Originally posted by: DougK62
Originally posted by: athithi
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
The deception ocurred when she slept with someone outside of their marraige TWICE and not telling him that she was going to do it. If you can't grasp the fact that this is deception then I don't know what to tell u bud.
Let me clarify my stance further: tkdkid's wife did something without his knowledge. She did something that she knew would hurt him if he found out. She did something that is not a socially acceptable action in traditional marraiges. Is that wrong? Yes. Is that a mistake? Yes. Should she have to face the consequences? Absolutely! Why does it matter that it was sex?
Sex is a very sensitive issue where I come from. However, here in the U.S, I've found that people accept it more naturally and are not ashamed to talk about it and what effect it has on society. I am surprised that sex is a fairly comfortable topic for everybody here to handle *except* when it comes to infidelity. Her mistake was in doing something that would hurt someone she purportedly love - the sex was just a media for her deception and in my personal opinion, her deception was serious, but not devastating. It's not like she killed somebody or ate someone's child.
Go ahead, burn her on a stake if that will cleanse her of all the sexual demons
No one is saying to burn her at the stake.
There are two sexual topics that are taboo - infidelity and non-consenting. Why is it so hard to understand that these are harder to talk about? They're the most hurtful and deceptive of all sexual practices.
I really don't understand what you're saying. Infidelity is disasterous to a relationship. All you've really said is that infidelity is less severe than murder and baby eating - DUH.
Originally posted by: athithi
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
The deception ocurred when she slept with someone outside of their marraige TWICE and not telling him that she was going to do it. If you can't grasp the fact that this is deception then I don't know what to tell u bud.
Let me clarify my stance further: tkdkid's wife did something without his knowledge. She did something that she knew would hurt him if he found out. She did something that is not a socially acceptable action in traditional marraiges. Is that wrong? Yes. Is that a mistake? Yes. Should she have to face the consequences? Absolutely! Why does it matter that it was sex?
Sex is a very sensitive issue where I come from. However, here in the U.S, I've found that people accept it more naturally and are not ashamed to talk about it and what effect it has on society. I am surprised that sex is a fairly comfortable topic for everybody here to handle *except* when it comes to infidelity. Her mistake was in doing something that would hurt someone she purportedly love - the sex was just a media for her deception and in my personal opinion, her deception was serious, but not devastating. It's not like she killed somebody or ate someone's child.
Go ahead, burn her on a stake if that will cleanse her of all the sexual demons
Originally posted by: jinduy
Originally posted by: aRCeNiTe
Originally posted by: HomerSapien
First, ignore 90% of the people in these forums.
Work with your wife. Go to counseling with your wife to find out why and what you two can do to make sure it doesnt happen again. There could be deep reasons that need to be worked out with outside help along. Plus it will help you learn trust her a little bit again, if things work out that way.
Good luck
To me, everything in a marriage can be forgiven except cheating.. I can not imagine looking at her the same way if she went and put her body all over another guy... Just the images...
Bill
yea thats what i was talkin about when i said it be on auto repeat on the back of my mind. id never be able to make love to her agian with those images in my mind. the relationship would just deteriorate cuz id probably end up treating her without any respect
oh man... that'd drive me nutts
Originally posted by: tkdkid
She says she sorry and she doesn't know what she was thinking.
You have to give us better examples than murder and baby eating. Many husbands here WOULD forgive their wife for murder (manslaughter for example, which is unintentional) before forgiving them for adultery (create a poll if you don't believe me).Originally posted by: athithi
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
The deception ocurred when she slept with someone outside of their marraige TWICE and not telling him that she was going to do it. If you can't grasp the fact that this is deception then I don't know what to tell u bud.
Let me clarify my stance further: tkdkid's wife did something without his knowledge. She did something that she knew would hurt him if he found out. She did something that is not a socially acceptable action in traditional marraiges. Is that wrong? Yes. Is that a mistake? Yes. Should she have to face the consequences? Absolutely! Why does it matter that it was sex?
