What's the worst thing you ever just blurted out?

[NetGuySC]

My elderly japanese neighbor and I were talking about how american made cars seem to be much less reliable than foreign made cars. For some reason, I blurted out " Yeah we can't make a car but we can make a helluva bomb". At the time, her previous nationality wasn't part of my thought process.
Later, I thought that it was very possible that she could have lost family members or friends in Hiroshima or Nagasaki. This bothered me for months until I finally spoke to her about it.

 

[weirdichi]

"Hello sir. How can I help you?" to the lady with a 'stache standing in front of my checkout line.

 

[Lummex]

Once I was hanging out with a guy that I was interested in, and who was also interested in me (probably the last night he was) And I knew through a mutual friend that his mother has lupus. Incidentally, one of my good friends at the time also had lupus, so I guess it was on my mind a lot. However, he didn't know that I knew about his mom. I can't remember the exact conversation, but he and the other person there were talking about something random, but it must have had something to do with illness, or some difficult situation in life, and I don't remember exactly what I said to connect it (or if i even made sense at all), but I said something like "yeah, like lupus". I immediately regretted it and thought, WTF did I just say that?! And the guy I liked also immediately responded "my mom has lupus" and didn't say anything else. It was really awkward and embarrassing.

I can't remember another one right now, but I'm sure there are others.

 

[HeXen]

made a comment about fat people to a fat person. don't recall what it was exactly.

 

[Slew Foot]

Had a fat person waking up from surgery who was coughing on the endotracheal tube as she woke up. I blurted out, "thar she blows!!"

 

[Pliablemoose]

Boss tried to put me in charge of something and I blurted out "I'd rather have a 9" dildo rammed up my ass" in front of a gay friend/co-worker...

 

[Vikki]

Working retail, we were cleaning up stuffed toys that had been scattered around. We found this round monkey toy that was new, and none of us knew where it went. So I yell to the others doing cleaning, "I'm just going to leave the monkey at register 5!". Only to turn around and see our only black co worker already standing at register 5...

 

[SooperDave]

My most recent..... At my parents house after Thanksgiving dinner and my wife had already left for home (we each brought our own cars so I could stay later). When she got there she found that the new stray puppy we had taken in had found his way in to some Decon behind the dryer and ate it all. She called and told me. After hanging up the phone with her I forgot to disengage my mouth and said aloud "This better not cost more than 500 bucks. I don't like the fuckin dog that much". My mom was standing in the kitchen. I got the twenty minute lecture on being a responsible pet owner. Dog went to vet and was ok.

 

[scott916]

I ran into a friend and his wife several years ago.

Me to friends wife " So when ya gonna have that kid?"

Her " I had it 2 months ago" Then the tears started.....

I said the same thing, but the kid was a stillborn. I wanted to just unzip myself out of my skin.

 

[highland145]

Had a fat person waking up from surgery who was coughing on the endotracheal tube as she woke up. I blurted out, "thar she blows!!"

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Some work IMs that are funny:


We were in training 2 of 2 on some new 3rd party software that we had to write an integration with. It was done via Webex. Part way through we see a chat box come up that says.

"it would help if the guy training us knew the software."

And that totally made it into the recording for people who could not make it.


This happened in a meeting I was in. Guy is giving a ppt, a popup chat from one of his cohorts in the firmware department:

"f$ck this place. I got a second interview."

LOL, sounds similar to what I did last year. A buddy at another company and I have a middle finger icon installed on our messengers so that when we type nln to each other, the icon shows up instead. We'll flip each other off randomly during the day. Not that I'm juvenile or anything......

Anyway, he forgot to close messenger right before going into a conference room and giving a presentation, and I believe it was also on WebEx so remote people could view the material. You guessed it -- I happened to flip him off in the middle of the presentation. I knew something was wrong when I flipped him off and he closed messenger with a second or two of me sending the message.

