Why do I crave a GF at night, and not want one in the morning?

Alienwho

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2001
6,766
0
76
I don't know what the deal is. As long as I can remember I like having a girlfriend in the evening (or if I don't currently have a gf, I want one), but in the morning I feel relieved that I don't have a girlfriend (or if I do have one I feel like WTF am I doing I need to break up).

Basically, Nighttime=crave girls. Morning=crave being single.

I currently have a minor case of One-itis over a girl i went out with last friday. I'm afraid she might be trying to string me a long, so in order for me to not get too attached I decided last night as I went to bed that today in class I would ask out one girl to lunch, and in another class later that day another girl to study this evening. I knew the exact girls who I was going to ask out, both of them in my classes and each I've had an eye on for a while but have never talked to.

Well as I thought about this last night, I was super motivated and it felt like a great plan to keep my mind off the first girl. This morning I wake up and just like always, as I shower the thought of being in a relationship or tied down to any girl makes me feel like shigte. I feel relieved at the fact that I'm not in a relationship with the girl I have one-itis over, and the desire to ask out the other two girls is completely gone.

Similarly, when I have had girlfriends in the past, at night I feel fine having them around. However in the morning (especially while i'm in the shower or driving to work/school when I have plenty of time to think) I just hate the thought of being tied down and I realize I don't like these girls anyway cause generally no girl I've dated has ever met my standards. And it's not like I have exceedingly high standards (well I don't think so but some of my friends say otherwise).

So anyway to wrap it up. Even though the desire to ask those girls out was gone, i'm no pvssy and I did anyway because I thought "hey, maybe I was thinking clearer last night" so I went with that. Both mini dates were cool, but nothing exceptional. It was basically a good screening process because now I know that I have no desire to date either of those girls because neither of them interested me. And in all honesty, I feel like that because it was obvious I had both of these girls eating out of the palm of my hand. I had all the cards and I didn't even try.

<optional reading, this is where YAGT begins>

And to be even more honest, I'll bet the only reason I have this minor case of one-itis over girl number 1 is because of the absolute uncertainty of the whole situation. I don't know if she likes me. I like girls to like me, but when they do, 95% of the time I lose interest. And i'm almost positive if this girl ends up liking me I'll lose interest in her. But the reason I like her is because I've always wanted to date a beautiful brunette nurse, and this is the first time I've gotten it. I always fall into stupid blondes when all I want is a smart brunette. We went out on friday and it was great, we had a good time, she showed interest and said she definately wants to go out again some time and that she'd 'call me next week'. Yesterday (Sunday) evening I threw her a text just basically saying hi, how was your weekend to let her know I was thinking about her and interested, and I have yet to get an answer back. So now I'm afraid she was just BS-ing with me on the date and the lack of response is big sign saying get lost. I'm the kind of guy that thinks the ball is completely in her court and I will not get in contact with her again until she gets back to me.
 

NFS4

No Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
72,647
27
91
Dude, what you're looking for doesn't exist. There's no such thing as shoot then scoot unless you pay for it. There's ALWAYS baggage afterwards.
 

drinkmorejava

Diamond Member
Jun 24, 2004
3,567
7
81
So you have a fear of rejection and in order to cope with it you just decide to never get attached?
 

Flyback

Golden Member
Sep 20, 2006
1,303
0
0
It's easier to get lonely at night (not always sexually, but that too). When its dark, after the day is done and you're at home after work or school your thoughts often wander. "Oh so ronery."

There are plenty of interesting girls out there, just give them a chance and try to find them amongst the detritus. Don't forget that some people hide the better parts of themselves on the first couple of dates and put out a bullsh~t image to try and appeal to you.
 

Alienwho

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2001
6,766
0
76
Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Originally posted by: drinkmorejava
So you have a fear of rejection and in order to cope with it you just decide to never get attached?

Makes sense to me
I do have a minor fear of rejection, but this fear of rejection only exists at the early stage of the relationship. After a month I have absolutely NO fear of rejection, and infact I would prefer being rejected because usually by that time I want to break up with her but I don't want to crush her. *Note, I have no fear of rejection because by this time I realize I don't like the girl and I want it to end. I have never been dumped by a girl that I have been on more than 3 dates with, it's always me who does the dumping. I've been screwed plenty of times by girls that I've only been on 2 or 3 dates with so I'm by no means the shiz.

I really want to be attached, but I want to be attached to a girl I truly like. I've gone out with far to many girls who I like at first but get bored of quick and I don't let myself get attached because I simply lose interest.
 

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,713
12
56
Originally posted by: Alienwho
Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Originally posted by: drinkmorejava
So you have a fear of rejection and in order to cope with it you just decide to never get attached?

Makes sense to me
I do have a minor fear of rejection, but this fear of rejection only exists at the early stage of the relationship. After a month I have absolutely NO fear of rejection, and infact I would prefer being rejected because usually by that time I want to break up with her but I don't want to crush her. *Note, I have no fear of rejection because by this time I realize I don't like the girl and I want it to end. I have never been dumped by a girl that I have been on more than 3 dates with, it's always me who does the dumping. I've been screwed plenty of times by girls that I've only been on 2 or 3 dates with so I'm by no means the shiz.

I really want to be attached, but I want to be attached to a girl I truly like. I've gone out with far to many girls who I like at first but get bored of quick and I don't let myself get attached because I simply lose interest.
one day you are going to wake up and all the good ones will be taken.
 