Sex is a very sensitive issue where I come from. However, here in the U.S, I've found that people accept it more naturally and are not ashamed to talk about it and what effect it has on society. I am surprised that sex is a fairly comfortable topic for everybody here to handle *except* when it comes to infidelity. Her mistake was in doing something that would hurt someone she purportedly love - the sex was just a media for her deception and in my personal opinion, her deception was serious, but not devastating. It's not like she killed somebody or ate someone's child.
Go ahead, burn her on a stake if that will cleanse her of all the sexual demons
Are you saying that kissing your girl friend is like kissing your own :Q?Originally posted by: Red Dawn
How could you ever kiss her again knowing what's probably been in her mouth?
Originally posted by: isildur
Originally posted by: athithi
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
- he recognizes that people freak out over this sexual infidelity more than over the breaking of other vows and other infidelities.
there's a good reason sexual infidelity is so important. you're exchanging DNA with someone else. Babies get made. It seems the OP and his wife were young when they got married. Neither of them probably had time to sow their wild oats. I think this is a problem for many young marriages
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
Sex between 2 people who have agreed to only share their bodies with each other represents marraige itself, ask any married couple. Sex represents the highest form of love a couple can express for one another. It's one thing for a woman to lie to her husband, clear out his bank account, and blow the money in a casino. Yes, that violates trust, but a husband is likely not to take it as personally as if the wife snuck behind his back and had a threesome with 2 guys.
For a woman to give her body away represents that she doesn't acknowledge the love aspect between her and her husband, and love is the American idealized reason for marraige. Like I said, give us better (and realistic examples: baby eating is not likely) examples.
Originally posted by: JackBurton
Remember, men never do either. :|Originally posted by: SP33Demon
Originally posted by: NeoV
remember that even if you stay in the relationship, it will never be the same....also, for the peole here that say "I cheated on my wife and we stayed together blah blah blah"...know that for her, the relationship has never been the same, regardless of what she tells you, and that is burns in her mind nearly every day...I don't care if it was 1 year ago or 25 years ago, it is still smoldering in there..
Good words to abide by... remember, women NEVER FORGET even if men do!!!!!!!!!!
I doubt there would be any alimony involved, unless she worked and sacrificed her own education/career to put him through medical school or some other sort of training, I don't think alimony is awarded very often "these days."Originally posted by: Shanteli
I'm so sorry about that man...I'd so dump her and move on somehow. There really is no point staying together. Is the relationship ever going to be the same or is it ever going to get to a higher level? I think not....not after this. This will always be a huge hole that will never be filled. I've been cheated on once in the past and I went through the same emotional stuff you are feeling right now. I wasn't married so I would multiply my pain by 10x to feel what you are feeling... Anyway....in a nutshell dump her and don't care about what happens to her. It is her fault and she deserves to wallow in her own mistakes. It is no longer your responsibility to care about her financial situation or whatnot.
From a legal standpoint it might suck becasue since you make more money than her you will probably have to pay alimony and other "fees". I'd talk to a divorce lawyer about all of this.
Hang in there buddy.
Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma
I doubt there would be any alimony involved, unless she worked and sacrificed her own education/career to put him through medical school or some other sort of training, I don't think alimony is awarded very often "these days."Originally posted by: Shanteli
I'm so sorry about that man...I'd so dump her and move on somehow. There really is no point staying together. Is the relationship ever going to be the same or is it ever going to get to a higher level? I think not....not after this. This will always be a huge hole that will never be filled. I've been cheated on once in the past and I went through the same emotional stuff you are feeling right now. I wasn't married so I would multiply my pain by 10x to feel what you are feeling... Anyway....in a nutshell dump her and don't care about what happens to her. It is her fault and she deserves to wallow in her own mistakes. It is no longer your responsibility to care about her financial situation or whatnot.
From a legal standpoint it might suck becasue since you make more money than her you will probably have to pay alimony and other "fees". I'd talk to a divorce lawyer about all of this.
Hang in there buddy.
then goes to consider the view of US culture re: non-marital sexual relations to consider what special significance we might place on sexuality to make it somehow more critical than the other elements in the marriage.