Why do parents act like they know what we care about?

[jagec]

Originally posted by: Frostwake
i dont believe you would be happy if you truly loved someone and had her go away from you, no matter how happy she would be.. its like some guy coming into your wifes life and making her happier then you ever did and since you "love " her and shes happy, you're happy as well?

Of course not. It would rip your soul right out of your body, and you'd feel some of the deepest anguish that a human being CAN feel. You'd be ripped in two by the overwhelming sense of sorrow that she left, and you'll wish from the bottom of your heart that she was still with you...but at the same time you'll be glad that she's happy. You'll tell yourself time and again that it's for the best, but it won't make the pain go away. The key is that if you truly love her, you'll do whatever it takes to make her happy, including letting her go...but if she truly loves you, she'll feel the same way. So, you'll be inseparable.

You take a huge risk when you fall in love...you're putting your heart in her hands, and she can VERY easily hurt you badly with a careless word or action. The same applies for her, if she's in love with you. Which is why love is so amazing, and why it is so incredibly difficult, and at times painful. That's also why unreciprocated love is so tragic.

However, trust us on this. What's best for her is to get an education and build a future. If you love her, you'll support her parents on this one. Yes, it's painful, of course it is. But if you go along with your current plans, you're both going to end up working your fingers to the bone in sh!tty jobs, while living in a run-down POS house, and if you're not careful you'll have kids to support as well. Would you want someone you loved to be living that way?

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: halik

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: Frostwake

not to slam you but you sound like my college roomate who thought there was nothing in life but his girl. He married her at age 22. They divorced 9 months after.

Im/Were not thinking of getting married, ever lol i dont see the point really, just more paper work

That's not an encouraging viewpoint to her parents. How does it sound to you?

"I'm desperately in love with your daughter, I'll never leave her, I'll take care of her, I want to be with her!"
"When do you want to get married?"
"Why would we get married?"

Marriage is more than paperwork. There are legal protections, socially binding committments, and other things that show you are serious. You can't say you're as serious as you've been going on about and then be so cavelier about marriage without undermining your own statements of committment.

do you realize this kid is 14 years old?

Nope, I didn't see that. I'm more talking in the hypothetical than the recommended course of action though. This guy is talking about committment and living together but throws the concept of marriage out the window. It's an inconsistency in thought, even if they're ten years off from marriage.

 

[Frostwake]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: Frostwake

not to slam you but you sound like my college roomate who thought there was nothing in life but his girl. He married her at age 22. They divorced 9 months after.

Im/Were not thinking of getting married, ever lol i dont see the point really, just more paper work

That's not an encouraging viewpoint to her parents. How does it sound to you?

"I'm desperately in love with your daughter, I'll never leave her, I'll take care of her, I want to be with her!"
"When do you want to get married?"
"Why would we get married?"

Marriage is more than paperwork. There are legal protections, socially binding committments, and other things that show you are serious. You can't say you're as serious as you've been going on about and then be so cavelier about marriage without undermining your own statements of committment.

Well the point is... it doesnt change what we feel for each other, and i dont love her to show others that i do, and we're the only ones who know how strong what we feel for each other is,

Btw just out of curiosity her parents are divorced, (and so are mine), and her father says it was an error to marry her mother, except for the 2 daughters he had...lol

Edit - I dont see the inconsistency really, fewer and fewer people marry nowadays, my sister included, she has the same bf for 5 years i think, and theyre doing just fine, but wont get married... does that change the fact they want to be together? nope

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: Frostwake

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: Frostwake

not to slam you but you sound like my college roomate who thought there was nothing in life but his girl. He married her at age 22. They divorced 9 months after.

Im/Were not thinking of getting married, ever lol i dont see the point really, just more paper work

That's not an encouraging viewpoint to her parents. How does it sound to you?

"I'm desperately in love with your daughter, I'll never leave her, I'll take care of her, I want to be with her!"
"When do you want to get married?"
"Why would we get married?"

Marriage is more than paperwork. There are legal protections, socially binding committments, and other things that show you are serious. You can't say you're as serious as you've been going on about and then be so cavelier about marriage without undermining your own statements of committment.