 

[Locut0s]

oh yeah, the number of bad ims i've had is astounding. The worst was while typing with a friend of mine about the 2 girls i was sort of dating, and he asked for pics. I sent him the pic of girl #1, and then accidentally copied the pic of girl #2 to the wrong window - the window where i was chatting with girl #1. My last message, "i can't hang on saturday night i've got plans", was now followed by a hot pic of the other girl.

I can still remember the shocked feeling of horror when i realized what happened. That was a hard one to worm my way out of.

lol :d

 

[lokiju]

I said the same thing, but the kid was a stillborn. I wanted to just unzip myself out of my skin.

Oh wow, that's really horrible. I've been afraid of that in the past. Someone says their wife is pregnant then you don't see them for awhile and they catch you on IM or something and its that game of "do I ask and risk that being the answer?"

Another one I just recalled.

I overheard some office hottie chatting to some other office hottie back at a place I used to work awhile ago. Floor was full of about 100 nerdy dudes and these 2 decent looking chicks that did the "social media" for the company.

We had this lame "agile" seating that was basically just desk with wheels so we could rearrange all the time or move to a different area. There was literally no offices at all on the floor. Not even the CTO had one.

Anyway...these social media ladies sit right next to my groups "bull pen" we made and they'd just yap and yap and yap non stop all damn day. One day I hear one say to the other though something about doctors visit, sonogram, pregnant, other girl is all giddy and excited sounding for her, etc.. So I assume she's pregnant.

I just in passing mention this to my buddy at work who thinks he's a real ladies man and for some reasons decides the next time he walks past her desk to say "So I heard you're pregnant!"

Oops, wasn't her, was her sister that was.

She got somewhat offended and said "Why I'm SOOO insulted you'd say that!"

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing and he was all "WTF YOU SET ME UP!!!!"

 

[Drako]

Had a fat person waking up from surgery who was coughing on the endotracheal tube as she woke up. I blurted out, "thar she blows!!"

Bwahahaha, nice

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

I haven't had too many I recall, although I had a minor one a few days ago.

Talking to a girl who has a picture of her skydiving up, and since I've gone twice I figured we could chat about that and would be an "in" to start conversation. So I ask her if she enjoyed it, would do it again, blah blah and how I can't wait to go again. She responds with, "Well I the weekend before I was going to go again, the instructor I was paired with and the girl he was jumping with had a parachute malfunction and both died. I knew the girl too."

 

[corwin]

A co-worker (and friend) offered to do something for me, to which I replied "Mighty white of you." He replied "That would be a trick." He was black

It was then that I realized how racist that phrase was, honestly had never occured to me before that...never used it since.

 

[Rage187]

One more.

We have a sister building down the street that happens to be right on the marsh(both buildings are on the same island). They have a problem with little crabs getting through the front door and ending up in hallways.

One of the customization team managers was over for a meeting and she is telling us the whole deal with the crabs in the building.

Fast forward a few hours later. I'm going up an elevator when the manager that told us the crab story walks by. I yelled out, "hey Sam, watch out for the crabs" just as the elevator closes. So there she is standing in our very busy lobby after some guy just yelled out for her to be wary of pubic lice. She hasn't looked at me the same way since.

 

[leeland]

I had three in my memory that I can think of where I wanted to walk away and never come back...

1. I was working in a hospital and applying some medication (breathing treatment) to a very young African American child.

The kid was in with an asthma attack and wasn't talking at all. The kid was about 5 in age...and had these LONG / THICK braids...

To top that off the kids name wasn't Jeff, Tom, Andy....it was a very hard to distinguish name like Alexnisqua...

So me...I ask the mom how the kid is doing, a History, symptoms...she is very short...not really participating so I decide to talk to the kid and get some info...again not getting much...

SOOO I finally say to the nurse "how long has she been sick" To which the mom burst out...Alexnisqua is a He...he ain't no girl...

Turns out the kid never had his hair cut in his life, hence the long braids...yah...I turned that treatment over quick fast and in a hurry after I got the brow beating from the mom...while I had to stand there and admin the rest of the treatment...

