Why is being social considered so good?

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Zargon

Lifer
Nov 3, 2009
12,240
2
76
lets look at how 'social' most serial killers are.

thats why its a plus, because historically, all the real wackjobs....not very social.


also, what pingspike said.....
 

Jeff7

Lifer
Jan 4, 2001
41,599
19
81
Less evolved humans are social animals. People who are higher on the evolutionary scale have evolved to disregard face to face socialization, and replace it with more efficient forms of socialization like ATOT.
"Efficient socialization." I love it.


Have fun, but be efficient about it, goddammit!



That sounds quite exceptionally familiar...
 
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Juked07

Golden Member
Jul 22, 2008
1,474
0
76
Well your first problem is that god awful assumption. Second, it's really only considered "good" by others who are social, so if you feel like you are being "repressed" in any sort of way, then I'd say it's because your assumption is false and you/we are in the minority.

I'm very social with my friends, but I detest making small talk when there's no chance of a friendship evolving with that person.

Ahh haha. That first line wasn't a serious point at all, it was merely some math related musing. If we could quantify socialness on one dimension, we would get some sort of distribution for the entire population. And we have no reason to think it wouldn't be some sort of normal-esque distribution, which implies that near half of the data points are below the mean. For this not to be true, you would need some smallish number of extremely unsocial people (who are not offset by equally extremely social people), to create an abnormally low mean. Do you see what I'm saying? That's why I said "reasonable distribution."

In any case, I'm pretty sure it's not a god awful assumption. It was simply a stupid thought about typical data distributions and wasn't meant to be taken as some sort of "point."
 

chalmers

Platinum Member
Mar 14, 2008
2,565
0
76
I'm definitely introverted. I have no problem spending massive amounts of time alone. I love doing things with family and friends, but if it goes on too long I start to grow tired of it.
 

Juked07

Golden Member
Jul 22, 2008
1,474
0
76
Asking a bunch of geeks on an anonymous forum "why is being unsocial bad" is like asking a bunch of geeks on an anonymous forum "why is being a virgin so bad?"

Humans are social animals and need social interaction. Look at what happens to humans in solitary confinement. Even antisocial humans, when essentially isolated from other contact, have mental breakdowns.

Second, being social gives you perspective. It gives you other ideas and different viewpoints on things. Sitting at home playing video games or watching TV with a beer is all fine occasionally, but it really doesn't make you into a better person or give your character any depth.

Third, it helps you build conversation skills. It is easy to have conversations with guys you have known for years, but it is difficult to have a conversation with someone you barely know if you are socially awkward. This, in the end, also helps with talking to women. You've said yourself that making small talk is a chore. Here lies the problem; you shouldn't be making small talk. If you had developed the proper skill you could have an actual conversation with an actual human being,

I used to be an "unsocial" person. I wasn't anti-social, but if given the option I would hang out with the same one or two people at home, occasionally make it out for family events, interact superficially at work, and turn down offers for dinner, etc. I started telling myself "I just like being this way." When I finally came out of my shell and started making the effort to go out and enjoy people I started to love it. I am no socialite but I am your average social person and I do not believe that any well-adjusted adult really LOVES being an unsocial introvert all the time.

I think (without any detailed scrutiny), that I agree with all your points. But I also think we can derive all those benefits without spending, say, more than half our time (just some arbitrary fraction, really, but certainly something much less than all the time) being social. I agree that we must have some appreciable amount of social interaction to be happy and successful. It just feels extremely overemphasized. I think doing things alone is way underrated, and being social is overrated. Nowhere do I say that I think we should be unsocial introverts all the time.. That would be an extremely strong claim that no one could support =P
 

AreaCode707

Lifer
Sep 21, 2001
18,440
101
91
I would note that throughout most of history we've lived in relatively small community groups and you might know a few hundred people in your lifetime; now we're expected to maintain "close" friendships with a few hundred and have an acquaintanceship over our lifetime of thousands. I think that strains the abilities of a significant portion of the population; a few hundred years of highly social community have not necessarily changed our "default" setting that desires and thrives in small to medium size groups.
 

gimmewhitecastles

Golden Member
Mar 2, 2005
1,834
0
0
Being an introvert is not abnormal. You only hear the pro's about being an extrovert because extroverts speak up and introverts don't. That only makes extroverts "seem" like the majority.
 

jonks

Lifer
Feb 7, 2005
13,918
20
81
Being an introvert is not abnormal. You only hear the pro's about being an extrovert because extroverts speak up and introverts don't. That only makes extroverts "seem" like the majority.

