wife just had an affair

[boomer6447]

Been there, done that....I'm in the process of ending a 17 year marriage because the very same thing happened to me over 4 yrs ago...and I DO have 2 kids...

There is a website (isn't there always) that helps couples who experience infidelity....

Marriage Builders

Got a lot of good advice there in the forums....also read a few of their books (like Surviving An Affair and
His Needs/Her Needs)....

Good Luck...it's a long road to travel, either way you choose.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Quixfire

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
How could you ever kiss her again knowing what's probably been in her mouth?

Are you saying that kissing your girl friend is like kissing your own :Q?

Damn that would have to be the shortest kiss evar!

 

[minendo]

Drop the bitch and move on.

 

[PaperclipGod]

Your wife was riding another guys wenis?

Why is there even a discussion?

 

[BDawg]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
How could you ever kiss her again knowing what's probably been in her mouth?

Thirty-seven? In a row?!

 

[Vette73]

She WILL do it again!! Period.

This is your ONLY chance to get out of the marriage without losing your shirt. You have cause NOW, but if you wait and it keeps happening, she will take you to the cleaners.


Dump her and move on, as it seems she has already done the same to you.

 

[AndrewPaulNet]

I'm a bit unorthodox on these kind of subjects - I have my reasons, but I won't mention them here.....
As far as I see it, let me shed some light on certain things:

The human condition is not static - and by that I mean simply that no 2 people are the same, and you can't judge any 2 people equally, and people CHANGE.

Because she slept with someone else, doesn't make her nasty or evil or weak - it doesn't mean that you guys have problems in any way or that she's missing out or longing for something or that you're not doing something right or that she doesn't love you or whatever may be going through your, or anyone elses mind.

It could very simply have just been, for what it's worth - some sex. But for what, why would she, you ask?

Easy.....a rush? a change? spur or the moment? lust? curiousity? variation? etc....

Not because you consider yourself or her never ever ever doing something like that, should that mean that the same thing holds for another person.
Maybe a month from now or a year from now you'll wake up and feel the same way. Maybe one day you'll work closely or meet someone and just have an overwhelming lust for them - maybe you won't take up on it, maybe you will - it's just sex as long as there are no emotions; and despite what people say, it feels very good and it is fun, and there's nothing wrong with exploring it with whoever as long as whoever you're committed to is OK with it.

But who likes that right? What lover in their right minds would be ok with their partner making it with other people out there?
Some people are freaks, and I said that seriously....and not in a bad way. Some people like sexual variation, some people don't - some people like and treasure the thought of 1 significant other forever, some prefer to play the field for a while. It's all a matter of variation I think.
Alot can change in 8 years. Self actualization and fullfillment is a daily activity, we learn more about ourselves and our psyche up until we die basically....

I just got married recently. I would be very hurt if she were to go out there and sleep with another guy, but as long as she wasn't indescriminate and doing it all the time, I'd be forgiving because I know what it's like to love someone with all my heart but sexually be interested in, many. I mean, think about it....if she tells me, then it means something; I'm not at all aggressive, I won't hate her if she leaves me and she knows it, so what do I really have to lose, except maybe some pride? and why wouldn't she just leave unless she really does love me right? You just need to think of the positive in everything; and work things out. Now I'm not saying be whooped and let her be with 30 guys or whatever, but if it's a one or 2 time thing, take your losses and move on.

And for the record, maybe open up a little and explore. Maybe she's the type that sexually wants variety, maybe not all the time, who knows. And if you're both willing to compromise, maybe you can have variety too.

Sex is not about Love, Love is not about Sex. We're all caught up in the 1200's where people consider sex as this treasure that is ONLY to be shared with the one you marry and all that, I think this is such a homewrecking device. You know what? I have nothing against that.....and I do feel that sex IS a treasure between the one you really love and are sharing, or planning to share your life with - but I don't believe for one second that it is required to be between 2 people, and 2 people only. I for one believe other elements can be introduced and as long as there are no emotional interferances or hangups (and there won't be if your love for each other is true), then I don't see the problem. The only way I see a problem is if she's greedy - like she gets whatever, but you're not allowed to do the same, kind of things, in which case, she'd have a single person's mentality and should not be with someone. In that case, she would require personal healing that noone can give her but herself.....