Well the point is... it doesnt change what we feel for each other, and i dont love her to show others that i do, and we're the only ones who know how strong what we feel for each other is,

Btw just out of curiosity her parents are divorced, (and so are mine), and her father says it was an error to marry her mother, except for the 2 daughters he had...lol

Edit - I dont see the inconsistency really, fewer and fewer people marry nowadays, my sister included, she has the same bf for 5 years i think, and theyre doing just fine, but wont get married... does that change the fact they want to be together? nope

You have to understand that there's more to life than feeling a certain way and being together. Marriage is a way of protecting the person you love.

To demonstrate, if your sister's boyfriend is hit by a car and is in critical in the hospital, she will not be able to make medical decisions for him, may not even be able to see him.

Relationships have a component of responsibility too. Your attitude about marriage is just demonstrating your overall attitude about relationships, which is lacking understanding of the responsibility involved in a healthy couple. This is one of the primary reasons people in this thread are accusing you of immaturity.

Can you, on the forums here for us to read, write down some things that are in your girlfriend's best interest? In particular, things that don't involve you? And then, how you are helping her achieve those things?

 

[Frostwake]

Can you, on the forums here for us to read, write down some things that are in your girlfriend's best interest? In particular, things that don't involve you? And then, how you are helping her achieve those things?

She never really had plans, as a matter of fact she never wanted to have a boyfriend until i met her, said she was just fine alone and all she wanted was to finish school and leave the country... But since this started she doesnt really think about anything else, she realized before this happened she wasnt enjoying life at all, surviving instead of living... the way things go now in her mind - im first, other stuff comes next, but it would be just as when she was single.. and me too, the only difference is we would do everything together this time with help from each other

You see for starters shes bad at school, and shes NOT gonna end this year without my support, i can guarantee that... with me by her side i could make her finish school easily since ive already been through what she is, plus motivate her not to miss classes, which she did/does alot... get the picture?

 

[DaiShan]

My parents do know what I care about and help me with tough decisions. I consider their opinion first in most matters and trust them completely. Friends have their own interests, family has only yours

 

[zanieladie]

In response to your topic title...

BECAUSE WE DO!!!!

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: Frostwake

Can you, on the forums here for us to read, write down some things that are in your girlfriend's best interest? In particular, things that don't involve you? And then, how you are helping her achieve those things?

She never really had plans, as a matter of fact she never wanted to have a boyfriend until i met her, said she was just fine alone and all she wanted was to finish school and leave the country... But since this started she doesnt really think about anything else, she realized before this happened she wasnt enjoying life at all, surviving instead of living... the way things go now in her mind - im first, other stuff comes next, but it would be just as when she was single.. and me too, the only difference is we would do everything together this time with help from each other

You see for starters shes bad at school, and shes NOT gonna end this year without my support, i can guarantee that... with me by her side i could make her finish school easily since ive already been through what she is, plus motivate her not to miss classes, which she did/does alot... get the picture?

In other words, you are not able to list something she should be doing, in her own best interest, that does not involve you? How about staying in touch with friends? How about maintaining a good relationship with her family (her support system)?

Just because she doesn't have goals doesn't mean that she shouldn't. You could take a look at some goals that would help her develop personally, ready her for later life, and reflect on the impact you have on those. You said she wanted to leave the country - where did she want to go, what did she want to do? How could you encourage her to reach those goals?

 

[Frostwake]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: Frostwake

Can you, on the forums here for us to read, write down some things that are in your girlfriend's best interest? In particular, things that don't involve you? And then, how you are helping her achieve those things?

She never really had plans, as a matter of fact she never wanted to have a boyfriend until i met her, said she was just fine alone and all she wanted was to finish school and leave the country... But since this started she doesnt really think about anything else, she realized before this happened she wasnt enjoying life at all, surviving instead of living... the way things go now in her mind - im first, other stuff comes next, but it would be just as when she was single.. and me too, the only difference is we would do everything together this time with help from each other

You see for starters shes bad at school, and shes NOT gonna end this year without my support, i can guarantee that... with me by her side i could make her finish school easily since ive already been through what she is, plus motivate her not to miss classes, which she did/does alot... get the picture?

In other words, you are not able to list something she should be doing, in her own best interest, that does not involve you? How about staying in touch with friends? How about maintaining a good relationship with her family (her support system)?

Just because she doesn't have goals doesn't mean that she shouldn't. You could take a look at some goals that would help her develop personally, ready her for later life, and reflect on the impact you have on those. You said she wanted to leave the country - where did she want to go, what did she want to do? How could you encourage her to reach those goals?

