Wife has a Internet Boyfriend

[BoberFett]

Isla is saying some good stuff here.

Human relationships that go beyond the acquaintence stage are too complex to be properly analyzed from the amount of information that we've been given here. This is just my observation, but frogger seemed very prepared to dump his wife after this transgression. This leads me to believe that this may not be the first time it's happened, or that they didn't have a good marriage to begin with. Why that is, I have no idea. That's the complex part. But I don't get the feeling that the marriage was absolute bliss up until yesterday.


frogger

If you think the marriage can be saved, seek a professional, and have them recommend some books. If you're interested I can recommend several books that our marriage counselor recommended to us and that I found quite enlightening. It was too late to save my marriage, but those books did give me quite a bit of insight, and the knowledge I gained will help me in future relationships.

 

[Adul]

Hey booberfett. what where those books? it may be helpful for even us newlyweds

 

[Johnlee]

I say dump her. That sounds like way too much work to me. Take a day off work, wait till she bails and take all her sh1t and dump it in one of those big trash bins a few miles away. Have the locks changed and leave a note on the front door complete with a map to the trash bin and her whorish belongings.

I've put up with bs in a relationship before and never thought I'd find a girl who was decent. Well, I found one and she makes those other chiXors just look that much worse. You don't need to put up with that crap. Unless, of course, you are a total a-hole to her..then you deserve it.

 

[UnixFreak]

I got three words for you frogger Dump T hat B *tch. Of course you are angry, you should be. And her "cutting you off" just makes her guilty. I know the type, I have been there. Your life will be miserable until you leave this woman. Just out of curiosity, is she good in bed? I have found most of these angry, controlling, cheating women are great in bed. Its a bit of a trade-off type of thing i think..

 

[cpars]

I kinda scanned over the whole 50+ messages and will add mt 2cents. About 4 years ago I was living with this lady but not married. well it was about that time that i found the internet and aol and virtual places chat room, and starting conversing with mostly girls. well the young lady found the emails and was tired of me up at 2am writing to whoever and issued me an Ultimatum to which I moved out. After about 2 weeks and plenty of time to think I asked to move back in and that was the end of my internet romancing. we were married soon after and all is well today, but I do not carry on continuing emails or correspondance with females and i would not tolerate it if she were talking to a man on a constant basis, she would be asked to cease immediately or I would move out !

 

[UnixFreak]

<< I say dump her. That sounds like way too much work to me. Take a day off work, wait till she bails and take all her sh1t and dump it in one of those big trash bins a few miles away. Have the locks changed and leave a note on the front door complete with a map to the trash bin and her whorish belongings. >>



dude, I just read that, and cracked up laughing, f*cking hilarious...

 

[Yeeny]

EDIT: If any of you guys who are advocating taking a hard line here, I certainly hope you NEVER flirt with any of the women you work with or are ever guilty of looking at porn or any other thing that might be construed as 'unfaithful'.... You wouldn't want to be hypocritcal about such things, would you?

Isla: You go girl! My husband is the same way, and I know what you are saying. He does not like to socialize, so we don't get out much. My husband knows I joke around with other men, he even knows I have male friends who I flirt with. Talking to someone else about your relationship is not a sin, people do it here every day. But if it has gone beyond that, into an actual relationship then you need to decide if you want to try to save your marriage, or end it. Nobody can be everything to everyone, and if you expect somebody to be your whole world, your taking the chance for a lot of heartache in the end.

 

[classy]

<<When I told her what I found, I got the &quot;you are cut off&quot; line.>>

Wait a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I missed this before. Does this mean what I think it means? She now ain't giving you no whoopee!!!!!
All do respect man you must be out of your mind. Instead of the post saying &quot;Wife has a Internet Boyfriend&quot; it would say &quot;Hey everybody I just threw my wife the F out&quot;. Man I would throw her a$$ out so fast her momma would get dizzy. Whew, I just can't believe this. All I can say is it wouldn't be me. I wouldn't hit her or anything like that but all her stuff would be out on the damn curb. And I would wait till it was either raining or snowing.

 

[Yeeny]

Wow, the level of insecurity in this thread from some of you people is amazing. He has not said anything else, he barely gave any information on the situation, and alot of you already have her tried, convicted and sentenced. I think everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, we don't know why she would act this way, or even if it's really what he thinks it is. Only if and when you have the whole story, which we don't even have his full side of it, then can you get an understanding, and say what you would do.