I think 2 people that love each other should be able to do whatever they please when it comes to sex, as long as they make love with only each other (notice the difference, SEX and making love are 2 completely different things). It should be intimate between the 2, but fun between more than 2. I don't like the idea of open relationships or anything like that as in each person being sexually independent, but an introduction of another partner or 2 between the couple, is fine; and if compromise is present and fair then there should be no problems whatsoever.

You and her need to discuss all this.

If she can really be sure she'll be fine with one lover forever, I say forgive.
If she can't then look into yourself and see if there is an open mind enough to explore, if you don't then you know what you have to do.
If SHE has the problem exploring, but then does this again, then she's one of 'those', I refer to as eminem people, who want to have their cake and eat pie and ice cream too, and once again, you'll know what you have to do.



All this stuff can't be great for someone who is religious to read....but just consider it and stretch your mind as far as it can be open.

God loves you no matter who you sleep with as long as you're a good, kind person, and love and worship him; otherwise, well - we would ALL be going to hell.

 

[Aftermath]

Sorry if I'm stepping on anyones toes/repeating advice, but I haven't the time to read seven pages of posts before I put up one of my own.

Here's a slightly different approach, but I can sort of relate to how your wife feels. I was miserable a lot in high school because my girlfriend (now wife) was a perky, pretty, intelligent girl, with plenty of guy friends and a wife colorful social life outside of school. I was more the typical ATOT poster, antisocial, spending most of my free time behind a keyboard, etc. I also had a somewhat wiped sense of self esteem because of typical stuff in high school and a life at home in my parents basement. Hearing about my girlfriend going out to the mall and hanging out with some of her guy friends, her stories about this guy at work, etc etc, constantly ate me up inside. I was always really secretly thinking she was doing more than just hanging out, but she never was. She was never unfaithful in the slightest. My point though, is that the constant fear of her and what she was surely doing, was fueling my ideas of cheating on HER to get back at her for what I thought she was up to. Fortunately for me, I didn't have the balls to do anything like that though.

I'm not saying she's justified or anything, just trying to say that I hope you don't see this as some Jerry Springer-esque bombshell. I know it must be very hard on you, but from the sounds of it, this isn't some passion filled "fvck you" kind of act, as much as an act of her trying to fix a problem with herself and/or the relationship, and her judgement was seriously, seriously messed up to not only consider it, but follow through with it. Her telling you, tells me, that she realized that she wasn't making anything better, but had instead just dug herself a nasty grave, and she could either hide it from you, or tell you about it. At least she did the right thing there, because sooner or later, the truth always surfaces.

The most I can try to advise with my limited experience with marriage and life in general, is don't do anything rash. This may be a harsh, terrible, throbbing memory for years to come, but if she gets some counciling and fix the problems that she's having, someday that's all this will be. A painful, but dulling, fading memory. Ending eight years of marriage over a mistake is pretty drastic, especially if it was a happy marriage. Having a failed eight year marriage will have much much more emotional baggiage around your neck than a horrible mistake that has already come and gone.

One way or another though, whatever you do, I'm very sorry you have to endure this and I hope everything works out for you in the end.

 

[SP33Demon]

Originally posted by: athithi


SP33Demon:
Did you see Red Dawn's question? According to his dubious logic a vast majority of Americans cannot ever kiss their wives because in the past something was in their mouths. And yet, they do.

Sex between 2 people who have agreed to only share their bodies with each other represents marraige itself, ask any married couple. Sex represents the highest form of love a couple can express for one another. It's one thing for a woman to lie to her husband, clear out his bank account, and blow the money in a casino. Yes, that violates trust, but a husband is likely not to take it as personally as if the wife snuck behind his back and had a threesome with 2 guys.

