wife just had an affair

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: purepolly


Please go educate yourself about a topic you clearly know little about.

http://www.sexhelp.com/sa_q_and_a.cfm[/q

Well I have been diagnosed with a sex addiction, however I think that site is on the very pessimistic side. I have also known other sex addicts but I can't say one has wanted to kill themselves yet.

They say the same things there that they do about alcoholics and those are not 'average' examples.

Å

 

[SP33Demon]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: SP33Demon
You may not hate your exes for "others they slept with", but you'll hate the STD tests.

Are you still a virgin? You always equate sex with STD's....I know more people that got STD's like herpes, HPV and Hepatitis from first time encounters than 'players' that sleep around but always use protection.

Å

Um, I haven't typed "STD" once in this thread... you must be confused again. Are you still incapable of comprehension? In this statement: "My ex-wife and I had a wonderful sex life. We even slept with each other during the divorce and a little after...it became a wierd thing though with us talking about other 'conquests' and trying to be hurtful to each other....this wasn't passionate, kissy kissy sex, it was all physical and 'dirty'. I don't hate her for sleeping with other guys, I don't hate any of my exes for other's they slept with...it's part of life." - you are bragging to one another about sexual "conquests" with other people, in other words you were both increasing your risk exponentially for obtaining an STD. Next, you state you have "all physical and dirty" sex with one another, which is repulsive given that you're both already sexually active with multiple partners on the side. I wouldn't be surprised that someone who practiced such risky behavior didn't use protection, but it's beside the fact, you can still catch an STD without protection.

Brainless statements such as "I know more people that got STD's like herpes, HPV and Hepatitis from first time encounters than 'players' that sleep around but always use protection." do not help your argument either. I could say, "I know more women who have gotten pregnant practicing birth control from first time encounters than women who sleep around and don't use protection" and I would concede I'm a fcking moron for saying such a statement. It doesn't matter what you extract from your puny frame of reference, but what the percentages are (i.e. reality and what is BOUND to happen).

 

[purepolly]

Alkemyst,

I'm very sorry to hear that, but from reading your posts I can not say that I am entirely surprised.

Unfortunately, while you feel sexual addiction isn't a big deal, there are more than quite a few families which have been utterly destroyed because of it horrible effects.

Thank you for admitting where you stand in position to this issue.

I wish you health.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: SP33Demon

Um, I haven't typed "STD" once in this thread...

hmmm then someone logged in as you and typed You may not hate your exes for "others they slept with", but you'll hate the STD tests. It's only about 4-5 posts up on this same page.

You also said this: "Well, if it were me in college? I'd def be trying to SCORE!" in another thread.

you must be confused again. Are you still incapable of comprehension?

hmmm nope I was not confused, you seem to forget the stories you may tell though....are you still sure it was not you that typed STD.

In this statement: "My ex-wife and I had a wonderful sex life. We even slept with each other during the divorce and a little after...it became a wierd thing though with us talking about other 'conquests' and trying to be hurtful to each other....this wasn't passionate, kissy kissy sex, it was all physical and 'dirty'. I don't hate her for sleeping with other guys, I don't hate any of my exes for other's they slept with...it's part of life." - you are bragging to one another about sexual "conquests" with other people, in other words you were both increasing your risk exponentially for obtaining an STD.

I hate to tell you this, but even the EXPERTS say while although they don't promote sexual promiscuity if you practice safe sex you have very little to worry about. It's actually the people that 'trust' their partner and her 'pill' to protect them at the most risk.

Next, you state you have "all physical and dirty" sex with one another, which is repulsive given that you're both already sexually active with multiple partners on the side. I wouldn't be surprised that someone who practiced such risky behavior didn't use protection, but it's beside the fact, you can still catch an STD without protection.

Again who said it was risky, although nothing is without risk. We both practiced safe sex yes, however sometimes you don't. The only people that 100% do everytime aren't having much sex or are still virgins.

I hear alot of this against my lifestyle choices and they are mostly the bitter and jealous ones talking. The same types of people that think women are all innocent and have no sex drives on their own unless it's backed by love.

