Why do family members hold grudges forever?

[Mayne]

I have 2 sisters and 1 brother...Everyone hates each other and i'm left here loving all of them.

I just don't get it at all. Of course they all love me, but it makes me sad knowing they all hate each other.

 

[Cr0nJ0b]

Yeah, My mom still hates my dad after like 45 years...something about family that just sticks harder. of course, the other point of view is, "why should you expect that they would naturally just like each other"? There is this assumption that we should not dislike family member because they are family...Normal laws of civility should dictate that they have to get along, like them or not...but again, I think family member feel like they don't have to be civil because they are family...whatever. I have an open door policy. Like them or not the are welcome. I don't have to go out of my way to be nice, but I have to be civil.

 

[Mayne]

Yeah, My mom still hates my dad after like 45 years...something about family that just sticks harder. of course, the other point of view is, "why should you expect that they would naturally just like each other"? There is this assumption that we should not dislike family member because they are family...Normal laws of civility should dictate that they have to get along, like them or not...but again, I think family member feel like they don't have to be civil because they are family...whatever. I have an open door policy. Like them or not the are welcome. I don't have to go out of my way to be nice, but I have to be civil.

I hear what you are saying. It just boggles my mind the lengths family members go to hate each other.

 

[Boris Morozov]

I'm in the same situation. I love them, but No one can seem to get along in my family. I'm neutral and choose not to get involved in anyone's drama.

I feel you :/

 

[Red Squirrel]

In general my family is pretty good with each other but there are the odd situations where there's some fighting/grudges etc. Not immediate though but like uncles/aunts etc. I pretty much stay out of it. I tend to stay out of drama in general, life is too short to worry about crap like that.

 

[pete6032]

It's a sign of lack of maturity.

 

[OverVolt]

Yep my moms been waiting 12.5 years for me to set the table when I had to work on Christmas to put myself through college.

Sorry mom.

Degree's on the wall though.

My family holds grudges over holidays which is ironic considering we're 3rd generation healthcare. You'd think they'd have gotten over it and realized that the hospital is in fact open, everyday.

 

[OverVolt]

Yeah, My mom still hates my dad after like 45 years...something about family that just sticks harder. of course, the other point of view is, "why should you expect that they would naturally just like each other"? There is this assumption that we should not dislike family member because they are family...Normal laws of civility should dictate that they have to get along, like them or not...but again, I think family member feel like they don't have to be civil because they are family...whatever. I have an open door policy. Like them or not the are welcome. I don't have to go out of my way to be nice, but I have to be civil.

Thats just women though. She will do whatever mental gymnastics are necessary to appear to be the one who is in the social right.

 

[highland145]

Yeah, My mom still hates my dad after like 45 years...something about family that just sticks harder. of course, the other point of view is, "why should you expect that they would naturally just like each other"? There is this assumption that we should not dislike family member because they are family...Normal laws of civility should dictate that they have to get along, like them or not...but again, I think family member feel like they don't have to be civil because they are family...whatever. I have an open door policy. Like them or not the are welcome. I don't have to go out of my way to be nice, but I have to be civil.

What did he do? Let ATOT be the judge.

 

[Mai72]

It's stupid.

One day you're going to die. There is also something called pain body. That would be things like anger. It literally eats you alive. Way too many people are living in the past, or they are anxiously thinking about the future. Get into the present.

Now, I mentioned death because in the end none of this matters. It's the ego getting in the way of why people hold onto grudges. Detach from the anger. When you learn to come from that space it makes forgiving much easier.

My mom hated her brother for many years. When I look back it was so stupid. But, my mom was going thru pain because she wasn't able to detach from the feeling she had towards him. I also believe it can mess with your health, because when we hold that anger in it causes all kinds of nasty things to happen.

The present is all that is and all that will ever be. When you're living in the present much of that pretty crap falls by the waistside.

 

[BrainEater]

It's not stupid actually.Allow me to give the other side.

My family is supposed to be my anchor.I will die for my family.
When I get effing effed by parts of my so called family for 20 years , That's that.
Fuck you.
Why did evolution give you friends ?
Because you can't effing pick your family...

*grumble*

edit ; I tried to hold onto this but ...I failed.

 

[zinfamous]

And now Mayne has another avatar. I miss your daughter, bro.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

I don't hold a grudge..... I just can never guarantee my sister is off smack, so uhhh, it's kinda tricky.

That said, I hold no real grudged against anyone in my family.

EDIT: I should also say, most people in my family aren't broke.... soooo yeah, I think that's part of it. Just like divorces, a lot of the root problem of things in life are financial.

 

[highland145]

And now Mayne has another avatar. I miss your daughter, bro.

She never knew you.

 

[disappoint]

 

[zCypher]

It's a sign of lack of maturity.

Yep, exactly this. Don't assume that maturity necessarily correlates to age, that's not the case. I've observed a lot of the same too... It's sad, but there isn't always anything you can do about it.

 

[OverVolt]

Just depends on the family. Its a cultural dynamic.