For a woman to give her body away represents that she doesn't acknowledge the love aspect between her and her husband, and love is the American idealized reason for marraige. Like I said, give us better (and realistic examples: baby eating is not likely) examples.

Delightfully mis-stated If they agree to share only their bodies, I believe the accurate American term for that is fvckbuddies (hey, blame Playboy! That's where I read the term first!). My point is that if they agree to share their bodies exclusively with each other then tkdkid's wife has betrayed him. It's a bad thing. He should seek and receive justice. Agreed? Agreed! My question is about the shock that so many are expressing here. Trust me, back in India, if this happened, it would be scandalous beyond your wildest imagination. I can understand that because ours is a sexually repressed (for good or bad is not the issue here) society. Yours is not. Western culture is supposed to be sexually mature. But the overwhelming sentiment expressed in this thread is that tkdkid's wife committed a horrendous crime. My contention is that when adult Americans know to not act like 13-year old boys when it comes to sex, why is this an exception? Don't go back to the betrayal again. I have already conceded that to you. Is the sexual maturity a myth or is the moral righteousness a mere facade? Or is it some amalgam of the two where in the absence of greater enlightenment, people take the path of least resistance (or conversely, most acceptance). It's just a rhetorical question. Don't lose sleep over it

I understand where you're coming from, but think you are missing some key points. It seems that you don't know the difference between the term "making love" and "fvcking". The term you used (to imply that marraige is simply an agreement to be) "fvckbuddies" couldn't be farther from the truth. "Fvckbuddies" are people who have sex with no emotions attached. Sex after marraige is sex with emotions, with love for your mate. You don't "love" a "fvckbuddy". You are looking at sex as a simple definition but it is much more complicated than that. Yes, you are your mates' "fvckbuddy" if all they want is a quickie for satisfying lust. But the mate will also want to be "made love to" at times as well, something that "fvckbuddies" don't do.

In answer to your question: Western sexuality is not a "myth" if you mean we are more liberal than other cultures, yet adultery holding such a big stigma in America does not take away from our "myth" because Western culture understands the concept of "love" better than other "immature" cultures. One would fail to realize this fact if you weren't raised in this country.

I think the moral righteousness is a facade IF you think that by deeming adultery as the greater sin than others (lying, stealing, or murder) that you are now defined as not righteous anymore. This, of course, is highly unrealistic if you think that's the true definition of "moral righteousness": to strictly treat each vow equally and if that particular vow is broken, to punish and view them equally. God didn't place any weighted system on which commandment was worse, he just said you cannot break any of them and ALL were bad. Obviously different cultures view each commandment for better or for worse and aren't going to treat each the same. For example, in Arab countries, stealing is a HUGE OFFENSE whereas adultery for men is commonly accepted.

So in conclusion, in answer to your theoretical question ("Which is a bigger insult to the concept of marraige - an action that is the result of a bad marraige or actions that belittle the very concept of marraige?"): Obviously the actions that belittle the very concept of marraige is worse. For the majority in America, adultery TWICE is worth divorcing over... an action that is the result of a bad marraige, or adultery ONCE, is not always worth divorcing over. A "bad marraige" is too subjective, if you consider that the OP had a bad marraige I would probably disagree given the facts. Just b/c his wife didn't feel that she was being swept off her feet is no reason to destroy her marraige, as well as desecrate the concept of marraige and all that it stands for.

 

[isildur]

Originally posted by: Marlin1975
She WILL do it again!! Period.

This is your ONLY chance to get out of the marriage without losing your shirt. You have cause NOW, but if you wait and it keeps happening, she will take you to the cleaners.


Dump her and move on, as it seems she has already done the same to you.

maybe, maybe not - "once a cheater, always a cheater" may be OFTEN true, but its shallow thinking - it depends on a whole lot more than merely the occurance.

kind of like:
"once a criminal, always a criminal"
"I've slept with dozens of women, but I go and kiss ONE guy and I'm gay..."

not everyone who lies is a compulsive liar and not everyone who steals is a kleptomaniac.

