wife just had an affair

[MaxDepth]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
I personally think that kicking the guy's ass is pathetic. If I was single and wanted to sleep with some woman it's her and her husband's issue if she's ready and willing, not mine. I won't say it's a nice thing to do, and I'd prefer not to take a married woman, but I have no concern for the husband, so why should I care about the marriage if his own wife doesn't? Him trying to kick my ass would be taking out frustrations that should squarely fall on her, but since he can't beat up her, he beats up me? It's rather silly.

If you know who slept with your wife that's a different matter, but if it's a stranger you should be pissed at your wife, not them for simply taking advantage of an opportunity.

I agree. Some of the women I have been with were married at the time. Did I feel like a sh!t? No, because they were the ones making the moves. Usually there is something they feel is missing or do not like the lifestyle they are in.

From Old School,Mitch Martin "True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend... "

My two cents. While you spend your time reading all this junk, you could be spending your time better by taking walks, going to counseling. Discussing the matter with your spouse. Come back here only when you've got a handle on either your emotions or the whole situation. Go. You go now!

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: repdtek
Hey man I gotta give my 2 cents:

Just the thought of my wife giving up the most sacred and powerful parts a woman has to another man is enough to make me sick. It is pure selfishness and it didnt happen overnight. If you are able to forgive her you are a far better man then me. I would detatch myself emotionally and move out, file a divorce and find a more mature and dedicated woman...kids or not and I have 4. I am sorry to hear this it is a very scary thought...I would be afraid as to what I might do to the other individual...I can just about promise you I would at least kick his ass. Hang in there bro I bet you have more empathy from guys in these forums then your "WIFE" does.

If you think a couple folds of skin is the most sacred and powerful part of a woman your wife really got herself a winnar!

By your definition of it being the 'most powerful' part then the man's counterpart is also....if it is the 'most powerful' saying no to infidelity when it's offered would be impossible with that logic.

Å

while i always agree with what you have to say alkemyst, i do disagree with this...

i think he meant physically its the most powerful part, and he is right. it is a sacred bond that only the two involved in the marriage should share. i see what you are saying, but i think you are just a little off base on this one.

I just dont see how it matters...maybe I am too experienced who knows.

My wife was 41 when we married (me 31)...I know she likes sex even though she is a sweetie.

Do I care if she had been a prostitute at sometime before? no Maybe she did 1000 Bukkake films (she's japanese)....oh well

The thing is sex is so trival....it's the misconception that's not. People think those that have all this sex stuff are whores, or they secretly wish 'that guy/girl' was back in their arms/between their legs...a lot of my previous sex was just that, some girl I don't even remember providing a free-service at that time. Yes, it was a blast, I had fun, I may have done things illegal in most states...but I don't remember her, or think about her if I do.

From tons of women, 4 fiancees, 1 divorce, 1 current marriage, I will say that what the woman does for you is more important than what she has done.

Å

Everybody is free to live as they please but for myself I prefer a guy who has at least some standard and dicriminating taste in who he sleeps with.I also like guys who don't make commitments they have no intention of keeping.

Oh and when I was single,if a guy was married or living with somebody he was off limits.

 

[SeaSerpent]

Dude, you dont have kids, you are young....dump her A$$!!!

The odds of her cheating on you again are VERYhigh.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe


Everybody is free to live as they please but for myself I prefer a guy who has at least some standard and dicriminating taste in who he sleeps with.I also like guys who don't make commitments they have no intention of keeping.

Oh and when I was single,if a guy was married or living with somebody he was off limits.

Jesus, here we go....I did discriminate. Many a night I didn't have sex although it was offered, even spending the night in these women's homes.

I am willing to bet in the case of guys....chances are you'd never know if they were married. I knew girls/women that had the wife come home early during their love-making with her husband that they thought was single....both cases where a wife worked nights.

Å

 

[tkdkid]

Originally posted by: purepolly
tkdkid - how are you doing today?

I can remember what a surreal nightmare the first few months were after finding out about the ex's cheating. Nothing like being caught in a storm not of your making. Some suggestions: please remember to take care of yourself. Make sure you eat and sleep (tylenol pm is great if you need help). Talk to someone in real life about this, there are plenty who have gone through this who can help, don't try to go through this alone.

