when you married your SO did you ask your wife's dad?

[mikeymikec]

It still wouldn't hurt to suck up to him.

Unless of course he realises that you're sucking up to him.

IMO it's an empty, antiquated, disrespectful gesture that makes absolutely no sense.

Furthermore, if I found out that my prospective parent-in-law was some sort of douche who thought their permission was worth seeking out to marry their adult daughter, I'd think twice about taking the relationship to that level, as their apparent notion of entitlement might interfere with an otherwise OK relationship in future. It might also say things about one's partner if the parent has developed this sense of entitlement without any objections from your partner.

 

[zerocool84]

I asked. Now wife and I were already living together. Figured it was the chivalrous thing to do and I knew her father would appreciate it (and say yes I can marry her).

And what if he said no?

If you're already together, it makes zero sense to ask.

 

[IronWing]

Hell no. It is a stupid tradition and disrespectful of the potential wife.

This. It never crossed my mind to ask anyone but my wife.

 

[JEDIYoda]

I ASKED....He said NO!! Both of you are screwed.....

 

[TheVrolok]

Well if it's done out of tradition, shouldn't the father also offer a decent dowry? I'm thinking at least 20-30K, or a decent plot of land...

If you keep one tradition you must keep all traditions?

 

[TheVrolok]

Kinda funny how much of a big deal people are making out of a simple tradition /sign of respect.

 

[tfinch2]

lol, no

 

[IronWing]

Kinda funny how much of a big deal people are making out of a simple tradition /sign of respect.

That's the point. This tradition is not a sign of respect for your true love's father; it is a sign of disrespect toward your true love.

If you were a gay man would you ask your future spouse's father for his son's hand in marriage? Would you expect your future spouse to ask your father?

 

[PricklyPete]

Kinda funny how much of a big deal people are making out of a simple tradition /sign of respect.

This is ATOT... People go ape shit over the brand of toilet bowl cleaner you buy.

 

[TheVrolok]

That's the point. This tradition is not a sign of respect for your true love's father; it is a sign of disrespect toward your true love.

... Why? Do people honestly think you're circumventing her decision making? "oh dad said yes? Guess I have to marry you." Please. Certainly some women may feel disrespected by this, but there are people who will feel disrespected by just about anything. I've known quite a few independent women who still want their father asked just for traditions' sake. Again, you're making a huge deal out of something that is simply a formality.

 

[OVerLoRDI]

Yes. But it was purely out of tradition/respect, her parents really appreciated it. If they had said no, I still would have married her.

 

[Red Storm]

... Why? Do people honestly think you're circumventing her decision making? "oh dad said yes? Guess I have to marry you." Please. Certainly some women may feel disrespected by this, but there are people who will feel disrespected by just about anything. I've known quite a few independent women who still want their father asked just for traditions' sake. Again, you're making a huge deal out of something that is simply a formality.

Yep.

 

[mikeymikec]

Yes. But it was purely out of tradition/respect, her parents really appreciated it. If they had said no, I still would have married her.

Because nothing implies respect as much as going against their wishes.

 

[RearAdmiral]

Though I'm 100% sure if I asked for permission he would have said yes, I asked for his blessing instead. I plan on having a good relationship with my in-laws and this was a part of it. We had a very nice conversation after the actual asking and it has improved our relationship for sure.

OP you can still ask for his blessing.

 

[surfsatwerk]

No, her sisters all got married before her and apparently her sisters' husbands did ask.

 

[PliotronX]

Her dad was in jail for manslaughter so I didn't have to worry. It was in the bag with her mom and family.

 

[Tweak155]

Nope. I know he would have said no. If he could divorce us today (5 years later), he would. <3 in-laws.

 

[slayer202]

there are so many errors in the thread title I can't even begin...

 

[IronWing]

Her dad was in jail for manslaughter so I didn't have to worry. I was in the bag with her mom.

:biggrin:

 

[Fayd]

Well if it's done out of tradition, shouldn't the father also offer a decent dowry? I'm thinking at least 20-30K, or a decent plot of land...

typically in observance of that tradition, the father of the bride foots the bill for the wedding.

 

[Yourself]

I did not. I find it to be an empty gesture. The best way to show my father-in-law respect in regard to his daughter is to treat her with respect and be a decent husband/father.

 

[Mixolydian]

Not married but I would never ask. I don't need anyone's permission to do anything. A woman is perfectly capable of making such decisions on their own.

 

[nageov3t]

I've met my boyfriend's dad twice in the two years that we've been dating... no, would not bother.

 

[master_shake_]

why?

seems stupid.

and even if he said no i wouldn't care.

 

[clamum]

I plan to if I ever get married. That is, unless she specifically tells me not to or something.