 

[nippyjun]

Think of the other person as your wife's psychologist. If she saw a psychologist they would be talking about you. The fact that you wife needs to talk to someone else should be a warning sign. You should step back and try to open communication more with her.

 

[Optimus]

Listen, I have to agree with Isla and GF here - we know next to nothing from his one angry post... All I can tell him is that if he feels his marriage is in trouble he needs to seek some marriage counselling to make it work.

None of us know anything about his wife or what is going on here!

 

[Johnlee]

Thank you. I'll be here all week. Please remember to tip your waitress.





<< or are ever guilty of looking at porn or any other thing that might be construed as 'unfaithful' >>



&quot;unfaithful&quot;???? LOL.

Even what Frogger's wife is doing isn't &quot;unfaithful&quot; silly. Neither is flirting for that matter. It's like Classy stated, a lack of respect. Major lack of respect if you ask me.

edit:



<< we don't know why she would act this way, or even if it's really what he thinks it is. >>



Moot point IMO. He is a member here, she isn't (i'm guessing) If she were the member *lol* we would be telling her that he should treat her better and blah blah blah. Don't begrudge us our opinions. That's what this place is about. I doubt he'll be taking any of this to heart anyway (except my amazing trash idea)

 

[Azraele]

I agree with GF and the others. Marriage is about commitment and compromise. He needs to talk to his wife and see if things can be worked out. They may decide to take some time apart, but whatever they decide, it should be thought out and understood mutually. I hope he didn't do anything rash, though I do understand his anger.

 

[skywhr]

kick her out, get a divorce she obvioulsy isnt interested in you anymore

 

[~zonker~]

I think my reaction to something like this would be based on one thing, how much I really loved her.

Sure, I would be hurt and perhaps angry. But there must be a motivation for the behavior. And while there is no real justification for having an intimate relationship with someone else over the internet when you are married, it indicates to me that something is not right in the real time relationship, for her at least.

I'm reminded of a Linda Ronstadt tune (no flames please)

Love is a rose but you better not pick it
It only grows when it's on the vine
Hand full of thorns and you know you missed it
Lose your love when you say the word mine

 

[The Dancing Peacock]

now isn't frogger dealing with his marital problems over the internet here?

Frogger, why do you need all of us here to tell you &quot;what is wrong&quot; with your marriage?

Talk to your wife. Most relationships breakdown because of a lack of communication.

Would it be that much different if she was talking to a &quot;real-life&quot; friend, either male or female, venting and asking advice about the situation?

Do you think she left it in plain sight for a reason? Maybe she wanted you to find it so that you will talk to her about what is going on, maybe that was the easiest way to tell you that there is a problem in your marriage. Don't be rash. Talk to her about the problem and try to work and make your marriage stronger.

late.

TDP

 

[Johnlee]

I'm reminded of a sticker on my skateboard that says: (no flames please)

Boys are from Mars
Girls are from Hell

 

[Isla]

Wow!

I never realized how many perfect men we have here! They can all cast the first stone with impunity!



As for those of you who are a step or two ahead on the spiritual/emotional evolution ladder, I can almost guarantee that your relationships will be blessed with happiness and longevity.

Reminds me of a King's X song...



<< It's love that holds it all together, I just had to let you know >>



<< It's love, that's holding back the weather, and the same will let it go... >>

 

[Yeeny]

Moot point IMO. He is a member here, she isn't (i'm guessing) If she were the member *lol* we would be telling her that he should treat her better and blah blah blah. Don't begrudge us our opinions. That's what this place is about.

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I am the first one to give my opinion here on many subjects, but only if and when I feel I at least have the first half of a story. What he said was basically one sentence, that his wife talked to another man about their marriage. For all we know, she could have said &quot;We were married on this date, and have been together ten years.&quot; Doubtful, but like I said, who really knows besides him? And your right, I really doubt (or at least hope not) that he is going to take any of this advice to heart.

 

[kami]

This guy has motives...he just doesn't want to help her with her marital problems. He's probably sitting there trying to convince her how sh!tty of a husband you are so he can have her. It's so damn obvious...