And this is going to sound silly, just remember to breath.


you might also want to check out divorceonline.com - the good people there can help

Well, honestly I still feel quite terrible. It's difficult to concentrate on anything, which makes it tough to do my job. It's very difficult to eat anything. It just feels like I'm going to throw up all the time. I find that I don't cry much unless I think about the future that we would have had together. Two kids, a little dog, and a house in a nice neighborhood. That's what we've been working towards ever since we got together. We were almost there.

I always thought our relationship was truly unique and special. That we had a real love that most people would never find. Anyway, at the moment, I don't see any way that I can ever forgive her. I don't think I'll be able to ever trust her again. I don't see any way to get our relationship working again. And that is why I'm going to counselling, we have an appointment on monday. I'm hoping that as a result I'll find out how I can move past this. I will be surprised if they can show me a way to keep our relationship together, but I'm willing to give it a chance.

 

[StageLeft]

Goodluck, tkdkid

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: Geekbabe


Everybody is free to live as they please but for myself I prefer a guy who has at least some standard and dicriminating taste in who he sleeps with.I also like guys who don't make commitments they have no intention of keeping.

Oh and when I was single,if a guy was married or living with somebody he was off limits.

Jesus, here we go....I did discriminate. Many a night I didn't have sex although it was offered, even spending the night in these women's homes.

I am willing to bet in the case of guys....chances are you'd never know if they were married. I knew girls/women that had the wife come home early during their love-making with her husband that they thought was single....both cases where a wife worked nights.

Å

there are tell tale signs that a guy is married that you'll pick up on pretty early on in a relationship,if you care that is.

The worst part of my ex cheating was that he stood there and made it my fault,at alternating times I was too tall,too heavy,not heavy enough,too pale ,yada,yada,yada,I'd fix one fault then a month later he'd want it the opposite way,he'd bitch that I was too pale,I'd tan and then he'd bitch about freckles.I'd drop ten poinds then he'd bitch because my breasts got smaller,I couldn't win,no matter what.I wasn't good enough to sleep with...the hurtful part at the very end was coming home early ill from a visit with my family and getting a good look at one of the pigs he had in our bed that he thought was so much better than me.

 

[MrDudeMan]

tkdkid, good luck and keep us posted on your decision...

i say that because for those of us that are still young, even younger than you (thats me), this is a learning experience. i hate that this is happening to you and, seriously, i wish it never did, but since you are in this position without having a choice, i am trying to learn from you. once again, good luck and i hope it works out the way you want.

 

[purepolly]

Yep, it's like that. A real rollercoster.

Take it slowwwwww, one day at a time. It is all going to feel very overwhelming at times, with a thousand things to consider at once. Just deal with the basics - your priority is to take care of yourself first. Eat, sleep, and relax if you can.

It will get better, I promise.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe


there are tell tale signs that a guy is married that you'll pick up on pretty early on in a relationship,if you care that is.

The worst part of my ex cheating was that he stood there and made it my fault,at alternating times I was too tall,too heavy,not heavy enough,too pale ,yada,yada,yada,I'd fix one fault then a month later he'd want it the opposite way,he'd bitch that I was too pale,I'd tan and then he'd bitch about freckles.I'd drop ten poinds then he'd bitch because my breasts got smaller,I couldn't win,no matter what.I wasn't good enough to sleep with...the hurtful part at the very end was coming home early ill from a visit with my family and getting a good look at one of the pigs he had in our bed that he thought was so much better than me.

We are talking sex which usually happens in these cases before any relationship happens. All of the married women but one I slept with I had no idea until the next day and then that was it, not because they were married, but because it was sex and only sex....I was either out on business in a town 100's of miles away or they were on vacation or it was just a simple local one night stand.

Sounds like you are bitter toward your ex though....I am willing to bet you were just ugly to him in general and he couldn't put his finger on exactly why and was trying to be nice about it....it's his perogative though and yours to just get over it. I really don't know how that all relates.

