Why marraiges work

[Novgrod]

Washington Post

I think it's kinda interesting. Don't think it's a repost

 

[cipher00]

Some do. Some don't. Life goes on....

 

[geekender]

...and some people just either try harder...love each other more....or just get along.

 

[CKDragon]

The divorce rate is scary anymore... my girlfriend and I are a few good years away from marriage, but that heated prenup talk a week or two ago got me thinking about it.

CK

 

[StageLeft]

<< The divorce rate is scary anymore... my girlfriend and I are a few good years away from marriage, but that heated prenup talk a week or two ago got me thinking about it.

CK >>

prenups is suck!

 

[Elledan]

Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, but look at the bright side: the other fifty percent ends in death.

 

[MichaelD]

<< Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, but look at the bright side: the other fifty percent ends in death. >>



Ahahahaha!

I take it you feel the same as I on the marriage-thing? Marriage = BAD NEWS. Now, steady relationship = good stuff. These days, marriage is too risky a proposition for all involved. Add in "the kid factor" and you're really dancing on hot coals.




<< prenups is suck! >>



Skoorb, gotta disagree with you on this. I'll play the other side for now. Let's say I marry a very rich woman..scratch that; I marry a woman who is well-off thru her own hard work (PhD/CEO/etc). When I married her, I had not a pot to piss in. When we get divorced, why should I be entitled to 50% or whatever of her savings or assets? I didn't earn it.

Conversely, if I get married and I already had a comic book collection worth about $10K, why should my ex be entitled to half of the proceeds of the sale of the collection? Why should I have to "buy her out" of something she's not entitled to in the first place?

Prenups protect ALL involved. Man and woman. Until you've been burned, you won't/don't agree...and that's OK. I've learned my lesson already. People do very cold-hearted things when they divorce.

I won't marry without one...and I don't really have much in the way of REAL assets (property/cars/etc) right now.

 

[Elledan]

<<

<< Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, but look at the bright side: the other fifty percent ends in death. >>



Ahahahaha!

I take it you feel the same as I on the marriage-thing? Marriage = BAD NEWS. Now, steady relationship = good stuff. These days, marriage is too risky a proposition for all involved. Add in "the kid factor" and you're really dancing on hot coals. >>

Yup.




<<

<< prenups is suck! >>



Skoorb, gotta disagree with you on this. I'll play the other side for now. Let's say I marry a very rich woman..scratch that; I marry a woman who is well-off thru her own hard work (PhD/CEO/etc). When I married her, I had not a pot to piss in. When we get divorced, why should I be entitled to 50% or whatever of her savings or assets? I didn't earn it.

Conversely, if I get married and I already had a comic book collection worth about $10K, why should my ex be entitled to half of the proceeds of the sale of the collection? Why should I have to "buy her out" of something she's not entitled to in the first place?

Prenups protect ALL involved. Man and woman. Until you've been burned, you won't/don't agree...and that's OK. I've learned my lesson already. People do very cold-hearted things when they divorce.

I won't marry without one...and I don't really have much in the way of REAL assets (property/cars/etc) right now. >>


Marriage is in itself already a pretty silly thing. The only reasons why it still exists include tradition and economics. Like in your example, marriage can be a pretty profitable business.

 

[Fausto]

<< Marriage is in itself already a pretty silly thing. The only reasons why it still exists include tradition and economics. Like in your example, marriage can be a pretty profitable business. >>



There's nothing silly about marraige, unless you're in it for the wrong reasons (tradition and economics). It's all about solidifying your commitment to another person....nothing wrong with that IMHO.

Fausto

 

[Elledan]

<<

<< Marriage is in itself already a pretty silly thing. The only reasons why it still exists include tradition and economics. Like in your example, marriage can be a pretty profitable business. >>



There's nothing silly about marraige, unless you're in it for the wrong reasons (tradition and economics). It's all about solidifying your commitment to another person....nothing wrong with that IMHO.

Fausto >>

If you truly trust each other, living together is already more than enough. Marriage is irrelevant, unless you want to 'trap' the other person in some kind of agreement.

With that said, I know a lot of people who live together, have children, yet are not married.

 

[MichaelD]

<< Marriage is in itself already a pretty silly thing. The only reasons why it still exists include tradition and economics. Like in your example, marriage can be a pretty profitable business. >>



Agree 100% on that. I know couples that have been living apart for many, many years...and living with someone else but they are still legally married. They file their taxes as "married" and split the refund. Is this legal? Prolly not...but no one is the wiser.

I like the companionship aspect of marriage...but strongly dislike the risk involved. I think cohabitation is a much better idea. Even if you do wind up getting burned w/that "common-law marriage" BS, it's still not even half as bad as you'll get burned in divorce court.

 

[Fausto]

I guess this is one of those discussions for which there is no right/wrong conclusion. Elledan views the legal aspects as a "trap" whereas I see it as a proper formalization of a relationship I intend to maintain for the rest of my life. It's all in how you look at it, I suppose....although I'm a pretty cynical guy by nature and yet take my marraige very seriously. I will say that cohabitation is a very good precursor to getting married as you are forced to address many of the isses that will arise and often ruin marraiges when one or both of the people involved can't adapt.

As far as the kids thing tho, there is a definite stigma attached to children of unmarried couples here in the states. I know it's different elsewhere (sweden being an excellent example).

Fausto

 

[Ultraop]

don't freakin get married if you are not sure that person is the one you are willing to die for. My 2 cents.

 

[MichaelD]

Well-put, Fausto1. Very well said. It is a personal decision.

