why do i fall for guys who treat me like dirt?!

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PG

Diamond Member
Oct 25, 1999
3,426
44
91
Ahhh, what an interesting thread. One could perform a study of the flirting styles of the males here on the Off Topic forum. It seems we have two major categories so far:
1. Guys who flirt using the old grade school method of picking on the girl and calling her names
2. Guys who flirt by sticking up for the girl

 

gopunk

Lifer
Jul 7, 2001
29,239
2
0


<< Ahhh, what an interesting thread. One could perform a study of the flirting styles of the males here on the Off Topic forum. It seems we have two major categories so far:
1. Guys who flirt using the old grade school method of picking on the girl and calling her names
2. Guys who flirt by sticking up for the girl
>>



so basically we're doomed to flirt?



and yes, i did post this mainly to use the new emoticon
 

Nemesis77

Diamond Member
Jun 21, 2001
7,329
0
0
OK, I'll chip in my 0.2 euros.

Actually, there's a finnish song called "Why do women always fall in love with assholes?"

I'm what could be considered to be a nice guy. Being a jerk just isn't in me (so being nice is not an act for me). I once decided to try it out, and I felt bad for several days afterwards. I LIKE to treat people near me with care and respect. I can't change that, because that's just the way it is. And that applies to my GF as well. I hold her in the palm of my hand. I treat her like a princess that she is . At least I try to.

Of course, it goes without saying that for the first 20 years I wash cursed when it came to dating. Girls just weren't interested in me. It always made me laugh when I heard them say things like "apperance of the guy doesn't matter. What's important is that he treats the girl with care and respect". And those very same girls ended up being with total morons, who wouldn't know what "care" and "respect" were if it came along and bit them in the ass.

Yes, I could say that it made me somewhat bitter. But, like I said, I couldn't change who I am in inside. I hoped that someday I would find a girl who would appreciate me for what I am in the inside, who would not be interested in the "cool moron" type of guy. Well, I did find her, but that's another story altogether .

Yes, deep down inside, all men want the same thing. The jerks and the nice guys. Difference is that those jerks think about themselves. Nice guys think about the girl as well. Nice guy would feel bad if he got what he wanted while making the girl feel lousy. So even their goal is (more or less) the same, the means are different.
 

Moonbeam

Elite Member
Nov 24, 1999
73,206
6,323
126
$.25, $.50, $.75 ping pang poy, pong poy ping ping............... Un Hello Dr. Freud? Um yea, I'm over here in da Anandtech Off Topic Forum vit dis chick whats got a emotional problem. Vhat kind of problem? You name it vat kind of problem. She's nuts. First she says one ting and den anoder. Dat don't make her normal in my book Sigi. Da latest complaint is dat she has problems vit committment. Javol, As soon as da guy gets serious it's byby time. Ja! Nein, she doesn't vant no abuse. I know she's lying, you don't have to tell me dat she's lying. Listen to dis:

you think you know how i am because of the things i say on here? how the hell do you know if im worth paying attention to? have you ever spoken to me? have you ever tried to go to know me? i didnt think so.

Can you credit dat von Sisi? I tink I know her, Have I ever tried to get to know her? Vich is it Sigi? Honest Zigi, dis is da foist thread I ever been in vit her und she tells me foist dat I know her and den dat I ain't never tried ta get ta know her. Gott in Himmel, vat a case!!!! Und it goes on:

and im sorry you think im an asshole because i come online and have some fun and have made some friends and get all sarcastic about how people think im cute.

I don't know who da hell she is Sigi.

"i know that im special and i know that im smart and if that makes me concieted then fine.

i dont expect anyones attention i make threads, NOT EVEN HERE, ON SWF where my friends are where lots of people post thier pictures because sometimes i feel really good about myself when im going out and im looking the best i can.

it may surprise you to know that i have political opinons, dreams, aspirations and am very passionate about human rights and if you think i needed to be validated by boys and their attention you are wrong."

Don't it make ya cry Sigi. I want ta marry her. Dear Mutter, she's just like you:

"i dont expect much when i come online because i know that there are people that dont like me when they dont even know me but i expect a little respect because i have the decency to show it to everyone else.

if you dont like me then leave me alone.""

Vat do I do now Sigi, she tinks I hate her. Mein Gott, she vants me ta leave her alone. First an attention whore and now da feminazi I am woman hear me roar. I tink she's got bigger balls dan I do Sigi. Don't laugh, you ass, My reputation's at stake. A course I know dat I got ta hepl her vit da committment thingi, but da minute dat I demonstrate some lesson ta her on dat score she's gonna claim dat she's suffering from some other problem vit boys. I know she's nuts Sigi. Dats vat I been trying ta tell ya. Ok ok I'll give her da standard dope on the da committment thingi and see vat happens. Bye!