My ex-wife and I had a wonderful sex life. We even slept with each other during the divorce and a little after...it became a wierd thing though with us talking about other 'conquests' and trying to be hurtful to each other....this wasn't passionate, kissy kissy sex, it was all physical and 'dirty'. I don't hate her for sleeping with other guys, I don't hate any of my exes for other's they slept with...it's part of life.

Å

 

[fumbduck]

why does everyone feel the need to respond with a fvcking epic?

 

[SP33Demon]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: Geekbabe


there are tell tale signs that a guy is married that you'll pick up on pretty early on in a relationship,if you care that is.

The worst part of my ex cheating was that he stood there and made it my fault,at alternating times I was too tall,too heavy,not heavy enough,too pale ,yada,yada,yada,I'd fix one fault then a month later he'd want it the opposite way,he'd bitch that I was too pale,I'd tan and then he'd bitch about freckles.I'd drop ten poinds then he'd bitch because my breasts got smaller,I couldn't win,no matter what.I wasn't good enough to sleep with...the hurtful part at the very end was coming home early ill from a visit with my family and getting a good look at one of the pigs he had in our bed that he thought was so much better than me.

We are talking sex which usually happens in these cases before any relationship happens. All of the married women but one I slept with I had no idea until the next day and then that was it, not because they were married, but because it was sex and only sex....I was either out on business in a town 100's of miles away or they were on vacation or it was just a simple local one night stand.

Sounds like you are bitter toward your ex though....I am willing to bet you were just ugly to him in general and he couldn't put his finger on exactly why and was trying to be nice about it....it's his perogative though and yours to just get over it. I really don't know how that all relates.

My ex-wife and I had a wonderful sex life. We even slept with each other during the divorce and a little after...it became a wierd thing though with us talking about other 'conquests' and trying to be hurtful to each other....this wasn't passionate, kissy kissy sex, it was all physical and 'dirty'. I don't hate her for sleeping with other guys, I don't hate any of my exes for other's they slept with...it's part of life.

Å

You may not hate your exes for "others they slept with", but you'll hate the STD tests.

 

[purepolly]

Quote

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by: Geekbabe


there are tell tale signs that a guy is married that you'll pick up on pretty early on in a relationship,if you care that is.

The worst part of my ex cheating was that he stood there and made it my fault,at alternating times I was too tall,too heavy,not heavy enough,too pale ,yada,yada,yada,I'd fix one fault then a month later he'd want it the opposite way,he'd bitch that I was too pale,I'd tan and then he'd bitch about freckles.I'd drop ten poinds then he'd bitch because my breasts got smaller,I couldn't win,no matter what.I wasn't good enough to sleep with...the hurtful part at the very end was coming home early ill from a visit with my family and getting a good look at one of the pigs he had in our bed that he thought was so much better than me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geekbabe - My ex had his variations on that theme going to. It had and has nothing to do with you. They were unhappy and didn't want to take responsibility for improving themselves and making themselves happy, so it your job to do it for them.

 

[sxr7171]

Originally posted by: tkdkid

Originally posted by: purepolly tkdkid - how are you doing today? I can remember what a surreal nightmare the first few months were after finding out about the ex's cheating. Nothing like being caught in a storm not of your making. Some suggestions: please remember to take care of yourself. Make sure you eat and sleep (tylenol pm is great if you need help). Talk to someone in real life about this, there are plenty who have gone through this who can help, don't try to go through this alone. And this is going to sound silly, just remember to breath. you might also want to check out divorceonline.com - the good people there can help

Well, honestly I still feel quite terrible. It's difficult to concentrate on anything, which makes it tough to do my job. It's very difficult to eat anything. It just feels like I'm going to throw up all the time. I find that I don't cry much unless I think about the future that we would have had together. Two kids, a little dog, and a house in a nice neighborhood. That's what we've been working towards ever since we got together. We were almost there. I always thought our relationship was truly unique and special. That we had a real love that most people would never find. Anyway, at the moment, I don't see any way that I can ever forgive her. I don't think I'll be able to ever trust her again. I don't see any way to get our relationship working again. And that is why I'm going to counselling, we have an appointment on monday. I'm hoping that as a result I'll find out how I can move past this. I will be surprised if they can show me a way to keep our relationship together, but I'm willing to give it a chance.