Brainless statements such as "I know more people that got STD's like herpes, HPV and Hepatitis from first time encounters than 'players' that sleep around but always use protection." do not help your argument either. I could say, "I know more women who have gotten pregnant practicing birth control from first time encounters than women who sleep around and don't use protection" and I would concede I'm a fcking moron for saying such a statement. It doesn't matter what you extract from your puny frame of reference, but what the percentages are (i.e. reality and what is BOUND to happen).

Well from doing both peer counselling and having a mother that was a OB/GYN nurse for several years this is what I have found. Your statement in counterpoint is one that's just ignorant.

Å

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: purepolly
Alkemyst,

I'm very sorry to hear that, but from reading your posts I can not say that I am entirely surprised.

Unfortunately, while you feel sexual addiction isn't a big deal, there are more than quite a few families which have been utterly destroyed because of it horrible effects.

Thank you for admitting where you stand in position to this issue.

I wish you health.

I didn't say it wasn't a big deal, I said that site like site's about alcoholism and drugs use make them worst that they are for most people.

I also have found they become excuses for others who don't want to admit their own shortcomings.

Å

 

[Geekbabe]

I hear alot of this against my lifestyle choices and they are mostly the bitter and jealous ones talking. The same types of people that think women are all innocent and have no sex drives on their own unless it's backed by love.

I by no means consider all women innocent or lacking sex drives.I do think people of both genders make choices as to how to conduct their personal lives and hopefully they do so based on what works best for them.if they've done so there's no reason to be "bitter and jealous" about somebody who's chosen a different lifestyle is there?

 

[Slacker]

So I guess you couple of guys who say the man she cheated with deserves no retribution, well, you wouldnt mind if I fukd your wife? right?

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Slacker
So I guess you couple of guys who say the man she cheated with deserves no retribution, well, you wouldnt mind if I fukd your wife? right?

saying someone wouldn't mind and saying they wouldn't hold the other person responsible are two different things.

 

[Jumpem]

Die, die, die my darling
Don't utter a single word
Die, die, die my darling
Just shut your pretty mouth

I'll be seeing you again
I'll be seeing you... in Hell

Don't cry to me oh baby
Your future's in an oblong box, yeah
Don't cry to me oh baby
Should have seen it a-coming on
Don't cry to me oh baby
I don't know it was in your power
Don't cry to me oh baby
Dead-end girl for a dead-end guy
Don't cry to me oh baby
Now your life drains on the floor
Don't cry to me oh baby

Die, die, die my darling
Don't utter a single word
Die, die, die my darling
Just shut your pretty mouth

I'll be seeing you again
I'll be seeing you in Hell

Don't cry to me oh baby
Your future is in an oblong box
Don't cry to me oh baby
Should have seen the end a-coming on, a-coming
Don't cry to me oh baby
I don't know it was in your power
Don't cry to me oh baby
Dead-end girl for a dead-end guy
Don't cry to me oh baby
Now your life drains on the floor
Don't cry to me oh baby

 

[KarenMarie]

This thread has degenerated into and fight fest. While I am sure that every person here has their own personal agony story to tell, it is tk's thread. I am wondering where he is and concerned that he is ok. Chances are that he is only taking some time off and discussing things with his wife to see where they stand, but I will pray that all is going as well as expected for him.

GodSpeed, Tk!

 

[airfoil]

I would take some time off away from her to think about it, and let her think as well. While time can be a good healer getting away from 'it all' to be by yourself may help you clear up your perspective...

 

[Slacker]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: Slacker
So I guess you couple of guys who say the man she cheated with deserves no retribution, well, you wouldnt mind if I fukd your wife? right?

saying someone wouldn't mind and saying they wouldn't hold the other person responsible are two different things.

O.K. we can split hairs here, I can re-word it to state, So I guess you couple of guys who say the man she cheated with deserves no retribution, well, nice to know that I would have nothing to fear from you if I fukd your wife!

You are not being honest with your self if you think you wouldnt want to beat the hell out of that scumbag, what would you do if you came face to face with him? shake your finger at him and give him a dirty look?

 

[SethK28]

I'd be riding the hershey highway for awhile if you decide not to toss her to the curb.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Slacker

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: Slacker
So I guess you couple of guys who say the man she cheated with deserves no retribution, well, you wouldnt mind if I fukd your wife? right?

saying someone wouldn't mind and saying they wouldn't hold the other person responsible are two different things.