She doesnt like to think far into the future, and since i met her, neither do i... so we rather go one step at once, and the current step is finishing school, then we'll worry about what comes next

Well im not able to name goals that dont involve me because...everything involves me, just as everything about me involves her, i dont wanna think about anything without her, she does have a nice relationship with friends when in school...but she will always feel empty if im not there, no matter how many friends she has around her

Now that you mention it, she had alot of problemas last year, and thats when she matured ALOT, and i mean ALOT... she got the wrong friends and it became ugly, she was beaten up by alot of people in her class, and basically everyone hated her, resorting to name calling etc during classes... then she changed dramatically, and now you will realize why she isnt just an ordinary "15" girl... her own father said she is alot more mature than she looks/is supposed to be..

About family she has a good relationship with her father, theyre very close, and hes an unusual kind of father, very compreensive... he actually considered letting us living together when she talked with him about it, (her relationship with her mother isnt good, but her mother doesnt even work, and she doesnt have habilitations either... her father pays all the bills etc.. go figure)

Now you ask "so what are you complaining about?"

Maybe im too perfectionist, im the kind of person that instead of thinking "be happy with what you have" thinks "if you can have better why not go for it?"

Dont know if this answers any questions, but this is more venting than anything else, im just writing what comes to my mind

 

[Molondo]

How old is she , how old are you? In canada, if shes 14 and up she can be with anyone she wants.
Restrain going for the "back poon" aka strarfish, couse its illegal untill your both 18. Felt like saying it, you seem like type that likes it that way.

 

[altonb1]

Originally posted by: Babbles
The OP has managed to perform a rare miracle in getting essentially everybody on this ATOT thread to agree on one thing, which is: The OP is a douche.

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: Frostwake

Can you, on the forums here for us to read, write down some things that are in your girlfriend's best interest? In particular, things that don't involve you? And then, how you are helping her achieve those things?

She never really had plans, as a matter of fact she never wanted to have a boyfriend until i met her, said she was just fine alone and all she wanted was to finish school and leave the country... But since this started she doesnt really think about anything else, she realized before this happened she wasnt enjoying life at all, surviving instead of living... the way things go now in her mind - im first, other stuff comes next, but it would be just as when she was single.. and me too, the only difference is we would do everything together this time with help from each other

You see for starters shes bad at school, and shes NOT gonna end this year without my support, i can guarantee that... with me by her side i could make her finish school easily since ive already been through what she is, plus motivate her not to miss classes, which she did/does alot... get the picture?

Do you realize what you had written up there is EXACTLY how your parents feel about you that you started this whole thread about??? Everything you say they are doing to you because you know best and are of age your doing and thinking about your girlfriend. Granted your problem they feel may not be in school like your girlfriend BUT in life experances they are seeing you make being with her and not giving a rats as about what your going to do whith your life to make sure you and her have one in a few years.

Now to be honest I and others have given you advice yesterday and today that you have given nothing but excusess to or about to. Your doing the exact same thing your parents are doing to you that you feel is a huge bag of bull sh1t but dont seem to have a problem doing it back to someone else for you have been through it already. That is the SAME reason why your parents are on your ass right now because they have done it all ready. What your are is a hipocrite (sp). Like PETA you bitch at all the cruel thing other people do in the world like killing dogs and cats. They take them in as strays and then go off killing them themselves because they cant find a home for them. The exact same thing they are out there bitching about at animal shelters and they are doing it themself.

Here you come in here bitching up a storm that they dont know what is best for you YET your going and doing it to the on you supposedly love. There isnt a double standard here. If you bitch you dont like it then you dont do it at all as well for you know first hand what it is like. IF you go off and do it as well then you need to take a huge look at this and go:

"HUH I finnaly get why my parents act the way they do towards me because im having the same feeling towards her. Im a big ass and need to start showing more love to my parents for giving such a care about me like this. I can finnaly see why they are on my ass because im no good at...........and they care enough to make sure I do best in that area I lack in as well."

I have finnaly broken everything down to "thats life" for you. There shouldnt be one single excusse in this matter on who is right or wrong or why are they doing this to me/us. Not one of us here doubt the feeling you may have for her because WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Only differance is I personnaly wouldnt be messing around with a underage girl because of the fear factor of going to jail AND YES I had a chance to with my neighbors daughter.