I'm to sorry to hear. I know it is hard to concentrate on anything right now, but one piece of advice I got from someone I view as a mentor was to make sure that whatever I do that I don't do anything that looking back 10 years later I will regret.

Please see a counselor independently of your wife also, as in not a marriage counselor. Please take care of yourself first right now. The other thing that you should not fail in doing is taking the advice of others on this board regarding cancelling joint credit card accounts and moving your money into your account. Hire a lawyer immediately and have papers ready for filing, because if she files for a no fault divorce before you file, then she will financially take away your chances of having that future you want with someone else - someone you can trust. Don't fail in these matters, because these are the kinds of things that looking back after 10 years you will either regret not doing or be happy that you did. Take care and talk to somebody about it. See a doctor if you have difficulty sleeping they can really help.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: SP33Demon
You may not hate your exes for "others they slept with", but you'll hate the STD tests.

Are you still a virgin? You always equate sex with STD's....I know more people that got STD's like herpes, HPV and Hepatitis from first time encounters than 'players' that sleep around but always use protection.

Å

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: Geekbabe


there are tell tale signs that a guy is married that you'll pick up on pretty early on in a relationship,if you care that is.

The worst part of my ex cheating was that he stood there and made it my fault,at alternating times I was too tall,too heavy,not heavy enough,too pale ,yada,yada,yada,I'd fix one fault then a month later he'd want it the opposite way,he'd bitch that I was too pale,I'd tan and then he'd bitch about freckles.I'd drop ten poinds then he'd bitch because my breasts got smaller,I couldn't win,no matter what.I wasn't good enough to sleep with...the hurtful part at the very end was coming home early ill from a visit with my family and getting a good look at one of the pigs he had in our bed that he thought was so much better than me.

We are talking sex which usually happens in these cases before any relationship happens. All of the married women but one I slept with I had no idea until the next day and then that was it, not because they were married, but because it was sex and only sex....I was either out on business in a town 100's of miles away or they were on vacation or it was just a simple local one night stand.

Sounds like you are bitter toward your ex though....I am willing to bet you were just ugly to him in general and he couldn't put his finger on exactly why and was trying to be nice about it....it's his perogative though and yours to just get over it. I really don't know how that all relates.

My ex-wife and I had a wonderful sex life. We even slept with each other during the divorce and a little after...it became a wierd thing though with us talking about other 'conquests' and trying to be hurtful to each other....this wasn't passionate, kissy kissy sex, it was all physical and 'dirty'. I don't hate her for sleeping with other guys, I don't hate any of my exes for other's they slept with...it's part of life.

Å

What I lacked the experience to understand at the time was that my ex was a sex addict,it was a compulsion as strong as an opiate addiction,in the years that followed he has even admitted it.He slept with women he found physically revolting at times simply because he could.The big shame of it all is that I bought into the idea at the time that all of this was in some way all my fault.

As to the rest,call me a prude if you'd like but I'm not the type to go out looking for one night stands and I am not interested in sleeping with anybody that I don't know well enough to at least have a liking for them.Sorry but this business of screwing somebody you wouldn't consider going out to dinner with because you don't know them well enough does nothing for me.


I know how it feels to have my heart broken,how it feels to hear lies and false promises,I couldn't do that to anybody I'd promised to love and remain faithful too.The OP definately needs to find himself an individual counselor or therapist to serve as a support and a sounding board as he works his way thru this sad time.I can recall going thru this and feeling really alone because I didn't feel comfortable confiding in family or friends,it was too personal,too shameful.You need a pro you can trust to talk to.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
What I lacked the experience to understand at the time was that my ex was a sex addict,it was a compulsion as strong as an opiate addiction,in the years that followed he has even admitted it.He slept with women he found physically revolting at times simply because he could.The big shame of it all is that I bought into the idea at the time that all of this was in some way all my fault.

Well it was your fault due to your lack of experience. There are a lot of sexual addicts in happy marriages.

As to the rest,call me a prude if you'd like but I'm not the type to go out looking for one night stands and I am not interested in sleeping with anybody that I don't know well enough to at least have a liking for them.Sorry but this business of screwing somebody you wouldn't consider going out to dinner with because you don't know them well enough does nothing for me.