"good" people make mistakes out of anger or hurt or fear - sometimes even HUGE ones that are hard to understand, but no two people or two relationships are the same.

My advice: go talk to someone with PROFESSIONAL experience dealing with these things - not a bunch of yahoos in a pc forum.

 

[athithi]

Originally posted by: SP33Demon

I understand where you're coming from, but think you are missing some key points. It seems that you don't know the difference between the term "making love" and "fvcking". The term you used (to imply that marraige is simply an agreement to be) "fvckbuddies" couldn't be farther from the truth. "Fvckbuddies" are people who have sex with no emotions attached. Sex after marraige is sex with emotions, with love for your mate. You don't "love" a "fvckbuddy". You are looking at sex as a simple definition but it is much more complicated than that. Yes, you are your mates' "fvckbuddy" if all they want is a quickie for satisfying lust. But the mate will also want to be "made love to" at times as well, something that "fvckbuddies" don't do.

In answer to your question: Western sexuality is not a "myth" if you mean we are more liberal than other cultures, yet adultery holding such a big stigma in America does not take away from our "myth" because Western culture understands the concept of "love" better than other "immature" cultures. One would fail to realize this fact if you weren't raised in this country.

I think the moral righteousness is a facade IF you think that by deeming adultery as the greater sin than others (lying, stealing, or murder) that you are now defined as not righteous anymore. This, of course, is highly unrealistic if you think that's the true definition of "moral righteousness": to strictly treat each vow equally and if that particular vow is broken, to punish and view them equally. God didn't place any weighted system on which commandment was worse, he just said you cannot break any of them and ALL were bad. Obviously different cultures view each commandment for better or for worse and aren't going to treat each the same. For example, in Arab countries, stealing is a HUGE OFFENSE whereas adultery for men is commonly accepted.

So in conclusion, in answer to your theoretical question ("Which is a bigger insult to the concept of marraige - an action that is the result of a bad marraige or actions that belittle the very concept of marraige?"): Obviously the actions that belittle the very concept of marraige is worse. For the majority in America, adultery TWICE is worth divorcing over... an action that is the result of a bad marraige, or adultery ONCE, is not always worth divorcing over. A "bad marraige" is too subjective, if you consider that the OP had a bad marraige I would probably disagree given the facts. Just b/c his wife didn't feel that she was being swept off her feet is no reason to destroy her marraige, as well as desecrate the concept of marraige and all that it stands for.

I think you are reacting to some perceived slight towards your culture. Have a nice day.

 

[StormRider]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

The woman thinks because she doesn't feel those butterflies in the stomach or kisses don't move mountains for her anymore that she's no longer in love.

I believe that more women are under this delusion than men. Frankly, it's pathetic when I hear a woman say that she expects to have those "just falling in love" butterflies forever. It's fantastical and is never the case. I wonder how much of it is bred by tv or movies, but regardless of the source it's not realistic.

I always cringe when I hear a girl say, "I just love being in love!":heart:

 

[randomlinh]

man, all these threads are gettin me depressed.

good luck to you one what you choose. I side more on the fogiving side and getting professional help. i feel for ya

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: SP33Demon

I understand where you're coming from, but think you are missing some key points. It seems that you don't know the difference between the term "making love" and "fvcking". The term you used (to imply that marraige is simply an agreement to be) "fvckbuddies" couldn't be farther from the truth. "Fvckbuddies" are people who have sex with no emotions attached. Sex after marraige is sex with emotions, with love for your mate. You don't "love" a "fvckbuddy". You are looking at sex as a simple definition but it is much more complicated than that. Yes, you are your mates' "fvckbuddy" if all they want is a quickie for satisfying lust. But the mate will also want to be "made love to" at times as well, something that "fvckbuddies" don't do.