She was 16 and I turned 18. We had all the fun in the world and all I though about was her and how I wanted to be with her BUT she was 16. Her parents and mine got along but I also listened to what my parents had to say. It killed me all I wanted was to be with her but I understood that she was under age. She still had to go through school and again like I said before true love is the one that you can let go of so it would better the other person. If it is ment to be it is ment to be but she and her parents moved and I moved on and found a girlfriend my age. Had the puppy love feelings again we broke up and got me another one. So your not alone with the feeling here your just not doing whats right and your relationship is an unhealthy one because yoy feel your parents are not doing what you feel is right. And im serious about the parents here. If they get pissed off enough about the situation your just asking for them to play the underage card her and god I hope your right that you havent been sexually envolved with her because your going to be in for a lifetime of hurt when they slap a restraing order on you and put you in jail. They can and have the power to do this to protect her in what they feel is in her best intrest because she is a minor and under thier roof. Keep that in mind here as well

 

[Accipiter22]

Frostwake.....IS ABOUT TO BREAK

 

[Smartazz]

If you're being serious, they do want what's best for you and you'll understand this eventually.

 

[altonb1]

Did we ever OFFICIALLY get an age on the girl?

Anyway, realistically, if she was skipping school, doing lousy, etc....you need to take a step back and realize her maturity level is also severaly lacking.

 

[Chryso]

LOL, she is underage and you aren't. You are lucky her parents aren't having you arrested.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Didn't bother to read any of the ~250 posts or so.

Seems like everyone's already covered the suicide/Linkin Park/emo kid angst tangent quite well though, so I'll just say:

Good show. :beer:

- M4H

 

[mrchan]

Odds are, you're are still too young to know yourself, much less know who you love.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: altonb1
Did we ever OFFICIALLY get an age on the girl?

Anyway, realistically, if she was skipping school, doing lousy, etc....you need to take a step back and realize her maturity level is also severaly lacking.

She seems to be 15, he 18. So we're talking about statutory most likely, though I don't know the laws in his state.

 

[altonb1]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: altonb1
Did we ever OFFICIALLY get an age on the girl?

Anyway, realistically, if she was skipping school, doing lousy, etc....you need to take a step back and realize her maturity level is also severaly lacking.

She seems to be 15, he 18. So we're talking about statutory most likely, though I don't know the laws in his state.

When I was 18, I still dated younger girls, but they had to have their act together. Dude, why do you even WANT this girl when she is such a mess?

 

[linkgoron]

Well, I guess I was right when I thought she was 15!
anyway, even if you move together, it'll fall apart because you have no plan and a 18 year old with no education can't hold a house for two... You seem too confident that everything you're feeling she's feeling. She's probably not half obsessive as you...

 

[AreaCode707]

Dude, if she is really 15 (I'm not sure if you ever confirmed that) you NEED to back off and listen to her parents. Part of her growing up process is working her way through the restraints of adolescence to the independence of adulthood. She cannot be fully independent at 15 - it makes her miss out on lots of the experience of learning to negotiate, to balance responsibility and fun.

If you push this, you will make her parents more and more uncomfortable about you, and they will get more and more restrictive. You need to demonstrate to them how you are helping encourage her to obey their rules and they will begin to trust you more and loosen up on her a little.

Living together should be out of the question for you two right now until you demonstrate a little more understanding of her true need, not just what she thinks she needs. And until she, like I said, gains some of that invaluable experience of growing out of adolescence.

 

[JS80]

oh gawd is this still going...

WTF she's 15?!?! and he's >= 18? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Wait until she meets other guys and wants a different cack!

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Dude, if she is really 15 (I'm not sure if you ever confirmed that) you NEED to back off and listen to her parents. Part of her growing up process is working her way through the restraints of adolescence to the independence of adulthood. She cannot be fully independent at 15 - it makes her miss out on lots of the experience of learning to negotiate, to balance responsibility and fun.

He did confirm it:

Originally posted by: Frostwake
and now you will realize why she isnt just an ordinary "15" girl... her own father said she is alot more mature than she looks/is supposed to be..

 

[CalvinHobbs]

OP wants to hear what he's got in mind, no amount of common sense gonna help him since he obviously knows better than the rest of us here who have been giving the same opinion and advice, funny how we are all wrong and he is right