Do you add things to what I say in an attempt to rationalize your own short-comings? Who said I went out for the sole purpose of a one-night stand. They just happened, I travelled constantly on business, there was no time for a relationship. I would meet some people hit it off, dance into the late night and then either part ways or head out for round 2. Sometimes that just meant crashing in a hotel room to sleep. Some 1 time sex partners and I talked for months and some I still talk with....some I have no idea about and that's fine.

All of the women I slept with I would take to dinner, out on the town, maybe dated if it was in the cards....some I did date, take out to dinner, etc. My first wife and I had sex our 1st date, married 2 years later and it lasted about 5 years until she broke her neck....sex and success in relationships are not tied together.

I know of two women considered 'prudes' by their rather rich husbands that were literal borderline prostitutes. Now they are both little polly purehearts and no one is the wiser.

I know how it feels to have my heart broken,how it feels to hear lies and false promises,I couldn't do that to anybody I'd promised to love and remain faithful too.The OP definately needs to find himself an individual counselor or therapist to serve as a support and a sounding board as he works his way thru this sad time.I can recall going thru this and feeling really alone because I didn't feel comfortable confiding in family or friends,it was too personal,too shameful.You need a pro you can trust to talk to.

You are making yourself out a martyr. The one thing I have learned is you move on and forget about it. Things happen all the time and when you can't change them it makes no sense to let them get you down. You acknowledge the problem and realize it's just a sucky deal and try to avoid it in the future.

Å

 

[repdtek]

You freaking bunch of anti moral Democrats (-; kidding kidding

 

[Futher]

like many have said, cheating is unforgivable. I can't imagine what I'd do or feel like if my girlfriend/wife cheated on me. I would inevitably end up in jail.... How could you stay with someone knowing they've cheated on you?>

Depsite what I would do, I'm sorry to hear that, and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

[purepolly]

"What I lacked the experience to understand at the time was that my ex was a sex addict"

Wow, isn't that a true statement. It's a shame that knowledge of that particular addiction isn't widespread. It would save so many people years of heartache if there was a clearer picture of what the addiction is all about. It's easy to identify the drug addict or alcoholic, but a sex addict is tough to spot. I know that with my ex, all I knew was that something was very wrong, but other than saying he was and assh*le to the immediate family, and a saint to everyone else I couldn't figure it out. The most bizarre thing of all, was even after he became suicidal (I told him I wanted the divorce) and finally went to counseling - he was proud of the diagnosis.

I just wanted to vomit. He still has that effect on me.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: purepolly
"What I lacked the experience to understand at the time was that my ex was a sex addict"

Wow, isn't that a true statement. It's a shame that knowledge of that particular addiction isn't widespread. It would save so many people years of heartache if there was a clearer picture of what the addiction is all about. It's easy to identify the drug addict or alcoholic, but a sex addict is tough to spot. I know that with my ex, all I knew was that something was very wrong, but other than saying he was and assh*le to the immediate family, and a saint to everyone else I couldn't figure it out. The most bizarre thing of all, was even after he became suicidal (I told him I wanted the divorce) and finally went to counseling - he was proud of the diagnosis.

I just wanted to vomit. He still has that effect on me.

It seems your ex had way more than just a sexual addiction going on. Sex addiction doesn't make you an ass*ole nor drive you to kill yourself (although it probably could be possible in rare circumstances), it doesn't make you cheat.

Drug and alcohol addicts are not always easy to spot either.

Å

 

[purepolly]

Well it was your fault due to your lack of experience. There are a lot of sexual addicts in happy marriages.


WTF! That is the stupidest statement I have ever heard. Are alcoholic marriages happy? Or marriages involving drugs? Or Gambling? The very nature of an addict is such that they can not even love themselves - therefore how can they have a happy healthy marriage.