2. I supported a clinical pharmacy system for over 20 + clinics that was all electronic...well the system had an outage and of course the sky falls...I get bombed with emails asking what is going on, status, ETA...

I get the issue resolved eventually and sent out a status email stating the cause and resolution...

At the end I write I apologize for the inconvenience...but since I sukage at spelling it was wrong...I right clicked for spell check and glanced at the option and picked the first one...

You guessed it...I sent it out to all the clinic important people's...

I apologize for the 'incontinence'

A lot of lulz ensued...and I didn't hear the end of that until I quit many months later...


3. and probably the worst I can think of...

I worked in Baltimore at John Hopkins...for a short stint and most of the male nurses were gay (no big deal)...

So one night out he is telling a story about his partner...who was at a gas station in the hood and he was pumping gas...while all of the sudden a average size African American man comes out to the curb bleeding out the side of his head...

The guy runs to help him and asks him what happened...

#1: Sir are you ok? What Happened???
#2 My Ho smacked in my head with a smoovie...
#1: WHAT?!?!
#2 My HO...smacked me in the head with a smoovie....
#1 What the hell is a smoovie???
#2 You know...a smoovie...

At this point the man motions like he is ironing his pants...

Apparently he got clocked in the dome with an iron...

The way he told the story with a feminine voice was very funny...

Months later at a different job I was recanting the story to a group of people and trying to do my best impression...

Later after we had a decent chuckle...one of the guys tells me that 'Chris' was offended...and I am like about what??? I didn't attempt to be racist in any form...used P.C. terms...I was just retelling the story...

Turns out he was gay and didn't like the story...and was offended...the guy quit before I could say anything to him...man did I feel like a jack for that one.

 

[Joseph F]

I was introduced to this guy's new GF by him, and I mentioned that I had a dog with the same name. She took offence, somewhat.

 

[marmasatt]

This wasn't me (I know I'll think of one sooner or later) but a guy who works for me. He's 63 or so, 2 years out of retirement, peach of a guy but doesn't give an F about anything. We work for the state, where you can do your job (or not) but it would take an act of complete irresponsibility or ethics violation, etc to get fired.

When I say this guy has no filter I mean it. He is walking down the sidewalk out side the building and says to a woman who has put on a little weight "Jeez Lisa, you're getting so big from behind there, that I thought you were Jen...."

How the hell you manage to insult two people with one freakin insult. The women were going to press harassment charges but I made him apologize and we kind of swept it under the rug. I'm still shaking my head to this day that we didn't get in more trouble....

 

[highland145]

I was introduced to this guy's new GF by him, and I mentioned that I had a dog with the same name. She took offence, somewhat.

Parents shouldn't have named her Spot.

 

[WaTaGuMp]

I told my friend after his mom died and he got 300k, he was so lucky.

 

[ImpulsE69]

This one isn't about me but a friendly reminder to watch your IM's at work when in the Live meeting

My team (including our manager) were in a live meeting with a couple women from another group who were explaining a new documentation process that we neither wanted or understood.

They had opened a live meeting and shared out their entire desktop during the meeting. Being the inquisitive types we are we asked many questions over the course of the meeting. When the meeting was over, a few moments pass and I hear "That little bitch!" from one of my coworkers (we were already in another meeting). It turns out, that the woman sharing her desktop hadn't stopped sharing and her and the other woman were in an IM bashing our entire team including the manager. Some of the things they said should have got them fired IMO because they were just downright rude.

Our manager screencaps and calls one of them and tells them they might want to close out live meeting before they start insulting others. It was actually pretty funny, they sent so many apologies.

 

[reallyscrued]

I ran into a friend and his wife several years ago.

Me to friends wife " So when ya gonna have that kid?"

Her " I had it 2 months ago" Then the tears started.....

Hahahah! You're horrible.

 

[CZroe]

I'm posting this from the toilet and my dog keeps coming by to sniff. I should really finish up.