O.K. we can split hairs here, I can re-word it to state, So I guess you couple of guys who say the man she cheated with deserves no retribution, well, nice to know that I would have nothing to fear from you if I fukd your wife!

You are not being honest with your self if you think you wouldnt want to beat the hell out of that scumbag, what would you do if you came face to face with him? shake your finger at him and give him a dirty look?

Well from being in that boat I would say I'd do nothing, but we were divorcing at the time so it's not the same. There were a couple guys from the bank that took her out and came and found me to apologize. We were young and she told people that didn't know we were married I was her brother . I did repay a few of the idiots during our Turkey Day touch/tackle game :evil: .

If the guy deliberately pegged her to spite me, then way that is different, I would bust ass; however, if my wife decided to pick some poor sod to have an affair with, whether or not he knew she was married he didn't know me. Then I wouldn't say I'd be all happy to see him, but I wouldn't go hunt him down either.

Fact is you have to accept whether your SO is a girlfriend, fiance/e, wife/husband they may do things that aren't logical to one from time to time....perhaps one of those things is an affair, maybe one day they come home and decide to try swinging or want to get into hardcore drugs. The most you can do if you disagree is explain your case and leave it at that....either they agree with you, disagree or compromise (which may not be enough)...however they are free wills.....you can have ten kids, but they are their own person. They may be selfish, they may be irresponsible, whatever...they are an adult and know the risks. It sucks when life-changing events happen that one doesn't agree with, but it's part of living and better than staying in your cave.

Å

 

[tooltime]

building trust back is one of the big keys

 

[dejacky]

I'd really ask her to describe her motivations for cheating...why was she attracted to this guy differently or more than you? Make her poor her heart out to u, then break up w/ her . If you have kids, both of u need to suck it up and stick together. the majority of kids with separated parents turn out "funny" and "hurt."...notice that i said majority, not all.

 

[ArchStudent]

ouch :Q ... personally i would cut it right then and there... hard thing to do, but the best thing... forgive and move on... people don't just do something like that then ask for forgiveness... she knew what she was doing...

feel for ya bro

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: dejacky
I'd really ask her to describe her motivations for cheating...why was she attracted to this guy differently or more than you? Make her poor her heart out to u, then break up w/ her . If you have kids, both of u need to suck it up and stick together. the majority of kids with separated parents turn out "funny" and "hurt."...notice that i said majority, not all.

Most of the kids that turn out "funny" and "hurt" turn out that way due to witnessing the war that went on before, during and after the separations by two people that are their role-models on how people should interact in a family.

I don't think there are many screwed-up individuals from separations/divorces whose parents were civil the whole time.

Å

 

[Alistar7]

it has just started snowing Charlotte....


I would hire TWO smoking hot escorts and be doing them both when she came home one day, tell her if she can forgive you, you can forgive her.......

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Alistar7
it has just started snowing Charlotte....


I would hire TWO smoking hot escorts and be doing them both when she came home one day, tell her if she can forgive you, you can forgive her.......

Well if that would work it'd be nice probably, but most actually either forgive or can't....some actually do have an affair(s) themselves thinking it will even 'things' out and make them feel better, but usually it doesn't.

Most of the time this roots are due do the taboos and artificial importance someone puts on sex and hardly none on the actual person they are married to / in relationship with. Once you get enough partners under your belt you begin to realize you could probably take any 100 women and stick them into about 10 categories (maybe less)....there are a couple of non-classifiable ones out there as well (usually that equals marry them or run for cover)....however take away their 'personalities' and height/weight variables and women/men are surprisingly all the same (hence the uniform and haircut in the service)...sex is usually more or less the same as well.

However once you have a great personality/person in your bed that is what's rare.