I wouldn't say no emotions, I have been good friends, perhaps loved some of my past FB's....however the difference is we both agreed we weren't looking for a commitment to each other due to various reason.

There really isn't a difference in 'making love' and whatever else you call it. It's slow and tender or fast and animalistic. My vote goes to the later as a closer preference for most.

In answer to your question: Western sexuality is not a "myth" if you mean we are more liberal than other cultures, yet adultery holding such a big stigma in America does not take away from our "myth" because Western culture understands the concept of "love" better than other "immature" cultures. One would fail to realize this fact if you weren't raised in this country.

I don't know they are 'immature', I'd say more 'realistic' is more probable. Keep in mind also that in these cultures, the husbands says "he is going to be late due to business" not that "he is going to be nailing some Kogal that night before coming home".

I think the moral righteousness is a facade IF you think that by deeming adultery as the greater sin than others (lying, stealing, or murder) that you are now defined as not righteous anymore. This, of course, is highly unrealistic if you think that's the true definition of "moral righteousness": to strictly treat each vow equally and if that particular vow is broken, to punish and view them equally. God didn't place any weighted system on which commandment was worse, he just said you cannot break any of them and ALL were bad. Obviously different cultures view each commandment for better or for worse and aren't going to treat each the same. For example, in Arab countries, stealing is a HUGE OFFENSE whereas adultery for men is commonly accepted.

? not sure what's here other than the obvious that there are cultural and legal differences around the world.

So in conclusion, in answer to your theoretical question ("Which is a bigger insult to the concept of marraige - an action that is the result of a bad marraige or actions that belittle the very concept of marraige?"): Obviously the actions that belittle the very concept of marraige is worse. For the majority in America, adultery TWICE is worth divorcing over... an action that is the result of a bad marraige, or adultery ONCE, is not always worth divorcing over. A "bad marraige" is too subjective, if you consider that the OP had a bad marraige I would probably disagree given the facts. Just b/c his wife didn't feel that she was being swept off her feet is no reason to destroy her marraige, as well as desecrate the concept of marraige and all that it stands for.

It's MARRIAGE btw, you made the same spelling mistake over and over again. Not that correct spelling is a requirement to understand one...but still....

The actual 'concept' of marriage is not sharing each other's bodies....it's more on a soul level, and partnership for life level. Those that think it's just about promising to have sex with each other only are looking at a marriage in immature eyes. Sex is probably the least important part of a marriage.

I don't think any marriage experts out there say Marriage definition #1 sex between two people and only those two people.

Å

 

[Abhi]

Dude.... first of all ... sorry.

Forgive or Divorce is your call...

But before making up ur mind, trying to get the real reason why all this happened. Or you wont be ever at peace, trust me.

 

[SP33Demon]

Originally posted by: AndrewPaulNet
I'm a bit unorthodox on these kind of subjects - I have my reasons, but I won't mention them here.....
As far as I see it, let me shed some light on certain things:

The human condition is not static - and by that I mean simply that no 2 people are the same, and you can't judge any 2 people equally, and people CHANGE.

Because she slept with someone else, doesn't make her nasty or evil or weak - it doesn't mean that you guys have problems in any way or that she's missing out or longing for something or that you're not doing something right or that she doesn't love you or whatever may be going through your, or anyone elses mind.

It could very simply have just been, for what it's worth - some sex. But for what, why would she, you ask?

Easy.....a rush? a change? spur or the moment? lust? curiousity? variation? etc....

Not because you consider yourself or her never ever ever doing something like that, should that mean that the same thing holds for another person.
Maybe a month from now or a year from now you'll wake up and feel the same way. Maybe one day you'll work closely or meet someone and just have an overwhelming lust for them - maybe you won't take up on it, maybe you will - it's just sex as long as there are no emotions; and despite what people say, it feels very good and it is fun, and there's nothing wrong with exploring it with whoever as long as whoever you're committed to is OK with it.