Introverts speak up too, you just can't hear them over the rifle shots.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
19
81
because society is based on being social. This is going to be the biggest downfall of at least america should we ever go through a country-wide catastrophe...just look at the smaller instances of looters, rapists, and other opportunists in our history.
 

dighn

Lifer
Aug 12, 2001
22,820
4
81
because society is based on being social.

this. I'm not a social person, but this is obvious.

This is going to be the biggest downfall of at least america should we ever go through a country-wide catastrophe...just look at the smaller instances of looters, rapists, and other opportunists in our history.
wait what?! D:
 

ShadowOfMyself

Diamond Member
Jun 22, 2006
4,230
2
0
Being an introvert is not abnormal. You only hear the pro's about being an extrovert because extroverts speak up and introverts don't. That only makes extroverts "seem" like the majority.

Good point

The thing I hate is how most extroverts try to "convert" you to their side, they are always trying to get you to talk etc, its so annoying... Its like us going "Shut up, I want to enjoy a bit of silence"

Must be nice when society is backing you up heh... And they have no idea how it feels like for us to be in crowds and all that, if they did they would realize how hard it is to speak up and socialize

The bottom line is we just put more thought into everything we do... Im always thinking of things I COULD say in a conversation, but 99% of the time I decide they are not worth talking about, so I stay quiet and listen instead
 
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Sep 7, 2009
12,960
3
0
There's nothing wrong with you.. Even thought I'm not a huge fan of myers-briggs generalizations it'd probably do you (and other introverts) some good to spend a few hours on the intj or intp forums..
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
19
81
this. I'm not a social person, but this is obvious.

wait what?! D:

Unfortunately once the power goes out, our society here feels it's every man for himself.

Japan is actually a model that would never occur here and that is sad to me. I have family in Japan and it's nice to know they don't have to worry about their neighbors.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
19
81
Good point

The thing I hate is how most extroverts try to "convert" you to their side, they are always trying to get you to talk etc, its so annoying... Its like us going "Shut up, I want to enjoy a bit of silence"

Must be nice when society is backing you up heh... And they have no idea how it feels like for us to be in crowds and all that, if they did they would realize how hard it is to speak up and socialize

The bottom line is we just put more thought into everything we do... Im always thinking of things I COULD say in a conversation, but 99% of the time I decide they are not worth talking about, so I stay quiet and listen instead

Is this the same as when Jimmy Jarhead comes up to you and 99% of the time you have ended him mentally with a falcon punch and jumping side kick?
 

Triumph

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
15,031
13
81
There's nothing wrong with you.. Even thought I'm not a huge fan of myers-briggs generalizations it'd probably do you (and other introverts) some good to spend a few hours on the intj or intp forums..

For years I thought there was something wrong with me, why I felt completely exhausted after going to parties, why I'd rather just get in a store, buy my shit, and leave, why I hated anyone saying anything to me until about 2 hours after i woke up...then I took a Myers-Briggs test and learned wait a minute...you mean there are other people who feel this way? No one had ever explained introverted to me before that. It was exceptionally freeing to know this.

It definitely has its drawbacks, but it is not bad, and I think if more young people knew what it meant to be extroverted/introverted, they'd be a lot healthier emotionally.
 

dighn

Lifer
Aug 12, 2001
22,820
4
81
Unfortunately once the power goes out, our society here feels it's every man for himself.

Japan is actually a model that would never occur here and that is sad to me. I have family in Japan and it's nice to know they don't have to worry about their neighbors.

the Japanese response was definite admirable. but a distinction should be made between introversion and anti-social tendencies.
 

Paul98

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2010
3,732
199
106
I used to be that way, where I would rather stay in by myself than go out and do something. Or if I went out and only knew one person that would be about the only person I would talk to all night.

Now I have turned 180 degrees, now the majority of the time if I am not hanging out with people or doing something I feel bored as hell. I must say I like it a lot more, I have far more fun meeting new people and doing new things than I did when I just enjoyed doing stuff by myself. But with that being said it can be annoying because if nothing is going on, or I feel that I shouldn't go out and do something I still really want to. Like if I know something is happening and for some reason I can't join it really bugs me, I feel like i am missing everything.
 

bfdd

Lifer
Feb 3, 2007
13,312
1
0
i feel like the latter. i have a small, select group of friends and people that i like to spend time with due to us have similar mindsets and hobbies, etc, but if i spend the entire weekend out of town with friends...come monday i just dont want to see anyone for a day or two.

ive tried hard the last year or two to find people i like to hang out with, so its not *As much* as feeling drained now and a bit more just wanting some of my privacy and me-time back

sames, being an introvert kind of sucks, but we get excellent at entertaining ourselves.
 

