What's the stupidest thing you ever had to explain to somebody?

[snoopdoug1]

trying to explain to my wife how the house thermostat works.....

for some reason she can not understand that on a very hot days if the thermostat is reading 78 and the A/C is set for 74 and is running, TURNING THE A/C TEMP DOWN to 70 WILL NOT MAKE THE HOUSE COOL DOWN!!!! GAH@@@@

It will eventually

 

[MotF Bane]

trying to explain to my wife how the house thermostat works.....

for some reason she can not understand that on a very hot days if the thermostat is reading 78 and the A/C is set for 74 and is running, TURNING THE A/C TEMP DOWN to 70 WILL NOT MAKE THE HOUSE COOL DOWN!!!! GAH@@@@

And if it succeeds, she'll be wondering why the house is so cold now.

 

[MotionMan]

trying to explain to my wife how the house thermostat works.....

for some reason she can not understand that on a very hot days if the thermostat is reading 78 and the A/C is set for 74 and is running, TURNING THE A/C TEMP DOWN to 70 WILL NOT MAKE THE HOUSE COOL DOWN!!!! GAH@@@@

Did you mean that it will not cool down faster?

MotionMan

 

[Patranus]

Varying details of sports. Though this was generally to really really really (did I say really) hot chicks and the headache was worth the payoff.

 

[bfdd]

I refuse to spell 6 or less letter words for people when asked.

 

[Born2bwire]

I thought Drano was alkali. Never used it. A plunger or snake has always worked for me.

He's being his usual dumbass self again. It wasn't that. The shit he is basing this on wasn't even a pipedream when this happened.

 

[bfdd]

I once had to translate English to English at work. We had a Consultant from Wales (who had a very strong Welsh accent) trying to have a conversation with a Mexican American Supervisor ( who learned English in Texas, think Mexican accent with a pronounced drawl), neither could understand each other at all. They were both perfectly clear to me, but it is hard to translate while laughing so hard my ribs hurt.

I love situations like this. Recently got to watch a friend of mine from China get into an argument with this older Japanese guy in English and the only reason they were really arguing was because they couldn't understand each other. Hilarious.

 

[darkewaffle]

The stupidest thing I ever had to explain was when this guy asked me to explain the stupidest thing I ever had to explain so I got stuck in a loop.

 

[Sixguns]

I once had to explain what a tortilla was to some old guy when I worked at KFC.

 

[AstroManLuca]

A number of computer questions come to mind from customers. A few from my 7-11 days too. A few that stand out.

In 7-11

"Oh, I looks like I forgot my wallet."

"But I have stamps, can I pay you with stamps"

"Uhh... no sir we only accept money"

"WTF? But this is legal tender, you have to accept it"

*guy walks away without food*

Sounds like the customers my wife had to deal with when she worked at a drug store.

Woman comes to the counter with two different types of lip balm or something, I don't know. Same brand, different styles. Asks what the difference is. Wife points to the one labeled "medicated" and says "this one is medicated."

Couple of girls go over to the automated bus card station, which has a big sign covering the entire front saying "OUT OF ORDER." They rip the sign off, insert their money, then complain that the machine ate their money.

One person tried to get her to accept a Visa gift card without scanning it. Claimed it had $10 on it. Now, these cards have no way of determining the balance at the cashier's station, so all she could do was scan it over and over again at varying levels until it wasn't declined. Turns out it had less than $2 on it. Don't know if the customer expected her to just take the gift card on her word without scanning it or what.

I swear, some people are so stupid you wonder how they remember to breathe.

 

[MarkXIX]

How to dislodge a 40mm HEDP round from the barrel of a Mk19 using a stick. Rookie bitches!

 

[OutHouse]

Did you mean that it will not cool down faster?

MotionMan

yes.

 

[OutHouse]

How to dislodge a 40mm HEDP round from the barrel of a Mk19 using a stick. Rookie bitches!

hell yea that is always fun!

 

[Perknose]

Not about explaining something painfully obvious so much as informing someone about stuff any sentient American adult should know, but jaw-dropping nonetheless:

I took a woman to see War Horse on New Years day. She was a model in New York (way) back in the day, and still looks pretty damn good, even in her early sixties.

She also had a long and successful career as a professional photographer -- magazine covers and awards and such. Her head floats in the clouds, though. Her house is uber cute, if you're into every shade of pastel known to man. She's not exactly stupid and helpless, and yet . . .

As the movie began she asked me when World War I was. I told her, 1914-1918. She then asked who fought whom, and were we involved. I told her. She then asked who won!! I . . . told . . . her.

 

[MarkXIX]

hell yea that is always fun!

I did have an "Oh shit moment" once with a training round though. Had the entire round, unfired, lodged in the barrel. I could see that the firing pin hadn't been struck and was standing behind the gun when the round failed to go down range.

I popped the top cover and immediately saw a new round on the bolt face, which was locked back. Somehow the bolt slammed forward and the round stuck in the barrel discharged with the top cover open. The TP round went down range without incident, but the casing failed to eject.

