GMAB.
Average is average.
Southern nationalities/areas tend to cook with more spice. Whether to preserve the food or hide any early spoil, they just do.
But, in general, most food in the states comes from middle european roots, which is not known for its heat. French, German, English or continental Spanish are not mouth-burners. Do they have some spicy dishes? Certainly! But we are talking AVERAGE here.
Now, go to your favorite Thai place. Order your favorite dish and REALLY try tp taste what is in it. I was recently disappointed when my favorite place switched chefs and started adding more sugar to the dishes.
Thing is, more people liked it.
I also go to a breakfast place out on the water that serves great dishes... until you order something that is supposed to be "spicy". When salsa tastes like tomato salad... well....
The main problem is simple. Whiteys (myself included) believe that they can handle anything. It gets annoying when you get lumped in with a bunch of other people, but when 3 out of 4 do the same damn thing that you do in ordering spicy food and then come back saying "My mouf huuht", it is generally safer to annoy the 1 than burn the 3.
Just grin and bear it and ask them for a sample saying that you like "good real XXX food". You may get a better response.
Also look for the hot sauce. If they have a good habaniero fish sauce or something similar, you are set. I HATE the places that think that Tobasco is the only hot sauce!