Tell her you want this to stop..and ask her which is more important: Emails from a guy 500 miles away, or her own husband who is right here with her. Also ask her how she would feel if you were doing the same thing...if she even thinks about that for a little while she'll realize what she is doing. Women get jealous!! (most of them anyway). If a crappy marriage caused this, you need to get some professional help...but if the marriage is fine and she is just doing this for no reason AND refuses to stop, get rid of her and find someone who appreciates you (as long as you appreciate them as well).

 

[Johnlee]

Thank you for realizing that some of us are beyond punishment Isla.

Snippet from email I just received from my lady...

I am the luckiest lady in the universe

Hey, I treat my lady like a queen. That's how most women should be treated IMO. So again, I thank you for noticing my perfection.

GF-I get it now. You were simply bringing to our attention the lack of detail in regards to Frogger's unfavorable predicament. I'm just having fun and feeling a bit of sympathy for the frogster. I doubt that would ever happen to me, however, in the remote chance that it would, I would want the greatest number of widely spanning opinions possible....then I would kick her the h3ll out!

edit: just in case you didn't see my &quot;disclaimer&quot;:

Unless, of course, you are a total a-hole to her..then you deserve it

Yep, I think I'm pretty much covered.

 

[classy]

What do we know?

1. Frogger and his wife have some serious problems in thier marriage.
2. His wife has developed a relationship with another man over the internet.
3. Frogger feels as though he is taking a back seat to this other man in his marraige.
4. When he confronted his wife about it, she has taking the stance to refuse to have sex with him.
5. This man is close enough where the two could meet.

What we don't know?

1. What led to the problems?

Isla has taken the stance that its okay because men do it. Well I don't care if a million men do it, its still wrong and you are wrong also. GirlFriday has taken the stance that its no big deal and that this woman is being maybe unjustly judged. Well if you have problems in your marriage, discover that your husband has developed a realtionship with another woman, and when you confront him about it and he refuses to sleep with you are you saying its okay?

We live in a time when these internet relationships lead to some very serious incidents. There have been incidents like in this case where the other person even went so far as to try and kill the spouse so they could be with the internet lover. Some have even succeeded in doing this. Thats why I am a little concerned that he lives so close. 500 miles is not that far of a drive. People have had children out of wedlock and gotten all kinds of serious diseases all started from these &quot;innocent&quot; relationships. There is nothing innocent when another person gains influence over your spouse, to the point they refuse to have itimate relations with you.

I am sorry but I ain't buying it. And the biggest problem I have is the way she is doing it. Right in front of his face. Has this woman no shame? frogger may be a complete a jerk, that I do not know. But if thats the case she should just leave. And if she can't talk to him and only him, then he needs to throw her out. Or they go get help together. Its not about being insecure. Marriage today needs to be protected with a vengence. To many times we think love should come with no rebuke. Not so. I would issue a nice ultimatum and if thats not accepted, well cya. There is a problem with her using sex as way to punish her husband because he confronted her about it. Right then and there she would be on the way out the door. I find it absolutely ridiculous that any man or woman would stay with someone that uses sex as way to punish or reward their spouse. I never have and never will be subjected to such a cruel way to try to work problems. Like I said I would have thrown her out. And by the way I did just that with a woman I lived with before. And would do it again.

 

[Johnlee]

Those are some damn good heatware evals Classy!

 

[Isla]

<< Isla has taken the stance that its okay because men do it >>



I have?

I don't ever recall saying it was OK.

My point is that it's not right to have a double standard of behavior.

It pisses me off to see guys who go to titty bars and comment on hot babes, but if their woman so much as talks to another man, well she's a tramp!

The 'stance' that I have taken is that relationships are two-way streets, and you can't just assume that one person is blameless and the other is a total baddy. These kinds of problems don't just happen overnight.

My 'stance' is that you get out of relationships what you put into them.

I'll say it again for you, Classy, since you seem to have TOTALLY misunderstood me.



<< Behave YOURSELF properly... behave in a way that makes your mate WANT to stay... and then you have much less to worry about. >>

 

[madmacks]

that sucks man. i would feel let down also that she would have to talk to a stranger instead of you. is there a reason why she wouldnt tell you these things firsthand. something to make her uncomfortable bringing it up. anyways you should do what you can to save the marriage because its a bad sign when you start calling your wife a beotch. must be hard though not too after what you found.