 

[jjones]

<< Marriage is in itself already a pretty silly thing. The only reasons why it still exists include tradition and economics. Like in your example, marriage can be a pretty profitable business. >>


Well you may think that now, I used to think the same and never placed any value on marriage. Then I finally met the person I wanted to marry. Why marriage? Because I wanted to express my love and commitment in a ceremonial setting. Sure, I could have just done this by gazing into her eyes and expressing my love for all eternity, but I wanted to do it in a way that expressed this to the world and nothing beats a wedding ceremony in the largess of its expression or the quality of its romance. Think about that when you decide whether or not you should marry the girl of your dreams because despite what you may think, all women want a wedding and I married to give to my partner in life something that made her truly happy: a ceremonial expression of my love for her.

As for marriage itself, like anything it takes work and commitment but I will say this: being married has provided a little extra incentive to try whereas in the past I may not have tried so hard if I wasn't married.

 

[Elledan]

<<

<< Marriage is in itself already a pretty silly thing. The only reasons why it still exists include tradition and economics. Like in your example, marriage can be a pretty profitable business. >>


Well you may think that now, I used to think the same and never placed any value on marriage. Then I finally met the person I wanted to marry. Why marriage? Because I wanted to express my love and commitment in a ceremonial setting. Sure, I could have just done this by gazing into her eyes and expressing my love for all eternity, but I wanted to do it in a way that expressed this to the world and nothing beats a wedding ceremony in the largess of its expression or the quality of its romance. Think about that when you decide whether or not you should marry the girl of your dreams because despite what you may think, all women want a wedding and I married to give to my partner in life something that made her truly happy: a ceremonial expression of my love for her.

As for marriage itself, like anything it takes work and commitment but I will say this: being married has provided a little extra incentive to try whereas in the past I may not have tried so hard if I wasn't married. >>


Whatever floats your boat...

I'll never marry, because the only type of relationship I'll ever allow will be a Platonic one.

 

[ThisIsMatt]

<< Whatever floats your boat...

I'll never marry, because the only type of relationship I'll ever allow will be a Platonic one. >>

Naw, you're just waiting till they make it legal to marry yourself...

 

[jjones]

<<
Whatever floats your boat...

I'll never marry, because the only type of relationship I'll ever allow will be a Platonic one.
>>


Keep that up and you're going to lead a very sad existence. BTW, stating that you will only ever allow a platonic relationship shows that you do have other desires but keep them suppressed. I hope one day you'll give in to these other desires as I think you'll find a much more fulfilling life.

 

[Elledan]

<<

<<
Whatever floats your boat...

I'll never marry, because the only type of relationship I'll ever allow will be a Platonic one.
>>


Keep that up and you're going to lead a very sad existence. >>

You think you know me? Forget it. My existance will be everything but 'sad'.


<< BTW, stating that you will only ever allow a platonic relationship shows that you do have other desires but keep them suppressed. >>

I control most of my desires and emotions, yes, but I don't suppress them.


<< I hope one day you'll give in to these other desires as I think you'll find a much more fulfilling life. >>

*laughs silently*

If only you knew... if only you knew...

 

[MichaelD]

<< the only type of relationship I'll ever allow will be a Platonic one >>



Well, I guess that's where you and I take separate roads, Elledan. "Platonic" is not in my vocabulary. I don't care how intelligent, smart, witty, educated a woman is; if she doesn't knock my socks into next week in bed, she's not for me.

 

[Spamela]

i think it works if you're dedicated, have the right expectations, and neither party screws up repeatedly in a really unforgiveable way.

 

[Elledan]

<<

<< the only type of relationship I'll ever allow will be a Platonic one >>



Well, I guess that's where you and I take separate roads, Elledan. "Platonic" is not in my vocabulary. I don't care how intelligent, smart, witty, educated a woman is; if she doesn't knock my socks into next week in bed, she's not for me. >>


Physical vs. mental 'pleasure'. I thrive on knowledge, information, insights and discoveries, while physical pleasures, although 'pleasurable' (duh), are not quite as fulfilling.

 

[Fausto]

<< I'll never marry, because the only type of relationship I'll ever allow will be a Platonic one >>



Main Entry: platonic love
Function: noun
Usage: often capitalized P
Date: 1631
1 : love conceived by Plato as ascending from passion for the individual to contemplation of the universal and ideal
2 : a close relationship between two persons in which sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated :Q

Are you serious? Why? Why intentionally omit the physical aspect of a relationship? And what was with the

<< I control most of my desires and emotions, yes, but I don't suppress them. >>

and

<< If only you knew... if only you knew... >>

bit? Enlighten us. (I'm honestly curious BTW...not messing with you)

Fausto

EDIT- whoops...Elledan was replying as I was typing this.

 

[jjones]

<<
Keep that up and you're going to lead a very sad existence. >>

You think you know me? Forget it. My existance will be everything but 'sad'.
>>


No, I don't think I know you and I don't think you really know yourself either and through your smug confidence, you'll continue to avoid knowing yourself until hopefully, someday, something will jar that self-sufficient, emotionally devoid reality you have created for yourself.

 

[Elledan]

<<

<<
Keep that up and you're going to lead a very sad existence. >>

You think you know me? Forget it. My existance will be everything but 'sad'.
>>


No, I don't think I know you and I don't think you really know yourself either and through your smug confidence, you'll continue to avoid knowing yourself until hopefully, someday, something will jar that self-sufficient, emotionally devoid reality you have created for yourself. >>

A statement you base on... what?