 

[TuxDave]

That would seriously tear me apart. To lose all trust in a person you love, and then to hear that the person can't afford to break apart and goes on listing monetary reasons why as opposed to losing a person she loves most. She really needs to get in her head what she has done to you and stop thinking about what she has done to herself.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
What I lacked the experience to understand at the time was that my ex was a sex addict,it was a compulsion as strong as an opiate addiction,in the years that followed he has even admitted it.He slept with women he found physically revolting at times simply because he could.The big shame of it all is that I bought into the idea at the time that all of this was in some way all my fault.

Well it was your fault due to your lack of experience. There are a lot of sexual addicts in happy marriages.

As to the rest,call me a prude if you'd like but I'm not the type to go out looking for one night stands and I am not interested in sleeping with anybody that I don't know well enough to at least have a liking for them.Sorry but this business of screwing somebody you wouldn't consider going out to dinner with because you don't know them well enough does nothing for me.

Do you add things to what I say in an attempt to rationalize your own short-comings? Who said I went out for the sole purpose of a one-night stand. They just happened, I travelled constantly on business, there was no time for a relationship. I would meet some people hit it off, dance into the late night and then either part ways or head out for round 2. Sometimes that just meant crashing in a hotel room to sleep. Some 1 time sex partners and I talked for months and some I still talk with....some I have no idea about and that's fine.

All of the women I slept with I would take to dinner, out on the town, maybe dated if it was in the cards....some I did date, take out to dinner, etc. My first wife and I had sex our 1st date, married 2 years later and it lasted about 5 years until she broke her neck....sex and success in relationships are not tied together.

I know of two women considered 'prudes' by their rather rich husbands that were literal borderline prostitutes. Now they are both little polly purehearts and no one is the wiser.

I know how it feels to have my heart broken,how it feels to hear lies and false promises,I couldn't do that to anybody I'd promised to love and remain faithful too.The OP definately needs to find himself an individual counselor or therapist to serve as a support and a sounding board as he works his way thru this sad time.I can recall going thru this and feeling really alone because I didn't feel comfortable confiding in family or friends,it was too personal,too shameful.You need a pro you can trust to talk to.

You are making yourself out a martyr. The one thing I have learned is you move on and forget about it. Things happen all the time and when you can't change them it makes no sense to let them get you down. You acknowledge the problem and realize it's just a sucky deal and try to avoid it in the future.

Å

I have not denigrated you or how you choose to handle your intimate life,I've simply stated my preferences and I'm sorry I don't consider my sexual preferences to be "shortcomings" I'm sorry but I can't live with a guy who screws everything in a skirt and consider myself blessed with a "happy marriage" particularly when the deal going in was fidelity for both partners.Your milage obviously may vary as all people are different but personally I found the experience to be soul killing.

I suggested counseling to the OP because there are people who find it difficult to talk about things of such a private nature with family/friends in real time and having an unbiased person to confide in during such a time can be quite helpful.

Btw,I have a great guy now and an intimate life that gets better and better.Stepping out for an evening with some stranger would be to me like eating a greasy cold hamburger while I have hot prime rib at home.I think trust has a lot to do with that,at least for me.

 

[purepolly]

alkemyst
Diamond Member

Posts: 5758
Joined: Feb 2001
01/08/2004 5:00 PM (NEW!)



Quote

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by: purepolly
"What I lacked the experience to understand at the time was that my ex was a sex addict"

Wow, isn't that a true statement. It's a shame that knowledge of that particular addiction isn't widespread. It would save so many people years of heartache if there was a clearer picture of what the addiction is all about. It's easy to identify the drug addict or alcoholic, but a sex addict is tough to spot. I know that with my ex, all I knew was that something was very wrong, but other than saying he was and assh*le to the immediate family, and a saint to everyone else I couldn't figure it out. The most bizarre thing of all, was even after he became suicidal (I told him I wanted the divorce) and finally went to counseling - he was proud of the diagnosis.

I just wanted to vomit. He still has that effect on me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems your ex had way more than just a sexual addiction going on. Sex addiction doesn't make you an ass*ole nor drive you to kill yourself (although it probably could be possible in rare circumstances), it doesn't make you cheat.

Drug and alcohol addicts are not always easy to spot either.

Å


Please go educate yourself about a topic you clearly know little about.

http://www.sexhelp.com/sa_q_and_a.cfm