Dear Ms eakers, the inability to make a committment, despite your bostful demeanor, indicates a lack of trust. There are a number of interpretations, but they lead inevitably and inexorably in one direction, namely to hidden feelings of worthlessness. The reason that our relationships fail is because we so deeply hate ourselves that we are quite convinced, on an unconscious level to be sure, that anybody who loves us has got to be crazy. That, by the way accounts for the problem you don't have, picking boys who put you down and disrespect you. They, at least, are honest. They treat you how you feel you deserve to be treated. So we are insane. On the one hand we call out for love. Come hear and love me, but on the other we push away. Don't love me, because I am worthless and you will only get hurt. The reason that most relationships fail is that all they are composed of is two vacuum cleaners sucking off each other. It is very important, in order to mature, to learn about yourself and how you feel about yourself and to do what you can to root out that pernecious self hate.

One big aspect of the problem is that the vast majority of people are in denial. They don't know they hate themselves. There is an easy way to diagnose it. If putdowns bother you, you can bet it's from the fact that you already agree, unconsciously. I hope my little game has given you at least a tiny morsel for thought. Several people diagnosed the problem correctly, but that truth always gets overlooked in a rush to deny our rather unpleasant inner reality. I noticed your thread title on the way through looking for something that might interest me and from the title recognized a subject that is important to me. Think of me as a rather strange bird that flew in the window, and then out again.
 

ppaik

Platinum Member
Nov 11, 2000
2,408
0
76
hmmm....I would have to say eakers.....you are one of those people who will never be satisfied. You will always want the challenge of getting what you can't. If your dream man were here with you today and you knew he was yours, you would get bored of him and all of a sudden, you have no idea what your dream man is......same with us men I think. We want the fastest car, hottest babe, everything we do not and cannot have, and then when we finally get it, we would rather have a beer with the guys and watch some TV.



I once got a fortune cookie which read:

"It is not the one who has too little, but the one who desires more that is truly poor."


Maybe I'm way off the wall....but it may help you out a little....
 

linuxboy

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
2,577
6
76
Think of me as a rather strange bird that flew in the window, and then out again.

Yessiree. Whaddu we have here. Yep a real zinger. This bird definitely flew over the cuckoo's nest on its way to the window. At least it can fly again now.


Cheers !
 

yoda291

Diamond Member
Aug 11, 2001
5,079
0
0
I think it's cuz there's no aspect of a challenge for girls to pursue. I mean, nice guys will, by definition, always be supportive and caring and yadda yadda yadda regardless of the terms of the relationship. The jerks and assholes, however, present that challenge that maybe they could be changed. They could be turned and molded into something of their own design. Put it this way, does the average Anandtechie buy his system off the shelf and stay content with it? I mean, for all intents and purposes, it's a very respectable piece of hardware. No...there's just no challenge to it. Instead, we look for having an insanely powerful rig that computes things that the average joe schmoe wouldn't dream of doin and we do it for less than most people would think possible. Also, if u ask what people here would like to receive in the mail gratis, you'd prolly get more responses like a 2.2 northwood or the new kt266A mobo or something like that. Things like a Falcon Northwest Mach V are nice(aka, nerd porn), but it's hard to top that feelin of putting together your very first rig(Eventually tho, that can get old and you latch onto creating something new. It's the same thing with girls and guys I think. Sure, that guy who is always there is pretty damn near perfect in every way, but it doesn't beat the possibility of molding some poor d|ckhead schmuck into that dream fellow. Eventually tho, girls either have done it too much or get fed up with it and settle for that sweet guy who used to share his cookies with her at lunchtime in the 4th grade.
 

xirtam

Diamond Member
Aug 25, 2001
4,693
0
0
Why do I bother logging onto forums to listen to people whine about problems they have complete control over?
 

Baffler

Senior member
Dec 3, 2001
286
0
0
This bump is for all, like me "nice guys" out there

One of the best threads ever, got many of my questions answered here.
 

Atlantean

Diamond Member
May 2, 2001
5,296
1
0
I have no idea why you do this. One of my best friends does this too, and I feel bad for her, she does the exact same thing as her. I wish she could see that there are other guys out there, she doesn't need to go for guys that will hurt her. I wish I could be that guy, but I don't think she could ever feel that way about me.
 

Moonbeam

Elite Member
Nov 24, 1999
73,206
6,323
126
gopunk, everyting yu say about me bounces off me and sticks ta yu. geek angst, my petuti, dats your projection. Nah nah.

linuxboy, birds of a feather fly together. Hehe.

 

Jerboy

Banned
Oct 27, 2001
5,190
0
0
eakers wrote:



<<
im not all about looks!
some of the nice guys are super cute.
>>




heh. They're all mine though
 

gopunk

Lifer
Jul 7, 2001
29,239
2
0


<< gopunk, everyting yu say about me bounces off me and sticks ta yu. geek angst, my petuti, dats your projection. Nah nah. >>



that's so immature. :disgust:

did you know that if your hand is bigger than your face it means you have cancer?
 

