brain developed enough to realize that zombies do not exist therefore there is no threat to defend one self against. :|

 

[SlitheryDee]

A brain developed enough to realize that zombies do not exist therefore there is no threat to defend one self against. :|

Such a thing would be a massive handicap during the impending apocalypse.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Abrams M1A1. Let the zombies get as close as they want, I'm not worried.

 

[HAL9000]

Fine. Affix very large bayonet to it.

So the answer to the OP for you is a large bayonet?

A brain developed enough to realize that zombies do not exist therefore there is no threat to defend one self against. :|

Hmmm. That's a dangerous thing to own when posting in the world of the internet. Such a magnificent piece of equipment is rarely owned by purveyors of this social medium.

 

[Nemesis13]

No reloading, no serrated edges, i believe i first heard of these in the zombie survival hand guide

 

[Nemesis13]

Abrams M1A1. Let the zombies get as close as they want, I'm not worried.

i beg to differ my good sir

 

[AstroManLuca]

AR15. Highly accurate for head shots and 200 round magazine is a sure plus.

Don't want or need full auto as you'll have to conserve ammo, make every shot count. Plus they don't move very fast and aren't too smart so no need for suppressive or rapid fire.

I'd think a .22 semiauto rifle would be a better choice, depending on the type of zombie. It's by far the most common type of ammunition, you can carry WAY more of it inside a set weight/volume limit, and stopping power doesn't matter assuming the zombies you're going up against shrug off anything that isn't a headshot. Plus it's quieter.

 

[Oil]

Lightsaber

Longevity: No ammo required. 10/10
Effectiveness: Can efficiently cut heads or torsos off of the bodies. 10/10
Portability: Extremely easy to carry. 10/10
Messiness: Might get slightly messy but all close combat weapons would. 9/10
Subtlety: Gives off a quiet hum. 9/10
Utility: Can use it to open locked doors. 3/10

 

[Doppel]

A brain developed enough to realize that zombies do not exist therefore there is no threat to defend one self against. :|

You do realize the zombie apocalypse is all but assured, right? I'd say within next 10 years. It's why I have several naily bats ready!

i beg to differ my good sir

M1 is a total win, but just don't run out of gas.

Gyrocopter also or last v8, etc.

 

[HAL9000]

Lightsaber

Longevity: No ammo required. 10/10
Effectiveness: Can efficiently cut heads or torsos off of the bodies. 10/10
Portability: Extremely easy to carry. 10/10
Messiness: Might get slightly messy but all close combat weapons would. 9/10
Subtlety: Gives off a quiet hum. 9/10
Utility: Can use it to open locked doors. 3/10

Solid.

 

[Printer Bandit]

 

[janas19]

Lightsaber

Longevity: No ammo required. 10/10
Effectiveness: Can efficiently cut heads or torsos off of the bodies. 10/10
Portability: Extremely easy to carry. 10/10
Messiness: Might get slightly messy but all close combat weapons would. 9/10
Subtlety: Gives off a quiet hum. 9/10
Utility: Can use it to open locked doors. 3/10

Don't think we can include things that as of now are physically impossible.

 

[HAL9000]

White power?

 

[Texashiker]

Medieval War Hammer