Tencntraze

Senior member
Aug 7, 2006
570
0
0
sames, being an introvert kind of sucks, but we get excellent at entertaining ourselves.

To quote my friend:

Woman at Bar: You know, if you want to try to sleep with a woman, you should buy her a drink
Friend: How about I buy myself two drinks and go fuck myself
 

Avalon

Diamond Member
Jul 16, 2001
7,567
152
106
OP, I somewhat agree with you, but that changes when I go out to a bar and hit the beers. Suddenly a lot of random people I never gave a shit about, have a lot of fascinating things to tell me
 

yhelothar

Lifer
Dec 11, 2002
18,408
39
91
My own theory on the subject is that introverts have certain social expectations that they feel that they must fulfill, hence it's very energy draining for them to socialize. It makes them need to try to be able to socialize. They try to find the right words to say rather than just speaking their mind, and that gets very fatiguing. Extraverts, on the other hand, feel comfortable with being themselves, hence they are often known to speak before they think, as opposed to introverts who think before they speak. Also, if you think about it, all of us have had times where when we socialize where we feel energized, and we've all of us have had times where when we socialize, we feel drained. If you think about when we feel energized, isn't it when we share something that energizes us, something that gets us excited, something we feel passionate about. So what really is it that makes someone an introvert or extravert if everyone has moments of introversion and extraversion? While when Carl Jung originally popularized the concepts of introversion and extraversion, he made the traits seem like a type, you're either one type or the other, while in personality research today, it's much more popular to regard it in a continuum.

There are also many interesting studies on the link between extraversion and dopamine, particularly in the brain's reward systems. It is found that extraverts have higher levels of dopamine in these reward centers. This has two main effects, first is a higher positive affect, or in other words, they are happier, and secondly, higher dopamine levels also mean that that are much less inhibited in acting out impulses. It is found that in order to execute a behavior, a certain dopamine level must be reached for this to occur. This seems to parallel why introverts tend to overthink in social situations and why extraverts just speak their mind.

In this sense, I feel that introversion is almost a form of pathology. It is very rare to almost non existent for one that is extraverted to be depressed, but depression is highly correlated with introversion. But at the same time, I feel that there are many benefits to introversion. The facts are, it's nearly impossible for anyone to be perfect content with the way they are at all given moments of their lives. A leading psychiatrist says that depression is not a human defect at all, but a defense mechanism that in its mild and moderate forms can force a healthy reassessment of personal circumstances.

Given this, I feel that introversion and extraversion are less of personality traits, but more as personality states of a person.
 
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JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,472
867
126
Relationships are one of the keys to future success IMO. I keep in touch with people I've worked with over the years...some of them are now close personal friends and their groups of friends have opened up even more friendships.

If you want to go through life being a loner and working jobs where you don't interact with people I guess that's fine...for you. I couldn't do that though. I'm a social creature.
 
Feb 19, 2001
20,158
20
81
I used to be extroverted as a kid and then I turned introverted in middle school. I don't know what happened but I just didn't fit in. Hell I was introverted til the end of high school. Looking back I didn't have a single female friend til senior year. I got a LOT more sociable through college. I'm still not what I would call extroverted, but I have no problem wanting to mingle or sometimes mingling with other people.

I'm still the type who needs someone to introduce me at a party where I don't know anyone, but at least I'm willing to strike out and do my own thing if necessary. It's better than not wanting to go in the past or just sitting in the corner on my own.

Good point
The bottom line is we just put more thought into everything we do... Im always thinking of things I COULD say in a conversation, but 99% of the time I decide they are not worth talking about, so I stay quiet and listen instead

You know, the thing is when you say something, it's not like Barack Obama is speaking. No one's gonna flame you to death and no one's gonna put your words on Youtube. Nonsense comes out half the time anyway. I'm not saying you should dumb down, but you seem to be afriad of what you have to say. You may not think it's worth saying because it's not some Gettysburg Address. To other people, conversation is conversation. No one will remember that you could've spoken like an orator but instead you made a colloquial comment. People will remember that you like to talk about certain things and will appreciate your intelligence. That's what matters.

If you never speak up, who will EVER know what you're thinking? Your own comments might not be worth it to you, but to other people, they appreciate feedback.
 
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