Å

 

[Redviffer]

Originally posted by: Jumpem
Die, die, die my darling
Don't utter a single word
Die, die, die my darling
Just shut your pretty mouth

I'll be seeing you again
I'll be seeing you... in Hell

Don't cry to me oh baby
Your future's in an oblong box, yeah
Don't cry to me oh baby
Should have seen it a-coming on
Don't cry to me oh baby
I don't know it was in your power
Don't cry to me oh baby
Dead-end girl for a dead-end guy
Don't cry to me oh baby
Now your life drains on the floor
Don't cry to me oh baby

Die, die, die my darling
Don't utter a single word
Die, die, die my darling
Just shut your pretty mouth

I'll be seeing you again
I'll be seeing you in Hell

Don't cry to me oh baby
Your future is in an oblong box
Don't cry to me oh baby
Should have seen the end a-coming on, a-coming
Don't cry to me oh baby
I don't know it was in your power
Don't cry to me oh baby
Dead-end girl for a dead-end guy
Don't cry to me oh baby
Now your life drains on the floor
Don't cry to me oh baby

NICE!!!

Exactly, forgiveness may be in my heart, but taking her back is NOT.

There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't have cheated on you, and who won't in the future, why you are willing to accept this is beyond me.

 

[carmat4]

Originally posted by: KaOTiK
Id leave her. It was planned to some extent not spur of the moment and she did it on two seprate accounts. I know i can not be with someone that has cheated on me. I could never trust them again and i would always have the feeling deep inside that would question things that i wouldnt have questioned before and it would tear me up. If i did question every little thing she would go insane saying that you never trust her and probably run her off or you can tear yourself up emotionally not saying anything.

Better for you in the long run to leave her now.

Kao

I would always have truts issues, and the feeling of being betrayed would tear me up inside.
I could not live like that.
Plus the fact that she cheated on me would imply that she didnt really love me.

I would have to dump her.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: carmat4

I would always have truts issues, and the feeling of being betrayed would tear me up inside.
I could not live like that.
Plus the fact that she cheated on me would imply that she didnt really love me.

I would have to dump her.

Another young sounding post....love does not equal perfection....lust is a powerful device. There are many couples that break up, but still love each other....love doesn't equal a 100% perfect relationship.

 

[flxnimprtmscl]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: carmat4

I would always have truts issues, and the feeling of being betrayed would tear me up inside.
I could not live like that.
Plus the fact that she cheated on me would imply that she didnt really love me.

I would have to dump her.

Another young sounding post....love does not equal perfection....lust is a powerful device. There are many couples that break up, but still love each other....love doesn't equal a 100% perfect relationship.

Anger is a powerful device too. Most of us have the common sense not to kill people even if we might want to though. That's really a pathetic excuse

Then again the reason for that is because you know the consequences and you care about yourself. But when it's only someone else you're hurting and not yourself I guess it's a bit easier to do something you know is wrong. Love be damned

 

[AndrewPaulNet]

I agree with KarenMarie....

The content in this thread has degenerated from giving constructive, or albeit destructive advice to TK to attacking each other's personal lives and personal

stories.

I want to know if he's doing alright myself...he hasn't posted in a while. I really hope he and his wife are mending things, in whichever direction, whether

together or apart.

I really don't think anyone needs to be instigating....he really doesn't need to approach the 'other guy', I mean really, what's that going to accomplish?

In no case will this accomplish anything than I suppose some kind of macho self gratification..."you touch my wife, you die" where it's not 100 percent his

fault

I also don't believe anyone needs to have him blame himself with idea's like 'what she could have been lacking or whatever'.

After everything, if he wants her back, they should go to counselling; and if not - well, they need to be apart and hopefully peacefully initiated.

It boils down to forgive her or not.....and really, that whole decision should really be his.

And I see alot on here saying trust this, trust that - trust is difficult to build, and easy to break down....but it's buildable, and thats the point.

I'm sure some of you have been let down by kids swearing to not doing things that they DID do...weed, coke? etc. But you don't look at them as

liars for Life right? Cheating is a huge deal, yes - but after the underlying problem is ascertained for sure - I'm sure they can work it out and heal their love.

I just hope the majority telling him to beat this down, not get back with her, calling her a whore and such aren't meddling for meddling sake....people who

seem to be holier than thou, usually are. This isn't a personal attack on anyone that said this stuff - from my heart it just seems like you people are typing

and not considering that this is a marriage hanging in the balance.

beloved patriot Luck TK - if you see this.

It sounds overly corny, but I gotta say it.....Believe your heart man. IF you don't see yourself happy without this woman in your life, then don't give it up

because of a mistake.

Take Care.