But who likes that right? What lover in their right minds would be ok with their partner making it with other people out there?
Some people are freaks, and I said that seriously....and not in a bad way. Some people like sexual variation, some people don't - some people like and treasure the thought of 1 significant other forever, some prefer to play the field for a while. It's all a matter of variation I think.
Alot can change in 8 years. Self actualization and fullfillment is a daily activity, we learn more about ourselves and our psyche up until we die basically....

I just got married recently. I would be very hurt if she were to go out there and sleep with another guy, but as long as she wasn't indescriminate and doing it all the time, I'd be forgiving because I know what it's like to love someone with all my heart but sexually be interested in, many. I mean, think about it....if she tells me, then it means something; I'm not at all aggressive, I won't hate her if she leaves me and she knows it, so what do I really have to lose, except maybe some pride? and why wouldn't she just leave unless she really does love me right? You just need to think of the positive in everything; and work things out. Now I'm not saying be whooped and let her be with 30 guys or whatever, but if it's a one or 2 time thing, take your losses and move on.

And for the record, maybe open up a little and explore. Maybe she's the type that sexually wants variety, maybe not all the time, who knows. And if you're both willing to compromise, maybe you can have variety too.

Sex is not about Love, Love is not about Sex. We're all caught up in the 1200's where people consider sex as this treasure that is ONLY to be shared with the one you marry and all that, I think this is such a homewrecking device. You know what? I have nothing against that.....and I do feel that sex IS a treasure between the one you really love and are sharing, or planning to share your life with - but I don't believe for one second that it is required to be between 2 people, and 2 people only. I for one believe other elements can be introduced and as long as there are no emotional interferances or hangups (and there won't be if your love for each other is true), then I don't see the problem. The only way I see a problem is if she's greedy - like she gets whatever, but you're not allowed to do the same, kind of things, in which case, she'd have a single person's mentality and should not be with someone. In that case, she would require personal healing that noone can give her but herself.....

I think 2 people that love each other should be able to do whatever they please when it comes to sex, as long as they make love with only each other (notice the difference, SEX and making love are 2 completely different things). It should be intimate between the 2, but fun between more than 2. I don't like the idea of open relationships or anything like that as in each person being sexually independent, but an introduction of another partner or 2 between the couple, is fine; and if compromise is present and fair then there should be no problems whatsoever.

You and her need to discuss all this.

If she can really be sure she'll be fine with one lover forever, I say forgive.
If she can't then look into yourself and see if there is an open mind enough to explore, if you don't then you know what you have to do.
If SHE has the problem exploring, but then does this again, then she's one of 'those', I refer to as eminem people, who want to have their cake and eat pie and ice cream too, and once again, you'll know what you have to do.



All this stuff can't be great for someone who is religious to read....but just consider it and stretch your mind as far as it can be open.

God loves you no matter who you sleep with as long as you're a good, kind person, and love and worship him; otherwise, well - we would ALL be going to hell.

Your post is riddled with contradictions, I've bolded a couple.

First bolded part: You ask "why wouldn't she just leave unless she really does love me right?". Obviously if you're supporting her with money, a place to stay, and let her fvck around with men when she wants then you're right, she would have no reason to leave. Hell, that would be paradise for me, someone supporting me while I go out and have the time of my life! Also, you would honestly let her fvck guys if she found them sexually attractive? Please grow some balls and take a stand, I don't go around asking my g/f if I can fvck a girl b/c I'm attracted to her and don't expect her to either. I can look, but not touch.

Second bold part: If you're planning to spend the rest of your life with someone and consider your sex with them a "treasure", then how can you go and say that this "treasure" can be had by more people than you and your wife? You aren't making sense. If you shared your "treasure" with someone else outside of the marraige, it wouldn't be a "treasure" anymore, it would be trash.

Third bolded part: You say you don't like the idea of "open relationships", yet "an introduction of another partner or 2 between the couple, is fine". You just basically said that swinging is ok every now and then, which isn't much different from an "open relationship" except that you have an "open relationship" together instead of alone.