Alienwho

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2001
6,766
0
76
Originally posted by: Flyback
It's easier to get lonely at night (not always sexually, but that too). When its dark, after the day is done and you're at home after work or school your thoughts often wander. "Oh so ronery."

There are plenty of interesting girls out there, just give them a chance and try to find them amongst the detritus. Don't forget that some people hide the better parts of themselves on the first couple of dates and put out a bullsh~t image to try and appeal to you.

LOL! Good post.
 

db

Lifer
Dec 6, 1999
10,575
292
126
Find someone who has similar interests, outlook, etc. That way you don't get bored and instead stay interested.
Biological instinct drives you to want somebody. Smarts drives you to find someone compatible. And that's way harder than finding a POA.
But not everybody has smarts.
 

Alienwho

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2001
6,766
0
76
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: Alienwho
Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Originally posted by: drinkmorejava
So you have a fear of rejection and in order to cope with it you just decide to never get attached?

Makes sense to me
I do have a minor fear of rejection, but this fear of rejection only exists at the early stage of the relationship. After a month I have absolutely NO fear of rejection, and infact I would prefer being rejected because usually by that time I want to break up with her but I don't want to crush her. *Note, I have no fear of rejection because by this time I realize I don't like the girl and I want it to end. I have never been dumped by a girl that I have been on more than 3 dates with, it's always me who does the dumping. I've been screwed plenty of times by girls that I've only been on 2 or 3 dates with so I'm by no means the shiz.

I really want to be attached, but I want to be attached to a girl I truly like. I've gone out with far to many girls who I like at first but get bored of quick and I don't let myself get attached because I simply lose interest.
one day you are going to wake up and all the good ones will be taken.
But what is a good one?

I live my life the way that I expect my future spouse to. What this means is I do a lot of self improvement things for her, and expect her to do things for me.

For example, one of the reasons I learned the guitar is so I can play and sing to her (girls I've done this for absolutely love it). So in return I expect a girl that has some sort of artistic ability. Singing, piano, painting, poetry, I DON'T CARE, JUST SOMETHING that shows she's artistic and cares. The reason I decided to do this is because I dated a girl 5 years ago that played the piano beautifully and she would play and sing to me and I would absolutely melt and I wanted to be able to do this for someone else.

I expect a girl to be able to cook. If she can't cook, I expect her to at least have the desire to learn. That's all I want, desire, and we can learn together. I'm no pro but I've got a few specialties for romantic evenings, and it would be nice if she could do the same.

I work my butt off at school, and I expect to date a girl that is at least trying to be somebody, rather than accepting her dumbass job at abercrombie and fitch always talking about going to school but never following through. I'm sick of dating girls who are just waiting to leech themselves onto a man who will carry them.

I workout 3x a week and keep myself in relatively good shape, I expect the same desire from her. I usually don't have a problem with this one.

I'm a relatively intelligent guy. I keep up on the news and have plenty of good conversation. It would be nice having an intelligent conversation with the girl I'm dating.

You see where I'm going with this? Is it wrong for me to have certain standards and expectations for a spouse that I have for myself? I mean this stuff is incredibly out of the average persons league by any means.
 

drinkmorejava

Diamond Member
Jun 24, 2004
3,567
7
81
Originally posted by: Alienwho

But what is a good one?

I live my life the way that I expect my future spouse to. What this means is I do a lot of self improvement things for her, and expect her to do things for me.

For example, one of the reasons I learned the guitar is so I can play and sing to her (girls I've done this for absolutely love it). So in return I expect a girl that has some sort of artistic ability. Singing, piano, painting, poetry, I DON'T CARE, JUST SOMETHING that shows she's artistic and cares. The reason I decided to do this is because I dated a girl 5 years ago that played the piano beautifully and she would play and sing to me and I would absolutely melt and I wanted to be able to do this for someone else.

I expect a girl to be able to cook. If she can't cook, I expect her to at least have the desire to learn. That's all I want, desire, and we can learn together. I'm no pro but I've got a few specialties for romantic evenings, and it would be nice if she could do the same.

I work my butt off at school, and I expect to date a girl that is at least trying to be somebody, rather than accepting her dumbass job at abercrombie and fitch always talking about going to school but never following through. I'm sick of dating girls who are just waiting to leech themselves onto a man who will carry them.

I workout 3x a week and keep myself in relatively good shape, I expect the same desire from her. I usually don't have a problem with this one.

I'm a relatively intelligent guy. I keep up on the news and have plenty of good conversation. It would be nice having an intelligent conversation with the girl I'm dating.

You see where I'm going with this? Is it wrong for me to have certain standards and expectations for a spouse that I have for myself? I mean this stuff is incredibly out of the average persons league by any means.

So you want, good looking, smart, and talented. Good luck with that, it took me long enough to find my girlfriend and you can't have her.
 

dderidex

Platinum Member
Mar 13, 2001
2,732
0
0
Originally posted by: drinkmorejava

So you want, good looking, smart, and talented. Good luck with that, it took me long enough to find my girlfriend and you can't have her.

QFT++

What you want is a dude, not a girl. Biological differences in the genders mean that - while there certainly ARE women that fit the outline you've provided - they are rare. Women (gross generalization, and likely by interests tend to preclude those that post here) tend as a group to value different things than guys do.

And, of course, it certainly doesn't help that society forces on them the idea that they don't have to be smart or work hard if they are hot.
 
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