Only thing the gunner and I could come up with was the nose of round on the bolt face hit the primer just right to fire the round. Naturally, the gunner almost shit herself, but I put on my "Fuck Yeah" face, applied some LSAT to the weapon and told her to keep firing. The little dribble of piss in my shorts dried after a few minutes and all was well again. :thumbsup:

 

[JulesMaximus]

Explaining to my mom that her circa 2003 laptop isn't as fast as mine not because it has a virus, but that's it's so old.

Christ, my Mom was out visiting and complained that my computer was slow. I have a quad-core Intel i7 with Windows 7 on a SSD (takes like 25 seconds from power on to being on the internet). She has a 10 year old Compac at home. Maybe it just seems slow because she can fall asleep while hers is booting up so by the time she wakes up, it is on.

 

[MotionMan]

As the movie began she asked me when World War I was. I told her, 1914-1918. She then asked who fought whom, and were we involved. I told her. She then asked who won!! I . . . told . . . her.

My wife is useless when it comes to history and geography and, as learned in a painful car ride the other day, apparently astronomy ("So, the Moon goes around the Earth and the Earth goes around the Sun like everything else does?").

MotionMan

 

[crashtestdummy]

I had to explain to someone during the BP oil spill that the inside of the earth was not entirely made of oil, and that the entire surface of the earth wouldn't be covered by an oil slick from the leak.

 

[Golgatha]

Turns out it was for the Liquid Drano.

The girl cashier and I did not know about the new law in Illinois.

She thought it was for the vinegar.

You have to sign a consent form for any acidic products such as Drano.

I expect apologies from the resident peanut gallery.

Explaining to dmcowen674 that Drano is highly basic rather than acidic.

 

[Mr. Pedantic]

My wife is useless when it comes to history and geography and, as learned in a painful car ride the other day, apparently astronomy ("So, the Moon goes around the Earth and the Earth goes around the Sun like everything else does?").

MotionMan

That's not too bad.

http://theflatearthsociety.org/cms/

 

[NoCreativity]

Sounds like the customers my wife had to deal with when she worked at a drug store.

Woman comes to the counter with two different types of lip balm or something, I don't know. Same brand, different styles. Asks what the difference is. Wife points to the one labeled "medicated" and says "this one is medicated."

Couple of girls go over to the automated bus card station, which has a big sign covering the entire front saying "OUT OF ORDER." They rip the sign off, insert their money, then complain that the machine ate their money.

One person tried to get her to accept a Visa gift card without scanning it. Claimed it had $10 on it. Now, these cards have no way of determining the balance at the cashier's station, so all she could do was scan it over and over again at varying levels until it wasn't declined. Turns out it had less than $2 on it. Don't know if the customer expected her to just take the gift card on her word without scanning it or what.

I swear, some people are so stupid you wonder how they remember to breathe.

Wife had to deal with a couple blonds the other day. Took 5 minutes to cinvince them both that the large Yankee candle for $15 was a better deal than the medium for $14.

Took another 10 minutes to explain that their 25% off coupon was a better deal than their $2 off coupon.

 

[ichy]

Any conversation about "alternative" medicine or New Age horseshit with someone who actually believes in that crap.

 

[crashtestdummy]

My wife is useless when it comes to history and geography and, as learned in a painful car ride the other day, apparently astronomy ("So, the Moon goes around the Earth and the Earth goes around the Sun like everything else does?").

MotionMan

I have an aunt that complained about traveling while mercury was in retrograde. I wanted to scream "Retrograde???!!! Mercury orbits the Sun, not the Earth, you dolt! Don't you know that epicycles are an illusion based on the assumption of an earth-centric universe?????"

 

[Atomic Playboy]

I refuse to spell 6 or less letter words for people when asked.

Even words like myrrh? Hell, I had to Google it just to be sure I was spelling it right, and it still looks wrong.

 

[AstroManLuca]

I have an aunt that complained about traveling while mercury was in retrograde. I wanted to scream "Retrograde???!!! Mercury orbits the Sun, not the Earth, you dolt! Don't you know that epicycles are an illusion based on the assumption of an earth-centric universe?????"

I feel the same way when people say I'm a Cancer just because I was born in early July. The sun was actually right in the middle of Gemini on the day I was born. A few savvy astrologers (I know, sounds like an oxymoron but they do exist) have begun taking this argument into account now, along with adding Ophiuchus as a 13th sign. Other ones acknowledge the argument but dismiss it for one reason or another (after all, astrology is one area where you can just make something up and have it be just as true and valid as anything else in the field).

What really killed me was when an article was published about a year ago that was written as though all the zodiacal signs JUST changed. As if that could just happen overnight. Of course all it really meant was that one astrologer decided to adopt the "new" (as of the last ~2,000 years) zodiac positions and managed to get national attention. But tons of people, including a lot of people right here on ATOT, thought that all the signs had just suddenly changed.