 

[Armyranger4ever]

Originally posted by: tkdkid
Happy new year, huh? Well she just told me that two weeks ago she screwed some guy from work. Got off early and went to his place. Then did it again another day. I never considered that she would do something like that. She's never been that kind of person. We've openly criticized other couples for sleeping around. Our relationship has been great for over 8 years. We're very religious and very honest with each other. I have no idea what to do.

She says she sorry and she doesn't know what she was thinking. She still loves me very much. I'm lost.

Man, I am sorry to hear that. You mentioned that you are religious, so I will tell you to pray about your next steps. The time to make a decision is not now while you arre hurt, angry, and upset. Take some time from work if you have it, and go somewhere quiet to think for a few days. Having once been married myself, I know that pain you feel. You have to decide if you can trust her again. Without that, then your relationship will not survive. Without the trust, the cancer of insecurity will eat away at what you have left. Every time she goes out, you'll wonder, everytime she's late you'll wonder...

Trust, forgiveness, prayer and counseling CAN bring you through this. You just have to decide if you want to come through it.

God bless!

Steve

 

[Bigdude]

Dump her, she will do it again.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: athithi

Originally posted by: SP33Demon

The deception ocurred when she slept with someone outside of their marraige TWICE and not telling him that she was going to do it. If you can't grasp the fact that this is deception then I don't know what to tell u bud.

Let me clarify my stance further: tkdkid's wife did something without his knowledge. She did something that she knew would hurt him if he found out. She did something that is not a socially acceptable action in traditional marraiges. Is that wrong? Yes. Is that a mistake? Yes. Should she have to face the consequences? Absolutely! Why does it matter that it was sex?

Sex is a very sensitive issue where I come from. However, here in the U.S, I've found that people accept it more naturally and are not ashamed to talk about it and what effect it has on society. I am surprised that sex is a fairly comfortable topic for everybody here to handle *except* when it comes to infidelity. Her mistake was in doing something that would hurt someone she purportedly love - the sex was just a media for her deception and in my personal opinion, her deception was serious, but not devastating. It's not like she killed somebody or ate someone's child.

Go ahead, burn her on a stake if that will cleanse her of all the sexual demons

I'm sorry but stepping outside a relationship that you commited to and then returning home to potentially expose your partner to STD's like AIDS,Hep B or C is devastating.It's like getting stabbed in the back multiple times!

 

[geckojohn]

sorry to hear that

 

[KK]

Get even, do her mother.

KK

 

[Yax]

Dang, sorry to hear that dude. I'm hurtin for ya and I'm not the one in your position.

Forget all logic and reasoning now. Don't kick her out, cuz you'd have nothing left. Just pretend to forgive her, and stay with her so you can get some whenever you need it. But start looking for someone else and dump her as soon as you find someone new. At least that way, she's the one hurting for her mistake. Maybe it'll teach her to be a better person in the future.

 

[TranSoft]

That's EVIL

if you're a religious person... then divorce and second marriages is probably out of the question. the best thing to do is forgive her and make sure that she has learn from that mistake... if that doesn't happen, just hope she dies soon enough so that you can look for someone else. i hope you don't have kids. i didn't read through this whole post... it was long but it would be nice if someone cliffed it.
thx

Originally posted by: cheapbidder01
Dang, sorry to hear that dude. I'm hurtin for ya and I'm not the one in your position.

Forget all logic and reasoning now. Don't kick her out, cuz you'd have nothing left. Just pretend to forgive her, and stay with her so you can get some whenever you need it. But start looking for someone else and dump her as soon as you find someone new. At least that way, she's the one hurting for her mistake. Maybe it'll teach her to be a better person in the future.

 

[JHawk]

Men cheat for sex. Women cheat for the excitement/romance. If you can't provide the excitement she is looking for ( and hey this probably isn't your fault--I know from experience with my ex-wife) then I say move on.

 

[silverpig]

Originally posted by: KK
Get even, do her mother.

KK

Damn you, I was just about to post this.

Anyways, here's the link