Moonbeam

Elite Member
Nov 24, 1999
73,206
6,323
126
vatteya mean immature, gopunk Didn't you see dat big void in der, 'projection'. Do ya serriously tink dat I could be immature and throw a void around like dat. Go look it up. Immature vould a been saying dat I vas jus talking at yur level.
 

tantos

Senior member
Jan 18, 2001
644
1
0
why is everyone bashing moonbeam? you really think defending eakers against her own self-made problems will get you some loving from her? think again geeks.

sad, this whole thread.

woes is me....I can't commit and I can't stand to hurt nice guys. Boohoo..woes is me....must be hell being you eakers..
 

TuffGuy

Diamond Member
Jul 6, 2000
6,478
0
76


<< woes is me....I can't commit and I can't stand to hurt nice guys. Boohoo..woes is me....must be hell being you eakers.. >>


hahaha
 

GSOYF

Senior member
Nov 20, 2001
510
0
0
it is because you suffer from the class "high school girl syndrome." And you always have to be with the most popular guy, or the quarterback of the football team....and all that Gay Sex. You are a glutton for pain, and this is why so many of you females fall for such a$$es.

I have no sympathy for any of you.
 

LordThing

Golden Member
Jun 8, 2001
1,970
0
0


<<

<<

<< why why why cant i just have feelings for someone nice?
>>


99% of these "nice ones" aren't exactly 'good looking' or 'hot' by most people's standards.

face it, being good looking gets to people, often in a negative way.

give some ugly duckling's a chance and you may be surprised.
>>


im not all about looks!
some of the nice guys are super cute.

its maybe i like the challenge or something?

maybe its because when i want someones attention and they dont give it to me it drives me INSANE.

*kat. <-- attention whore.
>>




There lies the meat of the issue. Watch a movie called the Tao of Steve. It came out a few years ago. It explains this fully what I have found out. Women want something they can't have. Well, men and women have that problem. The unobtainable thing. Eakers, you know you're cute. Guys fawn all over you. Case in point this thread. When a guy comes along that seems cool but he also doesn't think you are the best thing since slice bread, this is a major puzzle for you. You are used to be put on that high spot. Then when he kinda retreats from you and acts like you don't matter more than any other girl to him, then you freak out and want him more trying to find out why he doesn't like you like 90% of other straight men.

"Nice guys" are always going to be there for you. You know already know they are there for you for that emotional support and stupid cuddling crap cause they want you. What you are searching for is that challenge, that guy that acts like he doesn't care if you exhist. Its the "grass is always greener" syndrom that happens when everything is given to you due to an inherent skill/disposition.

Either 1, you will keep perpetuating the cycle and finally settle on one of the nice guys that stick around long enough. Or 2, stop now, and pick a nice guy from your waiting stable of men and let him treat you like a goddess that you want/deserve to be. Honestly, I think #1 will happen alot more and alore more nice guys like me will end up with bruised egos as they hold on to that shread of possibility that you will come around and like them or they will get fed up and leave and a girl will snatch them up. I see a thread in about 10 years saying "where did all those nice guys go? All are left is the losers that were jerks back in college."
 

Hammer

Lifer
Oct 19, 2001
13,217
1
81
I don't think its fair to bash eakers either. What person hasn't had problems with relationships? Its a fact of life. People were bashing MB because their is a nice way to say things and an a$$hole way to say things, and he chose the latter. And so eakers likes attention, big deal, most girls do. If girls didn't like attention they'd all be wearing burkhas. What you need ask yourself it why it bothers you.




<< why is everyone bashing moonbeam? you really think defending eakers against her own self-made problems will get you some loving from her? think again geeks.

sad, this whole thread.

woes is me....I can't commit and I can't stand to hurt nice guys. Boohoo..woes is me....must be hell being you eakers..
>>

 

woolmilk

Member
Dec 9, 2001
120
0
0
"I've finally just decided that women are just WIERD, and most of them don't know WHAT they want! "

Nice guys either.
Do you earn money by smiling ?
Do you grow children by smiling ?
 

Mustangrrl

Golden Member
Oct 10, 1999
1,448
0
0
Wow. What a thread... eakers, I have to slip into mommy-mode here and tell you what you probably already know -- if you can learn to love yourself, exactly as you are, then you won't have to depend on other people to make you feel worthy.

I don't see you as egotistical or full of yourself, you put yourself down in almost every thread you post in... it's not necessary, you're a smart girl who happens to be cute, you don't have to apologize for that. And some of these guys are harsh, true, but they do the same thing each other, I hope you don't take it personally.

And I gotta tell you, nice guys are great, I've had some. I figure I'm bad enough for both of us, and it just works
~robyn
 
Jan 18, 2001
14,465
1
0
maybe you are aroused by conflict...

maybe you confuse arousal with attraction...

maybe you think attraction equals affection...

 
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